Saif's Story

by Barbara G. Tarn

  He got off the bed, dressed quickly and grabbed the sash, furling it into a ball with the dagger inside and the blood stains carefully hidden.

  He quickly left the lord's apartment and found the main door through the empty corridors of the sleeping palace. The doorkeeper looked surprised.

  "Done already?"

  "I guess Lord Shahel has problems in discharging his semen," he replied with a shrug. "He came really quickly."

  The doorkeeper scoffed and let him out. Saif could still see his victim. He had lied again. Lord Shahel hadn't come, but had died with a hard-on.

  6.

  Saif lay on his bed, awake but unwilling to get up even though the sun was up. He should report to Talwar, but he wasn't ready for it. Curled up on his side, nibbling on his fingers, he kept thinking about the night before.

  The guards who had killed King Naveen had been hanged on the square in front of the palace. Others who had been found guilty of murder had been killed or imprisoned. What would his fate be?

  A gentle knock on his door made him sigh.

  "Yes?"

  "Saif, are you all right?" Talwar came in with a worried look on his face. "Do you need to talk?"

  "I'm fine." Saif didn't move and remained curled up, facing the wall. He felt Talwar's weight on the mattress as his mentor sat on the bed.

  "Saif, killing isn't easy. Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

  "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just wondering..." He rolled on his back to look at Talwar. "Will there be consequences? I mean, I told both the doorkeeper and the chamberlain that Lord Arfan sent me..."

  Talwar smiled.

  "And he did send you. Don't worry, we won't be hired for petty revenge. Now Lord Arfan would like to see you."

  "He would?" Saif sat, puzzled. "How does he know I..."

  "He doesn't know you did it. He told me to send whoever killed Shahel to him, and at the time I didn't know who I'd send – nor that you knew both lords."

  Saif blushed under Talwar's amused stare.

  "Lord Arfan was very kind to me years ago," he grumbled, averting his eyes.

  "I know you've done questionable things to survive, but I'm an assassin and I can't judge you. I have my fair share of questionable behavior." Talwar smiled. "Lord Arfan is expecting you – tell him I sent you. Nimdjia and Katana won't be back for another day or two, so if you need to talk, you know where to find me."

  Talwar patted his shoulder, then rose and left.

  Saif exhaled, hugging his knees. Now he was curious to know why Lord Arfan had requested his friend's death. At least he thought the noblemen were friends, but maybe he was wrong. He'd seen them together for a short moment years ago, after all.

  He went to the bath chamber to wash off whatever smell of Lord Shahel and his blood still clung to him, shaved again and dressed in clean clothes, not as elegant as the night before.

  He didn't take any weapon except the noose wrapped around his wrist. If Lord Arfan wanted to kill him, he'd welcome the death. He still wasn't sure what to make of his first mission and maybe his former lover would quiet his doubts.

  ***

  The palace of Lord Arfan was a three-story bicolored building that towered over a small temple with a conic roof and wattle-and-daub houses with sliding roofs. One floor was made of yellow sandstone, the next was made of pink red bricks, divided by a line of white marble that also framed the big, rectangular windows at regular intervals on the facade.

  Saif knocked on the main door and told the doorkeeper who sent him. A servant led him to the lord's apartment in the upper floors, allowing him only a glimpse of the luxuriant garden in the second, inner courtyard as he passed on a balustrade landing.

  Lord Arfan's room was as he remembered it, with its paintings and thick carpets and canopied bed. The lord was still in the bedroom and the barber left when Saif entered, finding Lord Arfan still in his night caftan.

  "My lord, Talwar sent me," Saif said, bowing under Lord Arfan's stare.

  He had butterflies in his belly at the sight of his past lover. He still remembered how Lord Arfan had made him feel and looked him in the eyes as he stood still, waiting. He couldn't refrain from comparing Lord Arfan to Talwar, now that he saw his former lover again.

  Lord Arfan still had closely cropped black hair – like he had used to – and his protruding ears had many golden earrings. Golden chains and bracelets still adorned him over his night caftan and he had put on some weight, but not too much. He didn't look as graceful and handsome as Talwar, but then, at the time there were no other options. And there still weren't, since Talwar would never touch him.

  Recognition dawned in the black eyes of Lord Arfan.

  "Rohit?" he asked, surprised. "You work for Talwar now?"

  "Yes." He nodded. "He trained me. How have you been, my lord?"

  "I'm fine." Lord Arfan sighed. "Getting older. And tired. So you did Shahel?"

  "Yes. But I'd love to know why. I thought you were friends?"

  Lord Arfan smiled ruefully and averted his eyes.

  "Friends! Maybe, once upon a time... Shahel was too fiery, too spoiled for his own good. When he saw you, years ago, he immediately said he wanted you. That's why I told you not to come to see me again. I was afraid he'd force himself on you."

  Saif nodded, thoughtful. That explained why the relationship had been interrupted quite bluntly. And also why Lord Shahel was still so eager to possess him. Because years ago he had eluded the powerful lord by vanishing back into the slums.

  "Why did you ask for his death, though?" he asked.

  "Because I was tired of watching him rape young people." Lord Arfan stared at him again, determined. "You know a couple of them committed suicide from shame? One was a servant and nobody bothered, but the other was Lord Bilal's son, lured into a sexual game that went too far. Especially after the death of King Naveen, Shahel's lust was unstoppable. So, how did you dispatch him?"

  "I... played with him and strangled him with his gold chain, finishing him with my dagger," Saif replied.

  "Did he touch you? Did he try to force himself on you?"

  Saif nodded. "I'm not harmless anymore. I knew what I was doing."

  "Well, thank Talwar for training you so well." Lord Arfan smiled, relieved. "Now the reason I asked him to send the assassin here is as follows. I want you to kill me. Give me merciful death."

  "No!" Saif protested, shocked. "You do not deserve to die!"

  "I'm sick of living, sick of this city, sick of everything, Rohit. Please, humor me."

  "I can't! What you gave me years ago is still with me! You are a good man and I cannot kill you!"

  "Will you do it if I give you pleasure one last time?"

  "I... I can't!" He remembered how Lord Shahel had died. "Why did Lord Shahel die with a hard-on?"

  Lord Arfan chuckled. "Because you turned him on before killing him. Besides, I've heard that at public hangings male victims develop an erection, sometimes remaining after death. So you killed him with pleasure, so to speak. I'd love if you did that to me."

  Saif shook his head, trying to gulp the lump in his throat. He couldn't do that to his former lover!

  "Rohit." Lord Arfan rose and sauntered to him. It was weird to notice how he'd grown taller than the nobleman. "You are still too sweet. If you want to become an assassin, you need to toughen up. Look, my son would gladly pay you to get rid of me. He wants my place as head of the house. And I want to give it to him. Like I said, I'm tired of this double life – sleeping with my wife one night and with male lovers as often as I can. Please humor me, or I'll have to ask Talwar to do it himself."

  Saif gulped again, frowning. He didn't want to hurt the lord who still sent shivers down his spine as soon as his hand brushed his skin.

  "Spend the day with me," Lord Arfan whispered, taking his face into his hands to pull him down. His voice still refused to come out and Lord Arfan continued, "And then tonight strangle me and make me die of pleasure like you did with Shahel."

 
Saif allowed Lord Arfan to kiss him, but he wanted to scream. And then Lord Arfan's hands and lips started roaming his body and he forgot everything in the heat of passion.

  ***

  Saif awoke in Lord Arfan's bed and the room was wrapped in darkness. He could feel the warm body of the nobleman against him. They were both naked and he still felt the caresses and kisses that had made him sigh and moan.

  His hand gently caressed the other man's shoulder, then he rolled on the mattress and put his feet on the wooden floor, ready to grab his clothes and leave in the dark. Lord Arfan's hand grabbed his wrist, though.

  "Are you leaving?" The voice sounded well awake.

  "Yes," he whispered. "Please, let me go."

  "Not until you fulfill my wish."

  "I don't have any weapons with me," he lied.

  "You have your noose. Do it, Rohit. It's dark, you won't see me dying."

  Saif sighed. He really didn't want to do it. But he couldn't deny such a heartfelt request. If he didn't do it, Lord Arfan would ask someone else.

  Saif unwound the noose from his wrist. Lord Arfan was only a shadow in the room, seated on the bed next to him.

  "Merciful death," Saif whispered, wrapping the noose around the nobleman's neck.

  He saw Lord Arfan nod and then he pulled the silken thread. The choking sound didn't last and Lord Arfan didn't struggle.

  Saif gently lay him down and leaned over feel if any breath came out from the open mouth. Two men dead in two nights. He closed his eyes and gulped the bile that wanted to come out.

  He pulled away from the bed and grabbed his clothes. He quickly dressed, rewrapping the noose around his wrist, and rushed out of the room, his heart beating so fast he thought it would jump out of his chest.

  The cool night air gave him some respite but he had to stop and dry-heave before going back to the Guild's building. Now he was even more upset than the night before. But he couldn't talk to Talwar just yet.

  Farman let him in and he went to his room where he crumbled on his bed and sobbed until sleep won him.

  7.

  Talwar shook him awake when the sun was already up. This time he hadn't heard the knock or the man coming in. He stared dazed at his mentor seated on the bed, not sure of what it was all about.

  "Saif, what the hell happened last night? This morning his son announced Lord Arfan's death!" Talwar looked worried.

  Saif focused on the handsome, clean-shaven face and remembered.

  "He asked me to give him merciful death," he said somberly. "I didn't want to do it, but if I didn't, he would have asked you."

  Talwar gasped and his eyes widened.

  "I'm sorry, Saif. This must have been horrible for you."

  "I..." He felt tears coming to his eyes. "It was dark, so I didn't have to see, but..."

  Talwar's hand on his shoulder made him lose control. He burst into sobs again and Talwar hugged him, patting his back and trying to calm him. Saif hid his face against the man's chest and the scent slowly permeated him, making him forget what he had done. He calmed down and pulled away, still sniffling.

  "It's easier to give death when one doesn't care about the victim," he said with a shaky voice. "But I guess sometimes one must give death also to loved ones, if that is their heart's wish."

  Talwar nodded gravely, his hands still on Saif's shoulders.

  "You did as requested. I'm sorry, I had no idea of his intentions. He did pay double the price and I thought he would ask you to kill someone else, but I never expected him to request his own death."

  "You couldn't know what was between us, and neither did he," Saif said mournfully. "He was surprised to see me and we spent hours together before night fell. He... adored my body again and made me feel so loved... I know it wasn't real love, but it felt so good... I feel so lonely..."

  "You should find a boyfriend, Saif. Someone outside the Guild, to keep your mind off these sad thoughts. Talk to Nimdja, he should be back tomorrow with Katana. Go out and meet people. Fall in love, although it can be dangerous. If your enemies learn you have someone you care for, they will get rid of that special person to hurt you."

  "Are you saying assassins shouldn't fall in love?" Saif asked, chagrined.

  "Not outside the Guild, no. But there's only Nimdja at the moment, although I will soon start taking on new students again. I have received some requests and made sure this time the apprentices finish their training, since I don't want to start with twelve students and end up with two like I did with your course."

  Saif sighed and wiped away his tears.

  "I shall go for a walk," he said weakly. "I will be back for lunch time."

  "It is lunch time."

  "Oh. Well, in that case I will come back for dinner. I am not hungry right now."

  Talwar nodded.

  "Very well. Walk and relax and don't think too much. You're an assassin now."

  Saif smiled weakly as Talwar rose and headed for the door. The elder man stopped at the door before leaving.

  "I'm very proud of you, Saif." And with a gentle smile, he stepped out.

  Saif snorted and tried to compose himself. Better go for that walk to clear his mind. At least he had made his acharya proud.

  ***

  The next day, Saif felt calmer. He had slept soundly after walking all afternoon and wolfing down the evening meal. He was doing some slow exercises in the school courtyard when Nimdja and Katana came back.

  The sun was high in the sky and Saif was half-naked and sweaty, but he noticed his friends' admiring stares. Both of them. Then Katana quickly headed upstairs to her room, but Nimdja stayed in the courtyard, taking off his sash and leaving it on the benches of the cloister.

  "Fancy some wrestling?" he asked, taking off his tunic.

  Saif nodded, a little puzzled.

  "Shouldn't you both report to Talwar?"

  "What's the hurry?" Nimdja shrugged, jumping up and down and shaking his arms to relax his muscles in preparation for the wrestling. "Come on, pin me to the ground and I'll report to our leader."

  Saif smiled and shook his head. "It went well, I take it?"

  "It went fine," Nimdja replied, taking a defensive stance. "I spent a night with Katana. We badly needed each other. Now come on, take me down if you can."

  He attacked first, grabbing Saif by the waist and trying to throw him to the ground. Saif held and grabbed him back. The wrestling felt a lot like the moments of passion with Lord Arfan. No, he should not think about that.

  Impatiently, he tripped Nimdja and threw him down, pinning him to the pavement of the courtyard. Still panting, he smiled.

  "Now you go report to Talwar."

  "What about you, how did it go?" Nimdja asked, frowning in worry.

  "I survived." Saif pulled himself up and went to grab his tunic. "Now I badly need a bath. See you there."

  He left his friend in the courtyard and headed for the bath chamber. The cool and dark room was a wonderful respite from the sunny courtyard. He stripped and slowly entered the water, sitting in the pool and slowly washing off the sweat and exertion of the day.

  Soon Nimdja joined him and sat next to him with a sigh.

  "Report done?" Saif asked, sprinkling him with water.

  "Hey!" Nimdja protested, then closed his eyes and laid his head against the edge of the pool. "Yes, I'm done. We're both assassins now."

  Saif nodded, thoughtful. Indeed they were. All three of them. And soon more students would join the school.

  "Pass me the soap," Nimdja said, startling him.

  He dropped the scented soap in his hand and started rinsing his body. He got out of the pool and wrapped a towel around his waist. "See you later," he said before heading back to his room to put on clean clothes.

  He wasn't sure if Nimdja had changed. Or if he had changed. He didn't feel changed yet. The grief for killing Lord Arfan was still bothering him, but he felt nothing for the death of Lord Shahel. He was quite confused at his different reactions to the two deaths a
nd hoped soon he'd see more clearly what kind of man he was becoming.

  ***

  The next course started a few days later, with a class of twenty. Again there was only one girl, Lalima, who seemed to count on her childhood friends a lot. Talwar also counted on them, giving them tasks, especially in the courtyard and during physical exercises. Saif and Nimdja assisted him, while Katana helped Lalima, allowing Khanda to look after Abhaya.

  Working at the school kept Saif too busy to think about his job. The few requests that reached Talwar's table during that year were equally divided between Saif and Nimdja, sometimes Katana, depending on who the victim was.

  The following missions weren't as traumatic as the first two, though, and Saif wondered if he was becoming heartless. His feelings seemed asleep, as if he were still mourning the loss of Lord Arfan, and he couldn't find anyone attractive enough in the new class of wannabe assassins.

  Some of the apprentices looked up at him with admiring stares, but he found them too young and not interesting enough. Vikram and Manik were also very cute, but not manly enough – again, nobody could compare to Acharya Talwar.

  Saif didn't call him acharya anymore, but still considered him his mentor, his elder brother, his leader. He'd do anything Talwar asked him. Even entertain little Abhaya while Talwar had some time alone with his wife. Even if that meant they were trying for another child.

  Obviously he preferred wrestling and training Vikram and Manik than looking after Abhaya, but whenever Talwar needed him, he was ready. The school felt like home and the room he had earned with his assassin's name became his sanctuary when he had enough of socializing.

  Lalima kept trying to be invited to it, but he always refused. She shared a room with Katana and mixing sexes wasn't allowed anyway, especially not among the apprentices. So Saif always had good excuses to dismiss her requests.

  Vikram and Manik, though, were a different matter. Often they slept on the floor by his bed, since they were still apprentices while he was an assassin. The strange custom had driven him nuts when he was an apprentice himself – sleeping on the ground next to Talwar was sheer torture. Especially in the log cabins in the woods.