*****
Victor
I stared down at the frustrating source of so much inner angst on my part, who had now genuinely caused some degree of anger within me. I didn’t like being ordered to do anything.
Angrily I took the bait and said in a mean tone, “Or what?”
Staring right back at me completely unfazed by my aggression she said, “Or I’ll kiss you and show you up for the terrible liar that you are.”
In a mixture of frustration and fury I reached out to take ahold of her by the shoulders. I didn’t know what to say. All I knew was that I never wanted to hurt this woman ever again.
I let go of her and made to leave, but her hand caught fast at the back of my pants at the belt and her words brooked no denial, “You forgot something, Handsome.”
I wheeled around and grasping her hair with my good hand I held her head back to be imprisoned as I shouted down into her face, “I am not good! Stop trying to make me good!”
She stared back at me completely unafraid even as I had the strength to crush the life out of her with just one arm.
As my eyes often did they focused in on the white outlines of the scar on her forehead. I had already crushed the life out of her once.
My eyes going back to hers I said in a softer tone, “Stay away. Please!”
She captively shook her head no and said, “No can do, Captain.” And then even though it must’ve hurt her with my tight grip on her hair she pressed forward to kiss me. She kissed me like she did all things, with abandon.
I couldn’t take it. I kissed her back and forgot about everything else.
Dimly I felt her hands moving and breaking the kiss for only a moment it was to find her fitting the necklace back around my neck and nestling the ring into the top of my shirt with her fingers. My eyes lifted to her swollen lips and then to her eyes. I shook my head negatively, but made no other move.
Her hands moved to still my head and she said, “Yes Victor. I can and do desire you despite everything. I want you. I want no one else. God made me for you and I will be yours, when you come to the realization that even as I have forgiven you, even so God is waiting to do the same. All you have to do is ask.”
“That will never happen!” I stated harshly.
“Why?” She asked softly.
“Because I deserve hell!”
“So did I.” She responded back.
I looked away, but her eyes ducked around to follow the path of mine, “Come on you must’ve seen the pictures, heard the songs, and seen me perform practically every satanic rite known to man.”
I had seen some of what she’d once been, but it made no difference and yet the necklace about my throat hung like a lead weight saying otherwise. If her God could change her so, then why not me too?
She was drawing closer again and I was helpless against the advance of something I desperately wanted.
“You just keep thinking about it big boy.” She breathed out against my face, as her lips closed over mine with a willingness to please, even as she openly took full advantage of my desire for her.
Drawing back after a long moment she smiled, as she slipped free of my hands that had been grasped tightly around her waist. Feeling dizzy again I watched her pick a bag up and then taking my hand she said, “Come along if you’re hungry.”
I was hungry, just not so much for food. My hand snared my gun up from where I had laid it on the counter earlier at some point. I tucked it behind my back into my pants wondering instead if I should take it and blow off what made me a man so there would never be any chance of defiling this woman with the essence of a killer who had more innocent blood on his hands then some US presidents did.
Fallen Ambitions Page 25