Chapter Eight
Tried by Fire
Three Months Later
Half of me listened to the voice of the woman I loved in full song, while the rest of me remained attentive to the pressed throng of teenagers at the front of the mega-church and the packed house of individuals behind them, who to a one were on their feet singing along and clapping. How true all the worship was by all those gathered I could not be for sure, but I saw a genuineness of spirit on the faces of many, especially the gathered throng of teenagers that were pressed about the church’s stage area.
Desirée was a runaway success icon of the Christian world. Word had gotten out and now she was one of the most highly sought out evangelists that there were and yet rekindled fame had done nothing to change her.
She was genuine and it showed up in the fact of how many people naturally gravitated to her, especially men. I didn’t really care for that, but I didn’t really have to worry either, because she’d give a smile and a negative shake of her head before usually looking my way.
The question though that I increasingly pondered upon was, ‘How long would she wait?’ Forever seemed to be the answer and that was good, because it might take that long.
More than anything I wished I could ensure a happily ever after for Desirée. As it was I felt like increasingly we were living on borrowed time. So many life attempts and underhanded tricks had been thrown at us, but barring a few scars we had escaped almost unscathed each and every time.
In plain words it was a miracle that either one of us was alive. Desirée for sure should be dead.
Two weeks back I hadn’t noticed something off about a particular restaurant waiter, until it had been too late. He’d served up 2 cups of coffee to our table.
I’d had to use the restroom and I’d been on my way back when I’d witnessed the almost wicked and yet fearful fascination of the waiter serving us standing back a distance as he watched Desirée drink from her cup. It had been all my fault. I never took her to the same place to eat or drink anything, but she’d begged me to come back to that coffee shop on the third night of a revival that stretched on past the prescribed two nights it had been scheduled for.
I’d relinquished to her request and to my horror I’d become a witness to the sure and most probably painful death of the woman I loved. To locked in horror to move I’d watched in shock as Desirée quite unlike herself kept on in one long drink, until the whole cup of coffee was all gone.
The cup of coffee all gone she’d then stood up and turning to face the now mostly fearful waiter she’d audaciously picked up my poison laced cup of coffee and taken a sip. Then in a voice the whole coffee shop had heard she’d quoted from the New Testament book of Mark, ‘And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.’
The waiter had burst into tears and come crawling across the floor towards her confessing all as he had just witnessed a power greater than the parlor tricks of the masters whom he had served previously. Desirée had forgiven him on the spot and led the man into confessing belief in her Savior as the Lord of his life from that day forward.
No one could doubt that God moved powerfully within this woman, who spoke and walked with an early church intensity to her in the likeness of the apostles. Wherever she went signs and wonders and too many healings to count occurred in great number.
However, it only went to show how impossibly far she was away from my own tarnished past that stood out more starkly with each passing moment I was with her. The urge to confess and change was great, but my courage was still lacking.
I had no courage in me to face my Creator, of whom I had taken the lives of quite a few servants of His, and beg for my forgiveness. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
What was almost as fearful as being denied forgiveness was the thought of what it would be like to be forgiven. To my way of thinking I hadn’t done enough yet to even think of being worthy of such a merit.
It did no good though, as I despaired of a way forward, as Desirée constantly found ways to show me that all my hold ups to faith were a sham and surely they were. How could she want a man without courage such as I?
It was inconceivable and yet real. My eyes traced back to her on the stage as her voice rang out in a new song that she had just written a month back and was even now teaching the members of the church,
“I sang and I fell.
Eyes of hate made me into a reincarnation of hell.
Yet Jesus delivered me, because it was within the Father’s will.
And now by faith I can tell you of hell.
For sure some of you know of what I speak.
I tell you now though of a better Way.
One fall is not too far for God’s love to overcome.
Sins and sins it makes no difference.
Mercy has been given through my Savior King.
Come one and all to Jesus.
It’s of Him I sing and find my call.
I sing and I praise and now so do you!
We sing because He has set us free and we now are free indeed!
No dark paths do I now travel upon!
For this child is born again!
I fell and yet He forgave!
I sinned and yet His Grace covers all!
I was dead, but now through Him I’m truly alive!
I’m alive and my soul does sing of my Lord, Jesus Christ, the King!
He’s alive and I’m in Him!
Oh Spirit of God reign now in my body from hell reclaimed!
Let my voice sing of the fame of Him who died for me!
Listen truly for there is no more shame!
My voice is now the sound of freedom’s ring!
In His presence I am now sustained!
Oh I will sing His praises!
All of me rejoices in Him!
He was dead and yet now is alive and forever my King!
He’s alive and now so am I!
Isn’t it great to be redeemed!
Forever now shall I sing the praises of my King!
Fallen Ambitions Page 26