In Too Deep

by Bradd Chambers

  The volunteers dwindle in one by one. Discussions of weekends over cups of tea makes the office seem almost normal, Ava thinks. Her home life absolutely nowhere near the sort. It takes a half hour of everyone being present, typing away furiously on their keyboards, when Michael recognises it.

  “Jesus, Ave. What’s happened your desk?”

  Ava skids her chair out to get a closer look. The third drawer down has been battered and loosely sandwiched back in. The one Ava locks to keep important and confidential documents inside. How had she not noticed this before? She blames the lack of sleep, as she fingers the damage, causing the whole drawer to collapse onto the floor. And shoved carelessly back inside, lying open and empty, is the money tin that they had used at the charity night last week.

  Chapter Sixty-Five:

  “Long time no see.”

  Ava twists around to see the locksmith from the other day pottering into her office, his toolkit clanging clumsily off one of the desks.

  “Aw, Jesus… I’m so sorry, I’ve completely forgotten your name.”

  “Alan,” he plonks down his tools and stretches a dirty hand out as if this is the first time they’ve met.

  She takes it delicately.

  “So, what’s the craic here, then?”

  He steps through into the back hallway, even tinier now that so many people have been clambering in and out of it. Michael, Paddy and Claire still examining the damage.

  “Got broken into last night,” Ava nods towards the back door, despite her being behind him, and the fact that he can obviously see that for himself.

  Was it a rhetorical question?

  “Came in this morning to this,” Michael shakes his head.

  “Scumbags. Anything taken?”

  “Luckily not,” she says, squeezing herself through the horde of people to the kitchen and boiling the kettle for the fifth time this morning. “Although my desk has been broken into as well. All our donation money had been resting in there, but thankfully Michael took it around the corner to the bank before closing time on Friday.”

  He whistles.

  “Very lucky. You made twelve grand the other night if you believe everything you read in the papers. Aye?”

  “We did, aye.”

  She cleans and refills a mug previously gratefully received by a police officer. She hadn’t wanted to contact the police, rather do it discreetly through Dermott. But, of course, she had to show the other volunteers that she was doing something about it. If this had happened anyone else in any different situation, of course the police would’ve been called. Alan gets to work with repairing the door as she hands him over his tea.

  “Ta,” he takes a sip. “Funny though.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m saying it’s funny. Five computers in here and none of them were taken. And your desk being the only one targeted. Now I’m no expert, but it almost seems like whoever broke in knew exactly what they were looking for… And where.”

  “Hmmm,” Ava fidgets, her own mug pressed to her lips. “Strange.”

  “Well anyway, no point stressing on the past. Did ya get a chance to speak to your uncle?”

  From one awkward conversation to another, Ava thinks.

  “Naw, I’m afraid. Just left my aunt’s shortly after you did.”

  None of it is a lie, she tells herself.

  “I meant to send him a wee text there the other day. Haven’t saw him in yonks. We always used to go for a pint after a job together. Lovely man, your uncle.”

  Ava nods before she realises his back is to her.

  “Aye, he is surely.”

  She watches him working for a few minutes longer before her phone goes. She expects it to be Cathal. Word had spread fast that the local charity had been burgled, and he had already texted her to ask if they were okay. A story at the core of the concern, she’s sure. But half because of what happened with Mark the other night and half because of not having time with the chaos of it all, she had failed to text him back. Oddly enough, it isn’t him. It’s Robyn.

  “Alright, Rob. In the middle of something her-“

  “Ava, please. I need you at the house right away. Please, come help me. It’s important!”

  Chapter Sixty-Six:

  “Come on, come on, come on!” Ava screams at the traffic lights at the crossroads on Columba Terrace.

  After Robyn hung up on her, she sprinted from the office, shouting to the others that she had another aunt related emergency. She doesn’t care if they don’t believe her. All that matters now is Robyn.

  The lights turn green and she floors the accelerator, spinning her wheels as she heads straight for Limavady Road. A million thoughts and situations going through her head. Is she okay? Is she just confused? It’s been a while since one of her episodes, maybe it has come back with a vengeance? It wouldn’t be the first time she rang her like that.

  But, no. It is. She has never been so forceful. So frightened. Has something horrible happened? Has whoever targeted Ava’s house last night targeted hers too? Is he there now? Hurting her? She doubts she would be able to phone. Maybe he made her phone? His way of luring her there? Intent on stealing back the money? She doesn’t know. All she knows is she has to get there as fast as she can.

  She makes the short journey in record time, jumping out of her car, leaving the engine running and the keys in the ignition. Sprinting up Robyn’s drive, she curses herself for her stupidity in forgetting her keys, before making a decision that the back would be faster. Dodging the front door entirely, she skirts around the house and flies through the back door, which is, thankfully, unlocked. She comes to a rest in the living room, in front of Robyn who is in her normal armchair by the fireplace.

  “What’s – wrong?” she gasps for breath, clasping her oncoming stitch.

  Robyn stares at her with a blank expression on her face, the initial startle of her bursting through diminished. Ava stares at her a while longer before groaning, exasperated. Nothing’s wrong. She’s just in one of her moods.

  “Robyn, for fuck sake. Are you serious? You scared the shit out of me. I nearly killed myself on the way over here. You seriously trying t-“

  A cough from the kitchen silences her. Her ears perk up, joining the hairs on the back of her neck as she senses someone behind her. She had barrelled through so carelessly that she hadn’t had time to check her surroundings. All her attention on finding her aunt. She turns around precariously and gasps. Because there, stood right in front of her, although looking dramatically different with her short, spiky black hair and thick rimmed glasses that obscure the majority of her face, is her mother.

  ****

  Emmet and I were in a relationship for six months before I agreed that he could meet Ava. He was the first man I was bringing into her life, I didn’t want to make any mistakes. Kept telling me he was great with kids and convinced me she’d fall in love with him too.

  So, I invited him around for dinner one Friday night. But Ava never showed up at four from off the bus. I left it until after five before I gave her a call, but it went straight to voicemail. I worried frantically. This wasn’t like Ava. Emmet landed at dinner time and I stirred the big pot of stew, knowing it was past boiling point, definitely sticking to the arse of the pot. But she never showed.

  She finally rang me back shortly before nine. Me jumping off the sofa as if Emmet’s arm around me was barbed wire.

  “Sorry, Mum. My phone was out of battery, only getting a charger now I’m at Ciara’s.”

  “Where have you been? I’ve been out of my mind. You had me so worried, Ave.”

  Her teenage groan came through the phone.

  “I told you. I was at Ciara’s. I had no way to contact you. I’m sorry!”

  The last word was half-shouted, as if she were daring me to confront her. Question her.

  “I’d made stew.”

  Silence.

  “And what?”

  “Thought it would be nice for us all to sit down toget
her as a family.”

  I could feel the tension over the phone.

  “’All?’ Mum, what’s the big deal? I’ve stayed at other people’s houses for dinner before? What’s so special about tonight?”

  I stared at Emmet resting his feet on the coffee table, his eyes on the TV.

  “I… I just thought it’d be nice. When are you home?”

  There was shuffling as the phone was moved about.

  “Ciara’s mum said she’ll leave me home later on.”

  “But you said you were at Ciara’s, so where are you now?”

  Another few seconds of silence.

  “Er… We’re out in the car. Going to the shops.”

  There was no background noise. It was perfectly quiet. If it weren’t for her delays in answers I may not have noticed. The silence was deafening. Not so much as a hum of an engine or a radio turned down low.

  “Don’t lie to me, Ava. Where are you?”

  “I told you,” she insisted, after another few seconds of mumbling.

  “You’re with that boy, aren’t you?”

  “No!”

  “Don’t lie to me, Ava. You know what I’ve said about him. He’s too old.”

  “I’m 17, Mum. I can do whatever the fuck I want!”

  She hung up the phone, leaving me flustered as I tried to think of a comeback. I’d turned around and Emmet was on his feet.

  “Think it’s best if I’m not here when she comes back. Wouldn’t be the best introduction,” he chuckled.

  I’d nodded.

  “I think this is a sign. She’s not ready.”

  He looked at me confused.

  “She didn’t know anything abo-“

  “I know. But it just shows that things aren’t great. We can’t add something else into the mix. Not now. I’m not ready, I should’ve said. I don’t think I was tonight, either.”

  Emmet looked annoyed but hid it well. Nodding and squeezing my arm, he kissed my forehead before leaving me alone in the living room. The front door snapped shut behind him, making me flinch.

  Chapter Sixty-Seven:

  Ava stares at her in disbelief. Different hair. Unnecessary glasses. More, deeper lines across her face. But the same loving eyes. The same tiny mouth. The same arms opening out for her to run into. But she doesn’t. She was the woman from the charity night in St Columb’s Park. She knew she looked familiar. She was right. Second guessed herself, putting it down to stress and her lack of sleep. She should’ve gone with her instinct.

  Once the initial shock departs, her rage flares. Ava marches over and slaps her across the face. Robyn struggles out of her chair and attempts to restrain Ava as she pelts her fists down on her mum, cowering beneath her.

  “What the fuck?” Ava shouts, Robyn trying to ‘sssh’ her, but she keeps kicking and screaming, desperate to get out of her clutch.

  Get at the woman who claimed to be her mum. The woman who left her depressed and miserable for years. The woman she thought was swallowed up by the river. Like so many are. The anger of her suicide converting and intensifying by the realisation that she didn’t kill herself at all. Who would do something like this? Put their family, and especially their only daughter, through this?

  She had dreamed of this day. Wished for this day. Wanting to see her, to speak to her, one more time. But in all those scenarios, she never once felt the way she does now. They embraced, kissed and caught up. Never letting go of one another. Always wanting to somehow touch the other to confirm that it was real. But the thought of her own mother even standing in the same room as her right now is turning Ava’s stomach.

  “Ava, please,” her mum’s eyes are filling with tears as Robyn finally manages to pull her away.

  As are Ava’s.

  “Ave, you need to calm down. Please, for me, calm down,” Robyn has her mouth pressed against her ear.

  “Rob, she did this. She knew all along-“

  “I know, I know.”

  “-what she done. She pretended to kill herself, Rob. What sick-“

  “I know, Ave. I know.”

  “-bitch does something like that? It’s unforgivable. Unexplainable. It’s…”

  Slowly, Ava stops squirming, turning her attention on her aunt. When it seems like she’s calmed down, Robyn groans, relaxing her muscles and stepping away from Ava. Ava slides to the ground, jolting her stare between Robyn and Fiona. Her aunt and her mother.

  “You…” She swallows. “You know?... You knew!”

  The sisters share a look before returning their attention to the floor. To Ava.

  “Aye, darling. But it’s complicated. It’s-“

  “No…” Ava darts up onto the chair on the other side of the room and away from their oncoming gestures. “No. You said you saw her jump off. You waited in the ambulance. You got her texts. You saw… You saw…”

  Then it all comes flooding back. Her anger rising once more. Directed towards her aunt this time.

  “You saw me cry myself to sleep. You saw how it affected me. How hurt I was. How absolutely fucking heartbroken I was. How hopeless I felt. You took me to the doctors to get antidepressants and anxiety tablets and fuck knows what else. You left me to my counsellor appointments. Picked me up again. And… And the whole time… You fucking knew!” She spits the last word.

  Now Robyn is crying. All three girls can’t take their leaking eyes off each other. They just cry and stare. Each one wanting to speak, but not wanting to be the first to break the silence.

  Chapter Sixty-Eight:

  Fiona sits facing her daughter at Robyn’s kitchen table. Her sister resting between them like a referee. Ready to jump into action in case Ava becomes violent again. Three cups of untouched tea sit in front of them, the steam coming off them evaporating in the silence.

  “Ava, I cannot apologise enough. I really can’t.”

  Ava glares at her, her chin protruded forward. Looking the spit of her father.

  “I don’t even know if I want to know what happened…” Ava struggles the words out, her voice finally broken from the angry shouts and sobs.

  “You deserve to know. Please, Ava. I won’t let you leave without at least knowing why I did it.”

  Ava continues to give her daggers, before mustering a subtle nod.

  “That night I… Died-“

  Ava’s eye twitches.

  “- Do you remember me ringing you? Asking why you didn’t come home?”

  Ava’s eyes glaze over with tears again. Of course she remembers, it replays over and over in her head.

  “I didn’t tell you this because I was scared. Scared for you and scared for myself. After what happened with your father… I decided I deserved to be happy. And I was… I met a man. Emmet, he was called.”

  Ava’s ears perk up, her attention grasped by the name of the man from the e-mail.

  “I was seeing him for a few months before he, somehow, convinced me to introduce him to you. Bring him into our little unit. He came over that night and you didn’t come home. When I rang, you were with that older man. The one I wasn’t happy about you seeing. I understand now, you’ve ended up with him?”

  Ava blinks. What way does she answer that? Thankfully, her mother doesn’t press her.

  “Don’t worry. You don’t have to lie anymore. I’ve seen you together. You have my full blessing. You look so happy. I’m so sorry for judging him. I’m genuinely glad you found someone decent. Something I never could do.”

  Ava manages a half smile, her heart yearning for Mark.

  “Emmet left about a half hour before you came home. Before we… Fell out.”

  The shouts and roars toss between them as they remember the events of their final night together. Robyn only being able to imagine what they’re seeing.

  “When you went up to bed, I got a text from Emmet telling me to come out a drive with him. I was so angry with you, I just left. That’s when he told me everything…”

  Fiona breathes out dramatically, biting her clenched fist. />
  “He was being hunted down. By a gang in the city. Mistaken identity, he told me. It seemed that his friends had gotten into a spot of bother with some dodgy business. Stealing pirate DVDs, money and other stuff from a local shop. He didn’t go into too much detail, I wasn’t sure he even knew himself.

  “Well, turns out that they’d stolen from the wrong man. The gang… They’d kneecapped one boy, trying to get him to talk. The boy gave over Emmet’s name. To protect his real bosses. A mole, if you will, who knew Emmet in the group contacted him. Telling him to run. They’d said they’d kill him. Emmet apparently did a bit of business with them a few years before. Nothing illegal, he’d told me… But it seemed they’d regarded him as an ally. And him betraying them was something that they didn’t take well. He told him to ‘take his missus’ too because they were talking about targeting her… Me!”

  Ava’s confused expression is prominent on her face. Robyn just stares forward, the information seemingly old news to her.

  “So you chose him over me?”

  “No! Ava, honestly. Please, keep listening to me,” she begs as Ava deliberates leaving. “He told me we had to go. I told him he was mad. That I wasn’t leaving, but he said I was stupid not to. Said I didn’t know who I was dealing with. Some right dodgy bastards, apparently. They had contacts, and they were probably already scoping out my information as we spoke. That I wouldn’t be safe. That you wouldn’t be safe. I had to go on the run with him.

  “You have to believe me, Ava. I tried to think of every solution. He laughed at me when I suggested the police. He said there’s no way they would give him a second to defend or explain himself if he tried to contact the gang to plead his innocence. And without the name of who was really behind it, that was useless anyway, even if they did listen. His friends had already gone into hiding in fear of being attacked for his whereabouts, or thinking they were involved too.