There was no answer. She retreated to the wooden bench on the porch and waited for several minutes. A chill wrapped her body, and she brought her arms to her chest. The warmth she felt escaping from his home tempted her. Looking out onto his land, she appreciated how beautiful it was, even in the winter. A misty, gray fog hovered over the field. The sloping land that led to the river felt open and free. Her heart wanted the same.
She grew even colder and entered the house, like a thief in the night. The small vestibule had a wooden bench with pegs above it. A gray, flannel shirt hung on one of them, and she resisted the temptation to bring it to her nose. A narrow door opened into a spacious room where a large, handwoven rug lay beneath two chairs, one covered in leather, the other in a red, paisley fabric, each with its own side table and kerosene lamp. The last time she was here, he had barely furnished the place. The chairs faced the stone hearth, which surrounded a large, potbellied stove that sat on new bricks.
“Hello?” she called out again, and again she received no answer. She continued in, drawn to the warmth radiating from the stove. Caleb couldn’t be far. She told herself to wait outside, yet she stood in the middle of the room, too curious to leave. To the left of the stove was a doorway. Upon entering, she was pleased with the sight of a rustic yet well-appointed kitchen. The sink had a pump for running water. His well was a success. There was plenty of space for making pies and breads, and a thick, wooden table with two sturdy chairs sat off to the side. The pine cupboards gave a sweet aroma to the charming room. The window above the sink looked out over the vast field. A soft ray of low sunlight, cutting through the fog, transformed it into a magical land. Their ride on a warm day filled her with nostalgia. She swallowed the emotion, thick in her throat, and continued her self-guided tour.
Returning to the main room, she saw a closed door to her left and two doors ahead. The first opened to a small, empty room. The second room was the same. Three bedrooms as he promised. Passing by the stove, she went to the third door. She reached for the doorknob.
“Jessica!”
Clutching her chest, she jumped up and back. “Caleb! You startled me!”
“What are you doing here?” he demanded, fists on his hips.
“I came to talk to you.” Heat rushed to her face. Her legs felt weak, and she sorely regretted her temerity.
“What about?” He stood still and unwelcoming.
This was a side of him she hadn’t seen. He wasn’t giving her an inch. Straightening her back, she folded her leather-gloved hands in front of her. “I want to talk to you about what Frederick said. You seemed distant in the carriage, and … well … I can’t defend myself if I don’t know what I’m accused of.”
“And who has accused you?”
“I know Frederick.”
He extended his arm to the paisley chair, inviting her to sit. She sat on its edge, ridged and alert. He sat on the leather chair, leaning forward with arms on his thighs and his hands clasped. A whole minute had passed, and she felt as if the silence was about to consume her when he spoke. “He claims that you’re in love and devoted to someone else. Is this true?”
When she lowered her eyes to escape his blinding stare, she felt her head tremble and she lifted a hand to her warm cheek. His frankness gave her no place to hide. Still, she faltered in telling the truth for she had never let the words land on her lips. She would give another story—she and Jacob were close relations and nothing more. Frederick was a jealous, evil man. As she was about to speak, she looked into his eyes. What she saw was an honest man looking for the truth. Her guts churned, and she was instantly ashamed that she could think of lying to him. The fear of his rejection overwhelmed her. She wanted his respect, his affection. With her heart pounding in her chest, she asked, “May I assume I can trust your discretion?”
“Please, say what you have to say. I only ask, Jessica, that it be the truth. I want to know where I stand. You may think of us as only friends, and I wish that as well, but my feelings run deeper than that. I cannot be with someone who hides the truth from me.”
She cleared her throat. She wouldn’t lie, but she didn’t need to reveal her lover’s name. This might not be as dire as she first thought. “It happened over the course of several years. When he went away to school, I missed him greatly. I thought my feelings were a simple distraction from life, nothing more.” Rubbing the back of her neck, she continued. “Each time I saw him, my feelings grew stronger.” She looked down at her gloves and tugged on each one, bringing them farther up her wrists. “And then I found out he felt the same as me. Yes, we fell in love with each other. Our relationship had to be kept a secret for important reasons.” She lifted her chin in defense of her pride. What had she to be proud of? Yet, there it was. The confession did not lift the years of wanting, and she felt heavy with loss. Clearing her throat again, she hoped to remove the heartache. She placed a hand below her chest and took in a deep breath. “He’s far away, and as much as we love one another, it can never be possible. It’s over now, and I’m completely resigned to it. I desire to give my love where it will be received and honored.” Except for the part about being completely resigned to it, she felt she had delivered the truth and had nothing more to hide.
“It’s more complicated than that, isn’t it?” He sat back, arms folded across his chest.
Without shrinking from his stare, she held her ground. “What did Frederick tell you, Caleb?”
“Do Burt and June know about this?”
Jessica unhooked the top buttons on the high collar of her riding coat. The warmth from the stove was no longer welcoming, but smothering. She had revealed too much of her deep, inner secret, and Caleb wasn’t sparing her from discomfort. “Of course not. You’re the only one I’ve ever told.” What had she done? “It’s not something we could tell our family, as you could well imagine.”
“I can imagine a lot of things, but I’d rather not.” His reply was flat and lacked the compassion she sorely sought.
“He’s adopted, if that eases your concern.”
“It doesn’t.” Caleb’s hooded eyes brought her a wave of embarrassment.
She stood, ready to have this over and their friendship broken, but he asked her to stay. Slowly, she sat back down.
~
Needing a drink, Caleb rose and went to the small bar in the corner of the room. He offered her one, but the flush on her cheeks grew more red. She asked for water instead. He watched her drink, her body quivering. He was in love with her, but his rational mind told him to send her away and never see her again. He had good cause, yet he found it easier to think than act.
More memories about Jacob came flooding back. He thought of their rivalry and what had caused them to compete over trades and gun deals. Was it the future impeding on the present as they sat in the rain and cold, waiting for their split of the spoils, or the hardship and danger they shared as they both worked for money and the respect from everyone in the camp? He had a difficult time figuring out what would motivate Jacob to risk a relationship with his own cousin. Jessica’s beautiful face and slight figure gave him part of the answer, and he instantly felt jealousy stinging his gut. He thought again, as he had done too many times, of Jacob standing over him, having just saved his life by taking another. He wished he’d never met the man.
Her voice brought him back to the room. “If you feel you can no longer be my friend, then I will go and it will be over.” He saw a proud woman rise from her seat and walk to the door. Something in his heart couldn’t let this be the end of them.
“Don’t make it too easy for me, Jessica.” Her back was to him now. “It won’t do well for us if we want a future together. I admire your strength, and you’ll need it if we decide to continue.” He stood with a drink in his hand. “I believe you when you say you’re resigned to it, but I know that these things don’t just leave a person easily. Love is a powerful force.”
Jessica turned around. His words had given her pause. He realized he had made th
em a couple by acknowledging a struggle had risen between them. Waiting anxiously for her reaction—or rather her rejection—he saw instead an open and sincere look on her face. “Have you done anything in your life that would change my mind and heart about us?” she asked.
After a hard swallow of liquor, he looked into his empty glass. “I suppose I have. He knew too well that if his past were revealed to her, he would be the one defending himself. They stood looking at one another, each in a quiet battle for self-preservation. “Tell me I can trust you, and I will,” he said. “I can’t possess you, but I need some assurance that I’m making the right decision.”
She went to the door. “You presume too much of my feelings toward you. And … I don’t know if I can trust myself.”
~
The ride home was filled with anguished tears. She yearned to gallop wildly through an open field. She made the turn into town.
Uncle Burt met her at the door. “My dear, where have you been?”
“We were worried, Jessica,” her aunt said from the parlor. “Your uncle was about to take the carriage and go looking for you.”
“I had to take a ride. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you first. Excuse me, I need to rest.” Jessica went to her room, leaving her aunt and uncle to themselves. She had no desire to hear her aunt’s chatter. Quiet sobs rose from the downstairs room Hannah called home. Jessica shed her own tears. The world was too big today.
Chapter Sixteen
January 1888
The days moved slowly as Jessica spent her time painting, helping her aunt, and caring for Hannah. A month had passed since the funeral, and she daydreamed of her horseback ride and walks with Caleb and how he tried to kiss her at the Winter Ball, the touch of his hand squeezing hers, then the abrupt intrusion of her reality—Kevin’s death and Frederick revealing her secret to Caleb. She had not seen him since that day. Without meaning to give her heart to another man, she now felt cut off and alone.
This morning was shaping up to be another day of the same. After making her bed, she got dressed. A knock on the front door brought her to the bedroom window. Peering down onto the drive, she saw the messenger boy’s horse. At this time of day? Jacob and Will? She flew down the stairs. Her aunt’s smile softened the thunderous wave of fear that struck her. “It’s for you.” She took the telegram and calmed herself. The first line read, May I see you?
Light-headed from the scare, Jessica slowly climbed the stairs to her room, her aunt asking if she wanted breakfast. “Not now, Auntie, thank you.” Sitting on the bed, she stared at the telegram. Caleb wanted her to come to his home this afternoon. This was one of those moments in her life that she would look back on as a turning point. First, she had to be honest with herself. She was falling in love with this man. Where it would lead only time could tell. She hoped it would be toward a good and happy life. With her feelings for Jacob safely tucked away, she let her mind wander to Caleb and his homestead. Could she live there with him? Then she came to the possibility that he might be wanting a proper good-bye. He was a gentleman even with his rough past.
~
The winter day was damp with more showers to come. Her aunt was fretting at the thought of her riding up to Rail River Acres in such weather. Uncle Burt tried to reason with her. “Not only are the roads bad, but you cannot go to his home unchaperoned again. My sister, your mother, would have a great deal to say about this.”
“I understand your concern, Uncle. My mother would be aghast at my life as it is. I’m sure meeting Caleb at his land would send her to an early grave, but she isn’t here and neither is my father. I’ve had your trust before. I ask that you trust me now. I must see him. We had a disagreement and it was left unfinished.” Jessica turned to her aunt. “It was a silly squabble, but I feel we need to resolve it. In private.”
“Caleb is a good man. You haven’t been yourself these many weeks,” June said. “Go and settle this. Your uncle will have the stableman prepare the buggy. And for goodness sake, Jessica, be careful on that road. Wear a good bonnet, too, and don’t forget your riding gloves.”
“Yes, Auntie.”
Her uncle scratched his head. “I can see there’s no use in reasoning with either one of you.” He headed outside.
Feeling a twinge of guilt for worrying her elders, Jessica turned to preparing herself for the confrontation with Caleb. Her nerves were on pins and needles.
~
The warmth of the stove gave welcome relief from the cold, five-mile ride to Caleb’s homestead. Standing in front of the blazing fire, having removed her boots in the vestibule, she still wore her winter coat, hat, and gloves. She rubbed her hands together. Quietly, Caleb went into the kitchen, and when he returned, a steaming cup of liquid was before her. She smelled the aroma of the Earl Grey tea. “Thank you.” Wrapping her hands around the mug, she sipped the dark brew. It went down her throat with hot sparks and she coughed. When she had arrived a short while ago, Caleb was standing on his porch, waiting for her. He came off the last step and helped her down. As she looked up into his eyes, she braced herself, but she couldn’t let him say good-bye. She commented about her ride up the hill, the weather—anything to stop him from saying what she dreaded to hear.
He stood in front of her now, close enough for her to smell his clean musk. It fixed itself to her inner being and she welcomed it freely.
“You can trust me.” The words rushed out of her, followed by a wave of trepidation. Caleb took the cup from her hand and set it on the table. He tugged at her gloves with a smile. She unbuttoned each one and he slid them off her hands, tossing them on the chair behind her. Then she removed her hat letting it fall to the floor.
Taking both her hands in his, he spoke with confidence and she braced herself. “I’ve thought long and hard about my future. It would be empty and miserable without you in it.”
Easing her tense shoulders, she gave a shy smile and nodded in agreement.
“There’s one door you didn’t get to open, Jessica.” Giving an apologetic look, she followed him to the closed door. When he opened it, she saw a pretty room with a large bed, big enough for two. It had a simple, wood frame, covered in unadorned, white linens, clean and fresh. A heavy, patchwork quilt lay across the end of the bed. The dim winter light filled the space, its coldness staved off by a small wood burner. The room was comforting and peaceful, inviting one to enter its restfulness. It made her smile inside. In fact, she judged the entire home to be very pleasant. She found herself caught in a world she desired to be in. His voice came to her ear, soft and inviting. “Would you be comfortable living here with me?”
She took a step back from the frame of the door where they stood. Anticipation was written on his face. “Yes,” she answered. Although it felt right, the word came too easily.
Bringing his lips down to touch hers, he moved his hands to her waist and she was up against his strong body. His kiss was full of self-assuredness, and it was alluring to her. He undid the buttons on her coat, slid it from her arms, and slung it onto the leather chair. With the pressure of his hands on her hips, a sensual weakness overcame her and she met him willingly. How new this helpless desire felt. How strange. She had not expected this. His passion was measured and controlled, and she was possessed by it.
Caleb took her hand and led her into his bedroom. He slowly unbuttoned her blouse. With a wave of embarrassment, followed by a flush of courage, she dropped her skirt and the woolen material pool at her stocking feet. Stepping out, she stood only in her white camisole and cotton pantaloons. Her hand reached to his shirt. Undoing the wooden buttons gave her a rush of lusty adrenaline. He stood back and undressed himself without ceremony, his body a marvel of well-defined muscles on a tall, slender figure. She caught a glimpse of his manhood, firm and upright against his belly. Barely able to stand for the heaviness between her legs, she sat on the bed. Caleb was like no one she had ever met. She looked up at his smooth chest and his strong arms. Then she saw the reddish, knurled scar on his left a
rm. “How did …?”
He laid her on the bed, caressing her breast. “Later,” he said in a hoarse whisper. Slowly unlacing her camisole, he pulled it from her body, along with the remains of her modesty. She fought back emotional tears as he continued to explore her with tenderness. His tongue played in her mouth and she tugged at it. He grunted, and she wanted more. Escaping her demand, he kissed her neck and finally sucked her hard nipples. He brought down her pantaloons and went down farther. Before she knew it, his tongue was teasing her in a place that aroused her beyond all reason. She lay still, abashed at his knowledge and skill. Her climax was earthshakingly sharp, and she couldn’t suppress a high-pitched whimper. He slid inside her, her body so ready for him. Hearing herself moan, she was long gone into a different realm. There was only now, the wetness of their bodies, the unison of their movements, the smooth hardness of him filling her so completely, rendering her breathless.
“I want to stay in you forever,” he whispered into her ear. His hand pressed her arm against the sheets as he reeled up and cried out. Then silence. Their bodies entangled together, both of them catching their breaths. When he plunged his fingers into her loosened mane, she caught a roguish grin move across his face. It wasn’t unpleasant, and it added to her blissfulness. His warm lips kissed her cheek. Time didn’t exist until he pushed himself up on one elbow and said, “Forgive me, my lady.”
Jessica lay helpless, almost giddy. He had opened a door and let loose a playful spirit. “As you should beg for my forgiveness,” she retorted with a curl of her lip. “Why, I’ve never been so—”
“You’ve never been so … what?” His one brow raised, and a smirk was on his face.
She was about to continue their banter when her heart swelled and her spirits dropped. Wiping a tear from her face, she shook her head. His thumb brushed her cheek, and then she was in his arms and he cradled her. “I’ve fallen in love with you,” he breathed.
Sacred Terrain (Traveled Hearts Series Book 2) Page 7