I looked up toys and positions. I looked up relationship dynamics. I looked up trends and urges and comments and requests. I scribbled down notes, forming the outline for my next story, making stars and bullet points.
When I glanced at the clock again it was four in the morning. I would have to get up in three hours. I closed the browsers and unlocked the filing cabinet, the bottom draw to which only I had a key, and filed my notes.
I crept to bed and wrapped my body around Kian’s, drawing from his warmth. He mumbled something.
When the alarm went off at seven, I groaned and sat up. I had a lack-of-sleep headache and my eyes feel gritty. Kian was already in the bathroom, shaving.
“Are you going into the office today?” he asked when he heard I was up.
“I have to get some files to Scott,” I answered. I stumbled around the bed and stuck my feet into slippers so I could put the kettle on for Kian’s breakfast.
“I’m not going to eat, here, sweetie,” he called after me. “I have an early meeting. I’ll grab Starbucks on the way.”
He walked past me a moment later and kissed me, on the mouth this time but only a quick one.
“I have to run. I’ll see you later, honey. Maybe we go to dinner tonight.”
“Like a date night?” I asked, something inside of me perking up at the thought.
He smiled at me like the idea was quaint. We weren’t teenagers anymore, after all. “We’ll talk when I get home, okay? Love you.” He turned and closed the door behind him.
“Love you too,” I answered to the empty house.
I walked back to the bedroom and got dressed. I put on a dress suit, a brown pencil skirt with a matching blazer and black wedge heels that weren’t very high. I applied light make-up and straightened my hair. When I looked in the mirror I saw my mother.
She’d been a conservative business woman with a bullet proof sense of logic and a determination that scared everyone, including my father. I looked at myself, tracing my image from my feet upwards. There was a time when I was interested, when I used to wear jeans that I’d doodled on with a Sharpie, and shirts I’d tie-died myself. I guessed everyone became someone else when they got married. When they had to grow up and become responsible. Everyone outside of my novels.
I switched on the computer again and refreshed my e-mail. Two of them popped up. One was commentary from an adoring fan. I smiled from the inside like sunrise. These things defrosted me. Another was a digital pamphlet.
It was for Eroticon, an erotica conference. This Saturday. In Atlanta.
I had to go. I could tell Kian… something. I’d think of an excuse. It would be so good for business. I took a deep breath and blew it out in a shudder. I hadn’t lied to him before. Not outright. Omission was a kind of lie, but it didn’t taste bitter on my tongue, like outright lies did. And I would have to tell him something, I couldn’t just leave out the bit about where I was actually going.
Still, I wanted to go. I wanted to meet other people that did what I did. I wanted to have an opportunity where I didn’t have to hide what I did. At Eroticon I would just be one person. The person that wrote erotica. Not the housewife with secrets. Not the conservative woman with dirty secrets. Just me.
I reserved a seat for myself before I could change my mind. My fingers flew over the keys and I hit enter, sending it off, before I could stop myself.
On the way to the office I imagined all sorts of scenarios. I could tell Kian I was going away for work. I was going to see my boss, Scott, after all. I could tell him tonight, over dinner. He would have three days to get used to the idea. To arrange golf with his colleagues or something. Maybe it was his weekend away, too. I hadn’t noticed the moon.
Kian always made a point of leaving the house when he couldn’t control his wolf, or stop the change from happening. He didn’t want me to see him like that. He said it wasn’t pretty, I deserved stability. I guessed we all had parts of ourselves we wanted to hide.
I ignored the bad aftertaste when I stepped out of the car, and walked towards the drab square buildings that held the offices.
My work was the only point of light and my dull world. It was worth the lie, surely.
Chapter 2
I unlocked the door and stepped into the quiet house. I was home from work early, and Abigail would still be at the office. I didn’t often come home to an empty house.
I could take the time and go for a run. I tried to shift into a wolf as little as possible, for her sake. She was so perfect, I didn’t want to keep reminding her how flawed I was. It was bad enough already that I couldn’t stop the change from happening on the nights the moon was full. She didn’t have to see my wolf on top of everything.
The raw meat she always prepared for me kept me in check. Without something bloody once in a while the wolf would come out whenever. A curse? Maybe. I’d just come to see it as part of who I am.
I put my laptop bag on the counter and switched off my phone. I didn’t want to be found, not right now.
In the bedroom I found the fur coat in my cupboard. It was dark brown, the same color as my hair, and when I touched it, a hum flowed through my veins, like this coat was permanently charged.
The coat made the change easier. I could turn into a wolf without help, of course. But if was out of practice, like I’d been lately, it was often painful. I had to change often to be fit for it, and in my life that just wasn’t possible.
I got undressed and shrugged into the coat. It came down to my thighs, covering everything it needed to. The fur was comforting on my skin. A second skin. Which was exactly what it was.
I left the house again and got into my car, driving to the edge of town where the suburban homes fell away into wide open rolling fields. Trees stretched to the horizon after that, and that was where I was headed.
When my paws hit the mulch and I was in wolf form, I stretched and unfurled into my animal body. Everything was clearer and sharper as a wolf. I’d forgotten how much I loved being like this. My ears moved, following the smallest sounds – the scramble of a squirrel up a tree. The birds overhead in the canopy of leaves. I sniffed. The smell of water was on the air but I knew the lake was some distance away.
I set off into the trees, heading for the water.
When I got home again it was still early. Abigail wouldn’t back until just after five. I had two hours to kill. I opened the fridge and found leftovers from the night before. I finished it. Her scent hung heavy in the house, even with my human nose I could pick it up. She’s presence here even when she was gone.
I walked into her office where her perfume hung the strongest. It was neat, with nothing out of order. I wondered how she managed to live her life this way, with nothing ever out of place. Her control of her life was intimidating, sometimes.
Her computer beeped, and I realized it was still on. And e-mail had come through. I sat down in front of the screen and looked for the chess icon. I hadn’t played against a computer in a while. Instead of clicking on the chess icon I accidentally clicked on the internet icon instead, and her browser popped up.
I clicked on her browsing history. I wasn’t sure why I did it. I wasn’t the type to snoop or pry. I was just curious what her life looked like when I stepped out of the door. She was such a closed book most of the time.
I read through the URL’s frowning. She’d been on it as early as four in the morning. When I was sleeping. Sex sites. Erotic toys. Light bondage. How to spice up your love life. When things are stale between you and your partner. Letting loose.
An iron fist clamped down on my stomach, and my chest felt tight. I struggled to breathe. Karma Sutra. Positions that got the most out of—
I closed the browser before I could read anymore. She was hiding this from me. I leaned back in the chair and pushed my fingers into my hair. What was she doing with all of this? We never did anything like this. We did it once a week, usually. Maybe not even then, because I was tired. Or because she had a headache. And when we did do
it, it was very straightforward. Very tame. Like Abigail.
Nothing like this. A thought suddenly dawned on me. If she wasn’t doing this stuff with me, who was she doing it with?
I got up and paced the room. I started going through files, notes, anything I could find. Anything that would give me a clue who the hell he was. And what made him that much more special than me.
He was human. I could guess that much. There was no way she would go for another creature, if I wasn’t good enough. After everything I’d done to try and keep this life away from her… was it too much? Was it too little? What had I done wrong?
Granted, our life wasn’t the best, but it had been enough for me. Why hadn’t it been enough for her?
I found nothing in her office. Nothing that could point to anything. I opened her e-mail but she had a password. I wondered if I could get her phone away from her to see if there was anything on there. He had to contact her somehow. I was away from home so often…
I squeezed my eyes shut and willed the thoughts away. My hands were trembling and I could feel rage build in my chest. Anger was never a good thing for werewolves. It could bring on a change I couldn’t stop. I had to be able to control myself.
“Don’t lose it, Kian,” I said out loud. “It’s going to be fine. She’s just…” I couldn’t even think of a valid excuse where all of this would make sense. I stormed out of her office.
When she came home just before six, I was sitting on the couch, flipping through the television channels, not seeing anything.
“You’re home early,” she said, surprised.
“I needed to get out of the office. It becomes too much, sometimes.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. Oh I bet she did. “So are we going out?”
I’d forgotten about my offer that we go to dinner. Why not? Maybe if I confronted her in public it would be different, there wouldn’t be a scene.
“I was thinking we leave at seven?” I said. She looked at me, a smile spreading across her face and her brown eyes sparkled. God, she was beautiful. Why didn’t I notice how absolutely beautiful she was? Her blond hair was perfectly straight. I remembered how her petite figure, her gentle way, had drawn me in the beginning. Such a change from the raw, pure-power kind of life I knew. I’d been afraid she wouldn’t have wanted me after she’d found out I was a wolf. But she’d managed to love me regardless.
Well, that was how it used to be, anyway.
She changed into jeans and a green blouse that made her milky skin look like porcelain. Even in her casual clothes she looked prim and proper, not a hair out of place.
We drove to Jeda’s, a restaurant in town that was sort of in between stars. It was classy enough for a date, but people brought their children, too. I used to think that if we had children, we didn’t have to give up our regular place.
If we ever had children.
“How was your day at work?” I asked her after we’d ordered starters.
“Ugh, it was alright. You know how Scott gets. I’m so glad I don’t have to be there more than once a week. I would jump off a bridge. At least the rest of the time I get to stay home and relax while I’m doing what I need to do for him.”
Or not stay home, and relax, I thought darkly.
“What’s wrong?” Abigail asked, and when I looked at her, her eyes were on me, concerned. “You’re pale.”
“I just had a rough day,” I answered.
“Even though you left early?”
Because I left early, I thought, but instead I just nodded. “The Long Meadow’s project isn’t coming down and I don’t know if we’re going to be able to make deadline.”
I could see by the blank look on her face she didn’t really know what I was talking about. When last had we spoken about anything in our lives? When last had I explained to her what I did, what it meant, who was giving me hell at the office? When last had I asked her about her life? When had we fallen into this hole where we were two strangers, dancing like we knew each other.
“Abigail, I—“ I started. I wanted to tell her about the websites I’d found. I wanted to know who the hell he was, and why she thought he was better than me. But she cut me off.
“Speaking of work, something came up.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah… Scott is sending me… on a course.”
“A course?” Scott had never sent her on a course before. He didn’t really care about her, as far as I could tell. The only reason he kept her on was because she worked for next-to-nothing.
Abigail nodded, not making eye-contact. She stared at her salad instead.
“It’s this weekend. I’m going to be gone most of Saturday, possible Sunday too.”
“You’re leaving for a weekend?” I struggled to wrap my mind around it. First the websites, and now she was going away?
“Oh, no. I’m not staying overnight. It’s in Atlanta, so I’ll just drive through. I don’t even know if they need me on Sunday as well.”
If he needs you, I corrected her in my head. I nodded slowly.
“Alright,” I said. “That’s fine. I’ll see if I can find something to do.”
“Yeah?” she asked, looking surprised. When I asked about it she blushed. When last had she blushed? Her reddish cheeks made her eyes look deeper.
“You look surprised,” I said.
She looked down at her salad again. “I just didn’t think you’d be find with it.”
I narrowed my eyes at her while she wasn’t looking. “Why would you need to ask permission for a work thing?” I asked. She looked up, something in her eyes that I didn’t understand and smiled.
“I supposed you’re right,” she said.
Damn straight. I was right. I didn’t confront her. I was going to wait until the weekend, and when she left, I was going to follow her and find out who this jerk was once and for all. Nothing as intense as being caught red-handed. There was nothing she could do then to avoid me, or to cause a scene.
Two more days. I could pretend like everything was fine for two more days. When our mains arrived, I ate hungrily. I would have to keep my strengths up for when it came down to it.
Two more days.
Chapter 3
Getting through two days with the kind of information I had was hard. I kept wanting to say something. Every time Abigail disappeared to her study I had to force myself not to follow her and say something about it.
I didn’t want to give her a chance to cover her tracks. Deny everything and get rid of any evidence she might. I didn’t think she was the kind of person that would do something like that, but then again, I hadn’t thought she be the affair-type either. Abigal had always been very conservative, even before we were married. I’d played along with her to-do list for our lives together because it was important to her.
I was starting to think I’d made a mistake.
On Friday she ran out to the store to grab the milk she’d forgotten, and she left her phone behind. It was a stroke of luck. Usually I would have been upset. I preferred it if she had a ways he could contact me in a case of emergency. There were all sorts of men out there.
But this time I was glad. I hadn’t had a chance to get her phone away from her since Wednesday.
I figured out the password for her screen lock on the second try. It was my name. Ironic. I felt a shiver of anxiety travel through my body when I opened her messages folder. What I would find in here…
But there was nothing. Nothing at all. Most of the messages in her inbox were from me. A few from Scott, and one or two from a woman named Chelsea. When I opened them and read them, it turned out Chelsea really was just a woman, not a lover in disguise. Didn’t some women do that? Save their lover’s name under a woman’s name so it wouldn’t seem suspicious when someone saw it?
Well, whatever the case was, Abigail wasn’t other women. I hadn’t thought so before, and I still didn’t think so now. She was really good at covering her tracks.
When she came home half an hou
r later she handed me a chocolate bar.
“What’s this for?” I asked.
“They were on sale, and I know how much you love them,” she said, putting her handbag down on the counter.
“Why are you being nice to me?” I blurted out. She blinked, looking confused.
“Wasn’t I supposed to?” she asked. I realized how stupid I was sounding. I opened my mouth to say something. To confront her. To jump on her and demand to know what was going on. But I stopped myself and closed my mouth again. I could wait one more evening, couldn’t I? Tomorrow I would find out. Tomorrow it would be over and I would know the truth.
“I’m sorry,” I said meekly. “I just had a bad day at work.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. How can I make it better?”
I shrugged. “It will be nice just to spend an evening together. Just the two of us.”
She nodded and carried on making food.
“With no distractions,” I added pointedly.
“Okay, honey,” she answered, carrying on without missing a beat.
Boy, she was good at this.
When we sat down at the dinner table I watched her. She moved with a fluid grace. It was what had drawn me to her the first time. Why hadn’t I paid more attention the past couple of years? Her fingers were long and slender, and when she ate it was like a dance, precise and calculated. Timed.
I shuddered when I thought of her hands trailing someone else’s body.
“How was your day?” I asked. I watched her reaction. Anything at this point would be a hint. A shift of her eyes. A pause in her chewing. A moment too long before she made eye-contact.
Again everything was seamless.
“It was alright. Scoot gave me a lot of things to do when I saw him Wednesday, so I’ve been working at that most of the time.”
And the rest of the time? I wanted to ask but I stopped myself. As good as she was at hiding things from me, I had to admit I was pretty good at keeping control of myself. I’d wanted to lose it a couple of times.
She Wolf and The Detective: (Suspense, Crime, Thriller, Mystery, Fantasy) (Book 1-3) Page 19