by Anna Edwards
He stares at me for a moment. “Actually, no. You look like you couldn’t give two shits,” he replies.
I nod slowly. “That’s because I don’t.”
“So, what’s got you standing here like a hungry fucking zombie, wondering if he can legit eat his mom’s brains,” he asks, his question makes me bark out a laugh.
“You remember I told you about my high school girlfriend?” I ask, wondering if he’ll remember one of our many drunken conversations.
“You mean the one you dated ‘cause the other one was taken?”
I shake my head at him amazement running through me. “You forget a food order on the twenty-minute drive to buy it, yet you can remember drunken ramblings from eight years ago?” I return.
He tilts his head and smirks. “What can I say? It’s a gift.”
I half snort, half chuckle. “Anyway, she’s what has me standing here like a… nope not going to repeat the crap that comes out of your mouth.”
“What? The girlfriend?” His reply is mouthed around a bite of taco.
I narrow my eyes on his full mouth and shake my head in disgust. “No, the other one.”
“Oh, fuck,” he splutters, chewing quicker so he can speak. “The one that got away?”
I wrinkle my nose. “Hmmm… not sure that’s the exact description, but yeah, that’s who I was thinking about.”
“So, what’s the deal?” he asks, casually seating himself on my workbench.
“She’s got a kid.”
He puts his taco down and stares at me. “Okay,” he replies slowly.
“She’s gonna want more.” It’s my whole answer and he knows exactly what I mean by it.
“Have you asked her?”
My head whips up, so our eyes meet. “I’ve seen her three times.”
He shrugs. “So, ask her. At least you’ll know then. Either way, friends or more…” Donnie lets the words hang.
I shake my head. “Right, fuck off, Donnie, I need to do some work,” I complain lightly, thumbing toward the door and slipping my safety glasses on.
He mumbles but wanders away, calling for Lassie who hops up and runs off to join my best friend. Traitor.
I can’t quite believe I’m doing this, but ever since I spent the evening with Gracie I can’t seem to push her out of my mind. More than that, despite my secrets I feel like there is a chance, however small, that we could be good together, and I need to explore that even if I’m kidding myself.
“Noah?” Gracie’s gentle voice makes me whip my head toward the hospital exit.
“Hey, oh… these are for you,” I reply, stepping forward and handing her the flowers I brought with me.
She holds her hand over her heart and blushes. “Wow, thank you.”
We fall in step and I steer her toward my truck. “Come on, I’ll give you a lift home.”
“Umm, okay, but I need to stop two blocks away and pick up Pipper,” she replies.
“Where’s Pipper then?”
“She stays at Mrs. Lowe’s house when I’m working and she’s not at school.”
I nod. “Right.” I have no idea what’s normal, but I do know that Gracie has no family except her Uncle Edger who must be ninety at least by now.
Gracie directs me toward the babysitter’s house and collects Pipper. I don’t know the kid well, having only spent one evening with her, but she seems subdued.
“Is she okay?” I murmur quietly to Gracie after she straps Pipper into the backseat.
Gracie sighs, it’s heavy and loaded with sadness. “She hates staying at Mrs. Lowe’s, but when school’s out I have no other choice.”
“You have no other friends?” I realize immediately how that sounds and I bite down on my lip. “Sorry, I meant you have no one else you can ask?”
She giggles. “I know what you meant, but what I want to ask is as you said no other friends, does that mean you’re considering us friends?”
I glance over at her before looking back at the road. “Haven’t we always been? I mean we were friends for longer than we’ve been apart.”
She nods. “Yeah, that’s true. And truth be told, I could use a friend.”
I don’t reply. There’s nothing else to say, she knows where I stand and now I know where she stands too. It seems we’re on the same page.
Chapter Eight
GRACIE
Six weeks… it’s been six whole weeks, and instead, it feels like six years. No, that’s a lie. It feels like we’ve not spent a moment apart. Yet, I can still sense he’s keeping something from me. Also, there’s been no other moments like the one at my place on that first night. Seemingly, when Noah said we were friends, he meant it. I guess it was how things always were, it makes sense that they should remain that way.
Pipper loves him. Like head over heels in love with Noah. He’s amazing with her, it’s like he has this natural ability and knows he’ll make an incredible father one day. She knows about her dad, well, at least she knows he left when I was pregnant with her. Sometimes she’s curious, mainly she doesn’t seem to care. Thank God.
Recently Noah has offered to have Pipper on the weekends when I’m called into work. He’s only done it twice, both times coming to my house, but she seems to thrive in his company and he does in hers.
“How about we head to the park?” Noah offers.
I turn and stare at him, a lazy smile spreading across my face.
Yep, he’ll make an amazing dad.
“Sounds good,” I reply.
“Noah, can you swing me again?” Pipper singsongs.
“Yes Pip, just let me push your mom once more,” he replies, using the nickname he’s given her.
I could live my life like this. Spending time with my girl and a hot man who seems to love her to bits. This is me living my best life. All right, not my best life. That would consist of said hot man belonging to me in every way possible but this is a pretty damn good life.
Forty minutes of playing and I realize the moms aren’t glaring at me today, not unless it’s with envy in their eyes. Today their focus is solely on Noah. Mainly his ass.
I don’t blame them. I don’t blame them at all.
I’m pretty sure at one point, when he picks up Pipper and throws her over his shoulder, running along so she bounces in place with her screeches of glee echoing around the park, there is a collective sigh from all the moms at once, even me.
“Is she asleep?” Noah asks, looking over his shoulder as I move into the room.
I nod. “Yeah, out like a light,” I reply.
This has been our nightly routine for weeks. When I’m working he picks me up, we collect Pipper if he doesn’t already have her and we come back here for food. Sometimes we stop at the park and eat out, but seeing as Pipper likes her home comforts, more often than not we end up here, playing a game with her or watching something together, almost like a family.
“So, how’s work?” I ask him.
“Good. I have three more custom designs booked in,” he replies.
“Cool,” I answer fidgeting with the remote. “How come we never go to your place?” I ask him using a casual tone for a completely non-casual question.
He stiffens. “You have Pipper, and she prefers—”
“Don’t use her as an excuse,” I cut him off.
My question was kind of off the cuff. I expected him to give me a straight up reason. Something like, he’d never really thought about it. Instead, his discomfort makes me feel uneasy.
“Listen, it’s late, I should—”
“Stop!” I snap. “Stop passing over all the bigger questions. You know all my secrets. You’re the only fucking person that does,” I cuss, it’s not something I often do, and his eyes widen. “We’re friends, right?” I question, a little calmer now.
He nods. “Yeah.”
“Then act like it,” I retort, crossing my arms.
Chapter Nine
NOAH
Shit! This is precisely what I didn’t want. I hate dr
agging up my past life because that’s what it is, my past. The truth is though, I’ve been holding back from Gracie. Wanting more but not doing anything about it. Am I a coward? Fuck yeah. I knew it would come up eventually, and I’d need to make a choice. I just wasn’t ready yet. But would I ever be?
“I live with Donnie.” I huff out the words.
“You… wait, that’s the big secret?” she muses.
I want to say yes, but then I’d be outright lying. I have secrets, plural. So, I don’t answer her.
“Why? I mean… why do you live with Donnie? If I’m not being too rude.” She blushes, and the deep pink only causes her to look even sexier.
Sexier… did I just think that?
“You’re not being rude,” I murmur, unable to stop myself from tucking that damn stray strand of hair behind her ear again. I want to touch her… all the motherfucking time. “When I moved here eighteen months ago, I wanted to get away from where I was, the cheapest and quickest way to do that was to move in with someone else. The only person I had was Donnie, and he said he was ready for a move, too.”
Gracie nods. “You were running.” It’s not a question as her eyes search my own, I can’t deny the truth.
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“From?”
“A relationship.”
“Oh.” It’s all she says and it’s so… detached.
Panic swells in my chest, I feel like I’ve already lost her and I’ve never really had her.
“Will you… will you tell me about her?” She swallows as though the words are hard to say.
I nod. “Yeah, I’ll tell you, but I want to do one thing first,” I murmur, leaning closer toward her.
“Huh?” She barely breathes the word out, caught in my gaze, exactly where I want her.
Slowly, so slowly it’s almost painful, I slip my arm behind her head and pull the band from her hair. The long, thick, multi-shaded red hair tumbles down her back and makes her even more beautiful. I thread my fingers into her hair and cup the back of her head, bringing her mouth toward mine. “I just need to see once before I tell you everything.” Although I murmur the words, I don’t think she even knows I’m talking as I crush my lips to hers. The explosion behind my eyes and in my core is more than I ever expected it would be. Never before has a kiss created this kind of beautiful friction in me. Never has a woman made me feel like I’m just a boy. The feelings inside me crash together as one and I breathe deep, my chest heaving as I pull away. Gracie’s face is flush. She pants in and out, her eyes glassy and her lips plump.
She’s never been sexier.
We stare at one another, neither of us speaking.
Gracie touches her fingertips to her lips, a small smile playing underneath them. “That was…” she breaks off.
“Fucking incredible,” I finish, causing the blush to run up her neck until it touches the tips of her ears.
“I don’t know what to say.”
I sit back, away from her, and the look on her face causes my chest to spasm. If she thinks I regret what we just did, she couldn’t be further from the truth. But I need space from her, some clearance between us so I can lay myself bare.
“I haven’t told you everything.” I let the words I dread pass my lips and watch both with fascination and regret as Gracie stills before me.
“Okay.” She lets the word out slowly, sitting back, creating even more space between us.
“Please, just listen, okay? After I’ve explained you can ask anything you want. And you can walk away from this…” I point between us, “… whatever this is possibly going to be, even if it’s just friendship.”
She worries her lips while looking down to her lap. Gracie wrings her hands before looking back up at me. No words spill from her. Instead, she merely nods.
Chapter Ten
GRACIE
I don’t know what he’s about to tell me, I’m not sure I even want to know. The worse thing is I’m slightly angry he’s just given me the best kiss of my life, even without tongues I might add, to potentially take it away again.
“When I moved to Glendale with Donnie I knew no one except him and his family, and that was okay with me.” He pauses a small smile playing on his lips. “It was freeing, not moving home where everyone knew and pitied me.”
I got that. I understood it completely. Everyone looking and pitying or judging you. I remember the looks and mutterings I got after Charlie left, especially those from his mom’s baking circle. Who knew a bunch of middle-aged women could be so cruel.
“I met Claire at a club on a night out, nearly a year after I moved to Glendale.”
I don’t know why the admission makes my chest pang. I think it’s the fact that the name is the same one which appeared on his phone a few weeks ago.
Is he still talking to her?
What the hell is his secret?
I realize I’m fidgeting, so I pull my legs up on the sofa and cross them, gripping my hands together in my lap to stop my movements.
Noah watches me. “Are you okay?”
I nod and try to offer him a small smile, I’m not sure what it looks like though because Noah blinks a couple of times and then shakes his head before continuing.
“Tell me about Claire.” The request comes out scratchy.
I expect a smile to form or at least a glimpse of emotion to pass across his features, but there’s no reaction as he starts talking. “She was like a storm blowing through the place, only destruction left in her wake. Of course, at the time, I thought she was hot as fuck and her ditsy manner I mistook as innocent but I thought it was sexy cute. Stupid fuck that I was.”
“How old were you?” I need to take a breath, this is harder than I imagined it would be, him talking about an ex, one who was obviously important enough for him to bring up.
“I was nearly twenty-four when I met Claire. We dated for a little over two years.”
“You lived together?” I ask tentatively.
He nods. “Yeah, for a bit.” Noah pinches the bridge of his nose and I feel my chest constrict. “I feel kind of stupid about my actions, but I guess I wasn’t really ready for a lot of shit, can’t believe I actually fell into the trap of being led by my balls,” he murmurs.
“Noah, sorry…” I say rubbing my eyes, “… but you’ve kind of lost me.”
He stands. “Maybe we should do this another time?” His tone is harsh and I figure this is where he switches personalities again. Every time something hits a nerve, he seems to close down.
“Fine.” I wave him away.
His shoulders drop and he heaves out a heavy breath. “Fuck!” He barks pulling at his hair. “I’m sorry, Gracie. This is hard to talk about… I freeze when the subject comes up. I haven’t ever had to explain this to anyone.”
I hold up my palm. “It’s fine. She obviously did a number on you and you’re still hurt from losing her.”
His laughter cuts off my words and my eyes narrow on him.
“Sorry.” He stops laughing. “It’s just, the idea that I’m still hurt from losing her is comical.”
I raise my eyebrow, desperate to know more, but unwilling to ask.
Noah sighs and sits back on the sofa. “I don’t think I was ever in love with her. Not really.”
My eyes widen as my jaw drops but I can’t form words.
“I loved the idea of a girlfriend and someone who I could build a future with, but she was never it.” He cups the lower half of his face and closes his eyes for a moment. “I’m not making a lot of sense,” he murmurs when he looks at me again.
I don’t want to answer. He’s right, I’m a little lost, but he needs to get this out in his own way.
“Claire wanted things and I figured as her boyfriend I should probably try and give them to her. Truthfully, in the first six months I was ready to split from her, but that made me feel like a douche. So, instead of breaking up with her, I tried to fulfill her every whim. Donnie hated it, he hated her. Said she was a total bitch and I
was a chump for putting up with her. When Claire and I moved in together, he almost stopped talking to me.” His face lights up with a little smile. “He bought us a housewarming gift. She loved Disney movies so he had a Beauty and the Beast print made, except the Beast was her and the Beauty was me.”
I can’t help the little snort that propels up from my throat, my smile lingering on my lips a little too long.
Noah grins across at me. “Yeah, she wasn’t amused and refused to speak to Donnie again.”
“Oh dear,” I say trying to hide my smirk.
“Hmmm…” he replies.
“What happened with you and Claire?” I ask, wanting to get to the bottom of his truths.
“She got pregnant.”
A swirl of emotions starts in the pit of my stomach. “W-What?” I whisper.
He nods. “Yeah, you heard me right.” He stands and walks over to the window. Night has fallen and there’s no way he can see much outside as the street lamps are really dull and half of them don’t work. Still, he stares like all the answers to the universe reside outside my window. “Claire had a miscarriage. She was devastated.”
My heart thumps and I feel guilty knowing I have my child. I wonder if that’s why Noah froze when he first realized I had Pipper. “I’m so sorry,” I offer softly.
He looks over his shoulder at me but doesn’t reply. “I had moved in with her when she told me she was pregnant. It was only four weeks later when she had the miscarriage. I felt like a dick because this woman had carried my child and lost it, she loved me, yet I just felt trapped by her.”
I frown at his honesty, not sure I understand where he’s going and I’m trying not to compare him to Charlie. After all, Noah didn’t run, no matter how he felt.
“When she got pregnant it wasn’t planned. A happy accident she kept telling me. After she lost the baby, I felt obliged to get her pregnant again. It was what she wanted and I guess…” he lets out a shaky breath, “… I didn’t want to let her down.” He shrugs. “It was a cowardly move sure, I should have told her the truth that I didn’t want a kid with her. Let’s face it I didn’t even want to be with her. But how could I be so harsh after what had happened? So, I was weak.” He rests his forehead against the window pane. “We started trying, but nothing happened. Weeks turned into months, and after five continuous months of nothing Claire demanded we both get tested.”