A Sweet Alaskan Fall

by Jennifer Snow

  * * *

  “TOLD YOU MY parents were a little over the top,” Montana said, glancing nervously at Eddie. The dinner hadn’t exactly gone the way she’d hoped. Maybe introducing Eddie to them in a group setting hadn’t been the best idea, but she’d been nervous about it, and having Tank and Cassie’s support had made her feel less stressed.

  Man, had that backfired.

  “They were nice,” he said, his gaze lost out the passenger-side window of his van.

  “They really are when you get to know them,” she said, reaching across to hold his hand. He made no motion to link his fingers with hers or bring her hand to his lips. She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry about the whole Lance thing. I had no idea they would spend the entire evening fangirling about him.”

  “You knew he was back in town?”

  Shit. “I told you. He got back earlier today. He stopped by SnowTrek Tours right when my parents were there. It was a complete surprise.” She’d been ambushed by two unexpected arrivals within a matter of minutes. She’d panicked and hadn’t exactly dealt with either situation the way she should have.

  “You obviously didn’t tell him about you and me...”

  “There was no time, Eddie. He left for training while you were still in the hospital, and I didn’t want to break things off by phone or text, and I honestly didn’t think there was anything to break off. We weren’t exclusive or anything.” They hadn’t had the same relationship as she had with Eddie. “I should have said something to Lance when he showed up earlier today, but my parents stole the conversation, falling all over...” Shit, this wasn’t helping. “No excuses, I should have made it clear I was no longer interested.” Before getting involved with Eddie. Before starting to fall in love with Eddie.

  She pulled the van into the apartment-complex parking lot. Shutting off the vehicle, she turned to face him. “Listen, I’m sorry. I should have handled everything better, but I’m going to talk to my parents about us. Tell them how you saved my life—twice.”

  “Because that’s the only way they will accept me, right? Only if I’m the hero of the day will they be okay with me.” The hurt in his voice made her wince. Her parents had barely acknowledged Eddie at dinner. They weren’t rude, but they certainly hadn’t been welcoming and warm. It was not the first meeting she’d envisioned. Nothing like the way they’d embraced Lance with open arms.

  “No. That’s not true,” she said, but she wasn’t even convincing herself.

  “Really? I saw the way they were suddenly nice to Tank once the incident in the woods came out, and how he and Diva saved you then. Damn, they just want a hero for their damsel-in-distress daughter.”

  She moved back as though slapped, letting her hand fall away from his. “What the hell, Eddie? Is that what you think I am?”

  He sighed. “No.”

  Not exactly convincing, either. “Look, the woods thing—that was my fault, but being shot at wasn’t. And no one asked you to jump in the way.” She was starting to see that her appreciation for his actions was only making things worse. He wanted her love, not her appreciation for what he’d done.

  He had it, but all of a sudden he was pulling back. Because she hadn’t been clear about how she felt. She’d gone about things the wrong way.

  “Well, the good news is I’m not able to anymore,” he said, reaching for the door handle.

  She blocked him. “Hey, stop this. What does it matter what my parents think?” She’d moved to Wild River without them on board, she’d started a business venture without consulting them. What did their opinion on her love life matter?

  “A lot,” Eddie said. “Family is kinda a big deal to me. You know that. I want to be with someone whose parents approve of the relationship.”

  Old-fashioned Eddie. So freaking amazing and considerate, but... “That’s not always so important. Not to me, anyway. And I told you, they will love you once they get to know you.”

  “They love Lance already,” he said.

  “But I don’t!”

  “Have you told Lance that?”

  “Lance and I were never serious.” Still making excuses, but it was true. “We were casual...not like you and I,” she said softly, squeezing his hand, desperate for some kind of reassurance from him. Anything.

  Eddie sat silent.

  “Come on, Eddie. You know we have something special. I love being with you.”

  His gaze pushed straight through the windshield as he asked. “For how long?”

  Her heart raced. “What do you mean?”

  “How long can you do this without starting to feel trapped? I can’t be everything you need, Montana. In the last few weeks, I’ve tried to convince myself that this change in my life was okay, that things might not be what I’d planned, but they could still be good. I could still be good. You helped convince me of that. You brought me back to life... But, I was fooling myself and you into thinking I could be the guy for you.”

  “No, Eddie—”

  “Let me finish, please.”

  She clamped her lips together, fighting the protests forming, but feeling him slip away in the seconds.

  “I’m not going to walk again. That means not being able to do a lot of things. And for most women, that might be okay, but you’re going to resent my limitations and how they limit you.”

  She couldn’t stay silent and listen to this bullshit. “What limitation? I can’t BASE jump anymore because of my own issues. But I can do everything else—and I don’t need you doing it all with me.”

  “I want to do it with you!” he said, exasperated. “I want to give you everything. But you can’t honestly tell me that I can be everything you need. You live for adventure and excitement. Are you going to trade in your motorcycle for this van?”

  She wasn’t sure how to answer. She hadn’t thought Eddie wanted her to change, but maybe he’d need her to in order for him to feel better about himself. Maybe her actions would only make him feel worse about his own limitations, as he put them. She’d thought she could pull him through, help him see that nothing was impossible, but she was assuming he wanted that.

  “I didn’t think so,” he said. He reached across the seat and gently touched her cheek. “It’s okay, Montana. You deserve it all, and your parents believe that, I believe that. You need someone like Lance. I was never going to be the right person for you.”

  Tears burned the back of her eyes. “What are you saying, Eddie?” He couldn’t possibly be breaking up with her because of the shitty evening they’d just had. Unfortunately, she knew it went so much deeper than that, and she wasn’t equipped to argue with him, prove him wrong. She knew she was falling in love with him, but could she convince him of that?

  Until he was ready to accept himself as he was, he’d never believe that anyone else—that she—was more than just accepting but one hundred percent in for whatever life and its challenges lay ahead of them.

  “I think we should be thankful for the fun we’ve had together but recognize it for what it was before one of us gets hurt.” One of them was getting hurt. Right now. Her stomach turned, and her chest tightened. What could she say? She couldn’t believe this was actually happening. The day before, things had been perfect between them. She was almost ready to tell him that she loved him.

  Now he was walking away? “I don’t want that,” she said.

  Eddie’s head dropped, and he sighed. “Me neither. But I think I need that. I’m sorry, Montana.” He caressed her cheek, the look in his eyes pained as he let his hand fall away.

  He reached for the door handle, and this time she didn’t stop him. She had no idea what to say to make him feel better, to make him understand that she’d messed up but wanted to fix things. He wouldn’t believe it. Her actions, not ending things with Lance, not telling her parents the truth about how much he meant to her, spoke louder than any of her hollow words a
nd excuses right now.

  She wanted to tell him she loved him, but how could she say I love you when he’d just said goodbye?

  * * *

  THE WALL BETWEEN them had never felt so thick.

  Eddie lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. The hollowness in his chest was a big gaping hole that he wasn’t sure how to heal. Walking away before one of them got hurt had happened a little too late.

  What the hell had he been thinking, falling for her? Allowing her to start having feelings for him? And accepting that the free-spirited, wild beauty next door could ever be happy with a straitlaced, boring guy like him?

  Her parents hadn’t needed to say anything. He could see it in their faces that they didn’t get it. Their daughter and him together hadn’t made sense to them at all. And they knew Montana better than anyone.

  Her pained expression in the van had nearly broken him. Hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do. Damn, he wanted to protect her, keep her safe, prevent anything bad from ever happening to her...and that’s why he had to walk away now. Before things got even more complicated and she felt compelled to see them through.

  He didn’t want a relationship based on sympathy or guilt. He knew in his heart that it was more than that. But how much more, and for how long?

  Lance was back now. And the fact that Montana hadn’t ended things with the other man was telling. She hadn’t been sure about them. She hadn’t been ready to commit to him.

  Unfortunately, Eddie had been sure. He’d been ready to commit, and now all he was left with were emotions he had no idea what to do with and a heart he wasn’t sure would ever heal. Even before he knew how great the two of them could be together, Montana had left her mark on him.

  Now, there’d be no getting over her.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  GETTING HIT BY a snowplow couldn’t possibly feel worse than the aching throughout her body the next morning as Montana entered the Wild River Resort Hotel. Meeting her parents for brunch was the last thing she wanted to do, but she was desperate to prove to them that living here was the right thing, the best choice for her. Let them see that she was doing great. If she bailed, they’d assume something was wrong.

  They’d be right, but she didn’t need them knowing that.

  All evening after leaving Eddie, she’d wrestled with her conflicting emotions. She was in love with Eddie. More than she’d ever realized, until she was in her apartment missing him, replaying their argument and the painful evening that hadn’t gone at all to plan. But she couldn’t convince him that she was into him, into them...at least, not until she ended things officially with Lance and confessed the strength of her feelings to her parents.

  And as tough as it was to climb out of bed after a sleepless night, she’d needed to get out of the building. Being that close to Eddie and not being able to go to him, to see him, to make things better, was killing her. She hadn’t heard him at all the night before—not the usual sounds of the television replaying old episodes of sitcoms or the sound of his shower running or his terrible guitar playing. And she hadn’t heard anything from the apartment that morning, either. She was worried about him, but she knew going to check on him would only make things a million times worse.

  She entered the dining room of the resort and looked around. The place didn’t fit in Wild River. The not-so-subtle elegance and high-end feel was a stark contrast to the wild Alaskan town and surroundings. This place was for wealthy tourists only, and the price tag on an evening for one of the rooms made sure no undesirables stayed there, tainting the decor and ambience with their long hair and untrimmed mountain beards. Wild River was smart to cater to all kinds of tourists, but Montana had stayed there for several nights when she’d first moved to town, and while it was a spectacular resort, it hadn’t been her style.

  Her parents’ style? Very much so.

  “Can I help you, ma’am?” the hostess at the front asked.

  “Yes...hi. I’m meeting my parents for brunch. Last name Banks,” she said, looking around.

  “Yes, right. The rest of the Banks party is here.” Was it Montana’s imagination, or did the woman’s eyes light up, followed by a flash of jealousy? “Right this way, please.”

  Montana followed her into the restaurant, past dozens of elegantly decorated tables of lovely dressed people. The ceiling-to-floor window walls and circular style of the room assured that every diner had a breathtaking view of the mountains. She glanced down at her dress pants and sweater. Maybe she should have dressed fancier, but she was exhausted and heartbroken and in no mood to put on a show for her parents. She wanted to convince them that she was doing great here, but she wasn’t going to pretend to be something or someone she wasn’t.

  “Just to the right,” the hostess said, standing back to allow Montana to turn a corner around the center bar.

  She did and stopped.

  Lance and her father were laughing over what she could only assume was a glass of brandy. At ten thirty in the morning. Wonderful. Her father reserved his early-morning alcohol splurges on people he liked or people he wanted to impress.

  Her mother was snapping a photo of them with her cell phone.

  Montana hung back, watching the interaction. Lance was exactly the kind of guy she would have dated years ago. Exactly the guy she would have been excited to introduce to her parents. She’d never really fallen for any of those guys, though, just like she felt nothing for Lance. She’d always liked the idea of those guys more than the men themselves. The way the idea of Lance had appealed to her. A snowboarder with a zest for adventure, free-spirited and up for the next challenge. She’d thought that was what she’d been looking for.

  Which explained why she’d never found what she was looking for, back then.

  When she looked at Lance, she saw a gorgeous, fun guy, but she didn’t see a future. Not the way she did when she saw Eddie. Lance made her feel excited, but Eddie made her feel alive, even in those moments of quiet, getting lost in the moments together. Eddie gave her a glimpse of the happily ever after that Tank and Cassie had, that Erika and Reed had. A relationship full of passion that only two people truly connected on all levels can achieve.

  Eddie was her person. Not Lance.

  She approached the table, knowing she couldn’t put off the inevitable. “Hi, everyone,” Montana said as pleasantly as possible as she joined them.

  “Oh, hey, darling. Look who we saw in the lobby this morning promoting his new line of snowboards,” her father said.

  Good. At least they hadn’t sought Lance out purposely for this family brunch. Although, she didn’t doubt for a second that her father had exchanged personal contact information with the professional snowboarder. Well, there was nothing preventing the two of them from being friends.

  “You do know this guy is a competitor for my company, right?” she said, trying to keep her tone and focus light. Like her thing with Lance had been all along.

  “Ugh, business is boring,” her father said.

  Since when?

  He was always about business. All the time. Since her sister died, her parents had given up all the things that had once made them happiest—traveling, exploring the world—and both had settled into corporate jobs in the city, letting their days slip away under piles of spreadsheets and board meetings.

  It was actually nice to see them outside the city for a change. Wild River was once a place they’d enjoyed together as a family. And her father’s face lit up as he discussed the upcoming winter games with Lance. As awkward as this might be for her, her parents seemed to be having an unexpectedly good time. They’d maybe even forgotten the plight of the daughter they wanted to drag back to Denver.

  “Sit. Have a mimosa,” her mother said, gesturing to the empty seat next to Lance, as the men took theirs again.

  What choice did she have? She couldn’t exactly break up with the guy in front of he
r parents, and this had just been a coincidence. Lance couldn’t possibly have really wanted to spend more time with her parents—could he?

  He looked completely at ease sitting there now, chatting up her father, like he belonged. Like he was one of them. He definitely suited the environment of this resort and her parents’ expectations.

  How would Eddie look sitting there that morning? He wouldn’t be comfortable or relaxed. He wouldn’t have a million snowboarding stories to trade with her father, and she knew without ever having to ask the question that he wasn’t a huge fan of brandy first thing in the morning—or ever.

  Lance squeezed her arm gently and leaned in to kiss her cheek as she sat next to him. Montana tensed and ignored her mother’s beaming smile across from her. She forced her own polite smile, then scanned the restaurant for their waiter.

  A mimosa—or three—sounded great right about now.

  As the men continued to chat, her mother leaned toward her and whispered. “You know, sweetheart, your father and I may have been wrong to think that you couldn’t handle life here on your own.” She glanced toward Lance. “Maybe Wild River isn’t such a bad place for you to be after all,” she said with a wink.

  Montana sighed as she nodded. Her parents had done a one-eighty in their thinking rather quickly. And she’d be happy about it, if she knew it had everything to do with her and what she’d been able to accomplish and nothing to do with the fact they thought she could be in a relationship with someone they worshipped and approved of.

  * * *

  A PIZZA BOX with cold, leftover food inside sat open on the floor next to the couch, and as Eddie opened his eyes, he blindly reached inside for a slice. The television was on but muted, and not even reruns of “Gilligan’s Island” were cheering him up that morning. The evening before had brought him to an all-new low. The ups and downs of the last three months were making him dizzy like a roller-coaster ride he’d been on far too long.