Unrequited Alice

by Smith, Sarah Louise

  “Let’s go to our room, get a drink from the mini-bar, and chill,” I suggested. He nodded.

  The room was beautiful and spacious, with high ceilings, flowers on the dressing table, and a balcony with a gorgeous view looking out at the ocean. I suddenly felt excited; we were on a mini-vacation and I was going to make the most of it.

  “I’m sorry, if you didn’t want to share,” he said as I got onto the bed bounced up and down like a kid. “I just assumed it’d be okay as we’ve done it before … and my family think we’re a couple, so…”

  “Come join me,” I gestured to the bed, jumping harder.

  He smiled at me. “No thanks.”

  “It’s an order, Toby.”

  He got up and I grabbed hold of his hands and we jumped up and down until I slipped and we collapsed on the bed, in fits of giggles.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” he said, pushing my hair off my face.

  “No worries. Next, alcohol. I remember the details of your mission at Hannah’s wedding for me.”

  I jumped up and opened the mini bar.

  “Wow, this is expensive,” I said, eyeing up the prices.

  “Who cares?” he said, leaning over me and grabbing a tiny bottle of wine.

  An hour later, it was safe to say we were both a little tipsy. Not steaming drunk; but just a little more relaxed, a little more smiley, and we found everything that little bit funnier than usual. We decided to venture downstairs again.

  “Brian!” Toby shouted across the lobby. A man who looked nothing like Toby turned and grinned at us.

  “Good to see you, man.”

  They shared a hearty hug, patting each other on the back enthusiastically. I saw Zara, Rose and Marcus at the check-in desk, and a blonde woman was fiddling with her suitcase behind them; I assumed that must be Donna. She was beautiful. Of course.

  “Alice! Toby!” Zara called, coming away from the reception desk.

  “Hello, dears, we’ll be right with you!” Rose called.

  “You must be Alice?” Brian asked me, then pulled me into a hug. “I hear you’ve moved in together, that’s great.”

  I glanced at Toby but he just smiled at me, silently asking me to play along once again. I wondered if he’d ever tell them the truth or if they’d always think I was just a girl he lived with for a while. A little sadness swept over me, but I took a deep breath and smiled; I was here to support Toby, and that was all I was going to focus on.

  Zara hugged me next, and I watched Toby smile.

  “You like Alice more than you like me,” he said to her, grinning.

  “I do. Don’t you forget it,” she said, turning to hug her brother.

  “Hey, Toby!” Donna finally came over and hugged him next.

  She had long, wavy blonde hair, fake eyelashes, and piercing blue eyes. She was wearing skinny white jeans and a blue top and everything about her was beautiful; if you didn’t look too close that was; she had too much make-up on. In fact, I felt like I could sculpt something from all the foundation on her face.

  Straight away, I didn’t like her. There was something about her voice, and the way she looked at me, that made me feel like she thought too well of herself. Far too well.

  “Alison, right?” She held out her hand and I took it.

  “Alice.”

  She turned from me, dismissing me already. “Brian, I need water.”

  “Let me fetch you some,” he said, running off towards the bar.

  “Please?” I muttered to Zara, who smirked.

  They all took their bags to their rooms and then met us in the bar, where Donna told us how she couldn’t wait for her parents and sister to arrive. She went into great detail about what sounded like a very fancy wedding, highlighting on a number of occasions that it cost her parents a lot of money, no doubt making Rose and Marcus feel a little uncomfortable. I glanced at Zara and she rolled her eyes and then winked at me. I smiled back.

  “So your dad isn’t coming?” I asked Zara, while everyone else was distracted.

  “No,” she said, shrugging. “He said he was busy.”

  “Shame.”

  “We won’t miss him to be honest,” she said, smiling sadly.

  How sad it was. I’d give anything to have my dad in the room, even for just a few minutes, and yet they didn’t even care that theirs was missing from a major family event.

  “I’m so tired,” Rose said eventually. “Time to call it a night?”

  They all agreed, and headed up, saying we’d meet again for breakfast the following day.

  Toby and I decided we’d stay in the bar for one more drink.

  “That was horrible,” Toby said as soon as they’d left.

  “I know… Wow.”

  He put his head in his hands. “We shouldn’t have come, I don’t know how I can do this.”

  “What?”

  “She’s just so…”

  “Spoiled?” I offered.

  “What?” he looked up at me.

  “I’m sorry but I think she’s a bit of a selfish cow, if I’m honest.”

  “How can you say that, you barely know her?”

  “Zara knows her. She doesn’t like her.”

  He sighed. “I know. Never has.”

  “And your mum doesn’t like her, either.”

  “Really?”

  “And she kept going on about the money the wedding is costing her parents, I’m sure it made your parents feel awkward.”

  “I didn’t notice.”

  “Too busy gawping at her blue, blue eyes I suppose.”

  “Don’t be jealous.”

  “I’m not jealous of her!” I insisted, knowing it wasn’t true.

  “There’s just something about her,” he said, “something I’ve never been able to let go of. I can force her out of my mind, but as soon as I see her again, I’m right back where I started.”

  “I remember feeling that way about Ed, but look at me now.”

  “Maybe you’re stronger than me, Alice.”

  “Well, you’re going to have to move on, because the day after tomorrow she’s marrying your brother.”

  “Tough love.”

  “Reality check.”

  “I guess so.”

  He looked sad, and I hated seeing him like that.

  “Listen, you can do way, way better.”

  “Thank you, but I can’t.”

  “Let’s just go to bed,” I said, downing the rest of my drink.

  We took it in turns to get undressed in the bathroom, then we got under the duvet.

  “Need a hug?” I asked.

  “Of course.”

  He was lying on his back, so I put my head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his torso. Soon, his breathing got heavy and I realised he’d fallen asleep.

  An uncomfortable thought made me wonder if he’d imagined it were Donna, lying with him, instead of me. That made me want to cry, and it took me a long, long time before I could relax and finally drift off to sleep myself.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Friday, we were all planning to spend the day at the beach. I’d admired it from the hotel window and couldn’t wait to get out there. I’d also promised Toby I wouldn’t judge Donna anymore, until I got to know her better.

  After breakfast we all headed out with blankets, towels, sunscreen and hats in hand. Rose laid herself out next to me and we chatted quite a bit about my new career path, and she was very encouraging. The men had gone out for a swim and Donna was making ‘important’ phone calls at the hotel to do with the wedding.

  “I bet you’re excited about the wedding,” I said, smiling as the guys splashed each other.

  “Not as much as I should be,” she admitted. “I’m happy for Brian, but Donna…”

  “What?” I asked, eager to hear.

  “Sorry, I shouldn’t say anything.”

  “No, go on, please?”

  “I just … I can’t say I’m a big fan. I mean, you and I, we’ve only met a few times but w
e just get on, it’s nice. She’s just a bit … cold … and she’s very material. Focused on money, and buying new things. But Brian loves her, so … I just keep quiet and smile.”

  “I can’t say I was that struck, myself,” I admitted. “But like you say, if Brian is happy…”

  “Exactly. And as for you and Toby, I’m so pleased it’s going well. Every time I speak to him, he talks about you.”

  “Really? That’s sweet.”

  Really? Every time?

  “I’ve not seen him this happy in a long time.”

  “He makes me happy, too.”

  It was the truth.

  “I’ve booked us all lunch. I wanted some time with the boys before the hoards arrive. I don’t get them together very often.”

  “We should come visit more,” I said without thinking and then hastily adding another lie: “I’ll make sure we do.”

  She gave me a heart-warming smile and I felt guilty yet again for deceiving her.

  Lunch was in the hotel restaurant and we had a nice view out to the ocean. Brian chatted a lot to Toby and I was surprised, given the circumstances, how well they got along, joking around, teasing their mum, chatting about their childhood. Donna talked more about the wedding and honeymoon and how she couldn’t wait for her parents to arrive. She didn’t once ask Toby, Zara, Rose, Marcus or I anything about ourselves, it was all about her and she was starting to get on my nerves. What on earth did he see in her? Had she always been like this?

  To my distress, Rose and Zara said they wanted to go up to their rooms and unpack properly as they’d been too tired the night before, and even Marcus went up with them. And then Donna said: “Let’s let the brothers catch up and we’ll go get a drink in the cocktail bar.”

  She linked her arm through mine. I smiled at Toby and let her lead me away.

  The cocktail bar was elegant, with a balcony overlooking the sea. We got a cocktail each and went outside to drink it.

  “You’re so not what I was expecting,” Donna said as we sat.

  Huh?

  “Oh yeah?” I said, taking a big gulp of my drink. I had a feeling I’d need alcohol to get through this conversation.

  “Yeah, you’re just so … down to earth. And brunette. He’s only ever had blonde girlfriends. Like me.”

  I knew this wasn’t true. I’d quizzed him about Janice and some of the other girls he’d dated, then gone and looked them all up on Facebook – and they’d mostly been brunettes.

  “Maybe he fancied a change.”

  “You do know we dated, don’t you?”

  “He mentioned it.” Just once or twice.

  “He’s not really ever had a serious girlfriend since. Girls come, girls go, but no one sticks.”

  I smiled, unsure what to say.

  “Brian thinks he’s still in love with me, of course.”

  I took another big gulp and remained silent.

  “But I couldn’t help what happened. I fell for Brian at first sight. He was just so much more mature, more manly than Toby. He knew what he wanted in life, when Toby was just drifting … and Toby wouldn’t have kept up with me, with my lifestyle. He didn’t earn much back then.”

  What? Was this bitch for real?

  “Well, look at you all now,” I said, trying to keep calm. “You’re happy with Brian, and Toby’s happy with me.”

  “Well, it’s early days for you, but I hope you’re right.”

  Seriously?

  I decided to let it go and downed my cocktail.

  “I’ll get us more drinks,” I said, going back to the bar. I hated her. What on earth did he see in that pretentious witch? She was so full of herself.

  Returning, I put a new drink down in front of Donna. She didn’t look at me, just stared wistfully out to sea.

  “Of course, Toby was never romantic enough for me, either.”

  “Well, he’s very romantic with me,” I told her, defiantly.

  “Oh yes?” she said, waiting for an example.

  “He has just changed my life, he’s lifted me up and inspired me. Made me feel brave and adventurous. And he does all these little things for me.”

  “Well, that’s nice.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “I hope he doesn’t ditch you, like the others, then.”

  “Well, he hasn’t so far,” I told her, silently adding that he hadn’t even had the chance seeing as we weren’t a real couple.

  “Just be careful, because he’s a bit of a bastard sometimes.”

  I couldn’t help it, I saw red.

  “How dare you insult the man I love!”

  Oh crap, did I just say out loud that I loved him?

  “Excuse me?”

  “I suggest we aim to get along for the sake of Brian and Toby, but don’t you ever talk to me like this again.”

  “I’m sorry, let’s start afresh,” she said calmly.

  I resisted the urge to throw her cocktail in her face.

  “You don’t even know him anymore,” I told her, trying to speak more calmly than before. “He’s changed. Even since I met him, he’s changed a lot.”

  “I’ll take your word for it,” she said.

  An awkward silence descended. I really wanted to repeat the whole conversation to Zara, or Penny, or even Toby. Or even better, Rose. I quite liked the idea that I’d make a better daughter-in-law than Donna. It wouldn’t be hard.

  But what was I thinking? I’d never be a part of this family. Ever. Never, ever. I stared at my cocktail and felt a lump forming in my throat. I needed to get away from her.

  “Shall we re-join the others?” she said suddenly. “I can see them all back on the beach, look.”

  I spotted Zara, Rose, and Marcus carrying their stuff across the sand and stood up.

  “Yes, let’s.”

  “I really am sorry. I’d like us to be friends,” she said without much genuine warmth.

  “Sure. Me too.” I forced a smile at her.

  We made our way out to the sand, and I sat as far away from her as possible, just as well as she started going on about her charity work – which she made sound more like a hindrance than a rewarding experience, and her gorgeous house, and all the other things she could find to talk about herself.

  Donna’s family eventually joined us. They were nice enough but a little ‘up themselves’ – same as her. Her friends all arrived too, and they were just like her; designer gear, too much make-up, a little bit in love with themselves. Luckily, they were staying in a different hotel and all went off mid-afternoon for a family pre-wedding dinner, which Brian’s family weren’t invited to. Nice.

  Although I for one, was actually quite glad.

  Toby went for a walk along the sand with Marcus, leaving me alone with Rose and Zara. I didn’t mind; I really liked them.

  “I don’t like to bitch,” I said, “but the more time I spend with Donna, the more I dislike her.”

  “Oh I’m glad I’m not the only one,” Rose smiled and patted my arm. “We’ll just have to endure her.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here to make up our numbers,” Zara said. “We needed someone who gelled with us. You fit.”

  I felt a swell of warmth mixed with regret. They treated me like family, and yet I wasn’t. I never would be. The more time I spent with them, the sadder I was that it wasn’t true.

  “Well, Donna has never been easy,” Rose said, “but as I always say, Brian loves her and he’s happy.”

  “Yes. I don’t know what he sees in her, but yes.” Zara agreed.

  I wondered for about the hundredth time what Toby saw in her, and then wondered why Brian wanted to marry her, too. I hadn’t spent much time with him yet but he didn’t seem on quite her level. Opposites attract, perhaps.

  “I love your mum,” I told Toby as we got into bed that night. “You’re so lucky, she’s so nice. And Zara too.”

  “I’m glad you all get along,” he said, smiling.

  I was tempted to ask him why, seeing as I’d probably
not see them again, but I thought better of it.

  “They like you too.”

  “They’ll be disappointed when we break up then.”

  “Who says we’re breaking up?”

  “Well, when you meet someone else. Or I do. We can’t pretend forever, can we?”

  “I guess.”

  I turned off the lamp.

  “They really, really don’t like Donna much.” I thought this might help him move on.

  “I know.”

  “And I still don’t like her either.”

  “Well … I guess it doesn’t matter who likes her, does it? If Brian loves her.”

  “How’re you feeling about tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know, really.”

  “You’ll be fine.”

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Me too.”

  I want to always be here, I added silently in my head.

  After Toby had fallen asleep, I got up, snuck out of the room, and went down to the pool area. It was lit up, but no one was around. I sat on a sunbed and texted Penny.

  Hey. In Florida for the wedding. You were right. I think I’m in love with Toby. How can I be in unrequited love again? I can’t decide whether to kiss him or cry every time he’s around. And this time he can’t help me get over it. HELP x

  PS: Donna is a stuck up cow. I know I’m biased but you’d hate her.

  It was 6am in the UK so I didn’t expect a reply; she usually got up around 7, but to my surprise a reply came back almost immediately.

  Oh hun. Toby needs to wake up and see how blind he’s being! But if he doesn’t feel the same way, then he can’t help that and he’s just not the right one for you. So don’t cry. Sort it out and you’ll meet someone eventually who sees how beautiful and amazing you are x

  I read it through about five times, taking it in. I took a deep breath before texting back a thank you and going back to bed.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “So is she your usual type?” I asked Toby the next morning, as I dried myself off after a shower. I had the door open just a crack.

  “Donna?”

  “Yes. She told me you usually go for blondes.”

  I just wanted to check.

  “No, I’ve had brunette girlfriends, too. And a redhead.”