Remembrance of the Past

by Lory Lilian

  Remembrance of the Past

  by Lory Lilian

  Author’s Note: This is the third edition of this book.

  The first two editions had been published in 2009 and 2012 by a different publisher and for those who had already read it, this edition brings no significant changes, except for a new cover!

  Copyright © 2020 by Lory Lilian

  This work is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is entirely coincidental.

  Acknowledgments

  Special thanks to Ellen Pickels and Margaret Fransen for their support and assistance in publishing this book. I would also like to add a word of appreciation to Jane Austen fan fiction readers for their constant encouragement during the writing of this story.

  Table of Content

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Epilogue

  Chapter 1

  “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

  Three months had passed since those astonishing words erupted from the last man in the world from whom she would expect to hear them. Three months filled with tormenting uncertainties about herself and her abilities to judge people. Three months of self-reproach and self-censure, not because she had refused his marriage offer—no, in this she had no doubt about the justice of her decision, and not for a moment could she repent her refusal—but because Elizabeth Bennet knew she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, and absurd in his regard.

  In the succeeding months, she had yet to recover from the surprise of that singular day at Hunsford parsonage. Even now, walking with her aunt in the paths of Hyde Park, her thoughts travelled back to the torment of that moment. That he should have been in love with her for so many months—so much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all his objections against her and her family—was still incredible to Elizabeth.

  “You could not have made the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it.”

  It was true; nothing he could have told her at that moment would have induced her to marry him. Still, the expression of mingled incredulity and mortification that overspread his face at hearing her words had haunted her restless nights ever since. His disappointed feelings became the object of her compassion.

  Yet, she could not approve his manner nor forgive the offenses he heaped on her family, regardless of how merited the reproaches had been. She only wished she had not allowed rage and prejudice to cloud her judgment nor refused him in such a despicable manner.

  Most of all, she could not think without shame and humiliation of her lack of discernment and her poor abilities to see the truth behind the appearance of both Mr. Wickham and Mr. Darcy.

  Fortunately, the regiment had departed for Brighton, and she likely never would see Mr. Wickham again. Elizabeth’s relief was overshadowed by her distress that her father had allowed Lydia to accompany Colonel Forster’s wife on their journey to the Brighton encampment. She had tried to convince Mr. Bennet to keep Lydia at home, but he refused to see the reason of her arguments and met her concerns with wry amusement. Consequently, Lydia was off, and Elizabeth struggled to subdue her vexation by not dwelling on the situation. She only hoped her father would prove to be right in this instance.

  “Elizabeth!” Mrs. Gardiner’s voice brought her back to reality. “My dear, I am truly worried about you lately. You seem so…unlike yourself.”

  “Do not trouble yourself, Aunt. I was thinking of Longbourn and especially of Jane.” She blushed, ashamed to deceive her affectionate aunt. She always had complete confidence in Mrs. Gardiner and shared many secrets with her, but she could not divulge this one.

  “Jane is not well, either, but in her case, I know the reason that prevents her being happy. I only hope in time that she will find the strength to put aside her regrets before they become injurious to her health.”

  “I had hoped she would join us; I feel sad to know she will be mourning in the solitude of her room while I enjoy the many beauties on our tour.”

  “Well, my dear, she offered to remain at Longbourn and take care of your little cousins, and you know she could not be persuaded otherwise.”

  “Yes, I know, Aunt. You have been very kind both to Jane and to me. We shall never be able to repay your kindness.”

  “Oh, do not say a word more, Lizzy. Besides, I feel guilty; we promised you a two-month tour to the Lakes and instead we returned to London without a certain date for our departure. I hope your uncle can solve his urgent business matter soon so we may leave as planned.”

  “My dear Aunt, while I confess I am anxious to start our tour, it is such a rare pleasure to enjoy your company for an entire day; I truly do not mind.”

  “I am glad, my dear, because I also enjoy your presence here exceedingly. And this morning was very productive, was it not?”

  “Yes, very productive,” laughed Elizabeth. “Two new dresses ordered at the modiste, visits to every shop in Covent Garden, and now a long walk in Hyde Park.”

  “Well, your uncle insisted on our doing so. I hope you are not fatigued.”

  “Oh, I am not at all fatigued, Aunt—quite the contrary. You know I am fond of walking, though I have to say I prefer country roads to over-crowded, fashionable London streets.”

  “My dear, the disadvantage of walking in those secluded places of yours is that you may not have a carriage following you that you can simply enter when your feet refuse to obey you anymore.”

  Good humour seized Elizabeth again, and she succeeded in putting aside any disturbing thoughts. Warmed by the powerful June sun, she continued to enjoy their walk through the park and the chat with her aunt, making plans for their long-awaited trip to the North.

  It was past midday when the heat finally drove Elizabeth and her aunt to the park’s exit. Their animated discussion occupied Elizabeth’s full attention, and she startled in utter surprise when a familiar voice called her name. She stopped and turned back, only to see the jovial face of Colonel Fitzwilliam.

  Memories of the last time she had met the gentleman instantly invaded her mind, and her cheeks burned crimson as she forced herself to smile and greet him with the same openness he displayed. He was as charming as ever, unable to conceal his pleasure at seeing her again, and she was content not to notice any change in his behaviour toward her, which only proved, she hoped, that he remained oblivious of the events preceding his departure from Kent. Would he be as jovial if he knew? Likely not.

  A moment later, her newly formed smile faded, her heart nearly stopped, and her face turned white when her eyes met Mr. Darcy’s intense gaze from a short distance behind the colonel.

  Her eyes remained imprisoned by his, and no word escaped her lips, nor could she hear what the colonel was saying. It took her several moments to distinguish the young lady who was staring at her as she clutched Mr. Darcy’s arm, her blue eyes filled with curiosity.

  Elizabeth’s first impulse was to hide or run. Yet,
she could not have done so had she wanted; the shock of seeing him had anchored her feet in place.

  The colonel’s voice turned her eyes again to him, and she returned his greeting. Her mind instantly discerned the circumstances: The colonel had seen her and hurried in her direction, unaware of the great distress the encounter would cause her and his cousin. Mr. Darcy looked stony and immovable, not taking his eyes from her until she could feel his intense stare burning her profile. She cast another glance at him only to see his countenance as severe as ever.

  She could not run from him, but she was certain he would soon turn and depart, together with the beautiful young lady, and she could not blame him. Why would he show any enjoyment in seeing her again? Why would he desire even to speak to her?

  For a moment, Mr. Darcy recovered himself enough to move, but instead of turning away, he advanced towards the ladies and bowed to Elizabeth, greeting her, if not in perfect composure, at least with well-bred civility. His cheeks were slightly coloured and his tone hesitant.

  “Miss Bennet, it is such a pleasant surprise to see you again.”

  “Mr. Darcy,” was all she could manage to say, curtsying to him. Her eyes lowered to the ground and then returned to the colonel who was smiling at her, well humoured.

  “Miss Bennet, how are you? Very well, I hope. Have you been in London long? Are you residing in the neighbourhood by any chance?”

  “No, I have not been in London long, sir; I left Hertfordshire only a week ago. I am visiting my aunt and uncle.” Only then did she remember Mrs. Gardiner, who was patiently waiting a few steps behind her. She looked from her aunt to the colonel and then to Mr. Darcy and his companion. How would he respond to the revelation that this was her aunt who lived in Gracechurch Street? And what of the young lady? He had not yet introduced her to them; perhaps he was protecting her from their inferior company. She certainly did not look as though she were accustomed to mingling with the inhabitants of Cheapside.

  As he guessed the reason for her hesitation, Darcy stepped closer and slightly bowed to Mrs. Gardiner in acknowledgment; the colonel, easier in manner, directly asked for the favour of an introduction, and Elizabeth obliged, casting repeated glances at both gentlemen.

  While the colonel’s countenance displayed nothing but delight during the introduction, Darcy was undoubtedly surprised, but his attitude remained polite, and he expressed his pleasure to meet Mrs. Gardiner.

  Then, to Elizabeth’s utter shock, he turned and gently took the young lady’s hand until he brought her in front of him. He met Elizabeth’s eyes and, with a gentleness she had never heard from him before, spoke more to her than to her aunt. “Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner, allow me to introduce my sister, Georgiana.”

  Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide at such a request so humbly addressed—surprisingly relieved at the revelation that she was his sister—and she tried to understand the reason for his unexpected change in manners. She was certain he would make his escape as soon as possible, avoiding her as he would his greatest enemy. Instead, he was kind and polite, extending the introduction of his sister to her and her aunt. Her colour changed, and she stood mute for a few moments.

  The formidable presentation took place, and Elizabeth dared to shift her gaze to Miss Darcy. With astonishment, she noticed that the young lady’s embarrassment and uneasiness were greater than her own, and her long silence was not due to aloofness or pride—as she previously had been led to believe—but to profound shyness. The girl managed with difficulty to say a few words to Mrs. Gardiner, and when her brother introduced her to Elizabeth, she forced a smile while curtseying elegantly. These efforts garnered Elizabeth’s good opinion immediately; with an open smile, she returned the curtsey, expressing her delight.

  “Miss Darcy, I am honoured to meet you. I have heard so many wonderful things about you.”

  “And I about you, Miss Bennet. I have long desired to make your acquaintance.” Georgiana’s tentative smile and the deep blush that accompanied those few words were further indications of how unaccustomed she was and how uneasy she felt to have a conversation with strangers.

  Elizabeth’s cheeks coloured, wondering what Miss Darcy had been told about her and from whence came the wish to make her acquaintance.

  In a desperate attempt to control her emotions, Elizabeth tried to lighten the tension and, consequently, her spirit. “Thank you for your kind words, Miss Darcy; I can only hope that not everything you have heard about me was frightfully bad.”

  She smiled fleetingly, as the effect of her words seemed to be the opposite of what she intended. Miss Darcy instantly frowned, and she looked with visible worry from her brother to the colonel. The latter started to laugh and finally intervened.

  “Well, Miss Bennet, to be completely honest, Georgiana did hear some mixed things about you, which is understandable considering the various sources of her information. However, I assure you that nothing she heard was ‘frightfully bad’.”

  Elizabeth laughed softly. Miss Darcy, however, obviously not accustomed to this kind of teasing exchange, startled at her cousin’s statement, which sounded offensive, and turned to her brother as if silently asking for his assistance. Elizabeth was about to say something to alleviate her distress when Mr. Darcy’s voice settled the situation; and indeed, a moment later, the young lady’s face lightened in relief.

  “Georgiana, our cousin speaks in jest. I am also certain Miss Bennet knows that neither the colonel nor I could have done anything but praise her. As I said some time ago, no one with the privilege of knowing Miss Bennet could find anything wanting.”

  His words made Elizabeth reel while her cheeks coloured and her eyes locked on his. She tried to catch her breath for a moment, shocked to hear him declaring his admiration so publicly in front of his relatives and hers.

  Of course, he had told her almost the same thing one night at Rosings as he stood near the piano while she played, the colonel at her side. Nevertheless, to reiterate the statement after everything that had happened—to admit his continued admiration in front of her and the others—what could he mean by this? Was she perhaps wrong in her judgment again? That night at Rosings, she failed to understand the true meaning of his words. Was she presuming too much again? Was it possible he only meant to relieve his sister’s discomfort by repeating in jest one of their earlier debates?

  “My brother is right, Miss Bennet. I have heard nothing but wonderful things, I assure you.” Miss Darcy’s voice sounded more confident and managed to return Elizabeth’s thoughts to the present. Avoiding Mr. Darcy’s gaze, she smiled at his sister while trying to control the tremor in her voice.

  “I thank you, Miss Darcy, and I thank you, gentlemen.”

  She noticed from the corner of her eye that both Mr. Darcy and the colonel returned her smile, and she hoped the entire incident had ended. Decidedly, she kept her attention focused on her new acquaintance, sharing a few more polite exchanges.

  “Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner, do you have an appointment to attend or were you just enjoying this beautiful day in the park?” asked the colonel as the group started to walk toward the exit. Miss Darcy was on Elizabeth’s left, holding tightly to her brother’s arm while the colonel politely offered his arms to both Mrs. Gardiner and her niece.

  “No appointment, sir—merely concluding a morning of shopping with a pleasant walk,” answered the elder lady. Their conversation turned to the warm weather, and they discussed the advantages of leaving London at that time of year. The colonel’s conversational skills perfectly matched those of Mrs. Gardiner, and they easily conducted and sustained the discussion.

  Still not completely at ease, Elizabeth remained less talkative than usual, rather listening to the conversation than contributing to it.

  “Miss Bennet, I hope your family is in good health?”

  Mr. Darcy’s deep voice startled her, and she lifted her eyes to meet his for a moment. “Yes, thank you; they are in excellent health.” She did not feel easy enough to say more. />
  “When did you leave Longbourn?”

  “Only a week ago, sir.”

  “Yes, you already told us that. Forgive me.”

  She only smiled as did Miss Darcy.

  “Will you remain in London long?” This time their eyes met and locked briefly, but it was enough for her to see that he was as embarrassed as she was by his direct question. She could not read in his glowering countenance whether he was truly interested in her plans or merely being polite, and she answered as neutrally as possible.

  “I am not certain at the moment. Our plans are not fixed. At least a few more days, I imagine.”

  The colonel intervened. “Only a few more days? Such a pity! I do hope we will have the pleasure of seeing you again.”

  Elizabeth made no reply as Mrs. Gardiner answered, “Indeed, sir, we would be very pleased to enjoy your company again. However, we cannot make any plans for the moment and Elizabeth even less so. She is entirely at our mercy—a prisoner of our busy schedule.”

  Following the colonel’s polite but curious inquiry, Mrs. Gardiner explained the delay in their plans for departing London and their hope that they would be able to start the journey as soon as possible. The mention of the Lakes as their destination animated the conversation once more.

  “I hope you will enjoy the trip, Miss Bennet. In fact, I daresay I am certain you will.” More than Darcy’s words, the tone of his voice and their implication only disconcerted and confused Elizabeth more. He was addressing her with more warmth than ever, and he even suggested that he was certain she would be pleased with the trip. Did he presume to know or take a sincere interest in what would please her? Happily, she had not much time to remain mired in her confusion as Miss Darcy suddenly became daring enough to share her opinion about the new topic.

  “I have always liked the Lakes very much. My brother has been so kind as to take me there twice, and except for Pemberley, it is one of my favourite places.” She paused a moment, smiled to Elizabeth, and then continued, slightly embarrassed. “Oh…Forgive me, Miss Bennet, I should have told you; Pemberley is our home.”