by Karen Deen
“I’m hungry.” Jack looks up at me with his big brown eyes.
I’m lucky he waited this long really. As a baby, he was the child that from the time he opened his eyes he was screaming to be fed. Kayla is the complete opposite. Will happily lay in the crib until I can get to her. Thank goodness Jack grew out of the screaming for food stage, although he always seems to be hungry.
“Okay, baby. Let me see what I can find for you. But you need to be very quiet, so we don’t wake up Lex on the way to the kitchen. Now let me see what’s in these bags first. Hopefully there are some bottles for Kayla so she can have her milk while you eat.”
“There are, Mommy, and clothes and toys and food. Lots of food and diapers. A dolly and a plane and lots of things…” Stopping mid-sentence, he realizes he has just given himself away for looking.
“Jack, have you been looking in the bags?” I try to look serious, but I can’t do it for long because it would have been like Christmas for a four-year-old with all these mystery bags.
“I just looked, but I didn’t take them out. Sorry.” As he drops his head, I walk to him and lift it back up to look at me.
“It’s okay, bud. I know it’s exciting to have all these surprises. We have to remember to say thank you to Lex when he wakes up. We are very lucky that he got all of this for us.” Understanding that he isn’t in trouble, his feet start marching on the spot.
“Can I take out the plane please, Mommy? Paige said Mason flies a plane.” His eyes are nearly popping out of his head.
“Okay, but nothing else. First I need you to show me the bags with the food in them and then we need to change diapers for Kayla and take your pull-up pants off.”
The whirlwind that is my son starts buzzing around me, pulling out what I need and then running for the bathroom to go to the toilet and take off his diaper.
“Remember you need to be very quiet,” I whisper to Jack as we creep down the hallway towards the living room, so we can get to the kitchen.
“Like when we play creeping lions?” he whispers.
“Yes, baby, but this is a new fun game that’s better than that one called tiptoeing tigers.” I pray that Kayla doesn’t take that moment to start crying or squealing.
Looking at Jack, he’s smiling thinking we’re playing a game. All I can think of is the last time I had to get him to be so quiet to get away from my apartment. This morning is a whole different situation.
We almost made it through the living room when I hear his gravelly voice from the couch that I was trying not to look at.
“Morning.” Lex’s voice sends shivers down my spine instantly. I almost drop Kayla with fright at him speaking.
“Lex!” Jack yells and runs straight for him and jumps up on top of him before Lex even has time to move. “Thank you for my plane. It’s cool. Can I keep it like Ted?”
The panicked look on Lex’s face makes me let out a little giggle.
“Jack, get off Lex, I’m so sorry. He’s pretty excited this morning.”
“It’s okay,” he sleepily says. “Hey, buddy. Of course, you can.” He sits up with Jack on his lap, still looking a little lost.
I’m certainly not lost – instead I’m frozen in my spot.
Lex stands up with Jack in his arms, and I can’t breathe.
He’s shirtless and standing in just his jeans.
He looks like a model straight off one of those magazines that I see in the supermarket.
Holy shit.
His abs are so solid like a washboard, and his arms are so strong and firm-looking. I feel tingles in places I’ve never felt tingles before. Dropping my eyes a little, there’s a small hint of sandy blond hair like the color of the hair on his head and his beard. It’s just above the top of his jeans that are currently sitting just below his waist, with the button popped open. The muscles on his stomach with that perfect V shaping downwards. It’s like he’s too perfect. No one looks like that in real life.
“Morning, Mia.” Lex speaks in that same low morning voice which makes me snap out of my lusting and leering at his body.
“Umm yes. Morning. Umm yeah, sorry… for umm, ah yeah, about Jack.” Oh my god, shut up, woman, you sound like a lunatic.
“He’s fine, aren’t you, bud. This is the best wake-up call I’ve ever had, let me assure you.”
His eyes find mine which are stuck looking at him.
Last night he caught my attention, but there was so much happening I didn’t really see him. Not like I am in this moment.
His hair is all messed up on the top of his head from sleeping, but long enough I could run my fingers through it. Not blond, not red, not brown, but a mixture that pulls me towards wanting to touch his beard that’s covering his strong jawline. I’ve never kissed a man with a beard before.
Shit, I shouldn’t be thinking about kissing this man either.
I’m done with men. They hurt too much, and I can’t let myself be that vulnerable again. But it doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the hot specimen standing in front of me with my son in his arms. Man, my ovaries are screaming at me. That man would make a perfect baby daddy. For fuck’s sake. I need my body to calm the hell down. We are not going there again. Two kids are more than enough for a woman to cope with on her own.
“Please, Mommy, can we?” Shit, what did he say? I break from my trance and hope I don’t have drool running down my chin from ogling. I see Lex with a sexy smirk. He knows exactly what I’m looking at and thinking about it. Of course, he would think it was funny. I’m sure he makes women speechless on a daily basis.
“Sorry, what?” I ask, trying to get myself back in the conversation.
“Make you breakfast. Me and Lex. He said I could help him, while you feed Kayla.” Jack looks way too excited for me to deny him even though I want to. I don’t need anyone to look after us. I’ve been doing it all my life, and no man is going to sweep in on his horse and try to rescue the poor lady who he feels sorry for.
“Okay, but no hot stuff. Lex looks after that.” I make sure Jack is listening. He has a habit of getting so excited that the listening ears shut down. “Maybe Lex should put his shirt on too, so he doesn’t burn himself.” Oh my god, I did not just say that to a grown man. I feel my cheeks pink up as I head towards the kitchen to try to get away from him. Putting the bag on the kitchen counter, I look down at Kayla who is just taking in everything around her.
“I’m such an idiot, ladybug. You’re just lucky you’re not old enough to understand how embarrassing your mother is,” I whisper to her, and she just smiles up at me with those big eyes that suck me in every time.
“I would say beautiful, not embarrassing.” Lex walks past me with Jack in tow. Not turning to look at me, he opens the fridge to look for food.
Great, he has perfect hearing too!
Stay strong, legs, don’t let me down now. You can’t melt into a puddle when you have the baby in your arms. I must have misheard him. No one has ever told me that, and I doubt Lex would think that either. I can’t take it any longer, and I take out the bottle, formula, and jar of food with the spoon. I need to get this taken care of and get as far away from Lex as I can right now. Within reason. There is no way I’m leaving Jack with a stranger unless I can see him from a distance.
“I hope everything you need is there. I can always run out and get anything I missed.” From the voice that had me tingling all over to one that is full of uncertainty. Lex has turned back from the fridge and is watching me intently.
This man baffles me. All the confidence of a moment ago is gone and he’s looking for reassurance.
“Lex, you didn’t forget a thing. I’m so grateful, you will never understand how much. I don’t know how to repay you,” I whisper.
“Oh good. I was worried. I can take you to the store today to get anything else you need.”
“No,” I yell louder than I should have. “Sorry, I mean no, thank you. You’ve done enough.” His head drops a little. Which makes me feel bad. “We are fi
ne thanks, Lex.” His head rises back up and looks at me with a serious look.
“You haven’t seen anything yet. My help has only just begun.” With that he starts talking to Jack, and I hear the words bacon and eggs and toast with juice. Jack starts jumping up and down on the spot with excitement. He has only had bacon a couple of times at the diner when Anna would sneak him a little piece which she got the cook to make extra just for him. She would try to feed me too, but I would always refuse. She already did so much for us, and I would rather she give it to the kids than me. I was so used to surviving on very little that it was no different for me.
Snap out of it, woman. Kayla may be a patient child, but if I don’t feed her shortly then she’ll let me know that she has reached the end of that patience.
Grabbing the plastic bowl, I spoon out the food and heat it a little in the microwave. Sitting her on my lap at the table, she’s like a baby bird. As the spoon heads towards her, her mouth drops wide open and shakes back and forward trying to latch onto it. Watching Lex and Jack from here, I can see them talking and laughing. Well to be honest, Jack is doing most of the talking and Lex is listening while he works. He has Jack standing on a chair next to him at the counter mixing eggs and milk, getting ready to cook.
I’m still having trouble getting past looking at his body. He might have put his shirt on but it’s a button-up one and it’s still hanging open, which is worse because every time he moves, I just get sneak peeks. That’s just mean. He knows what he’s doing to me and obviously is enjoying the torture.
Kayla starts fussing, and that’s when I look down to see that I have nothing left in the bowl and I’ve been trying to feed her an empty spoon. No wonder she’s complaining.
Right, formula and bottle. Get moving. I can feel her starting to squirm in my arms as she sees me shaking the bottle getting ready to warm it.
“Nearly there, ladybug, just hang tight.” Her complaining is getting a little louder, and I start to panic a little. I don’t want her breaking into a full-blown tantrum in front of everyone.
“She must really want that bottle. I’ve hardly heard her fuss up until now,” Lex says to me. Grabbing the bottle from the microwave and testing it on my wrist, laying her in my arms, I put it to her lips, and she latches on immediately. Kayla has a love for milk. It’s her go-to when she gets upset. It calms her. The room goes silent instantly.
“Wow, just like that the noise is gone. It’s magical.” He looks a little fascinated.
“Milk fixes everything apparently. Well, in her world anyway.” Her eyes start to get that mild drunk glazed look.
“I remember that when I was little. Milk and cookies were the best thing when you were sad. They fixed everything.” Lex is staring at her lying in my arms, just going off into her own little trance.
“Can we have cookies too with the eggs?” Jack pipes up to ask.
“Yes,” Lex says as I say, “No.”
“Oops sorry, buddy. Mom said no. So, not today.” My heart just opened a sliver listening to Lex actually back me in my decision, like my opinion matters.
“Sorry, Mia, I shouldn’t have said that without checking. It was wrong of me.” He picks up Jack and carries him around to my side of the counter and sits him in one of the bar stools there.
“Okay, Jack, I’m going to use hot things now, so I need you to stay on this side. I don’t want to ever hurt you. Do you understand, little bud? You’re such a good helper, but now I need you to watch me and make sure I do it right. Is that okay?”
His words hit hard in my chest… ‘I don’t want to ever hurt you.’ I could only pray for a man like that.
Watching Jack, he would never complain, and he is just as fascinated with Lex as I am. So, he just shakes his head and makes himself comfortable. Lex looks at me for a moment like he’s thinking hard and then he blinks and shakes his head a little.
Going back to the frying pan, he throws the bacon in. The sizzling is loud, and while that’s cooking, he pours the scrambled eggs into a second pan, then leans over and pops down the toaster.
This man knows his way around a kitchen. I’ve never really had anyone to watch but have taught myself the basics. We didn’t eat very fancy growing up, and when I was older, I didn’t have the money anyway, so I stick to the basics. I stayed out of the kitchen at the diner and just concentrated at being a waitress for that reason.
I’m used to not eating much breakfast, but my stomach is growling at the amazing smell coming out of the kitchen. I’m hungry, and this will probably be the best meal I’ve had in a very long time. I sit Kayla up on my lap and rub her back to bring up any gas. Jack jumps down from his seat and climbs up next to me on a chair.
“Are you ready, Mommy, for our Lex breakfast?”
I know what Jack means, but for a split second my mind went there. Oh yeah, I could have a Lex breakfast. Like I said, a split second, and that moment is lost as soon as the voices behind me start speaking.
“Nice to see you making yourself at home in my kitchen. There better be plenty for us too, chef,” Mason’s voice booms across the room, and Paige tries to shush him so he doesn’t scare the kids.
“You wish, man. I have cooked breakfast for Mia and Jack. There is enough for Paige, but you can cook your own. That’s what you get for being lazy and sleeping in.” Lex is plating the food and laughs to himself at his own joke. “Plus, since when is it your kitchen? Pretty sure this place belongs to Paige and she just lets your ugly mug visit sometimes.”
“Well, she obviously likes the look of this ugly mug because I’m moving in, so technically yes, you are in my kitchen now.” Both Mason and Lex start laughing at each other.
“Paige, you’ll be sorry. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Lex just laughs as he keeps cooking.
“Smells good, buddy, and it’s okay, there’s enough, I’ll just eat yours.” Mason slaps him on the shoulder. They seem close, the two of them.
I feel Paige next to me, her hand on my shoulder as she leans down and kisses me on the cheek and then Kayla.
“Morning, my favorite girls.” Then she leans over to kiss Jack on the forehead and give him a hug. “Plus, my big boy Jack. How is all my family this morning?” Jack starts chatting away replying. Paige then turns to me after he’s finished talking.
“Ready for a big day, the first day of your new life?” she asks.
How can I tell her no? That I’m shit scared and have no idea what the hell that means. But instead I do what I always do and tell her what she wants to hear.
“Sure,” I reply.
Looking down at Kayla in my lap and kissing her on the head, I ground myself for a moment before I look back up with my shield up and activated.
“You can have some of my food, Mason, I don’t eat much.”
I offer a change of subject so I don’t have to tell them that I just lost my appetite worrying about what today will really hold for me.
As much as I hated it, maybe I was better off back in my apartment with Edward. I knew what to expect there.
Here I am so out of my league that everything scares the shit out of me!
Chapter Eight
LEX
I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here looking at the stars outside. My mind can’t seem to turn off. Why am I having this reaction to a complete stranger? Someone I know very little about except that she is the most naturally beautiful woman I’ve seen. She isn’t hiding behind all the makeup and clothes of my stuffy socialite world. To be honest, she doesn’t need it.
Watching her with her children and being the protective momma bear of her cubs is not something I’m used to. Daisy who is Hannah’s daughter is the closest I’ve ever been to little kids. Yet there’s something so innocent about them. The way Jack knew he could trust us all, and there was no hesitation from him. That surprised me when I know he has come through a situation with two different men that he’s scared of. What makes him trust us?
Why does he trust me?
; Kayla in her mother’s arms had me feeling things that I’ve never even contemplated. What would it be like to have a baby of my own? Someone I could love unconditionally and never leave to wonder if they’re loved or not. Mia may have had a tough life in more ways than one, but she loves those two kids more than the air she breathes. You can see it all over her face when she looks at them.
Feeling restless and needing to pee, I know I should get up and go to the bathroom, it might help me to sleep. Throwing the blanket back then sitting up, I try to get my bearings in the dark. I move slowly down the hallway so not to make a noise. Moving past Mia’s room, I find the bathroom at the end of the hallway. Afterwards, as I’m walking back past her room, I hear a little noise. I know instantly what I heard. Mia is crying herself to sleep. Standing outside her room, I want to open the door and take her in my arms to soothe her. Tell her she doesn’t need to be scared anymore. I won’t let anyone, or anything, hurt her again like she is hurting right now. Unfortunately, I know that’s not even close to an option for her. She is so far from being okay that only time and support will get her past her pain. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to do it, though.
Slowly I place my hand on the door and lean my forehead forward to touch the wood. Her angelic voice is now singing so quietly. I can’t make out all the words, but it sounds like she’s struggling between tears to say them. I feel her pain in every sound. My heart is waking from its cold place, and she is calling it like a siren. There’s something so different about Mia that I can’t work out why she’s making me stop and take notice. I know it’s not her wounded soul, although that pains me all over, but it’s not what is calling to me. There is a special quality in this woman that I want to explore further. It’s crazy that I’ve only known her for a few hours, yet I can’t stop thinking about her.