by Karen Deen
Walking into work right now feels like the numerous visits to the principal’s office in high school. You know the outcome is going to make your parents mad, what you do and say will disappoint others, but by the time you walk out, you know that life is going to get better after the visit.
Speaking to Greta late last night made me feel better, and she’s already here and ready for me. That woman has never let me down, since the day I met her, and today I hope I can repay her.
“Hey, boss.” I look up and there is her happy face, with my coffee like usual. When she hands it over, I look to see what stupid name she gave me today. But instead it just says one word.
‘Proud’
“Likewise. Couldn’t have done it without you. Now let’s do this before I look like a girl here, hugging you because you made me emotional.”
“Heaven help us, you show you’re normal. The world could end.”
“Do you ever get up in the morning and think, I’m going to be nice to Lex this morning?” We start walking down the corridor together.
“Nope, never, not a chance, and you know that won’t change, right?” We both laugh.
“Poor Blaine. Can’t say I’m sad he’s the number one man in your life. He is welcome to that spot.”
She just rolls her eyes at me. “Like you were ever in the running for it.”
“I know, but it’s been fun driving him crazy with it since the day you met him.”
“Asshole.”
“Every day.”
We stop outside the office door that will change my journey, and until this moment, I didn’t know if I could do it.
But this feels like the first step towards my HEA, wherever that may be.
Knocking and then entering the boardroom to see the six partners of the law firm, I can feel the weight already lifting.
“Good morning, everyone, sorry for the early morning meeting, but it’s important.”
Turning to look at Greta, she smiles at me and mouths the word ‘proud’ which is all I need.
“I know this will come as a shock to you all, but I’m resigning this morning, effective immediately from close of business today.” You could have heard a pin drop in the room, but inside me all I can hear is the biggest sigh of relief. “I have asked Greta here with me today because I want to strongly recommend her to be promoted to take my position. She knows every one of my cases probably better than I do and is so dedicated to this company that I personally believe you would be fools to let her go. And before you ask, I’m not joining another firm, I’m no longer going to be a practicing criminal lawyer.”
This time the room is not silent but filled with gasps of shock instead. “I’ve known for a long time this job wasn’t for me anymore, but it took a woman far smarter and stronger than me, to make me see that light. So, I thank you for every opportunity and all your friendships over the years. I’m grateful, and I hope you show the same mentoring to my successor Greta. I’m going to head to my office now to empty out my desk, but I’ll leave you with Greta for a moment so you can discuss her new position and when you can get the contract drawn up for her.” With my last closing argument presented, I lean across the desk and shake each of their hands. Laughing to myself that I should also be picking up their jaws off the table for them.
Turning to walk out of the boardroom, I tell her the same, mouthing ‘proud’ and then leaving her to it as I hear her voice starting her opening argument.
Taking my first step to freedom, part of me feels sad, because the one person I want to share it with, I can’t.
I send a message through the universe and hope she still feels me like every part of my body still senses her.
‘Tell her thank you, I couldn’t have done it without her push.’
A wise lady, who at the time I thought was crazy, told Bella about my life. Storms were coming and the woman with the negative energy had to go before I could see my light.
Well, I’ve found my light, so now it’s time to remove that negative energy. At the time I thought it was poor Jacinta; how wrong could I have been.
Time to visit Mother!
Chapter Twenty-Eight
LEX
“Master Alexander, I didn’t know you were arriving today for a visit. Your mother didn’t mention it.” Standing up out of the car, I shake Charles’s hand and give him a man hug.
“That’s because I didn’t tell her. But I’m sure the gossip train has already reached her. She’ll be expecting me. And fair warning… run for the hills, my good man. This is not going to end well.” I chuckle to myself as we walk to the front door, possibly for the last time.
“Lord help us, what have you done now, Lex?” He stops with me on the top step before opening the door for me.
“Something I should have done a long time ago. Started to live my life. The one I choose to live.”
He pats me on the shoulder.
“Good for you, my boy. About time.”
“Well, some of us take time to grow up, or better still, to stand up.”
“You are here now, so get in there, and do what you need to. I’ll warn the rest of the staff to bunker down as this one’s going to be a rough cruise. Stormy seas ahead for a while, but like everything, they too will eventually pass.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t bet on it with this one. You might want to name this Hurricane Lex. It’s no ordinary storm.” With that, he opens the door, waves me through, and quietly disappears into the back of the house.
I don’t need to ask where she is. I can hear my mother tearing strips off my father on the phone.
“You get to that office right now! I don’t care if you are due in court. You tell them he is unwell and made a mistake and to please ignore his rash actions. Tell them he was delirious on medication or something…”
“But I wasn’t.” She stops mid-sentence and glares at me. I’ve been on the end of plenty of my mother’s death stares, but I would say this one has to take the cake. The best part of it is, though, it has zero effect on me. There is no power there anymore.
“Dustin, forget it. He’s here…yes, I expect you home right now.” She’s listening to him, but her eyes never leave me. “What do you mean you don’t care? I can’t believe you. Ugh, I will deal with you later.” Slamming down the house phone, I know she’s winding up and just doesn’t even know where to start.
Storming past me and into my father’s office, she stands at the door expecting me to follow. Because she thinks behind this door that the hired help won’t hear what we say. Her voice can be heard in every corner of this house when she yells, but sure, let’s hide in the office.
She doesn’t even know how to close the door without banging it.
“What the hell have you done, you stupid boy!” It’s almost comical watching her stomping around the room.
“Always a pleasure to visit you, Mother.” I can’t help baiting her.
“Pleasure, what pleasure is it! Tell me there’s a mistake. Tell me you did not just resign and tell them you are no longer going to be a lawyer. Because that is not happening. I’ve worked too hard to get you where you are and lay the platform for your rightful place in politics.”
Letting her pace, I take a seat in my father’s office chair.
“See, that’s funny, because I could have sworn it was me who attended college, worked my ass off for good grades, then spent countless hours working up the corporate ladder in my job and have an amazing record in a courtroom of proving my clients’ cases and winning. Just remind me again… what part of that life of mine did you participate in, Mother?” Her mouth drops open but not for long.
“What is wrong with you, Alexander? We need to get you to the doctor’s because you aren’t thinking clearly.” She starts looking for the phone on the desk.
“Actually, to be honest, today I’m thinking clearer than I ever have in my life, and it feels amazing.” I lean back in the chair and put one foot up on the other knee.
“That’s it. That little whore,
the one after your money. It’s her, isn’t it.” Don’t let her bait you. That’s what she wants. Don’t yell, just set her straight.
“If you are referring to my girlfriend, Mia, then I suggest you stop right there. I will not let you talk about her like that, because every word you just said couldn’t be any further from the truth. Mia has never taken one cent of money from me, nor has she even asked. Not that it’s any of your business, but she works hard to support her family, and I’m very proud of her for that. And if I ever hear you call her a whore again, I promise it will be the last time you see me or any future grandchildren I may have.” Deep down inside, though, I know today is the last time I’ll probably see my mother, and it’s for the best.
“I told her to stay away from you! I told her she would never get your money until I release it, so she had better be gone before you know it, and if she wasn’t, that I would ruin your career and tell everyone you physically abused her husband.”
“You fucking bitch, it was you! How could you do that to your own son?” I stand so quickly the chair goes flying to the floor. “How could you hurt the woman I love with such venom and stand here proudly boasting that’s what you’ve done? I thought you were evil but that there had to be a good person in there somewhere. I was wrong. You have no heart. You’ve never loved me, and you couldn’t take it that finally someone else actually does. Well, fuck you, Mother. You thought you could blackmail Mia with my career? You like to think I’m the pawn in your game of life? Well, fucking checkmate! I screwed you first. Nothing you can say or do now will ever make me forgive you for what you have done. Goodbye, Mother. I can’t even say it was nice knowing you, because I never did.”
Ripping the door open, I’m storming down the hallway as I hear her heels following me.
“I did it all for you, Alexander!” she’s yelling behind me.
“Bullshit, you did it for you.” Stopping at the front door, I turn back to face her. “My name is Lex. Alexander is gone, thanks to you.”
I knew it!
I fucking knew something had happened that day, and Ashton knew too because he had to have seen my mother with her.
Screaming out the driveway in my car, I’m heading home. My plans just got moved up, and as much as I want to see Mia and tell her I know everything, I know what Ashton said is right. I need to let her do this her way. It’s going to kill me, but maybe I need the space too. Mia doesn’t need to see me like this. No one does.
Mason was right the night he told me that Mia brings out the best part of me I didn’t know existed. But my mother brings out the worst. I need to get rid of that side of me for good, and then when my girl is ready, I will be the man she needs me to be. Not just the man she thinks she sees.
Pushing his number, I wait for him to answer.
“Hey, man, plans just changed. I’m heading home to pack now and leaving. I need to get out of here to clear my head.”
“You okay? I’m a little worried.”
“To be honest, no. But I will be. Thanks for your help with this and everything else. Never thought I’d say this to another guy again and least of all you. But I love you, bro, and I couldn’t do this without you.”
“Stay safe, and I’ve got your back.”
“Deep down, I never doubted it.”
Hanging up the call, I try to work out what else I need to do before I leave. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone so I need to make sure any loose ends are tied up.
The next call is far easier than it would have been a month ago.
“Lex, I just heard. Are you okay? What happened?” Hearing Jacinta’s voice is surprisingly calming.
“Hi there. Yeah, quite a morning, hey? I bet the rumor mill is running wild.” I can’t help but laugh now.
“Um, you could say that. Plus, you mother is blowing up my phone, as is my mother. I don’t care one bit about them, but I want to know, are you okay?” The concern in her voice is one of a real friend. Who would have thought we would ever be at this point?
“To be honest, I’m probably the best I’ve been in years. It just wasn’t me anymore. The truth is, it was never really me. It was what was expected of me, but not where my heart lies.”
“And where is that, Lex?”
“With Mia, but unfortunately my mother got to her too.”
“Oh Lex, no!”
“It’s okay, I’ve got this. I’m not worried, and I’ll never admit it but in a weird way my mother may have done us a favor. Sometimes the universe works in weird ways.” I pause to take a deep breath.
“But I need a big favor, I need you to take on Mia as a client. She has a few things that need finishing, and I won’t be here, not that I could represent her even if I was. Bit of a conflict of interest when you’re sleeping with your client.”
“Like it stopped you when you stepped over the line the first time. Of course, I’ll look after her, as long as she’s okay with having me. Anyway, just have Greta send over the files. And then we can chat.”
“Um, that’s the thing, I’m going off the radar for a while. I’m not sure how long, so I need you to just look after her. It’s the permanent custody of the kids and the case against Bent which I told you about. I don’t think that will actually make it to court, because with all the evidence they have against him, the last I heard he’s going to take an early plea for a reduced sentence. So, fingers crossed she won’t have to even get involved. All the notes are in the file and Paige and Mason know everything. I’ll send them all an email to explain.”
“Lex, you aren’t going to do something stupid, are you?”
“Me? I’m the most sensible person you know.” I laugh at my own joke. “But thanks for checking on me, though. No, I’m all good, I just need some time to think and I can’t do that here. You think your phone is blowing up? Imagine what mine will be doing. I’ve just used the word fuck to my mother so many times, and then ripped her whole life out from under her. So yeah, I’m out of here for a while.”
“I don’t blame you one bit. Look, I have to run, I’m due in court shortly. But promise me if you need anything you’ll call me.”
I smile to myself at how far she’s come in such a short time with opening up.
“As long as you promise to look after Mia, and if you’re worried about anything, you message me and I’ll be here in a flash.”
“Deal. Talk soon, Lex, and safe travels.”
“Thanks for everything, it means a lot.”
“Stop with the mushy shit, you’ll ruin my reputation.”
“Okay. Bye, bitch. Better?”
“Better, asshole. Bye.”
Now one last stop to make and then home to pack.
Standing in my apartment with my last bag, I look around for the last time for a while. I pick up my phone and type out the message to tell him the letters are on the table and Austin will let him up to get them when he gets here.
By the time I walk back into this apartment, I’m not sure if I’ll still fit this place when I get back, but I do know I will always remember it being my safe place, my home until I learned that home is not a building.
Home is where your heart is.
Mia is my home.
MIA
Two months later
“Mommy, when is Lex coming back from his holiday? I miss him,” Jack asks while we sit and read a bedtime story on his red racecar bed.
“I miss him too, bud, every single day.”
“Why can’t we go and visit him?” he innocently asks.
“Because Mommy and Lex agreed we should stay here until the time is right?” I look out the window at the night sky.
“What does that mean?” I try not to giggle too loud and wake Kayla up in her bedroom next door. She’s turning one next week and is up and walking although still just a small amount. It won’t be long, and I won’t be able to stop her. Just like her talking. With Jack trying so hard every day to teach her new words, I think Kayla will be running this house before long.
&nb
sp; I try to distract Jack, ignoring his question.
“Okay, I think we’ve finished reading for the night. Time to say goodnight, dream big, and make your wish on your star.” It’s the same thing we do every night. I wanted both the kids to know that dreaming is important and not to be afraid to wish for those dreams to come true.
I never would have gotten to this point if I hadn’t done that every night.
He closes his eyes tight and then opens them and looks out his window.
“Done. Now your turn, Mommy.”
I close my eyes, then open them and look up to the stars and make my wish.
“What did you wish for?” he asks as he wriggles down under the covers.
“The same thing I do every night. For you to go to sleep.” Leaning down and kissing him on the forehead, I put Ted in under the covers with him.
“That’s a silly wish,” he mumbles a little as his eyelids start closing.
I walk out of the room thinking to myself. Let me assure you, buddy, after the week I’ve had and the phone call just before I left work, if you go to sleep and let me just crawl into bed right now, then it will be the best wish ever.
Going through my nightly routine, I clean up after the kids, stack the dishwasher, and triple-check the apartment is locked up tight, before getting ready for bed. Then the last thing is to text Ashton to tell him I’m getting into bed. He has become a great friend to me. Someone I can vent to when working with Paige gets too much, or that friend who can watch the kids when you need ten minutes to have a shower. I never thought I would be so close to a male again, but he is a great guy. There is so much more to him, I think, than he lets anyone see, but I suppose that can be said for all of us in life. Including me.
After sending the message, I climb into my bed that seems way too big now just for me. It took some getting used to having the kids in their own rooms, but it was the best thing for them, and me in the long run too.