Caliente

  “What’s the cure for that?” Waver asked.

  “The easiest cure is to just sit here and let it wear off,” Mako suggested.

  “I need to ask you one question,” Waver implored.

  “Ask it,” Mako insisted.

  “Have you noticed that I’m in my birthday suit?” Waver asked.

  “Yes ma’am. I did,” Mako said politely.

  “Is that a problem?” she asked.

  “I think it’s great,” Mako said.

  “Do you belong to that LDS group?” Waver asked.

  “As a matter of fact, I do not,” Mako replied.

  “I have a couple things you need to do for me,” Waver instructed.

  “Anything,” Mako replied.

  “Call up at that clubhouse and order us some food – whatever you want, and ham and pineapple pizza for me, and charge it to Dr. David Michaels,” she said.

  “What else?” Mako asked.

  “Then strip off those shorts and shirt and take a skinny dip,” she ordered.

  Mako shed his clothes faster than the only stripper in a jiggle joint full of Shriners. He folded his clothes and placed them on a nearby patio table.

  “I recognize you,” Waver remarked.

  “I don’t remember us meeting. Are you sure?” Mako asked.

  “You were naked riding a bicycle near here about 12:30 am this morning,” she replied.

  “How could you tell that it was me?” Mako asked with a puzzled look.

  “I recognize those halos on your schlong,” Waver reported.

  I’ve got a question for you, Ms. Michael,” Mako said.

  “Say on,” Waver said.

  “Are you going to tell anyone that we went skinny dipping?” Mako asked.

  ”No, but I may ask a few people if they’ve heard about it,” she replied.

  8. To A Mouse (Part II)

  It wasn’t long before Doc and Marilyn returned with two bags of Waver’s favorite groceries. It included some fresh fruit, yogurt, and some odds and ends canned goods.

  Doc decided to check the mail. Marilyn opened the front door and made her way into the foyer.

  Marilyn looked across the living room to the pool area and into the large screened patio. She screamed and dropped the bags of groceries.

  The falling canned goods made quite a crash when they hit the floor. Fresh Florida oranges rolled across the living room and hit the sliding glass doors that separated the two rooms.

  Marilyn exclaimed, “Oh Mako! Not Waver!”

  “It’s not what you think! I can explain this,” Mako pleaded.

  By this time Doc had rolled through the open door expecting Marilyn to have fallen on the slippery wood floor. When he looked up from the spilled groceries, he noticed a pale-faced Mako sitting naked beside a dazed naked Waver.

  “David, he has debauched your mother!” she said accusingly.

  “This is a terrible misunderstanding,” Mako insisted.

  Before Doc could make any sort of reply, Gilbert showed up in the foyer and announced, “Pizza!”

  Beverly, Mako’s tall sexy blonde wife, stepped out from behind Gilbert. It was obvious that she was unhappy with what she saw.

  “So this is your idea of a hot shiksa?” Beverly asked sarcastically.

  “They should change your name from Mako to Alley Cat,” Marilyn opined.

  “I’m telling all of you that this is just a misunderstanding and I can explain what happened,” Mako urged.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything, David?” Marilyn insisted.

  “I wasn’t aware that Waver had shiksa appeal,” Doc remarked.

  “I hate to interrupt this neighborly activity, but what should I do with this pizza?” Gilbert inquired.

  “Who ordered it?” Doc inquired.

  “The ticket says, Mako,” Gilbert replied.

  “Mako! And on Shabbat no less!” Beverly remarked.

  “What type of pizza is it?” Marilyn asked.

  “It says ham and pineapple on the receipt,” Gilbert replied.

  “And pork, too! Oy vey!” Beverly exclaimed.

  “Waver made me order it. I don’t eat pork. I’ve never even been tempted by bacon bits on a salad bar!” Mako insisted.

  “Gilbert, put the pizza on the dining table. Marilyn, sign the ticket. Mako, tell us what happened,” Doc instructed.

  “I knocked on the door to tell Marilyn about the monthly book club meeting tomorrow afternoon and extend an invitation from Beverly to her. After the second knock, someone yelled, ‘Come in!’” Mako said before taking a deep breath.

  “I walked in and Doc’s mother was skinny dipping in this pool. She thought she had low blood sugar, but she had finished off four Jello shooters that Kim and Crystal had left in your freezer,” Mako said.

  “Why did you end up naked in the pool with my mother?” Doc asked.

  “She was quite tipsy. She invited me to join her. I figured that that I would stay until the pizza arrived, she ate something, and then revived a little,” Mako replied.

  “That doesn’t explain you engaging in business on the Sabbath,” Beverly insisted.

  “I conveyed one message from Mrs. Michaels to the sports bar. It was ordered on Doc’s account and I have no authority to sign the receipt. Further, I was under a duty to keep this fine lady from injury or death in an alcohol-induced stupor,” Mako explained.

  “Beverly, could you help Marilyn get Waver out of the pool and to her bedroom?” Doc implored.

  Marilyn and Beverly helped a drunken Waver out of the pool and to her bedroom. It was more like propping her up between themselves and letting her drag her feet.

  After the three women exited the room, Doc signed Gilbert’s receipt and added a very nice gratuity. Gilbert nodded and exited the front door pulling it closed behind him.

  Doc immediately burst into uncontrollable laughter at Mako’s dilemma. He couldn’t resist finding immense humor in the turn of events.

  “Doc, this is not funny. This is serious. I was very close to being in a lot of trouble with those two women,” Mako said indignantly.

  “Hot shiksa,” Doc said and again broke into uncontrollable laughter.

  Upon returning to the living room, Beverly looked directly at Mako and said, “It’s time to leave evald-hathol.”

  Mako gathered his clothes and walked proudly across the living room floor to the front door. Beverly waved after flashing that cat-that-ate-the-canary expression.

  “What did she call him?” Marilyn asked.

  “I’m not familiar with a lot of Yiddish but my best guess is old tomcat,” Doc replied.

  The two had a hearty laugh together. But both cringed when they thought what might happen next when Waver woke up tomorrow.

  * * *

  Waver woke up late the next morning. She was nursing a pretty good hangover.

  “What happened to that shark boy?” she asked at the breakfast table.

  “He went home after we put you to bed,” Marilyn responded.

  “Whew! I thought he’d spent the night and I missed it,” Waver remarked.

  “It wasn’t really pleasant when his wife showed up and saw both of you naked and in the pool together,” Doc said.

  “She was more upset when Gilbert showed up with a ham and pineapple pizza that you made him order for you,” Marilyn said slightly scolding Waver.

  “That’s not my circus and he’s not my monkey,” Waver said in a slightly defensive tone.

  Attempting to change the subject, Doc asked, “Marilyn are you attending the ladies book club gathering today?”

  “It slightly conflicts with your Caliente Fishing Tournament today,” Marilyn reported.

  “I want to go to the book club meeting. I used to belong to a book club years ago,” Waver reported.

  “I didn’t know you were an avid reader, Waver. What kind of books did you enjoy?” Marilyn inquired.

  Before Waver could reply, Doc said, “Trashy romance novels.”


  “Well, it wasn’t as bad as what you and your brother looked at in those dirty books between your mattress and box springs.” Waver replied.

  “David, I didn’t realize you enjoyed pornography,” Marilyn said with a smile.

  “Actually, they belonged to my brother, Roger. He hid them under my mattress because Waver knew I wasn’t into porn,” Doc said.

  “I couldn’t tell who those dirty books really belonged to, so I just ignored it altogether,” Waver explained.

  “Marilyn, why don’t you call Beverly and get the book club moved here. It’ll keep Waver from having to travel through the neighborhood,” Doc suggested.

  “Yes, and we can check on you by cell phone afterwards,” she responded.

  “Fishing is boring. I’ll watch that zombie show and see who gets eaten tonight. I hope it’s that smart-assed old woman,” Waver said.

  “I didn’t know you had a part on Fear The Walking Dead,” Doc teased.

  “My bite is worse than my bark, son.” Waver responded.

  “Indeed,” Doc said under his breath.

  * * *

  About a dozen ladies began arriving at 4:30 pm for what Doc called the “Dirty Book Club”. There were a few familiar faces such as Charlotte, Beverly, Crystal and Kimberly. But most were new to Marilyn.

  The ladies seated themselves in the Michaels’ spacious den and Marilyn offered several trays of light refreshments and non-alcoholic beverages.

  “I hope all of you had the chance to read My Secret Desires by Micki Mitchell. We can give our thoughts and share which of her vignettes we like the best,” Beverly instructed.

  “What’s it about?” Waver asked bluntly.

  “It’s a collection of fifteen different female sexual fantasies,” Beverly replied.

  “That’s enough to keep me hot in Minneapolis till the spring thaw,” Waver said with a laugh.

  Marilyn gave a reserved laugh at Waver’s remark. The rest of the women thought her observation and commentary was hilarious.

  Beverly Jenkins looked around the room to choose her first victim. Her eyes settle on Emily Seals, a forty- something long haired blonde with blue eyes. She looked a lot like a Barbie doll and had the personality to match.

  “Emily Seals tell us which fantasy gave you the most excitement,” Beverly instructed.

  “I really liked the story entitled, ‘Trapped In An Elevator,’” Emily replied.

  “Tell us about it girl. The title alone warms me up,” Waver said loudly.

  “According to the book, this middle-aged woman had agreed to pick up and pay for some concert tickets for her college-aged daughter and her fiancé. It was late in the day when she bought the tickets from the ticket office located in the bottom of the athletic complex.

  She entered the elevator along with two male athletes. The power failed and they were trapped together,” Emily told.

  “I know where this is headed,” Waver said to Marilyn who put her right index finger across her lips.

  Emily continued, “The lady called on the elevator phone. The elevator company told her that there was a general power outage across the city, and it would be at least an hour before they could get assistance to them.

  It wasn’t long before the elevator got warm and the two young men removed their shirts revealing their toned muscular bodies. They invited the woman to take off her blouse and skirt.

  After hesitating, she stripped off her skirt and blouse in the dimly lit elevator. The two college boys stared at her full breasts and long legs.”

  “How did that make you feel?” Beverly asked.

  “It’s got me wet,” Waver remarked as the other women burst into laughter.

  “Waver, you’re supposed to be quiet and listen,” Marilyn insisted.

  Emily continued, “After a bit of coaxing from the two athletes, the lady removed her bra to reveal her large firm breasts and ample nipples. One of them asked to feel her breasts and she nodded.

  While she stood on her knees for the young man to caress her breasts, the other young man slowly slipped off her panties.”

  “Get to the good part,” Waver insisted.

  “The elevator began to move slowly as the lights came back on. She grabbed her skirt and blouse, slipped them on, waved at the young men, and exited the elevator for the parking lot.”

  “Damn! That’s only PG-13. I was waiting for the hard R version,” Waver remarked.

  “I think what Ms. Michaels is pointing out is that teasing can be both exciting and frustrating depending upon one’s expectations,” Beverly said.

  “Honey, at my age, you don’t waste time before you get to the main attraction,” Waver said bluntly.

  “Does anyone have a different story that they really enjoyed?” Beverly asked.

  “I liked the one called, ‘Window Washers,’” Crystal replied.

  “Share a brief explanation of the vignette along with your thoughts,” Beverly encouraged.

  “This lady and her husband live in a luxury condo in a large building in downtown Atlanta. It was a Friday. They had both taken off from work for a three-day sex-a-thon.”

  “I like where this is headed,” Waver whispered to Beverly.

  “They were totally nude. The couple began caressing, kissing and fondling each other in the large sunken living room. Suddenly two male window washers positioned their scaffold outside the window.

  The woman noticed their presence, but the husband was too excited and engaged to notice,” she explained.

  “Sounds just like a man,” Waver remarked to Marilyn.

  “She coaxed her man to lie down on the floor facing away from the window. She mounted him and they began a long love making session. She eventually tumbled off on her back exhausted from the experience.

  Although the couple couldn’t hear the applause of the window washers, the wife saw their clapping motion and smiles.”

  “Now that’s what I’m talking about. That’s why you go for the dirty books instead of just the trashy romance novels,” Waver opined.

  The room full of ladies laughed and clapped. Marilyn couldn’t find a table large enough to crawl under.

  * * *

  While dirty book club continued, Doc and his sidekick, Mako made their way to the large lake that surrounded the Sand Hill Crane neighborhood on three sides. Mako carried the tackle box and rods while Doc rolled along the asphalt walking path that skirted the lake.

  The unnamed lake was great for fishing. However, several alligators and snapping turtles inhabited the lake which deterred any swimmers.

  “Now, Doc, we need to talk about yesterday,” Mako said.

  “I believe I’d let that sleeping dog lie,” Doc replied.

  “Proverbs 17:5 says, ‘He that is glad at calamities shall not go unpunished,’” Mako instructed.

  “I was laughing at what Beverly said about you. Your calamity started when Waver yelled, ‘Come in!’” Doc said.

  “Well, now that we have that straight . . . what’s your secret weapon in this fishing tournament?” Mako inquired.

  “It’s a fishing lure inspired by you,” Doc replied.

  “Is it the Mako?” he asked excitedly.

  “I’ve named it the Wonder Worm in honor of you,” Doc said with a chuckle.

  “What makes it so wonderful – other than being inspired by me?” Mako asked.

  “It glows in the dark just like your halos on you schmeckle,” Doc replied.

  “How does that work exactly?” Mako inquired.

  “It is a soft, plasticized, PVC, ten-inch worm. Inside are tiny spheres of two chemicals, that when crushed and mixed together, cause a chemically luminescent glow,” Doc explained.

  “Can you tell me that in plain English?” Mako pleaded.

  “When you squeeze the Wonder Worm it lights up,” Doc said.

  “That’s just like the real thing,” Mako said with a wide grin.

  Doc had enrolled himself and Mako in the tournament earlier in the week. The prizes
were $300, $200, and $100, respectively. The winner was determined by the largest fish.

  After about a half hour, three college-age girls walked by the anglers and stopped to watch their efforts. They were intrigued since they were unaware that the lake contained any fish.

  “Are you having any luck?” one young lady asked.

  “We’ve just gotten started,” Doc replied.

  “What’s your bait?” another girl asked.

  “Mako’s Wonder Worm. It glows in the dark,” Doc said.

  “Who’s Mako?” the third girl inquired.

  “That’s me,” Mako bragged.

  “It really does glow in the dark,” the first girl said excitedly as Mako smiled.

  As the conversation continued, Mako jerked back his fishing rod to set the hook into a very large fish. It had his rod almost bent double in a few seconds and the line fed off the reel with a fast buzzing sound.

  “It’s a big one!” Mako exclaimed.

  “That’s what Waver said at breakfast about yours,” Doc said tongue-in-cheek.

  “Can we do anything to help?” one of the girls asked.

  “According to the tournament rules he has to get it to the bank unassisted, but you can all three grab Mako and keep him from falling into the lake,” Doc replied.

  After about a ten-minute fight, Mako led the huge fish to the bank and Doc retrieved it. The Wonder Worm was still in its mouth.

  Seeing the struggle the tournament judge rounded the lake to where the group had gathered. He carried a small scale and a tape measure.

  After examination, the judge declared, “This largemouth bass is 12 pounds and 14 ounces in weight and 19 inches in length. That’s a lake record.”

  “It was caught on Mako’s Wonder Worm,” Mako exclaimed.

  “Noted,” the judge replied.

  The next day the headline on the Tampa Tribune sports page read, “Mako’s Wonder Worm Works!” Of course, we knew that all along . . . .

  9. Waver’s Day Out

  Doc had a morning appointment with Uncle Donald’s probate lawyer to handle a few outstanding items and close the estate. Although Doc drove regularly, he had Marilyn take the wheel that morning to navigate the downtown Tampa traffic.

  Leaving Waver alone at Caliente was like leaving teenage children alone overnight. You know something’s going to happen, but you just can’t foresee what it will be. Needless to say, Waver never disappoints.