Caliente

  “How many are in your crew?” Doc asked.

  “Just me, the camera guy, a lighting guy, an oiler, a fluffer, and a few actors/actresses,” she replied.

  “What is a fluffer and an oiler?” Marilyn inquired.

  “A fluffer keeps the male porn actor erect between cuts. An oiler is like a makeup person that applies lotion or oil on an actress to give her a three- dimensional appearance in a two dimensional medium,” Lila said without hesitation.

  “Marilyn wants to be a fluffer,” Doc said.

  “I certainly have plenty of practice with you,” she remarked rather sternly.

  Ignoring the banter, Lila asked, “What do you think?”

  “We don’t have a problem with you using the house. We’re not particularly fans of porn flicks but that’s a personal decision. We’ll write it off as keeping one of Uncle Donald’s promises,” Doc replied.

  “What are your thoughts on the comedy pilot?” she asked.

  “I like the idea. I think it will be well received. I think you should find talented actors and actresses,” Marilyn opined.

  “I agree. But we’d be willing to help with the story line and some ideas,” Doc added.

  “Give me about two months to get everything set. I’ll stay in touch,” Lila promised.

  14. Comedy Club

  Since Caliente is mostly a mid-week to weekend resort, Mondays and Tuesdays are usually slow until the evenings. Mondays provide a weekly eight ball pool tournament and Tuesdays evenings are a prize-filled Trivia Contest.

  Unlike most Tuesdays, this one was different. The resort had scheduled an evening meal in the nightclub to be followed by a comedian-laden comedy show for the members and guests.

  Doc and Marilyn had planned to attend the show for almost two weeks. In fact, part of the reason for purchasing Doc the silver lamé outfit with shorts, bowtie, and cuffs was for him to wear it at the comedy show.

  Although Marilyn really liked the outfit, Doc held a somewhat lackluster attitude about it. He referred to it as making him into “Long Dong Silver” as he had to make sure his junk stayed inside the shorts as he sat in his wheelchair.

  It was mid-afternoon when someone knocked on their door. The visitor was greeted by Doc and welcomed into the foyer.

  “I’m Julian Joeb. I am a photographer,” the young man said introducing himself.

  “I am Dr. David Michaels, and this is my wife, Marilyn. We are pleased to make your acquaintance,” Doc said pointing to the large living room sofa for Julian to be seated.

  “I’m here on business,” Julian said.

  “What kind of business?” Marilyn asked.

  “Actually I want to discuss using you as a model,” he replied.

  “Me? A model?!” Marilyn responded with a small laugh.

  “What do you have in mind?” Doc queried.

  “I have two propositions. First, I want to use her images on social media for the resort. Secondly, I would like to include some grayscale images of her in erotic photographs that are framed and sold in my gallery,” Julian explained.

  “Will these be nude images?” Marilyn asked.

  “The photos for Caliente will be sexy but not nude. A lot of social media, particularly in the United States, still prohibits nude photographs. Some tolerate side boob or topless but not many,” Julian replied.

  “Is there any compensation for modeling for the resort?” she inquired.

  “There is compensation of a sort. You’ll get a few hundred dollars food and beverage credit on your Caliente house account,” Julian explained.

  “How much time is involved?” Doc asked.

  “Two or three half days a year,” Julian estimated.

  “I’ll do it!” Marilyn said excitedly.

  “What about the erotic gallery photography?” Doc asked.

  “We’ll have a one- or two-day photo shoot. I will crop the photos. They may be committed to canvas or printed and framed for sale in the gallery,” he replied.

  “What is the compensation?” Marilyn asked.

  “I pay the model one third of the sale price of the artwork,” Julian explained.

  “What is the typical pricing?” Doc asked.

  “From about $250 to $1500 with an average price of $500 per sale,” he responded.

  “How nude is nude?” Marilyn inquired.

  “These photos minimize the facial aspect. It is usually about contours, shapes, and unusual poses. The images are pieces of fine art, not pornography,” Julian said indignantly.

  “I will pose for your gallery. Fortunately, we don’t need the money, so I want my share donated to Breast Cancer Awareness,” Marilyn explained.

  “Excellent! I will leave these releases with you for you to complete. Drop them at the front desk. We’ll work out a schedule next week,” Julian instructed.

  “Can I get one full length nude pinup style image on canvas out of this deal?” Doc asked.

  “That will be around $1000,” Julian suggested.

  “Is that before or after her discount?” Doc asked.

  “There is no discount. Marilyn’s percentage goes to Breast Cancer Awareness. We’re saving the Ta-Tas,” Julian replied with a large smile as he exited the front door.

  * * *

  As the dinner hour approached, Doc and Marilyn dressed in their finery and made their way to Club Fiesta for the dinner comedy show. Doc donned his Long Dong Silver outfit, so called, and waited on Marilyn to finish.

  Marilyn opted for a patriotic look. She wore a long white tank top that stopped at the waist and turned into a full 360 degrees of fringe that ended at her upper thighs. Underneath the fringe was a red thong. Her shoes were red, platform high heels that Doc called hooker heels.

  She wore matching garnet jewelry that included a necklace, bracelet, and ring. When she walked, the fringe moved and put some motion into her stride.

  Doc called Gilbert to pick them up in the six-passenger golf cart for the trip to the clubhouse. It was about a ten-minute ride that Gilbert often turned into a fifteen- minute excursion.

  “That outfit makes me want to sing ‘God Bless America,’” Gilbert remarked upon watching Marilyn climb into the golf cart.

  “Thank you, Gilbert,” Marilyn replied.

  Upon arriving at the clubhouse at promptly 7:30 pm, the doors at Club Fiesta had been opened and Chadwick was seating the dinner patrons.

  “Do you have a reservation?” Chadwick asked of Doc.

  “Of course I have a reservation! I made it with you,” Doc responded.

  “Nice outfit. I love that teddy bear look,” Chadwick said.

  “Thank you, Chadwick,” Marilyn said as Doc rolled his eyes and entered the club to be seated.

  Doc had made his reservation once he became aware of the comedy dinner show. Their table was on the dance floor very close to the stage.

  After only a minute or two, their favorite waitress, Kelly Jeong, appeared to take their drink orders. She was holding back a giggle and Doc would not make eye contact.

  “You seem very happy tonight, Kelly,” Marilyn noted.

  Hearing that comment, Kelly broke into an almost uncontrollable laugh. It was obvious that she was very amused at Doc’s silver outfit.

  After regaining control, Kelly mustered the fortitude to speak, “Doc, that outfit just makes me want to pinch those pink nipples.”

  “Indeed,” Doc replied.

  “I’ll have a club soda and David will have a ginger ale,” Marilyn said.

  An unknown woman approached their table and remarked, “Honey, that outfit just makes me want to grab you and rub all over you.”

  “That’s the effect I was hoping for,” Doc said slightly sarcastically.

  “That’s the second nice compliment he’s had tonight,” Marilyn said with a smile.

  “It won’t be his last,” the lady said as she winked at Marilyn and made her way back to her table.

  Their good friend, Mako, approached their table bearing a drink. It was obvi
ously a glass of ginger ale.

  “That’s not Pabst Blue Ribbon,” Doc remarked.

  “It’s ginger ale and it’s for you,” Mako replied.

  “What’s the occasion for you buying me a drink?” Doc asked.

  “It’s not from me. It’s that big brunette over there,” Mako said.

  Doc looked in the direction that Mako nodded. There was very attractive lady giving Doc a discreet wave. Doc returned the wave.

  “Tell Xena, the warrior princess, thank you for the drink,” Doc said giving Mako an icy stare.

  “I think she likes you, Doc,” Mako said with a chuckle.

  “No doubt,” Marilyn remarked.

  Kelly arrived with Marilyn’s club soda and Doc’s ginger ale. She had a confused look on her face. Mako pointed to the nearby table.

  “Doc, women are buying you drinks and it’s still early,” Kelly remarked.

  “It’s that teddy bear chest,” Mako interjected.

  Doc grabbed his cloth napkin and started popping it at Mako. After a couple of pops on his arm and chest, Mako retreated quickly.

  “That’s rude,” Marilyn remarked.

  “He’s a busybody,” Doc replied.

  “Have you decided on a selection?” Kelly asked.

  “What do you have?” Marilyn asked.

  “It’s a dinner show with limited selections. We have steak, chicken, and salmon,” Kelly replied.

  “I’ll have salmon,” Marilyn said.

  “I’ll have salmon. Maybe the Omega 3 oil will help my memory,” Doc responded.

  “Are you experiencing memory loss, Doc?” Kelly asked.

  “No, I just want to make sure that I remember not to go ‘teddy bear’ again,” he explained.

  Near the end of the meal, Chadwick approached the table with a very somber look. It was obvious that something had gone very wrong.

  “Doc, I’ve got a problem and I don’t know where to turn,” Chadwick said.

  “If it wears a skirt or has wheels, it’s gonna be a problem,” Doc replied.

  “How can we help you, Chadwick?” Marilyn asked in a consoling tone.

  “Our first comedian for the evening didn’t realize that this was a clothing optional resort. He cancelled his performance,” Chadwick explained.

  “What about your other comedian?” Doc asked.

  “His wife went into labor and is having a baby as we speak. He cancelled his performance, too,” he replied.

  “Other than losing the part of the tickets devoted to the comedy show, how does that affect us?” Doc queried.

  “You’re always the life of the party. Can’t you do some comedy? Can’t you sing a few songs?” Chadwick asked.

  “Other than this Long Dong Silver outfit, I can’t imagine that I could pull off a comedy routine. I’m not your guy, Chadwick,” Doc explained.

  “Just get up and talk about your family. Talk about the funny stories about being in a wheelchair. Sing a couple of your dirty songs,” Marilyn implored.

  “I’ll get heckled and booed off the stage!” Doc exclaimed.

  “If you can go a half hour, DJ Ian is on the way to play dance music to fill out the show. We can get by with a lot less complaints,” Chadwick explained.

  “Damn! This is outrageous,” Doc exclaimed.

  “Announce what happened and that he’s filling in at Caliente’s request. I’ll get Mako and Dave to get him on the stage,” Marilyn promised.

  As Chadwick took the stage to make the announcement, Mako Jenkins placed Doc’s wheelchair at the top of the four stairs. Dave McDonald helped Doc navigate the railed stairs and take a seat in the chair.

  While Doc rolled his wheelchair to the center of the stage, the crowd clapped, cheered, whistled, and otherwise encouraged him. Doc hoped that they’d be gentle. This definitely wasn’t karaoke.

  “The real truth is that the other comedians heard that you were a tough crowd and bailed,” Doc said as the crowd cheered and clapped.

  “I’m not as much of a comedian as I am a storyteller. I decided to tell you a little about my brother tonight,” Doc said.

  “My brother is addicted to dating mean and crazy girls. Just when you think he’ll never be able to find one any crazier, he’ll bring in another one and surprise you. He dated one that was so crazy that our mother nicknamed her ‘Old Crazy!’” Doc explained as the crowd laughed and clapped.

  “I love my brother but he’s difficult, self-centered and downright irritating. But despite all that, he finally found one that was only moderately crazy, and they got married. In an effort to improve his attitude, his wife of a couple years threatened that if he didn’t straighten up, he’d be cut-off,” Doc said amidst the laughter.

  “Any of you ever been cut off? If you’ve ever been cut off, raise your hand” Doc said.

  There were a few hands that went in the air amidst the clapping and loud laughter.

  “This room is full of liars. There’s a couple of guys up front that are cut-off tonight,” Doc said pointing randomly into the crowd.

  The clapping and laughter increased, and one heckler yelled, “Have you ever been cut-off?”

  “If I blow this show, I’ll definitely be cut-off tonight,” Doc replied.

  The crowd really broke into loud laughter, clapping, and cheering at that response. Doc thought so far so good.

  Returning to his story line, Doc continued, “When my sister in law threatened my brother with being cut off for his bad attitude, he said, “You’ll have to find out where I’m getting it first!”

  Now the punch line garnered Doc a standing ovation and a riotous response. Even Marilyn laughed and clapped after hearing the story a dozen times over the years.

  “I’ve never dated crazies. They just turned that way after I married them . . . OK, that just got ME cut-off,” Doc explained.

  Needless to say, Doc had the crowd entertained and happy when he was on stage. Doc worried that he’d not be able to keep up the pace for another fifteen minutes.

  “I dated a lot of women in college and afterwards. Marilyn said that I was a man-whore. That’s not true. I’m like Dave McDonald. We’ve both been turned down more often than the sheets at a Holiday Inn,” Doc continued.

  The audience clapped and cheered. Dave stood and took a bow.”

  “You may think it’s a drag being in a wheelchair, but it’s not . . . Do you know the best pickup line if you’re in a wheelchair? You ask a woman if she’s ever had sex with a guy in a wheelchair. Before she can respond, you ask, ‘Do you want to?’” Doc explained and continued to speak above laughter and clapping.

  Let me share some little-known benefits of being in a wheelchair:

  You can have a conversation with a woman and see her titties and face at the same time. She doesn’t catch you moving your eyes or adjusting your head.

  It puts you at touch level. Women have a hard time resisting putting their hands on your shoulders, fixing your collar, or touching your hair. One caveat: Always wear something soft. Get rid of those starched dress shirts!

  They’ll jump at the opportunity to sit in your lap for a slow dance. Hell, if their feet get too tired, they sit in your lap for a fast dance.

  You are always a good candidate for mercy sex! I know. None of you have ever had to resort to mercy sex.

  “When I was younger, I liked the idea of doing the wild thing with a fat girl. Finally, I met this really attractive brunette nurse that was slightly on the husky side. Well, Texas ain’t all that big – at least when you compare it to Alaska,” Doc explained.

  “During dinner she remarked that she was accessible. I didn’t know if she meant her or her apartment, Doc said.

  The crowd had been with Doc for the last twenty- five minutes and he was still providing quality entertainment. He needed another five minutes and a strong ending to hit the proverbial home run.

  “When we got to her apartment, she excused herself and went into the bathroom. In a minute or so she opened the door. She was comple
tely naked and was holding a syringe in her right hand,” Doc explained.

  He continued, “She said, ‘It’s penicillin. It’s just a precaution. I knew you would understand.”

  “I turned this wheelchair on two wheels, threw open the apartment door, and laid rubber all the way across the parking lot. I folded this chair, threw it across the bench seat, fired that mother up, and took off like a bat outta hell! I am cured of wanting to ever date a nurse,” Doc concluded.

  Doc completed his first comic monologue in fine fashion. The crowd was on its feet clapping, cheering, and whistling.

  Chadwick took the stage and said, “Let’s hear it for Doc!”

  Once again, the crowd showed their appreciation for Doc’s monologue. Doc thought to himself that he’d never again wear the Long Dong Silver outfit or fill in for professional comedians again.

  DJ Ian arrived for the last ten minutes of Doc’s routine. As Mako and Dave helped Doc down the stairs and into his wheelchair, Ian started playing Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers.

  Marilyn met Doc on the dance floor and leaped into his lap. He was quite surprised given some of his remarks.

  “I thought I was cut-off,” Doc said.

  “Baby, you are cut-in tonight! I’m taking this seat before someone else tries. We’ll stay for a few songs and round up Gilbert,” Marilyn replied.

  15. Hurricane Party (Part I)

  After a few months at Caliente Resort, guests would often ask Doc what he thought about the resort. He never hesitated with his response. He would always say, “If you aren’t happy at this place, you won’t be happy anywhere.”

  There was ample evidence to support Doc’s conclusion. Tampa has a humid subtropical climate. There is sunshine 300 days a year. Caliente’s year consists of three seasons: Summer, January, and February. Even the first two months of the year see average highs in the lower 70s and average lows in the lower 50s.

  In addition to its clothing optional friendly weather, Caliente has the reputation of being the fun capital of south Florida. There are always several events or activities each week. At the resort and within the community, it is always, “Party On!”