Caliente

by DM Barrett

  Notwithstanding Doc’s opinion, supported by ample evidence, there is one lurking enemy that stalks Tampa Bay from June through November. It rarely appears but has the power, not only to disrupt the fun, but to destroy lives and property. It is a hurricane.

  The last major hurricane to attack the Tampa area was in 1921. It was before the National Weather Service named hurricanes and it is remembered as the Tampa Bay Hurricane of 1921.

  It came ashore as a Category 4 storm with wind gusts of 111 to 129 mph and sustained winds of 75 mph in downtown Tampa. The storm surge was ten to 12 feet. Most of Tampa was flooded, businesses were ruined, and hundreds of homes were destroyed.

  Tampa has had a few near misses and several tropical storms in the following 100 years. But when a watch is issued, local residents and businesses take note.

  At Caliente any prediction of an approaching storm at Category 3 or below gives rise to a Hurricane Party. The resort lies well outside the mandatory evacuation zone so it’s simply hunker down and wait.

  The indoor social event usually lasts 24-36 hours and gives rise to food, drink, and fun activities customized for Caliente residents, members and guests.

  Doc watched the Weather Channel for routine updates regarding Hurricane Dani’s approach. Marilyn packed a couple of duffle bags for the short trip to the Caliente Clubhouse for the Hurricane Party that was set to begin at 5:00 pm.

  Hurricane Dani was set to strike within a 50-mile radius of downtown Tampa. The outer band wind was predicted to be at 20 mph by 7:00 pm with the storm expected to make landfall between 2:00 am and 4:00 am.

  “I’m packing the sleeping bags,” Marilyn shouted from the master bedroom.

  “I thought we were staying at the hotel?” Doc asked.

  “It’s full. But it’ll be more fun staying at the main building,” she replied.

  There was a ring of the doorbell and a rapid knocking on the front door. It could only be one of two people: Dave McDonald or Mako Jenkins.

  Doc opened the door. Mako and Dave yelled, “Surprise!”

  “There’s nothing like a hurricane to bring out the crazies,” Doc opined.

  “David, why are you always rude to your best friends?” Marilyn asked with a scolding tone.

  “Because God made me so good at it,” he replied.

  “Come in, please. Don’t pay any attention to the curmudgeon,” Marilyn instructed.

  “He’s just worried about all those hot women that’ll be at the Hurricane Party wanting to sit in his lap,” Mako said.

  “Yeah, I heard about how two were squirming around in his lap last month and burst his silicone seat cushion,” Dave said.

  “Tell me! Tell me! I didn’t hear about that!” Mako exclaimed.

  Before Dave could respond, Doc asked sarcastically, “Do you want to hear it from this horse’s mouth or that horse’s ass?”

  “I want to hear it from you. It’s almost always better to hear it from you than to have actually been there,” Mako responded.

  “Indeed,” Marilyn said beneath her breath.

  “We were at Club Fiesta on Ladies Night during the Memorial Day Weekend Celebration. DJ Ian thought it would be interesting to slow things down on the dance floor by playing Elvis singing Can’t Help Falling In Love.

  “An attractive middle-aged lady sat down in my lap for a slow dance. Almost immediately, a second beautiful lady, near the same age, scooted the first lady to the side and sat down, too,” Doc explained.

  “Were they hot? Did you fondle them?” Mako asked.

  “That’s exactly why no woman would ever set in your lap in a wheelchair,” Doc replied.

  “You could loan me you chair, and we could do some research,” Mako offered.

  “It wouldn’t take a half hour of you being in this chair before you’d grope some woman and get kicked out of the clubhouse for thirty days,” Doc said.

  “Ignore him and continue with you story, Doc,” Dave McDonald suggested.

  “The two ladies seated in my lap were doing fine. They were even giving me hugs and pecks on the cheeks,” Doc explained.

  “I didn’t know that,” Marilyn remarked.

  “You were listening to nautical tales from your boat captain friend,” Doc retorted.

  “Were the tales hot and sexy? Did they really turn you on?” Mako asked in rapid succession.

  “Mako, if you don’t hush, I’m going to gag you!” Dave said sternly.

  “Before the song ended, a young, very petite, four-foot, nine-inch, ninety-pound, Canadian blonde decided she could fit in the middle,” Doc said before again being interrupted.

  “That’s when it happened. That’s when that cushion squirted and slimed your chair. I just know it! That’s when it happened!” Mako said excitedly.

  “The silicone cushion ruptured, silicone jell covered the inside back of the wheelchair and my ass, and one of the older women yelled, ‘We made him squirt! We made Doc squirt!’” he reported.

  At that point Mako was laughing uncontrollably and so was Dave. Doc showed little emotion.

  When the laughter subsided, Doc said, “Marilyn, tell these two friends the rest of the story.”

  “I came over to see what had happened. Because I had been talking to James, I suppose they thought I was Doc’s sister or daughter. One of the women handed me a note and said, “Here’s my cell phone number. That other lady is my sister. Have him call us. We’d like to buy him breakfast tomorrow morning.”

  I said, “That’s really nice. I will tell him.”

  “She said, ‘He’ll need a little nourishment after a night with us’,” Marilyn reported.

  “Oh this thing just gets better and better! Did you give them a night to remember, Doc?” Mako queried.

  “When they walked away, Marilyn said, ‘David, I don’t mind you enjoying yourself, but I’m not going to be a secretary for your bitches,” Doc replied.

  Needless to say, the two men were back in belly laugh mode with Doc beginning to get slightly irritated. Marilyn even giggled, too.

  When the laughter again subsided, Doc said, “It took about two hours to get that silicone off the wheelchair and my ass. I ordered and new dense foam cushion that is guaranteed to be bitch proof!”

  “I’ll be telling this story at the Hurricane Party,” Mako promised.

  “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, why are you two here anyway?” Doc asked.

  “We’re here to relocate your ham radio station and outdoor weather station to the clubhouse,” Dave explained.

  “Who wants that done?” Marilyn asked.

  “It’s directly from Steve Riley. He said he’s not taking any chances on Hurricane Dani,” Mako said.

  “It’ll take about 30 minutes to disconnect everything and then set up a portable station in the main building,” Doc said.

  “What do we need to do?” Dave asked.

  “You need to hold the step ladder while Mako removes the Weather Station from the edge of the house. We’ll take the ICOM 7700, the chrome lollipop microphone, the chrome CW key, and the large rectangular color monitor. I will disconnect everything while you handle the weather station,” Doc instructed.

  The job went faster than expected and within 15 minutes they were ready to load equipment. Dave had already secured the weather station in the back seat of his Ford Explorer.

  “Dave, I want you to take the ICOM 7700 and Mako can take the rest with him,” Doc instructed.

  “I wanted to take the radio. I wanted to turn that big knob,” Mako whined.

  “You have the innate ability to destroy a steel door. You are not playing with a $6000 piece of equipment,” Doc said bluntly.

  “Can I play with that knob sometime tonight?” Mako asked.

  “The only knob you’re authorized to play with is that one that peeks out past those four rings,” Doc replied.

  * * *

  The last thing to do after the radio equipment had been relocated and positioned was to connect the coaxial fee
d line to the Horizon 8006 vertical antenna. Although the amateur radio Hurricane net was only monitoring the 20 meter and 80-meter bands, the Horizon antenna made all ham bands from 2 meters through 80 meters available.

  “What else can we do?” Steve Riley asked.

  “We need to make sure the antenna is secured to the outside railing, and duct tape that 50-foot feed line around the baseboard so no one will catch a fall,” Doc responded.

  Steve Riley motioned for two security guards to perform the tasks mentioned by Doc. The two black uniformed guards nodded and proceeded to follow the instructions.

  “Is there anything else you can think of?” Steve inquired.

  “If Mako Jenkins comes near this equipment, have him arrested and executed,” Doc instructed.

  “Understood,” Steve replied.

  “David, you are just mean and rude to Mako,” Marilyn responded.

  “Imagine how he’d be if I was kind and gentle,” Doc replied.

  “The man has a point, Marilyn,” Dave McDonald remarked.

  * * *

  Mako arrived at 6:00 pm in his golf cart at 69 Sand Hill Crane Drive to take Doc, Marilyn, and their three duffle bags to the main building. Two of the bags weighed about 30 pounds each but the third duffle bag was pushing 70 pounds.

  “Are the family jewels in this bag?” Mako asked as he struggled to load the bag into the cart.

  Doc pointed to his crotch and said, “The family jewels are here and safely away from you.”

  “I resent you suggesting that I prefer men over women,” Mako said.

  “I am suggesting that you are not trustworthy to get near my valuables,” Doc said.

  “You won’t even let me twist that big knob tonight. Steve Riley told me what you said,” Mako announced.

  “I’ll make a deal with you about that,” Doc said.

  “Will you? Will you really do that for me?” Mako inquired intently.

  “I’ll let you hold the microphone and squeeze it when I need to talk,” Doc said.

  “Oh that’s great! I can do that without any problem,” Mako said.

  “He’s probably had a lot of experience squeezing things,” Marilyn said with a giggle.

  “No doubt,” Doc said.

  “Now you’ve got Marilyn picking on me. You’re just mean to me,” Mako responded.

  “Are you expecting to key that microphone tonight or not?” Doc asked.

  “You are one of the kindest, gentlest, and finest men I have ever met. You are truly a caring individual,” Mako replied.

  “Marilyn, remind me to have security bring a second chair to the station so Mako can sit beside me when necessary,” Doc instructed.

  “Do you need me to ask them for anything else?” Marilyn inquired.

  “Check if they have an extra shock collar,” Doc said with a chuckle.

  Mako thought to himself, “That man is just plain mean. He’s a tyrant . . . But I get to play with the radio tonight!”

  As the three made their way to the clubhouse for the Hurricane Party, Mako broke the silence by asking, “What’s really in that heavy duffel bag?”

  “Slut wear, shoes, and jewelry,” Doc replied.

  “Marilyn, why do you need so much of that stuff?” Mako asked.

  “The party could last a long time. It could be two days. I need to keep fresh and exciting,” she responded.

  “She is like that song by Kool & The Gang, “Fresh”, that says,

  ‘She’s fresh, fresh, exciting. So inviting to me,’” Doc said.

  “Me too,” Mako responded.

  “You are such as sweet man,” Marilyn said.

  “Please tell that to Doc regularly,” Mako pleaded.

  Doc ignored the comment as the golf cart stopped at the front entrance. The trio was met by Gilbert.

  “It’s supposed to start raining and the wind blowing within the hour,” Gilbert said.

  “We going to be QRV or on the air in about ten minutes,” Doc responded.

  “Steve has a large monitor and computer set up near that radio station. You can see the readings from the weather station and use the computer if you need it,” Gilbert reported.

  “Did Dave McDonald bring the two deep cycle marine batteries and a charger for emergency backup?” Doc asked as he moved from the cart to his wheelchair.

  “Yes, and there’s battery backup on the monitor and computer, too,” he responded.

  “Is there a place for us to sleep tonight?” Marilyn asked.

  “Sleep? I thought with that third duffle bag of slut wear and accessories that you’d party all night,” Doc opined.

  “I was asking for you dear. It’s been a long time since you were able to pull an all-nighter,” Marilyn replied.

  “We’re putting you on the floor behind the small bar near the dance floor,” he responded.

  “That’s great!” Marilyn remarked.

  “What do I need to do about Mako? Should I cuff him now as a preventive measure or wait till he really gets in trouble?” Gilbert asked.

  “I’ll get a couple of the older women to keep an eye on him. If you happen to see one or two middle school teachers, send them in my direction,” Doc instructed.

  “See, Marilyn, he’s turning the whole world against me,” Mako whined.

  Marilyn hugged Mako and quietly whispered in his ear, “Don’t screw up.”

  DJ Ian had arrived at Club Fiesta and was playing music. Several couples were dancing. Others were in the booths or the tables and having food and drink.

  The big screen monitor read as follows:

  7:00 pm DJ Ian plays your favorite tunes.

  8:00 pm Pole Dance Contest

  9:00 pm Lust Fashion Show

  10:00 pm Adult Pinata Break

  10:30 pm Between The Legs Bowling

  11:00 pm Show Your Coconuts & Shake Your Booty

  Midnight Onward: Activities Are Weather Dependent TBA

  Note: A two-minute silent break will be taken on the hour and half hour for weather reports.

  “I’m so excited! I’ve never been to a Hurricane Party!” Marilyn exclaimed.

  “I’ll be excited if Hurricane Dani makes landfall anywhere within 100 miles of Tampa,” Mako said.

  “What will get you excited, David?” Marilyn asked.

  “Knowing that I may end up having three free meals off Steve Riley for setting up a Hurricane Watch Station here,” Doc said with a large smile.

  “That’s more fun than having sex in the rain,” Mako remarked.

  “No, it’s not,” Marilyn opined.

  16. Hurricane Party (Part II)

  “Mako, we are going on the air for the Hurricane net. Let’s bring up the station,” Doc said.

  Doc rolled toward the storage room to the right of the large dance floor and behind the side bar in Club Fiesta. They closed to door to keep out the music and crowd noise and began bringing up the amateur radio station.

  Doc turned on the transceiver, set the band switch to 80 meters, and chose LSB as the type of transmission for the event. Mako waited patiently to play a role in the station’s operation.

  “Mako, our purpose is to serve as a ground reporting station to help provide real time weather information such as wind speed, barometric pressure readings, and rainfall when requested. We are not broadcasting. We are not in control of the Hurricane Watch Net.”

  “I understand,” Mako replied solemnly.

  “See that big knob?” Doc asked.

  Mako nodded affirmatively.

  “Turn it until it reaches 3.815 MHz on that large display,” Doc instructed.

  Mako slowly turned the VFO as instructed and exclaimed, “I hear people talking!”

  “That’s net control, the operator in charge, taking check-ins and reports from stations like us,” Doc explained.

  “Are there any stations in or near the Tampa Bay area?” the man from National Hurricane Watch asked.

  Mako gently squeezed the bar on the long handled silver lollipop s
tyle microphone as Doc said, “W4SRX portable, Tampa, Florida.”

  “W4SRX acknowledged. Report,” the gentleman instructed.

  “Wind speed 25 mph sustained with gusts to 35 mph, pressure 29.25, rain fall .20 inches. W4SRX,” Doc reported.

  “Next station in the Tampa area,” he said.

  Doc lowered the volume and looked at Mako. He was not smiling but had a stern look on his face.

  “Did you soil yourself, Mako?” Doc asked with a chuckle.

  “This is real. There’s a hurricane coming. People are depending on us to get vital information out so the National Weather Service can track the path of the storm and warn the public,” Mako said.

  “That is why you can’t just turn knobs, press buttons, and play with the station. You have to be licensed, trained, and prepared for these type things. But, most of the time it’s still a fun hobby that permits communication with other hams worldwide,” Doc said.

  “What do we do next?” Mako asked.

  “We watch the pole dance contest and keep an eye on those TV monitors around the club. If there are any significant changes, we’ll be back in here with the information,” Doc instructed.

  When Doc and Mako left the makeshift radio room, Ian requested that participants for the pole dance contest line up near the stage. The ladies began making their way past the dance floor to the base of the stage.

  “What do you think it takes to win the contest?” Marilyn asked.

  “The lady who winds this contest will be strong, athletic, and dance slow and erotically,” Doc said.

  Mako added, “She needs to act like she’s making love to that pole. She needs to be able to shimmy up and down that pole like it’s a big . . .”

  “Mako!” Doc exclaimed interrupting his next few words.

  Doc continued, “Like you’re making love in a weightless environment.”

  “Exactly,” Mako said in agreement.

  “That would take a lot of practice,” Marilyn remarked.

  The trio watched as each of the twelve contestants gave DJ Ian their song selections and readied themselves for their dances. Ian instructed that they would each be given two minutes of music to perform their routines.

  There were varying degrees of skill exhibited in the contest, but only three ladies were real professionals. They definitely understood how to hold your attention.