‘Ready when you are, Kerry,’ James said, as he leaned into the room.
Female jaws dropped as Kerry gasped. ‘James, you’re not going dressed like that! Where’s your suit?’
James pointed at his thighs. ‘I’ve still got stitches in my legs from when I fell down that cliff. The only things I can put on without killing myself are baggy shorts or extra large trackies.’
‘Well at least put on a proper jacket and tie,’ Lauren suggested.
‘I tried but it makes me look like a mental patient,’ James said. ‘Sportswear and formal don’t mix.’
‘You could have bought some looser trousers when we went shopping,’ Kerry said, before sighing noisily.
James tutted. ‘Unlike some people I haven’t been planning my wedding outfit for three months and I’m buggered if I’m spending money on something I’ll only wear once. The dress suits you by the way. Nobody’s even going to look at me when you’re so stunning.’
Disarmed by the compliment, Kerry broke into a smile. ‘I suppose you’re colour co-ordinated, at least.’
Rat tugged at the tie around his neck. ‘Well if James doesn’t have to wear one …’
Lauren killed Rat’s mutiny with a swift cuff around the back of the head. ‘Oh yes you will wear it,’ she growled. ‘If I’ve got to wear this stupid dress all day, you can wear a collar and tie.’
‘You look really nice, Lauren,’ Amy assured her.
Lauren perched a hat on her head as she slid her feet into a pair of ballet pumps. ‘And as for this bloody thing…’
‘It looks like you’ve got the wedding cake on your head,’ James grinned.
A couple of the boys laughed, but Lauren looked upset and turned towards Bethany.
‘I told you this hat didn’t suit me. That’s it. I’m not wearing it.’
Bethany gave James the evil eye. ‘Lauren, it looks great. I mean, are you really going to take fashion tips from a boy who’s going to a wedding wearing Nikes and the bottom half of a Primark tracksuit?’
‘If we want decent seats we’ve got to move now,’ Gabrielle said, as she glanced at her watch.
There was a mini panic as girls searched the room for hats and Kerry accidentally put on one of Bethany’s shoes. Three more girls emerged from Kerry’s bathroom and James reckoned that the only way so many could have fitted in there was if some had been standing in the bathtub.
‘Just going for a quick piss,’ Bruce said as he headed into Kerry’s bathroom.
A scream went up as he stepped in and saw a girl sitting on the toilet with her dress gathered up and her knickers around her ankles.
‘Get out!’ she yelled.
Bruce turned bright red as he backed out and wished he could have come up with a smart line to diffuse his embarrassment.
Out in the corridor James smiled as Kyle emerged from his old room. He was immaculately dressed in a tight fitting blue suit, with flared trousers, a matching trilby hat, a wooden cane and a pair of huge Elvis-style aviator sunglasses.
‘Kyle that is so awesome,’ Kerry grinned, grabbing him by the arm. ‘James can stay at the back, I’m strutting my funky stuff with you.’
‘This is style,’ Gabrielle said, pointing accusingly at the boys as she took Kyle’s other arm. ‘This is how you should all look.’
Dante shook his head and tutted as he walked down the corridor alongside James. ‘I know you said Kyle’s your mate,’ he said cautiously. ‘But that is the gayest outfit I’ve ever seen.’
Dante had gone from basic training on to one of the longest missions in CHERUB history, so he barely knew Kyle.
‘Kyle is gay,’ James explained. ‘You think I’d let him walk off with my girl on his arm if he was straight?’
Kerry saw the crowd waiting for the next lift and decided to slip her heels off and walk the six floors down to the ground floor. The whole group followed and joined a mass of bodies leaving through the rear of the main building and heading along the gravel path towards the chapel.
On a normal day James would have known every face on campus, but weddings were always an excuse for a campus reunion and today there were three hundred retired CHERUB agents and former staff on the grounds.
James shouted at Kerry, as she walked five metres ahead of him. ‘Oi darling, do you think we’ll get married on campus some day?’
Kerry snorted. ‘Who says I’m marrying you?’
There were a few laughs. James looked down and noticed the black scorch marks where his hand-built racing buggy had crashed and burned out eighteen months earlier. Two middle-aged women stood on the grass pointing towards the upper floors of the main building.
‘I remember it all being built,’ one woman said. ‘That was my room at the end of the sixth floor. And in those days all the boys were up on the seventh and the top floor was mission preparation.’
More nostalgia, James thought to himself as he looked across at Amy. She was twenty-one and looked stunning in her strapless dress. But she’d lost the mystique she’d held six years earlier, when James was a new recruit and Amy seemed like an impossibly sophisticated and experienced black shirt.
These days Amy worked as a bodyguard, Kyle was a university student with a part-time job in a nightclub, while fearsome instructor Norman Large guarded frozen chickens in Asda. The prospect of life after CHERUB had never seemed duller and James felt depressed as he approached the rows of white plastic chairs on the lawn in front of the chapel.
A hundred and fifty specially selected guests would be crammed inside the small campus chapel. The rest would sit outside and watch the ceremony on a large video screen. If it had been raining, the chairs and screen would have been in the hall in the main building.
Kerry left an empty seat for James, but as he shuffled between the rows he was hailed by Meryl Spencer. His former handler had just been promoted to Chief Handler, which meant she was now in charge of campus life for every qualified CHERUB agent.
‘Whatever it is, I’m innocent,’ James grinned, as he stepped up to Meryl in the main aisle between the chairs.
‘Cuts healing OK?’ Meryl asked.
James nodded. ‘Stitches out Monday. Hopefully I’ll be able to wear some decent clothes after that.’
‘You get on well with Joshua Asker and some of the other little red shirts, don’t you?’
‘Yeah. I’ve helped out with their swimming lessons and stuff.’
‘Great,’ Meryl smiled. ‘We’ve got a couple of carers up the back who’ve worked with Isaac for a long time. They really deserve to be inside the chapel, but they’re stuck out back keeping an eye on the little red-shirt boys. Would you mind sitting back and keeping an eye out so they can go inside?’
‘Course,’ James nodded. ‘Just the boys?’
‘Every girl aged between three and eight is a bridesmaid,’ Meryl explained. ‘All thirteen of them.’
The five little boys were fidgety so they’d deliberately been placed at the back. They looked cute dressed in matching shoes and jackets, though the littlest one was barely three and he’d already thrown off his tie and shoes.
Five-year-old Joshua Asker sidled up to James with a huge grin on his face.
‘Can we do swimming again now you’re back?’ he asked eagerly.
James raised one eyebrow and shook his head. ‘You’re too smelly.’
‘You’re smelly,’ Joshua shouted back noisily, before erupting with laughter and flicking James’ arm.
A few people looked around, including Joshua’s mum, Zara. As CHERUB Chairwoman, she’d be giving away the bride.
‘Behave, Joshua,’ Zara said firmly.
Joshua pointed at James. ‘He called me smelly first.’
As Zara shushed Joshua a white Rolls-Royce emerged into the avenue of trees that led up toward the chapel. A few warm-up blasts from the organist came through the loudspeakers and everyone sitting outside swivelled around as the car stopped.
‘I can’t see,’ one of the little boys moaned, as Chloe
Blake stepped out of the car. The army of little bridesmaids gathered behind her in pale lemon dresses. Joshua put his lips against James’ arm and puffed his cheeks out to blow a big raspberry.
‘I wouldn’t,’ James warned. ‘Your mum will kill you.’
Joshua raised his eyebrows thoughtfully before taking his lips away from James and sitting back in his chair. The giant video screen came to life, showing Isaac standing nervously at the altar. Chloe was a couple of metres behind James. She had too much make-up on and looked like she wasn’t completely sure of what she was about to do.
‘Please be standing for the arrival of the bride,’ the vicar announced from inside.
Chloe and Zara linked arms and paced slowly between the lines of plastic chairs to the sound of Here Comes the Bride.
8. BOPPING
James hadn’t been looking forward to the wedding, but after the tedium of the ceremony he’d started enjoying himself. He’d stood in the afternoon sun playing plastic-bat-and-sponge-ball cricket with the little kids and a few mates while the wedding photos were taken, then he and Kerry had escorted seven retired agents on a tour of campus’ newer facilities.
Most of the tour group were in their thirties or forties. James and Kerry swapped mission stories and campus anecdotes with these old-timers. James took a healthy interest in what they’d all done after leaving campus. Everyone seemed to agree that adjustment to ordinary life after the specialness of being a CHERUB agent was difficult. One bearded man even confessed that he’d found university boring, tried to compensate by using cocaine and narrowly avoided prison after getting caught up in a drug deal.
But the overall picture was encouraging. Even accounting for the party atmosphere, the group seemed like a happy bunch, with families and good jobs. Even the guy who’d narrowly avoided prison pulled out his wallet and showed James a photo of his three daughters, five cats and a hot Danish wife.
‘You don’t get into CHERUB unless you’re in the top one or two per cent,’ the bearded guy explained. ‘The education on campus is outstanding, they’ll make sure you get a top university place and the campus welfare department will support you emotionally and financially after you leave. So there’s no need to look so anxious.’
James grimaced. ‘Is it that obvious I’m worried about leaving?’
‘It’s etched in every line on your face,’ the man smiled. ‘But you need to think about all the other kids your age who haven’t got half the advantages you’ve got.’
Once the tour was over, James and Kerry put their arms around each other’s backs and took a slow stroll back towards the main building.
‘If I go to university in America, will you definitely come too?’ James asked.
Kerry sounded a little terse. ‘I’ll definitely think about it. But…’
‘But what? You said you liked the idea of America.’
‘Why don’t we take it slowly?’ Kerry asked. ‘We’ve not been back together all that long and you’ve been on a mission for most of that time.’
‘Kerry, I’ve got to start making decisions. I really fancy living in California. The intelligence service has a long-term deal with quite a few countries. My post CHERUB identity can be British, Australian, American, Canadian. Pretty much anything I like as long as I can speak the language.’
‘Make your decisions,’ Kerry said softly. ‘I don’t really know what I want to do when I leave, so do what you think is best for yourself. If we’re still together when I leave CHERUB next summer, I’m sure we’ll find a way of working everything out.’
‘I guess,’ James said, before sighing sadly. ‘Kerry Chang, always the sensible one …’
*
‘I love you baybeeee!’ Kerry sang boisterously as she danced frantically in the main hall.
It was past midnight and the room was heaving. Little kids who’d spent the night chasing around were crashed out along the side walls. Older kids were still going strong, with an epic boy vs. girl water fight, while the teenagers and adults sat around the tables talking, or bopped to cheesy music on the dance floor.
‘James, get up!’ Kerry demanded, and grabbed his wrist.
James and everyone else around the table laughed as Kerry stumbled backwards and lost her footing in a puddle of spilled booze.
‘You’ve had too much champagne,’ James smiled, as he pointed at Amy. ‘Give us a minute to get my breath. I’ve just been dancing with her.’
Kerry put her hands on her hips. ‘Oh you can dance with her, but not me?’ she said jokingly. ‘OK, who wants to dance with me then? Shak, you up for it?’
But Shak was at the far side of the table with his arm around Gabrielle and didn’t even look around.
‘Ignore me then ya bastard!’ Kerry shouted, as she gave Shak the finger. ‘Kyle, how about you? You’re a good dancer.’
‘Why don’t you sit down for a minute,’ James suggested. ‘Drink some water and catch your breath. You’re gonna have one hell of a hangover in the morning.’
‘BLAGH!’ Kerry hiccupped. ‘I’m not drunk. Kyle, get your arse out of that chair.’
Kyle gave James a sort of I suppose I’d better look before letting Kerry drag him on to the dance floor as Dancing Queen by Abba started playing.
‘That’s my song!’ Gabrielle shouted, stepping over James with her insect thin legs.
She dragged the much chubbier Shakeel behind and he knocked into the table spilling several drinks. At the same moment, Bethany was coming across from the table where she’d been sitting with Lauren and their crowd and grabbed Bruce.
‘Gotta circulate,’ Amy said, and she stood up, leaving James on his own.
James didn’t mind at first. He drank half a bottle of water and laughed as he saw Jake Parker, Kevin Sumner and a couple of their mates sneaking past on the grass outside armed with water-filled balloons. But after a few minutes he started feeling lonely and stood up, looking for a conversation.
Lauren was sitting with Rat a few tables along, but James didn’t have anything to say to them. He thought about sitting down again, but his shirt was drenched with sweat so he decided to head out and grab some fresh air.
As he edged around the outside of the dance floor he walked straight into his ex-girlfriend Dana Smith. She wore ripped jeans and a giant baggy smock, and sat with a couple of shaggy-haired blokes, who James vaguely remembered from his early days on campus.
‘Look who it ain’t!’ Dana said.
James put on a false smile. ‘Hey … Good to catch up. How’s art college?’
‘All right,’ Dana replied. She closed in on James and whispered in his ear. ‘Fancy a roll in the hay for old times’ sake? I’ve got some great spliff in my bag.’
‘Love to,’ James said. ‘But Kerry might kill me, and err … I’ve got to meet someone outside.’
James shuddered as he hurried away from Dana. He could hardly believe that he’d gone out with her for eleven months and been in love with her for at least three of them. Dana was quite butch, she didn’t get on with any of James’ mates and she always wore battered old Converse trainers that made her feet stink. On the other hand, she had boobs like basketballs and he missed them dearly.
James stepped out through the fire exit into the night air. He felt slightly drunk as he moved aimlessly between the smokers gathered around the door, then almost tripped over Dante, who was making out with some random younger girl who appeared to be wearing net curtain.
‘Get a room you dirty bugger,’ James laughed, and swiped the unopened Budweiser can on the grass besides Dante. ‘You’re too young for this. I’m confiscating it.’
Dante looked up as James started drinking the beer. His eyes flashed with anger, but he was more interested in getting his hands up a party dress than arguing with James.
It was spring and the wind had a bite that chilled the sweat on James’ back. He kept walking aimlessly into the night until he could barely hear the pounding music inside the hall. Some girls screamed as Kevin and Jake launc
hed their water-balloon ambush and two red shirts protested that they weren’t tired as they got marched off to bed by one of the carers.
James squatted down on a tree stump and tipped his head back to drink some of the tepid beer. He’d barely moved ten minutes later when he spotted Kyle helping Kerry out through the fire door. She’d abandoned her heels, but was wobbly even on bare feet.
‘You OK?’ James asked, jogging across the grass towards them.
‘She said she feels sick,’ Kyle explained, as Kerry hung off his arm.
‘It’s all the rich food,’ Kerry slurred.
James smiled. ‘Four glasses of champagne and the illicit supply of Bacardi Breezers in the girls’ bathroom can’t have helped.’
‘I think we’d better take you up to your room,’ Kyle said gently.
‘I’m just dehydrated,’ Kerry said, as she shook her head. ‘Just give me a … oh god …’
James jumped back as Kerry spewed up in the grass between her feet. Kyle was closer and looked horrified as the puke spattered his shoes.
‘Sorry,’ Kerry said, gasping tearfully.
As Kyle dashed inside to grab some water for Kerry to wash out her mouth, she crashed into James’ arms and started to sob.
‘You’ll be OK,’ James said soothingly, and gently rubbed Kerry’s back. ‘Better out than in, eh?’
After she’d rinsed her mouth, James suggested to Kerry that she go back to her room. She looked sad at the idea of leaving the party, but she was pale and shivery.
‘You go ahead,’ James told Kyle. ‘Open the doors and keep lookout for any staff. She’ll get punishment laps if they see her this drunk.’
‘It’s something I ate,’ Kerry protested, as James grabbed her around the waist and threw her over his shoulder.
‘Tell me if you feel sick again,’ James said, as he started to walk. ‘Don’t you dare spew on me.’
Kerry found this prospect mildly amusing. ‘I love your arms,’ she sang, as James carried her the long way around the outside of the main building. ‘Big manly arms, carrying little Kerry.’
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