Broken Dreams (Spiraling Book 2)

by H. L. Karhoff

  “So, he does?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “But he does.” I slumped into the car seat.

  “Yeah.” Carter nodded. “Jake told him right after he got back.”

  I stared at the floorboard. “Why did he defend me, then? When Jeremiah said that stuff. Why did he defend me if he thinks it’s true?”

  “Dev’s hated Jeremiah since they met. He doesn’t like the way Jeremiah throws his weight around. Honestly, if it hadn’t been about you, they would have got in a fight about something else, eventually. You picked a real winner to cheat on him with.”

  I scowled at Carter. “For the record, I didn’t sleep with Jeremiah. He took me home right after we all got back to Jake’s house. I won’t lie and say I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t have, but I didn’t sleep with him.”

  Carter chewed the inside of his lip.

  “So, the next time you talk to Devon, you can tell him that,” I said.

  “Or you could tell him,” he replied.

  “As much good as that would do.”

  “You know.” Carter took a deep breath. “A lot of your two’s problems would be solved if you’d both grow up and talk to each other instead of getting inside your own heads and making everything worse.”

  “How am I making things worse?” I demanded. “He’s the one that can’t just ask me if something is true or not.”

  “Why should he?” Carter snapped back. “You won’t tell him the truth.”

  “Oh, don’t even. I don’t lie to Devon.”

  “You should have told him about Jeremiah first thing, before anybody else could tell him, but you didn’t. That’s the same as lying.”

  “I didn’t want him to hate me.”

  “He couldn’t hate you if he tried.”

  “I doubt that,” I said.

  “Think about it,” Carter replied. “You cheated on him. You can color it any way you want, but that’s what happened. And he still got his ass kicked for you. So, no, he couldn’t.”

  I didn’t respond, letting Carter’s words digest. He stared out the windshield as we continued toward the trailer. James had taken my car keys again. Since I’d gotten it, the car had spent more time in the garage than on the road, and I wondered if my dad knew he hadn’t given me a gift so much as one more thing for James to take away.

  Like most nights, cars filled the trailer’s yard. Carter backed in beside Devon’s truck and shut off the engine. When he got out, I lingered behind. I didn’t want to face Devon knowing he thought I slept with someone else.

  What difference does it make? He’s known the whole time. Nothing’s changed except now I know he knows.

  I opened the door. Dread filled my heart as I trudged up the porch steps. Carter didn’t wait for me to go inside, leaving me standing on the porch until I stoked up the courage to follow. The knob turned easily in my hand, but the door felt hard to open.

  Devon stood beside the kitchen doorway, a cigarette in one hand and beer in the other. I smiled at anyone that greeted me as I approached him. My heart raced. Knowing he knew changed everything. Guilt slammed into me the second his eyes met mine.

  “Hey, baby doll,” he said, a hint of irritation in his voice.

  “Can we talk?” I glanced around the room. “Somewhere else?”

  “Sure.” He held the cigarette in the corner of his mouth, put his arm around me, and led me through the kitchen to his room. “What’s going on?”

  I did my best to keep my voice steady, but anxiety and fear clutched my throat. “We need to talk about what happened with me and Jeremiah.”

  Devon didn’t look at me. He set the beer on his dresser, dropping the end of his cigarette into the bottle. “Let’s not.”

  “But—”

  “I already know about you and him, Tori. I don’t need the details.” He pulled the cigarettes from his pocket. “What pissed me off is you lied to me about it.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s just . . . you were gone for a long time and I didn’t know if you were ever coming back and I felt like I was all alone, and he was super nice to me and—”

  “He was nice to you?” Devon yelled.

  I jumped. Looking at the floor, I rubbed my arms. “I’m sorry.”

  “You said that already.” He scoffed.

  Tears wet my cheeks. I sniffed back snot and wiped my face with the back of my hand. “It was a mistake. I realized it as soon as I kissed him.”

  Devon flinched.

  “But that’s all I did. I swear.”

  “So, what happens the next time some guy is nice to you?” he asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Sure about that?”

  “Yes.” I sniffled. “If I learned anything from what happened with Jeremiah, it’s that I don’t want anyone else. I love you.”

  He stared at me, studying my face. I hoped he could see I meant what I said. He lifted his hand to my cheek. I closed my eyes as his fingertips brushed my skin.

  “I love you, too, baby doll.”

  I sobbed. He wrapped his arms around me, smoothing my hair and kissing the top of my head. I squeezed him tight, thankful he hadn’t asked me to leave, but terrified he still would. There was a difference in the way he held me. He ran his hand over my hair more like a friend offering comfort than a lover showing affection. I wanted him to crush me against himself, hold me so tight I could barely breathe, but the tighter I clung to him, the more he felt indifferent in response.

  Thirty-Four

  “Hello?” Carter answered the phone.

  “Hey, Carter,” I replied. “Is Devon there?”

  “Yeah. He’s asleep.”

  “Seriously?” I huffed.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Yeah. I’m stuck in Clarington. He said he’d pick me up an hour ago.”

  “Why are you in Clarington?” Carter asked.

  “I had art class today. Devon said he’d be here to give me a ride home at three.”

  “Oh. Well, I can try to wake Dev up.”

  “Could you?” I rolled my eyes, annoyed.

  “I’ll be back.” The phone went silent. After a few minutes, Carter returned to the line. “I guess I’ll come pick you up. He’s out cold.”

  “Thank you, Carter.” I hung up the pay phone and leaned against the side of the booth.

  “Sorry about that, Tori,” Carter said after I’d climbed into the passenger side of his Oldsmobile. “He didn’t tell me he was supposed to pick you up.”

  “It’s okay,” I replied. “It’s not your fault.”

  “You coming out to the trailer?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I was supposed to be home at four.”

  Carter dropped me off in front of my house and continued down the street. I skulked inside, hoping to take out my frustrations on a piece of canvas, but my family had other plans. Mom and James stood on opposite sides of the front room yelling at each other, the baby wailed from his bassinet, and the twins pulled stuffing out of the couch pillows and tossed it into the air.

  I tried to sneak past the chaos unseen. That was too much to ask for, however. James spotted me and redirected his anger in a flash.

  “Where the hell have you been?” he demanded.

  “At the Philmont,” I answered.

  “What were you doing there?”

  “The summer art program I got accepted to. I’ve been doing it all week.”

  “And you’re just now getting home?”

  “Yeah. You took my car, so Chris dropped me off this morning. He was busy this afternoon, so I asked someone else to give me a ride home, but they flaked.”

  “Who brought you home?” Mom asked.

  “Carter,” I answered. “I tried to call here, but nobody answered, so I called his house.”

  “Who was supposed to pick you up?” James asked.

  “Maimy,” I answered.

  “That’s weird,” Mom said. “If Maimy was supposed to pick y
ou up, why did she call a little while ago looking for you?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I guess she forgot she was supposed to give me a ride.”

  “Do you really expect us to believe that?” James huffed.

  “It’s the truth,” I answered. “She forgot. It happens.”

  “Watch your language, young lady.” James scowled.

  “What? I said ‘it.’ I. T.”

  “Don’t give me that attitude.”

  “Jesus Christ,” I whispered under my breath. “Can’t I do anything right?”

  “Hey!” James took a long step toward me. “You’d better watch it. I’m done with this thinking you can do whatever you want and get away with it. Lying, smoking, staying out all night. It’s going to stop.”

  “I don’t smoke,” I said.

  “Bullshit,” he retorted. “When your mother did laundry, she smelled tobacco on your clothes.”

  “Yeah, right. Mom did laundry.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Mom snapped.

  “Nothing.” I sighed.

  “If you’ve got something to say, say it,” she ordered.

  “You knew my clothes smelled like smoke,” I said. “It was from that night you told me to go change because I’d been sitting in the smoking section at Twyla’s and I stank like an ashtray. Remember?”

  “That was weeks ago.”

  “Well, I haven’t done laundry in a while.”

  “I know. That’s why I had to do it today.”

  “You haven’t done any of your chores in a while.” James spoke over my mother. “That’s another thing that’s going to stop around here. You don’t go anywhere until you have all your chores done.”

  “I guess I’m not going anywhere,” I grumbled.

  “Little girl, you’d better get that mouth of yours under control.” James stomped toward me.

  “Or what?”

  James’ face turned a brighter shade of red than I’d ever seen. “That’s it. Instead of getting your car back this weekend, it’s staying in the garage another week. And then I’ll decide if you’ve earned the right to have it back.”

  “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to my room.” I started toward the stairs.

  “I’m not done talking to you.”

  “I’m done listening,” I retorted.

  James grabbed my arm and spun me around. “You listen here, young lady. You will not walk away when I’m talking to you again.”

  “Okay.” I tried to pull my arm out of his grasp.

  “I’ve had it with your mouth. You will show me respect. Do you hear me?”

  “Okay.” I nodded. “Can I go now?”

  James released my arm. I backed away, ran upstairs, and slammed my bedroom door. Throwing myself on the bed, I picked up my phone. I wanted to hear Devon’s soft voice tell me things weren’t as bad as they seemed.

  “Hello?” a boy answered after I dialed Chase’s number.

  “Is Devon there?” I asked.

  “Just a sec,” the boy replied. “Hey, D. There’s a chick on the phone for you.”

  “Who is it?” Devon yelled in the background.

  “Who is it?” The boy spoke into the receiver.

  “Tori.” I twirled the phone cord around my finger.

  “Tori,” the boy echoed louder.

  “Tell her I’m not here,” Devon said.

  I didn’t wait for the boy to repeat the words. Dropping the phone into its cradle, I pulled my legs into my chest and bawled. Maybe things were as bad as they seemed.

  I swirled a fry in the glob of ketchup on my plate. Across the table, Jake and Maimy giggled. I glared at them without lifting my head. They couldn’t go three seconds without touching each other. I wished they’d get in another fight, so I wouldn’t have to witness their constant necking.

  “You okay?” Carter nudged my arm.

  “Yeah.” I forced a smile.

  “You’ve barely touched your fries,” he said.

  I shrugged and dropped the fry I’d been toying with on my plate. “I’m not that hungry.”

  “Are you sick?” Carter put his hand to my forehead.

  “No.” I pushed him away.

  “She’s bummed because her boy toy isn’t here.” Maimy chuckled.

  “No, I’m not.” I shook my head.

  “Sure.” Claire laughed.

  “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Where is Devon anyway?” Claire took a break from chipping the polish off her fingernails to look at Carter.

  “Why are you asking me?” Carter asked. “I’m not his keeper.”

  “He was headed over to Marshal’s last I saw him,” Jake said.

  “You going to eat those, Princess?” Jeremiah pointed at the pile of forlorn-looking fries on my plate.

  “No.” I shoved the plate across the table.

  “Thanks.” Jeremiah gathered a handful of fries and stuffed them in his mouth.

  Carter shifted beside me.

  I turned toward him. “What? Did you want them?”

  “No, thanks.” He shook his head.

  Claire finished picking at her nails and leaned onto the table. “So, did you guys hear about the rec center?”

  “What about it?” Jeremiah asked around a mouthful of fries.

  “Some guy bought it,” Claire answered. “He’s turning it into a gym or something.”

  “That place sucked anyway,” Jake said.

  “Yeah.” Maimy picked up a fry. “Every time you go there, those church people follow you around talking about, ‘Have you been washed in the blood of Jesus?’ Like, gross. How can that even be sanitary?”

  “It’s a metaphor,” Carter said.

  “Whatever.” Maimy rolled her eyes at him. “It’s annoying.”

  “I’ll agree with you there,” Carter replied.

  “We should go.” Claire sat up straight and looked around the table.

  “What?” Maimy turned toward her.

  “Why would we do that?” Jake asked.

  “Because it’s fun to screw with the bible-thumpers,” Claire answered.

  No one responded.

  “Come on, guys.” Claire pouted. “What else have we got to do?”

  “She has a point,” Jeremiah said.

  “Fine.” A joint sigh of reluctant agreement rose from the table.

  “What about you, Princess?” Jeremiah looked at me.

  “I think I’m just going to head home,” I answered.

  “Ah, don’t be a downer,” Claire said.

  “Yeah, just because dipshit ain’t around don’t mean you can’t have fun with your homies.” Maimy grinned.

  I chuckled. “With my homies, huh?”

  “Yeah, with your homies.” Maimy draped her arm across Jake’s shoulders.

  “All right,” I said. “I guess I wouldn’t want to miss that.”

  The six of us piled out of the large booth we’d squeezed into. Jake dropped a handful of change on the table to cover the waitress’ tip, then we walked up to the register to pay for our meals. I’d learned having cash wasn’t something to flaunt around the out-crowd. They took turns leaving tips and pooled their money to pay the check. The one time I’d offered to cover everything, they acted like I’d insulted them. They hadn’t talked to me the rest of the night except to remind me why they called me, “Princess.” After that, I chipped in my portion and kept my mouth shut.

  “Hey, Princess.” Jeremiah leaned against the table beside me at the rec center. The place was almost packed, something it had probably never been. The church people were too busy trying to keep peace to preach at anyone.

  I sighed. “What do you want, Jeremiah?”

  He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and shook me. “Don’t be like that.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?” I sidestepped and spun to face him. “Don’t touch me.”

  Brow furrowed, he looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. “What put a bee in your bonnet?�
�

  “For starters, you told my boyfriend I gave you a blow job.”

  “Yeah. Sorry about that.” He looked down, tucked his thumbs in his pockets, and ground the toe of his shoe into the carpet. “I was just trying to piss him off.”

  “Why?” I scowled. “What is it with you two?”

  Jeremiah raised his head. “He’s a dick. Thinks he’s so fucking smart. He needed to get knocked down a few.”

  “And what about you? You think you can do whatever you want because you’re bigger than everybody else. Being the size of a Mack truck doesn’t give you the right to bully everyone.”

  “I didn’t bully anyone.” Jeremiah shook his head. “D was asking to get his ass beat.”

  “How?” I asked. “You’re the one that picked a fight with him.”

  “I was just talking to you. If he wasn’t such a jealous prick, it wouldn’t have been a problem.”

  “You weren’t just talking. You were hitting on me right in front of him. Like that wouldn't piss him off.”

  “He treats you like he owns you. You deserve better than that jackass.”

  “Yeah, because you’re so much better.” I scoffed.

  “At least I don’t blow you off to party with a bunch of tweakers,” he said.

  My brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about.”

  Taking a slow breath, I considered what he said and how to respond. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to make me think something bad about Devon, but it won’t work.”

  “I’m not trying to make you think anything.” Jeremiah shook his head.

  “It doesn’t matter what you say. If there was a choice between him and you, I’d pick him. Every time. So you can just get over yourself. It’s not going to happen.”

  I walked away before Jeremiah could continue. His words rang a little too true for my liking.

  Thirty-Five

  I pulled up to the trailer, parking my car next to the rusty sedan. Devon leaned over the engine of his truck. When I opened my door, he glanced across the yard at me before returning his attention to the engine compartment.

  “Hey.” I kept my tone calm despite wanting to demand an explanation.

  “Hey, baby doll,” he replied offhandedly, not bothering to look at me.