Maybe Not

by Colleen Hoover

  "Am I . . ." I pause and look at her. "Am I misreading something here? Because I thought . . ."

  "We fucked, Warren. It's over, now go to sleep."

  I shake my head. "No, Bridgette. You fucked. You did all the work and you didn't even get to enjoy it. I don't understand why you won't let me touch you."

  She groans, frustrated. "Warren, it's fine. It was fun." She looks away from me. "I just don't like the other part, so go to bed."

  She doesn't like the other part? The part where she has an amazing, mind-blowing orgasm?

  "Okay," I say. "I'll go to bed."

  "Thank you," she mutters.

  "But first," I say, holding up my finger. "I need to know something."

  She rolls her eyes. "What?"

  I lean toward her and look at her with fascination. "Is this how sex always is with you? You have to be in complete control, to the point where you don't even allow someone to get you off?"

  She kicks at me with her foot, trying to get me to leave her bed. "I'm not discussing my sex life with you, Warren. Go back to your room."

  She scoots down on her bed until her head meets her pillow. She rolls over until her back is to me and she pulls the covers up over her head.

  Holy shit. This is . . . I don't even know what to think. I've never met anyone like her. She has some serious control issues.

  "Bridgette," I whisper, needing her to roll over and talk to me again. She ignores me, but I can't leave because this conversation needs to happen. "Are you telling me you've never had an orgasm during sex?"

  The covers fly off her head and she rolls onto her back. "It's never been an issue with anyone until you," she says angrily.

  I laugh and shake my head and for some reason, feel extremely happy about this. Because she's apparently been with some really selfish assholes in the past, and I'm about to show her what she's been missing.

  She pulls the covers back over her head and faces the opposite direction again. Rather than stand and walk back to my room like I know she wants me to do, I lift the covers and slide in behind her. I wrap my arm over her, pressing my palm against her stomach, pulling her against my chest.

  She practically growls at me. "Warren, stop. Believe it or not, I'm perfectly happy with my sex life, and I don't need you to Oh, my God." She stops mid-rant as soon as I cup her between the legs.

  I rest my cheek against hers. "I need you to shut up, Bridgette."

  She doesn't move, so I roll her onto her stomach and slide on top of her. I pin her arms beneath my hands, just like she did me earlier. "Please don't resist me," I whisper into her ear. "I want to be in control, and I want you to do what I say." I run my tongue across her ear and watch as the chills break out on her neck. "Understood?"

  Her breaths are shallow, and she squeezes her eyes shut with her nod.

  "Thank you," I tell her. I kiss my way down her neck and shoulder, and then work my kisses slowly across her back. Her entire body is tense and knowing that she's never experienced an orgasm at the hands of another guy already has me hard again.

  I reach down to her thighs and spread her legs with my hand. She buries her face into her pillow and it makes me smile. She's never been this vulnerable with someone else, and she doesn't want to give me the pleasure of seeing how much she enjoys it.

  I keep my eyes focused on her anyway as I slowly push two fingers inside of her, waiting for her to moan into her pillow.

  She doesn't make a sound, so I pull them out and re-enter her with three fingers this time.

  I press my forehead into her pillow, right next to her face, and I wait for the sounds to escape.

  Nothing. I laugh quietly, because I really have my work cut out for me.

  I pull my hand away from her and flip her onto her back. Her eyes are still closed tightly so I grab her jaw and press my lips to hers. I kiss her hard and deep, until she begins to kiss me back with just as much anger. She pulls at my hair and spreads her legs for me, wanting me to bury myself inside of her.

  I do. I push her panties aside and shove into her so hard and fast, she lets out a moan and my God, I need more of that. So much more. But I don't have on a condom, and this time isn't about me, so I pull out of her. I take one of her breasts in my hands and bring it to my mouth.

  I slowly kiss my way down her stomach and the lower I get, the tenser her body grows. I can feel her hesitation and part of me wants to devour her immediately, but part of me needs to know that I'm not going too far, too fast. I can tell by the stiffness in her posture that she's nervous now. I position both my hands on her waist and look up at her. She's chewing nervously on her bottom lip and her eyes are terrified.

  "Have you never let anyone do this to you?" I whisper.

  She releases her bottom lip with the shake of her head. "I don't like it."

  "How would you know?"

  She shrugs. "I just know."

  I pull her hips down several inches on the bed. "You're too stubborn for your own good." I lift her and begin to lower my mouth to her, but she pulls back and sits up.

  "Don't. I don't want to do this."

  I grip her hips and pull her back down. "Lie back and close your eyes, Bridgette."

  She continues to look at me with fear in her eyes, refusing to lie back down, so I lift up onto the palms of my hands. "Will you please stop being so stubborn and just relax? Fuck, woman. I want to give you the best ten minutes you've ever had in your life, but you're making it really difficult."

  She bites her lip hesitantly, but she does as I say and slowly lowers herself to the bed, relaxing into her pillow.

  I smile triumphantly and press my lips to her stomach again. I start just below her belly button and trail slow kisses all the way down until I meet her panties. I hook my fingers into the waistband and pull them down, over her hips, over her thighs, and I continue to slowly remove them until I'm at her ankles. Once I toss them on the floor, I lift her leg and press a soft kiss against her ankle, then her calf, then the inside of her knee, repeating the kisses all the way up her thigh, until I'm inches from sliding my tongue against her. As soon as I position my mouth over her, I can feel her warmth beckoning me.

  "Warren, please . . ." she begins to protest. As soon as the word please leaves her mouth, my tongue slides against her, separating her. She lifts her hips several inches off the bed and cries out, so I grip her waist and pull her back down to the bed.

  She's sweet and salty and as soon as my mouth is against her, I'm convinced she could satiate every ounce of hunger I'll feel for the rest of my life.

  She cries out again, still trying to pull away from me. "What . . . God . . . Warren . . ."

  I continue to lick her, devour her, run my tongue over every bare part of her so that I leave no inch of her untasted. Her hands find their way back to my hair just as my fingers find their way back inside of her. I'm filling her, consuming her with my tongue, and she's taking every ounce of me she can get. She's no longer trying to scoot away from me. Now she's pressing my face into her, begging me to go faster.

  Her hands leave my hair and meet her headboard as she grips it tightly and locks her legs around my shoulders. I keep my fingers buried inside of her as she cries out my name with each tremor that racks her body. I continue to please her until her shudders subside and her moans fade into silence.

  I kiss the inside of her thigh as I pull my fingers out of her. I kiss all the way up her stomach until I'm pressed against her again, wanting to slide inside of her and stay the night.

  I want to kiss her, but I don't know if she'd want that. Some girls prefer not to be kissed afterward, but my mouth is aching with a need to feel her lips against mine.

  Apparently she wants the same thing, because she doesn't even hesitate when she pulls my face to hers and kisses me with a moan. There's so much pressure in every inch of my body, because I want to take her again. The only thing that can relieve that pressure is to push into her, which is exactly what I do.

  She lifts her hips an
d meets my thrusts and I know I should stop. I have to stop.

  I don't know why I can't stop.

  I've never been inside a girl without a condom before, but she makes me stupid. She renders my conscience useless, and all I can think about is how incredible she feels.

  And also how much I need to stop.

  Stop, Warren. Stop.

  I somehow pull out of her and press my face against her chest, gasping for air.

  It hurts. God, it hurts. I live in the next room, where there's a drawer full of condoms, but I'm not sure I'd make it that far if I tried to stand.

  She pulls my face back to hers and presses her lips to mine. She slides her hands down to my lower back and she pulls me against her, pressing her warmth against me as she urges me to move with her.

  She feels incredible. It's not the same as being inside her, but the way she's moving against me feels pretty damn close. I close my eyes and bury my face against her neck as I work to increase the pace between us.

  I grab a fistful of her hair and tilt her face to mine as I look down on her, watching as we both grow nearer to yet another release. She winces and I feel the first of her shudders pass through her. "Warren," she whispers. "Kiss me."

  I do.

  I cover her mouth with mine and drown out her moans with my own as I feel the warmth of my release spread between us. I'm holding her as tight as I can, kissing her as hard as I can.

  All my weight is against her now that I'm physically incapable of holding myself up for another second. Her hands slide from my neck and fall to the bed. I'm too weak to speak, or I would be telling her how amazing she is. How good she feels. How perfect her body is and how she just single-handedly got the upper hand for all of eternity.

  I can't speak, though. My eyes fall shut from pure exhaustion.

  Pure, blissful exhaustion.

  *

  "Warren."

  I try to open my eyes, but I can't. Or I just don't want to. I don't think I've ever experienced as deep of a sleep as the one I'm being torn from right now.

  Her hand is on my shoulder and she's shaking me. I lift my head and turn to face her, curious if she's ready for another round. I smile at her through sleepy eyes.

  "Go to your room," she says, kicking me with her feet. "You're snoring."

  My eyes fall shut again but they fly open when her cold feet meet my stomach. She uses the strength of her legs to try and push me out of her bed. "Go," she groans. "I can't sleep."

  I somehow push myself into a standing position. I look down at her and she rolls onto her stomach, flips her pillow over, and sprawls out across her mattress.

  I shuffle my way across her bedroom, through our bathroom and to my own bed. I fall onto it and close my eyes, taking all of three seconds to fall right back to sleep.

  Chapter Six

  I'm convinced that I've never slept as well as I did last night. And even though she kicked me out of her bed, I still feel victorious. Like royalty.

  After I'm showered and dressed, I join Ridge in the kitchen. He's cleaning up what looks like breakfast, which is odd, because neither of us ever cooks breakfast. But then I understand when Maggie emerges from his room.

  "Morning, Maggie," I say to her with a smile.

  She eyes me cautiously. "What's with you?"

  Right at that moment, Bridgette's bedroom door opens. We all watch her walk into the living room. She pauses when she looks up and sees us all staring at her.

  "Morning, Bridgette," I say with a triumphant smile. "Sleep well?"

  She sees the look on my face and immediately rolls her eyes. "Screw you, Warren." She walks into the kitchen and begins rummaging through the refrigerator, searching for something to eat. I watch her the entire time, until Ridge taps me on the shoulder.

  "You had sex with her?" he signs.

  I immediately shake my head in defense. "No," I sign back. "Maybe. I don't know. It was an accident."

  Maggie and Ridge both laugh. He grabs Maggie's hand and pulls her toward his bedroom. "Come on," he signs. "I don't want to be in here when Bridgette realizes her mistake."

  I watch them retreat back to Ridge's room, and then I turn and face Bridgette. She's glaring at me.

  "Did you just tell him we had sex?"

  I find myself once again shaking my head. "He already knew. I told him the other day."

  Bridgette tilts her head to the side. "We had sex last night. How did you tell him before it happened?"

  I grin. "I had a good feeling."

  She lets her head drop back in defeat, until she's staring up at the ceiling. "I knew it was a bad idea."

  "It was a great idea," I interject.

  She looks at me with as much seriousness as she can muster. "It was a onetime thing, Warren."

  I hold up two fingers. "It was twice, actually."

  She makes a face that lets me know just how much I'm irritating her. "I'm serious, Warren. We're not doing it again."

  "Thank God," I say, slowly stepping toward her. "Because it was awful, wasn't it? I could tell you weren't enjoying it." I continue across the kitchen until I'm less than a foot from touching her. "You especially weren't enjoying the part when you were on your back, and my tongue was . . ."

  She slaps her hand over my mouth to shut me up. She's looking at me, narrow-eyed. "I'm serious, Warren. This changes nothing. We aren't a couple. In fact, I'll probably bring other guys home and you need to be prepared for that."

  She removes her hand from my mouth and I disagree. "You will not."

  She looks at me with a competitive gleam in her eyes. "I will. This is why I warned you not to get clingy."

  Ha. She thinks this is clingy? If she smiles and laughs like she did last night, she'll find out just how clingy I can be.

  "If you don't want me to want you anymore, it's not that hard," I tell her. "Just don't smile at me." I lean forward until my lips are at her ear. "If you don't smile at me, I won't have the urge to do all those bad things to you. Because your smile is incredible, Bridgette."

  I pull away slowly and look down at her. She's attempting to control the rise and fall of her chest, but she's not fooling me. I grin, and the faintest of smiles appears on her lips. I reach my hand up and touch the corner of her mouth with my finger. "You're such a tease."

  She pulls away from me and calmly pushes against my chest. She grabs her drink and returns to her bedroom without another word.

  I press my head against the cabinet door and sigh heavily. What have I done? What in God's name have I done to myself?

  *

  Bridgette and I both had the day off today, and I was positive that after our interaction this morning, and especially after last night, that she'd be all over me by nightfall. However, she completely ignored me. She stayed in her room most of the day, and she wouldn't even acknowledge me. Now it's after eleven at night. I have to be at work tomorrow morning, and I know she has an early class, so my hope for a round three is swiftly dwindling.

  She even locked the door when she took a shower earlier.

  I sit on the edge of my bed and contemplate the night before, going over every single move in my head, wondering where I went wrong. The only thing I can conclude is that I did nothing wrong. I did everything right, and this scared her, because she's not used to guys taking control over her. I made her feel weak.

  She doesn't like to feel weak. She obviously has serious power issues and I messed with her head. This should probably make me feel guilty, but actually I'm proud. I love that I got to her. I love that I'm slowly figuring her out. And the best part is, I have a feeling that she'll be coming back for a repeat. Maybe not tonight, but she'll be back, because she's human. Every human has a weakness and I think I just discovered what hers is.

  Me.

  I crawl under the covers and close my eyes, but I can already tell I won't be able to sleep. It's as if last night awakened this hunger inside of me and if I don't feed it every night before I go to bed, I'll never fall asleep. I count sheep
, I count stars, I repeat Bible verses in my head that I learned when I was five. None of it works, because I'm still here an hour later and I'm still wide awake.

  I wonder if she's awake.

  I wonder if she would open her door if I knocked.

  I toss the covers off and begin to walk to my door, but immediately U-turn to the nightstand for a condom. All I have on are boxers, so I slip it beneath the elastic band and open my bedroom door.

  Boobs.

  Her boobs.

  They're right here.

  Her hand is in the air, poised to knock on my door. She looks just as shocked that I opened it as I am that she's standing here. She's wearing a black lace bra and the tiniest pair of panties I've ever seen in my life. She lowers her arm and we stare at each other for a solid five seconds before I'm pulling her inside, slamming my door and pushing her up against it. Her tongue is in my mouth faster than I can slip my hand beneath her bra.

  "Is this what you sleep in?" I say against her mouth, pulling the straps of her bra down.

  "Yes," she says breathlessly. She tilts her head and pushes my face against her neck. "But sometimes I sleep naked."

  I groan and press myself against her, ready to sink myself inside of her. "I like it." I spin her around until her chest is pressed against the door and her back is to me. I wrap my arm around her and grab one of her breasts while I slide my other hand down to her ass. She's in a thong. A teeny, tiny, black, lacy, beautiful thong. I rub my hand over her and then slip my fingers beneath the thin veil of fabric, pulling it down to her knees. I watch as her thong falls to her ankles and she kicks it aside.

  I position myself directly behind her and run my hands down her back and to her waist. "Put your palms against the door."

  She doesn't move them right away. I can feel her hesitation. I'm sure she doesn't want to hand over control again, but she needs to realize she lost control the second she showed up at my bedroom door.

  I watch as she slowly presses her palms against my bedroom door. I lean forward and brush her hair away from her neck, dropping it over her shoulder. "Thank you," I whisper against her neck. I pull her hips until she's flush against me, and then I remove my boxers and open the condom.