Chapter 15: Tawan
“Today I’m coming home early. Now I’m on the Skytrain, just one more station. Wanna go out for dinner? We can also watch a movie. It’s been a long time since we watched one together.”
This month is my rotation for Observation Ward rounding. There are only thirty beds in my responsibility. Fewer beds mean paradise for us. But what makes it especially wonderful is the next shift always arrives to take over the duty at 4 p.m. sharp. There’s no craning my head in agitation waiting for the arrival.
At my hospital, the Observation Ward is cared for by an internal medical team during the daytime, and then by an emergency medical team after 4 p.m. until 8 a.m. the next day. They work precisely on time, always arrive to receive duty handover exactly on time, and vice versa. Duty handover also doesn’t take long, because the cases are not severe (as the name suggests, this ward is only for observing the patients.)
So, I get to leave work early and return to the condo earlier than usual.
It’s only 4:45 p.m. but I’m already nearing the destination of my Skytrain ride. This is nice. This month I’ll have a lot of time to relax and spend with my darling. It’s been a long time since we last had dinner together, I feel like he seems a little distant to me lately. I’m not sure if he’s pouty from feeling neglected. So, this month is our real chance for quality time.
“Oops...Tawan, I forgot to tell you I have a dinner party with other staff in the dept. this evening.”
Oh, crap. I didn’t tell him I was coming home early because I wanted to surprise him, and now I’m the one who gets a surprise instead. Mehhh...
“Oh? Are you coming home late then?”
I have to ask because, judging from my own department, a department dinner always ends late at night. There’s never “just dinner” because there’s always a second stop for drinking, and it’s usually at least 11 p.m. before we disband.
“Not sure yet, dear. But I’ll try to hurry home. You find something to eat and wait for me, should be back by 9. Or you wanna go for a walk or shopping somewhere first? Oh, right, why don’t you go somewhere to kill time with Nadia until then?”
“Nadia’s on duty. But it’s alright. Don’t worry, just go have dinner with your dept. I’ll find some food and hang around to wait for you. But don’t drink too much, you’re driving. Take care.”
“No worries, my good boy. See you soon.”
“Alright, dear.”
He hangs up before I can even finish saying alright dear. I look at the clock and it is eleven minute to five o’clock. Four hours until he gets back. That’s so much free time, what to do?
Or maybe I should go back to the dorm at the hospital, so he doesn’t have to worry about rushing home. He doesn’t get to party with his department peers often, I shouldn’t pressure him into coming home early...right?
The Skytrain arrives at the station and the doors open.
I exit the car automatically.
But if I go back to the dorm now, then how do I spend my time? I know I should either revise the textbooks or plan my research, but I’m not in the mood right now. Sometimes revising requires the mood (except if the exam is coming up soon.) Forcing yourself when you’re not into it might be entirely a waste of time, as not only that the content won’t stick in your mind, your body will also get unnecessarily tortured.
Going window shopping is not my style, either. I’m way past the age to roam aimlessly in a mall. Nowadays, if I ever go to a mall, it has to be driven by a clear purpose, heading straight to finish my errand and leaving immediately after. Moreover, Nadia isn’t free to go with me today.
I don’t want to go to a mall alone...either.
My head keeps thinking while my feet keep walking. They probably brought me downstairs from the Skytrain station, all the way to the condo’s soi as a homing instinct. When your brain is empty and does not know where to go, your feet bring you to the same old destination, out of habit. So, I find myself at the junction where my usual Win-motorcycle is located.
“Oh, doctor, hello. Today yer back so early. Ditching work?”
Another driver named P'Fueang greets me. We’re familiar because sometimes I ride as his passenger when I happen to miss Mork’s turn. I smile silently to him while looking around.
“Mork gone to send a passenger. He be back soon if he doesn’t pick up a new passenger along the way.”
He must have known I’m looking for Mork, so he explains before I can start to ask.
“Thank you. Today the work ended early. This month I’m not as busy.”
“Ya gonna wait for Mork? Come, sit inside.”
“Thank you, P'Fueang.”
I go to sit under the roof of the kiosk. Their station is fairly clean… Or I should say “tidy.” Most mototaxi kiosks or rest stations are hung with trivial belongings, making it look unorganized and dirty. But here, there is just the roof, a white board, an ice cooler, and a few chairs. When it is neatly kept, it also looks clean.
“Doctor, ya see Mork a lot, ya noticed anything off about him lately?”
P'Fueang asks when he sits down next to me.
I furrow my brows. “Something off? What kind of things?” I try to remember how he looked, but nothing seemed out of ordinary.
“Hmm… I don’t think so. He looks normal.” I tell him what I observed.
“I think he’s acting weird of late. Sometimes he smiles to himself and seems weird happy. But sometimes he looks wilted like a sick puppy. His mood is swinging, so weird. He’s never like this before.”
Eh...has he been like that? I don’t think so.
When he’s with me, well, granted, we haven’t been in each other’s company that much (on Loy Krathong Day, it was the longest time we’ve spent together,) but I haven’t noticed the kind of things P'Fueang just described. He’s been seeming normal, like how he looked when we first met. The only difference is that he’s being less of a smart-mouth.
“I think he got a crush, doc.”
P'Fueang concludes and stares quietly at me as if waiting for an answer.
“Ah...what?”
I don’t know how to answer, as I’m not sure if that was a question or just a statement. I raise my eyebrows questioningly. How else can I respond?
“Ya know who’s his crush, doc?”
He fires the key question at me. Okay, so the first one was a prelude leading to this question.
“Eh, I don’t know, P'. How would I know?”
I quickly shake my head.
“Daww, yer his friend, aren’tcha? I thought maybe he told ya something.”
“Nope, no way. He’s never told me this kind of thing.”
“Dawwww, is that so? That’s too bad… I thought ya knew.”
Then, he gets up to grab a small cup of water from the ice cooler and takes a gulp. Before we can continue the conversation, the subject of the topic happens to arrive at the kiosk on his motorcycle. Mork hurriedly parks it and strides towards me without even taking off his safety helmet first.
“Oh, doc, you’re so early. Skipping work today?”
I laugh, “You asked the same question as P'Fueang. Nope, this month I have a lighter load of work and can go home earlier. But only for one month. Next month I’ll be working in the ICU, it will be worse than before.”
“Are you going back to the condo? I can drop you off.”
He still keeps his helmet on but opens his visor, showing me his smirk with fangs.
“Not yet.” I shake my head. “Oh, hey, Mork, is there any cafe in this soi? Take me there, will you?”
“Cafe? What kind of cafe? The type that has a singer and stand-up comedians? There’s none around here.”
He snickers but I roll my eyes.
“Jeeeeez, not that! Cafe is a coffee shop, Mork.”
“Eh, how could I know? Haha! I only know the ones with singers, pretty girls who drink with you, and comedians, like Phraram 9 Cafe.
He keeps on joking with a teasing tone. I’ve already
forgotten that once upon a time, the word “cafe” here didn’t mean a coffee shop, but rather a red-light district kind of place.
“Didn’t know you were born early enough to have heard about it.” I tease.
He jiggles his eyebrows back at me. “Early enough to hear about the mysterious murder cases of Sia Liang and Somyos, doc.”
Okay, that means he was really around to have heard about the place. I surrender.
“Not that kind of cafe. I mean a coffee shop. So that I can sit and dawdle to kill time.”
“Oh, why’s that? Aren’t you hurrying back to the condo? Wanna dilly-dally today?”
He wiggles an eyebrow again and I’m starting to begrudge him his joy. If he wiggles it at me one more time, I will be so tempted to find a rubber band and shoot at his brow.
“Nuh-uhhhh.” I sigh deeply with my elongated reply. “P'Por isn’t back yet and I can’t enter his room. I don’t know when he will return, he’s having a party with his department.”
Mork nods his acknowledgement.
“So you’re looking for a place to sit back and kill time?”
I nod.
“You got any place to recommend?”
He doesn’t reply, but hands me a helmet.
“Wear this and hop on, doc.”
“But where are you taking me to?”
“Well, do you trust me?”
I take the helmet and put it on, then climb onto the passenger seat.
That, you know, is my answer to the question.
…………
“And I thought you were taking me somewhere far away.” I eat a spoonful of the green papaya salad, this Som Tam is good.
“So we ended up coming to a Som Tam stall at the other end of the soi. Tell me, you were hungry.”
He smiles and takes a spoonful of his papaya salad as well.
“A little. Well, I was looking for a company for dinner, and your timing was just perfect.”
The vendor serves another dish at our table. “Grilled duck bills, here you go.” She doesn’t look at me, at all, but keeps giving the eye and using a sugary tone to Mork.
“Why, it’s rare to see you sit and eat here, hun. Aren’t you buying a takeaway as usual?”
Her stance has her torso twisted at the waist so much it almost defies human anatomy. I stifle a smile while turning to meet Mork’s eyes.
He shakes his head. “Nah, been doing that too often, today I wanna eat out. Doctor happens to want a company for killing time.”
Even though Mork gestures his head towards me, the pretty-looking vendor doesn’t even turn to look in my direction. She keeps her eyes fixed on Mork, as if focusing on a dinner prey.
“Kill a long time here, hun. Wait for me to lock up. Might wanna hitch a ride home with you.”
Then, she struts away, swaying her hips, to take orders from the next table.
Of course, not sparing a glance at me.
“Is that your girlfriend?”
I point at her with my face.
“Phooey, nah. Absolutely not. I got no girlfriend.”
Mork picks a piece of duck beak and tears off the center bone, then puts the meat on my plate.
“Here, eat this, doc. It’s yummy. Have you tried before?”
He’s referring to the grilled duck beaks.
“Thanks.” I spoon it into my mouth. “Of course. I served my internship in Isan.[54] Grilled duck beaks are my favourite. I used to tag-team with my friends and snack on this until the vendor ran out of the beaks in one sitting!”
“Ah, if you like it, eat lots.” He picks out the bone from another piece of duck beak and again puts the meat on my plate, without starting to eat his share yet. “But what’s serving an internship? What does it mean?”
“When doctors finish six years of education, we have to work as general physicians in a hospital for three years. During that time, we’re called interns. Most likely, we are sent to work outside of Bangkok. After a three year internship, we can return to a medical school for specialty training. That’s what I’m doing now.”
“Oh, are you still a medical student?”
He raises his eyebrows, as if wondering why we have to return to school after working as a doctor.
“Yep.” I nod. “Simply put, it’s similar to a master degree. We’ve graduated and become doctors, but if we want to be specialists, we need further education.”
“Well, and after specialty training, is there a higher level of education?”
“Yep, it’s endless, if one wants to continue.”
I give Mork the fastest and simplest explanation. In truth, the internship system is much more complicated than this. Some departments don’t require the completion of a three year internship before continuing in specialty training, while some require more than three years before they even let you enroll. But I don’t think he needs to hear all the details.
He gives me five pieces of duck beak meat before starting to nibble on the sixth one.
“Hey, Mork.” I put the second piece in my mouth.
“P'Fueang told me you’ve been acting strange recently… He suspects you have a girlfriend now.”
“Ahhhh…” He prolongs his exclamation.
“Is that why you thought the Som Tam vendor was my girlfriend?”
I nod. “Earlier, she was so sugary all over you, and told you to wait for her to close her stall and take a ride home with you. So I thought she was your girlfriend.” I tell him what I have observed.
“Why?” He stops chewing and leans his face closer to me.
“Are you feeling jealous over me?” Then, he wiggles one eyebrow.
I feel as if my heart skips a beat, like it’s fallen to my feet for a second and my body feels a flash of cold before the heart starts beating again. With a faster beat now, though. On top of that, my cold body from before now feels so warm it’s bizarre.
“N...nope. I was just...curious.”
I flounder on the answer while avoiding eye contact and picking up my glass to drink the water even though I’m not thirsty at all.
“Does that mean you want to know if I have a girlfriend yet, doc? If you want to know, just ask me directly.”
“Okay.” I surrender. “Do you have a girlfriend, Mork?”
Ah, right… After saying the direct question out loud, I am just noticing…that I never knew about this aspect of his life. But if he had one, he wouldn’t have been with me during Loy Krathong Day.
Right? Couples should celebrate Loy Krathong together… Or at least most people get to spend their holiday time with their significant other, except me.
“I don’t.” He picks out a duck beak’s bone from his mouth and sets it on the side of his plate.
“I used to. But now I don’t.”
I nod, feeling speechless.
“And…”
Mork looks up from his papaya salad plate and at me.
“But I have someone I secretly like. We’re not lovers. It’s a one-sided love.”
That means P'Fueang got it right, Mork does have a crush. For a moment, I almost blurt “who is it?” but...it is none of my business. We’re only friends. If he thinks he wants to share it with me, he will tell me one day. He doesn’t even tell P'Fueng who’s his colleague at the station.
However, I can’t deny that...I want to know.
And in fact, it feels like there is something more than curiosity…
I can’t quite describe the feeling, but when a friend says they “secretly likes someone” my head should be filled with curiosity, mixed with a positive emotion that feels similar to excitement and anticipation for the friend, kind of like that. Whenever a friend of mine told me that, I always felt that way...except just now.
This time, of course, there’s curiosity. But the other emotions that tag along aren’t positive like usual. It is kind of like...how to explain it? Like my heart sinks, and I feel a little anxious and insecure, like when we stand on an unstable ground or on a high place and might fall off
at any second. That’s obviously not positive, but I can’t exactly say it is negative, either.
“Doc… Doc, what’s wrong? Were you having an audience with Indra?”[55]
I come out of my trance when Mork waves a piece of grilled chicken in front of me. Apparently, I’ve been revising my own strange thoughts and have gone blank, so he had to call out.
“Ah, nope, no, I was just spacing out a bit.”
I take a spoonful of papaya salad to ease the embarrassment.
“Why did you say it’s one-sided love?”
I ask, hoping it’s not too much of a prying. At least I’m not asking who it is. The question should be fine.
“Well...because the person doesn’t know. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a secret.”
“And why don’t they know?” I continue asking.
“I haven’t told them. How could they know?”
Mork narrows his eyes at me, as if he thinks I’m such a Curious George for asking such nonsense.
My Ride, I Love You Page 23