I direct the last sentence to remind the imp I’m carrying about manners.
“Hello, Mr. Doctor.” He slowly makes a Thai salute and then turns to ask me with a dreaded look.
“Papa, will doctor give Khai a shot?”
Tawan relaxes his sulking face and bursts into laughter while patting the imp on the head.
“I won’t give you a shot. Don’t worry.” And he puts out his hands to show that they’re empty. “Look, no needle. I’m not giving you a shot.”
I turn my head to peck the little boy on his cheek.
“See? Doctor isn’t here to give you a shot. You’re scared for no reason.”
“But Puu[56] say if Khai don’t listen, the doctor will give Khai a shot.”
Ah, so that’s where the problem came from. Uncle, why you!? Don’t scare children like this. I’ll have to talk with him. Find something else to scare the kids with, stop using doctors and vaccine shots. Or they will become afraid of doctors.
I shake my head and set him down on the floor.
“Oh, right, so tell Puu that the doctor has come to visit us, so please make one more serving of breakfast, he’ll eat with us.”
“Okay papa.” The imp nods a confirmation and dashes to the back of the house.
One down...but still not done. One more to go.
I look up and meet Tawan’s silent gaze, his face showing no emotion but the overall ambience is even scarier than earlier when he was sulking.
“So do you have a son? How? What’s going on? You wouldn’t answer me.”
Owwie! I put up my hands in surrender, and if I had a white flag, I would put that up, too. I haven’t noticed that Tawan can look this formidable when he makes a neutral face.
“I will, I will. I just gotta wait until the boy went away first. Don’t wanna say it in front of him.”
I crane my neck to look towards the back of the house to make sure he’s really gone, before turning to Tawan again.
“He’s my older brother’s son.”
“Hmm? Older brother’s son?” Tawan raises his brows.
I turn around to grab my wallet. I guess this needs a whole background story.
“Doc, let’s go buy some coffee from 7-Eleven. I’ll explain on the way.”
…………
We went to the branch at Soi 11, two side streets away from me. Actually, it’s quite far and I usually drive my motorcycle. But today it felt short. I didn’t finish telling Tawan about the boy, Khai, until we almost got back home.
“Oh… Is that so? That’s why he calls you papa.”
He nods in acknowledgement.
“Yes, doc. So it’s like I have a stepson.”
“And does your brother...uh, sorry. I shouldn’t ask.”
Tawan hurriedly apologizes but I shake my head because it’s alright.
“No worries, doc. You can ask. My brother doesn’t come home to take care of Khai. He sends money sometimes, not really abandoning his son. It’s just that he now has a new family and his wife recently got pregnant.”
I’m fabricating a little. My brother sends little money. Let’s say almost no money at all. My mom is the one who pays for everything in raising Khai. Luckily, our family owns a wood processing plant and has some money. Although it’s not much, raising a nephew isn’t much of a problem.
But I kind of understand him. Not everything, but a part of it. I know it’s already difficult for people like me to earn a daily living and feed yourself enough to have the energy to work tomorrow. Even with a motorcycle and a job, it’s still tough for me. I can’t imagine my big brother’s hardship, when he quit school after ninth grade and doesn’t have a stable job.
“Just sending money support isn’t enough for a child.” Tawan protests.
Tawan has the right of it. But he grew up in a good family and might not understand. He has both of his parents, a big brother and a little brother, everyone had education through university levels. He’s been growing up in a loving and warm family. He wouldn’t understand the sense of “lacking.”
This is not something we can easily explain with words.
He’s different from me. I grew up with it, so I can feel it, I can understand it.
I can only nod as an agreement. Sometimes explaining our standpoint in life to someone can be difficult. Even if we increase the walking distance to ten times of the round trip to and from this 7-Eleven, he still might not understand it. You have to live together in order to see it.
“Khai knows he has a father, though. When he visits, Khai calls him dad.” I turn and smile at doc before adding, “He just doesn’t hug his dad.”
“Eh...maybe Nong feels like he’s a stranger.”
I really like it when he refers to children with the word “Nong.” I heard it often, when doctors see a child patient, they call them all “Nong.” It’s lovely. Especially when the person saying it is Tawan, it’s very cute. It makes me picture him as a part of my family.
“Maybe… For Khai, I am his papa, and papa is the guy who plays with him. Whenever I go back to Chumphon, I take him out for activities, stay close to him and spend all my time with him. And my mom is his Mae Ya,[57] the person who raises him. His world has only us, Mae Ya, papa, and two Puu - my Loong and Ar.”
“Mae Ya? That sounds strange. Both a mother and a grandma? Totally different from Mae Yai.”[58] He observes.
“Hahaha! It just sounds unfamiliar to you, I guess. When Khai moved in to live with my mom, I didn’t know how he should call her. We could just go with ‘Ya’ but kids need a mom. So eventually, it became ‘Mae Ya’ instead.”
It sounded strange to me at first as well. But it was me who invented this word for Khai to call my mom. I feel like my mom is more than just his grandmother, calling her just Ya wouldn’t feel right. And a child should have someone to call a mom, right? I don’t know. That’s how I saw it.
“Khai grew up with his Mae Ya. Other people might think it feels strange to hear the word. It’s unfamiliar. But for Khai, it’s his everyday’s word. Doc, if you grew up with the word, you won’t feel weird. But you heard it for the first time today, so you think it’s weird.”
It’s like when I first moved to Bangkok. Some words that Bangkok people use were weird to me. But it was simply because I’ve never heard them before. Those words aren’t strange, they’re just unfamiliar. It’s only that they aren’t a part of my daily life. Once I hear it more often, and live with it, one day it will become a part of my life.
Words and people are the same…
Before, Tawan was a strange person in my eyes.
Who the heck never rode on a motorcycle’s passenger seat before? On top of that, he was so curious and inquisitive I didn’t want to drive for him a second time.
But we met so often, gradually growing from strangers into acquaintances, and then friends. And since when did he move into my heart without me realizing…? I can’t take him off of my mind.
“I guess you’re right.” Tawan agrees. “But I didn’t realize you’re a southern guy. I never heard you speaking Southern dialect.” He switches the subject.
“Well, I can speak a little Southern dialect. But Chumphon isn’t that far south, so people speak both Central Thai and Southern dialect. Usually, only people from as south as Nakhon Si Thammarat and further will speak more Southern-like.
“Ahh, that’s why.” He turns and smiles.
“Sorry for suddenly intruding your house. I think I’m interfering with your family time with Nong Khai.”
I laugh. “Nah, hahaha! Not at all, doc. I’m sorry for not telling you in detail and just disappeared. But…” I look down into his eyes. “I didn’t expect you to be bothered enough to look for me after disappearing for a few days.”
Tawan looks away and changes his tone.
“Uh, well… Suddenly a friend disappeared, I couldn’t help being worried. Besides, you said you’d be gone for only a couple of days, but you’ve been gone almost a week. So I thought something might
have happened.”
I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I feel like there’s a hint of embarrassment in his voice.
Then, he turns to look at me, frowning, and asks.
“Why? Can’t I think of you with worry?”
‘You can, but I’d rather you think of me with jealousy.’
In my head, this statement echoes loudly but I bite my tongue and prevent it from being said aloud. We don’t need to say everything we think. On the other hand, we must think about everything we’re going to say. That’s what the elder monk taught me. I leave his question hung in the air and let it go without providing any answer.
“Well, doc, since you’re here,” I change the topic while opening the door to my house, “stay and have breakfast together with us. Don’t leave yet.”
“Is that alright, Mork? I’m intruding on your private time enough already.”
He seems reluctant but still follows me into the house.
I shake my head. “Nah, doc. My Loong and Ar will yell at me if they find out that you visit and I let you leave without inviting you for a meal. Besides, Khai seems to like you quite a lot. He met you the first time but was already clinging to your leg. If you’re not in any hurry, stay awhile and play with him.”
“Okay… You got any food for me? Gotta admit I’m hungry, haha.” He smiles. “I had a ward rounding early this morning and haven’t had anything but coffee.”
“We only got ordinary soft-boiled rice, doc.” I jiggle my brows. “But I guarantee it’s delicious and is unlike any other soft-boiled rice you’ve had before.”
“Oh… Why did that make me more frightened than excited?”
Tawan looks at me doubtfully.
Bah! That’s so adorable. I am so tempted to pat him on his head but there’s a bold border line between us. Actually, it’s not just a line but a wall, a wall I can never cross over.
I hold my hand still beside me.
Not crossing over the wall to pat his head.
It’s not my place. It’s not my right.
“Bahaha! It’s edible, doc. Don’t be frightened, Ar Dej is a good cook. Just that he doesn’t use standard recipes you can normally see. You’ll love it, I promise.”
Like I have told myself.
This is already more than you could ask for, Mork.
…………
“Eat more, doc, eat lots. You work so hard, so you must eat a lot too, you know?”
Ar doesn’t wait for an answer, he immediately refills Tawan’s bowl with more of his special mix soft-boiled rice, our home garage’s unique recipe. Looking at Tawan, I notice that he eats so fast. Earlier, when I was half way through my first bowl, Tawan already cleanly finished his first bowl. Must have been serious about being hungry.
“Eh, Ar, you didn’t even ask if he wanted more. What if he doesn’t like your boiled rice?”
I tease Ar but he ignores me and keeps filling Tawan’s bowl to full.
“Thank you.” Tawan doesn’t refuse the offer. He keeps shoveling the food into his mouth. Wow, he has a big appetite, this is already the third go.
“It’s so delicious. I’ve never tried boiled rice that’s cooked with beaten eggs mixed in it before.”
“Yeah haha, I put all the ingredients from the fridge in it, doc. It’s Saturday, so we have to clean out all of the leftovers. In this family, we eat anything.”
He seems pleased with the compliment. Meh, I praise him everyday but he never looks this happy about it. Now when it’s a praise from Tawan, he looks overjoyed.
Meanwhile, Loong leaves the table to get and arrange after meal pills for himself and Ar. I’m used to seeing this, but today I suddenly reflect on it, thinking whether I’ll have someone who will look after me and arrange pills for me like this when I grow old.
“Papa, papa, don’t forget your promise.”
Khai gets up from his chair and tugs on the end of my shirt. I bend down to pick him up before setting him down on my lap.
“Okayyy, I’m not forgetting it. You’re full, right? Go wash, and then papa will take you for sightseeing.”
I give him a peck on the cheek. He nods and dashes to the second floor.
“Nong can wash by himself?”
Tawan asks.
“Aww, sure, doctor. Country kids have to take care of themselves.” My uncle steals my scene and replies. “If they just sit and wait for others to wash them, they will have to wait forever, because we all have our hands full.”
“Khai can wash and put on clothes on his own, doc.” I confirm. “He can go to bed by himself, too. No need to be tucked in, even.”
“That’s adorable. Obedient and easy to handle. Kids I’ve seen so far aren’t like this at all. Oh, where are you taking him to?” Tawan turns to ask me. “Theme park, zoo, or toy shopping?”
I shake my head. “Nahhh, doc. Country kids don’t really want to go to a theme park or buy toys. And I brought him to a zoo already. Today I’ll take him to ride the Metro.”[59]
“Hmmmm? Just MRT train ride?”
Tawan furrows his brows questioningly and it’s funny.
“Yah, doc. Just riding back and forth on the MRT. Maybe you won’t get it, but for country kids, a train ride is their dream. Riding one can already bring them so much joy.”
I think about myself when I first came to Bangkok. Seeing the Skytrain was an incredible experience. I even bought a ticket and rode on it back and forth all day and it already made me happy.
“It’s nice to be kids… Riding a train is enough to make them excited and happy, unlike adults. We have too much to think about, it makes us forget how to find happiness from simple things around us.”
Tawan’s tone changes a little. I think he doesn’t notice it himself. I, on the other hand, listen intently and can clearly feel that he has something on his mind when saying it. Again, I have to refrain from reaching my hand to pat him on his head, and it’s harder than the last time...
“Doc, are you free today?”
“Um...yep. Why?”
I touch his shoulder… The furthest place I can reach.
I can’t reach his heart… Shoulder is the closest I manage.
But I will learn to feel content with this.
“Wanna go ride the train with me just for fun?”
…………
“Come on, Khai, countdown now. The train will leave the tunnel soon.”
I pick the imp up and let him look out through a window for a better view.
“5 4 3 2 1”
Even before the countdown reaches one, the train emerges from the tunnel and ascends to approach Tao Poon station. It’s an exciting moment, not just for a child like Khai, but also for a grownup like me. I feel so excited when the train gradually escalates from the underground tunnel towards the elevated station on its ramped rail.
“Whoaaa, it’s my first time to ride the train to Tao Poon Station!”
I’m not the only grownup who gets excited about it. I turn to look at Tawan and realize he’s glued to the window, staring out with as much excitement as Khai. I tried to hide the grin threatening to appear on my face from seeing such an endearing thing. I have to actively remind myself that Tawan is older than me, because sometimes he has a side of personality that’s more childish than me.
“Khai, do you like trains?”
Tawan turns to talk with the little guy whom I’m carrying.
“Yes, P'Mor.”[60]
Khai gets along very well with Tawan, even though they have just first met only a while ago. But son, why are you calling him P'? He’s actually older than your papa! You should call him Loong Doctor.
“And do you like motorcycles? Your papa drives a motorcycle.” Tawan continues asking.
“I like.” Khai nods. “But this train is bigger. Khai like big cars, big trains.”
My little boy tilts his head to look at me.
“Papa, can you drive the metro train?”
“Nah, I can’t. A person like me can only drive...oops!”<
br />
I can’t finish my sentence because Tawan elbows me, making me jump. He also glares at me.
Oh, right, I’ve promised him about “that.”
“Um…” I rearrange the thoughts in my head for a new answer. “Papa can’t drive the train yet. To drive it, papa will need to learn a little more.”
I look at Tawan again and he smiles back while nodding slightly. He’s right. On the surface, it is the same answer, but when I use “still” or “not yet,” it sounds much more positive.
“So, when will you learn it, papa?”
The tiny guy prods, his eyes suddenly sparkling.
“I wonder, too. When will your papa study and learn more?”
Tawan takes the opportunity to chime in. Though he bends down to talk with Khai in my arms, what he’s saying sounds like it’s directed at me rather than at the imp.
“Khai, do you want to ride the train your papa drives?”
My Ride, I Love You Page 25