Complete Care for Your Aging Cat

by Amy Shojai

  so much that he had to take him. And the child then wonders, what

  about me? Doesn’t God love me?” He cautions that using terms like

  put to sleep could have serious ramifications when that child needs to

  be put to sleep for a tonsil ectomy. “I have counseled terrified children

  because of this,” he says. Older children take less at face value. It’s

  much better and more truthful to place a special pet in a whole new

  category, where her memory lives on in our hearts to make us better

  people.

  When children are old enough to truly understand, bring them into

  the decision-making process of euthanization. “The parent is going to

  decide,” he says, “but let the child feel they’re a part of it.” This is a

  decision based on love and connection with the cat that should be

  made by everyone who loves the cat, rather than the adults

  announcing what wil happen without consulting the children.

  It’s especial y important that teenagers be included. They typical y

  wil oppose any decision made by parents, but they need to

  understand how the process works. If the teenagers strenuously

  object, put the decision on hold for a day or so for them to become

  used to the notion. “The feeling of working together, and

  memorializing the beloved pet, can even help unify families that are

  having problems,” says Dr. Sife. When mutual love drives the

  decision, there’s no conflict.

  Right Time, Right Place

  You have choices when deciding to end your cat’s life. Do you

  want to be present for the euthanasia? Or do you want to remember

  her as she was, and not be present for the end? “Having owners there

  is a culmination of the pet’s life,” says Dr. Garrett. “It’s a very peaceful

  process. They feel like they were with them to the last minute.”

  Veterinarians should respect your wishes, whatever you decide. “It’s

  very important to feel in the end that you had the sort of goodbye that

  you wanted.”

  In some practices, veterinarians wil euthanize animals at the

  owner’s home. If you feel that would be more comforting for your cat,

  don’t hesitate to ask. In nice weather, it’s even possible to have an

  outdoor euthanasia, says Dr. Garrett. Other owners don’t want to be

  reminded each time they walk into the room that Fluffy died there.

  Euthanasia at home gives the other pets in the family the

  opportunity to say goodbye, and to understand what has happened. It

  sometimes helps them to see the body after she’s passed away, so

  they don’t spend days or weeks searching and crying for their lost

  friend. Grief in pets is technical y considered to be an extreme form of

  separation anxiety.

  If you prefer to bring your cat to the clinic for euthanasia and are

  worried about other pets grieving, ask if you can bring them along,

  suggests Dr. Garrett. She recommends you wait until after euthanasia,

  though. “The person’s whole attention should be spent on their pet that

  they’re saying goodbye to.” Another option is to take the body home

  and al ow the other cats and dogs to investigate.

  Some surviving cats and dogs howl and cry, while others don’t even

  sniff the body. Be prepared for any reaction, or no reaction at al . After

  she’s gone, the other pets may recognize the body is not the same cat

  anymore. Truly, the part that made her special has left.

  In most cases, euthanasia takes place in the veterinarian’s office. It

  often is a sad day for your veterinarian, too, says Dr. Garrett. “You’ve

  known her for two years—but you know it’s the right thing, that it’s

  time. There are times we cry. You can cry because you feel bad for the

  owners and you’re saying goodbye to the pet yourself,” she says. “The

  time when I can go through euthanasia without feeling any emotion is

  the time I’l quit. I don’t want to get to that point.” Euthanasia is a

  culmination of everyone’s relationship together in helping an animal to

  die comfortably and peaceful y, with al the loved ones around her,

  including the veterinarian.

  Golden Moments: Arthur’s Broken Heart

  Bonnie Cheak, a programmer/analyst in Westminster, Maryland,

  loves her cats without reservation. She’s spent many years caring for

  cats that have developed everything from diabetes and cancer, to liver

  disease, high blood pressure and stroke. She knows cats develop

  affection not only for her, but for their cat friends, and may mourn them

  as deeply as any human. Arthur is a prime example.

  The tiny gray tabby weighs almost 7 pounds and has lived with

  Bonnie since he was 8. “People think he’s a Scottish fold because the

  previous owners broke the vessels in both his ears,” she says.

  Despite his rocky first home, Arthur is very sweet and affectionate.

  “He’s my baby,” says Bonnie. Arthur is over 20 years old.

  He’s been through a lot in two decades. In 1997, Arthur developed

  a tumor on his neck, nearly overnight. He was diagnosed with cancer

  and received chemotherapy through April 1999. The lymphoma

  immediately went into remission and hasn’t returned—and Arthur’s

  whiskers also grew back.

  Bonnie says the cancer was nothing compared to Arthur losing his

  lifelong kitty companion, Deerface, in May of 1999. “He was looking

  in corners. I’d open a cupboard and he’d immediately run over to look

  to see if she was there,” says Bonnie. “They just loved each other

  dearly. He’d scream and cry when he couldn’t find her. I real y thought

  it would kil him.” Arthur also began showing health problems and was

  diagnosed with chronic renal failure. Bonnie believes stress over

  mourning Deerface had a lot to do with it.

  Bonnie keeps a sharp eye on Arthur’s health, but today he’s doing

  very wel . “He stil jumps up on the counter—pretty good for an old cat,”

  says Bonnie. Various medications to support his kidneys, fluid therapy

  at home, and regular blood pressure checks help keep him physical y

  fit.

  As far as his emotional health, a new love has healed Arthur’s

  broken heart. “Now he’s attached to my little five-year-old Katie, and

  he’l actual y chase her up the stairs. They clean each other and kiss

  each other,” says Bonnie. She believes cats not only can mourn, they

  can love again—when given the chance.

  Understanding Euthanasia

  Before the time comes, ask your veterinarian to explain the usual

  procedure so you’re prepared. Private rooms are general y provided

  so that you have time alone with your cat before, during, and after the

  euthanasia. Usual y a catheter is placed in the vein as a first step, to

  make it easier to administer the euthanasia solution when the time

  comes. Chronical y il cats may already have an IV catheter in place.

  Dr. Garrett prefers to place the catheter in the back leg so you can

  interact with your cat’s face throughout the procedure. Sometimes the

  cat wil be sedated first, and that makes her very sleepy. You may

  prefer to forgo the sedation so that she remains alert up to the end,

  and
you are better able to interact with the friend you know and love

  during your goodbyes.

  The veterinarian wil return after you’ve had time to visit. As the drug

  takes effect, it relaxes the cat and she’l sometimes involuntarily

  urinate, so if you want to hold her on your lap, cuddle her in a towel. If

  she’s not been sedated before, she may receive that injection now so

  she’s relaxed and has a smoother transition. Then a slow IV injection

  of the euthanasia solution, an overdose of a barbiturate anesthetic-

  type drug, is administered. It can be very quick-acting.

  Usual y the cat wil die within only a minute or two, and the

  veterinarian wil listen for a heartbeat to confirm that she’s gone. There

  may be a few involuntary muscle spasms, or last-minute breaths, says

  Dr. Garrett. “But it’s not them. They’re gone at that point. It’s just an

  automatic response by the body.”

  Most people wish to spend some time alone with their pet

  afterward. Don’t hesitate to ask for this consideration if it’s not offered.

  The way the euthanasia is managed wil influence the way you feel

  about the experience in the future. Don’t be reluctant to ask questions,

  or make requests for you or your cat’s comfort. “About 60 percent of

  owners who have their animal put to sleep wil change veterinarians,”

  says Dr. Fortney. There are a variety of reasons for this. Perhaps the

  most tel ing is that some just don’t like going back to the practice

  where they put Fluffy to sleep.

  Validating Grief

  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross documented the five stages of grief people

  feel at the loss of a human loved one. You wil feel similar emotions

  after losing a beloved pet. The stages are denial; anger; bargaining,

  I’ll do X, Y, Z, if only he’ll be okay; depression; and final y acceptance.

  Grieving is a normal, human process, and major loss of any kind wil

  produce bereavement. But Dr. Sife says that pet bereavement has

  unique qualities, because we share very different parts of our lives

  with pets. “We have to understand specifical y what the bond was, why

  it is so valid to grieve this way, and not belittle ourselves or doubt

  ourselves,” says Dr. Sife.

  Many cat owners look on their pets as dependent children. Even

  more, an old cat represents milestones in the owner’s life—the cat

  was a childhood playmate, accompanied you to col ege, was there for

  your wedding, or your divorce, and perhaps helped you through the

  loss of a spouse. Losing her feels like losing a part of yourself.

  Pet bereavement may not receive the same level of sympathy and

  support as from losing a human family member, and that makes the

  loss even more profound. “Many people resent that we can bereave

  so deeply for a pet. They wil take it personal y and get very judgmental

  or offensive,” says Dr. Sife. He says that reaction stems in part from

  society’s negative view of death, which makes it difficult to openly

  express grief, especial y for “only” a pet.

  Individuals who have never experienced a close relationship with a

  pet wil have the most difficult time understanding your pain. “There’s a

  dimension of life they can’t appreciate,” says Dr. Kitchel . When one

  family member was much closer to the lost cat than others, they may

  be unable to handle the emotional fal out. “For people who don’t have

  that capacity to understand the bond, it’s as if they go through life color

  blind.”

  There is no right way to experience grief. Each person’s experience

  wil be different, and the process can be short or long. The stages of

  grief are not necessarily sequential—you may feel depression, then

  denial and anger, for example. “You do not have to experience al

  these stages to successful y grieve,” says Dr. Garrett. While the cat’s

  death may throw you into deep denial, your husband may simply get

  angry—or come to terms with her death much more quickly than you

  can.

  Guilt is common. Whatever choices you made, guilt often stalks you

  afterwards. Have faith that you made the best possible decision at

  that time.

  Delayed grief may also knock on your door. In these cases, you feel

  no emotion at first, and feel odd, empty, or even guilty for lack of

  distress. Delayed grief may come days, weeks, even months later,

  when the sight of Fluffy’s catnip mouse you find under the bed prompts

  an emotional meltdown.

  Al of these aspects of grief are normal.

  Close family members and friends who want to help you through

  your grief may not know how to give support. They’l say, don’t cry. Or

  try to diminish the reason for the pain by saying it’s only a cat. “That of

  course only intensifies the pain,” says Dr. Sife, and can permanently

  damage friendships and relationships. “The important factor here is

  that someone is hurting. And if we are good humans, whether we

  agree or disagree with the reasons, we give compassion.”

  So how do you help someone who is hurting? What is the right thing

  to say to help a friend, comfort a family member, or guide your child

  through their grief? If you loved the cat, or are a pet owner yourself,

  you can relate to the pain from firsthand experience and can

  commiserate. If you’re not a pet owner, just ask how you can help. Tel

  them you know they’re experiencing something terrible, and that know

  you don’t real y understand the depth of the pain. Tel them you care

  for them. Say you want to be there for them.

  A supportive, nonjudgmental presence can be the most important

  ingredient in the healing process. Listen to cherished stories about

  the special cat—the way she always nibbled noses or pounced on

  toes each morning to wake them, how she’d chase the laser light

  forever, the way she snuggled into their lap and purred.

  When you are the person in pain, please know that you are not

  alone. Every person reading this book loves or has loved a cat, and

  understands the grief of losing a beloved feline friend. You may feel a

  buzzing numbness, an aching absence that something priceless is

  gone from your world. It may catch you by surprise when entering a

  room—and she’s not lounging on the cat tree, or ambushing your

  ankle to greet you. Her food bowls are stil on the kitchen floor, with the

  last bit of water or kibble she left behind. You put on a shoe—and find

  the sparkle-bal toy she hid inside, and burst into tears, knowing it’s

  the last time you’l ever play a part in her game. Maybe you “feel” her

  leap onto the bed at night as you doze off to sleep, or “see” her out of

  the corners of your eyes. These are al normal experiences, and

  common to people who have shared a particularly close bond with

  their pet.

  It’s normal to feel awful. It hurts like crazy, but you are not going nuts.

  Aren’t other things such as work, or people, supposed to be more

  important? No. Your cat and your grief for her loss are just as

  important. They’re important in a different way. She had a unique

  impact on your life, or you wouldn’t mi
ss her the way you do. “It’s much

  better to validate those emotions than to just cover it up,” says Dr.

  Garrett. Always remember there is no guilt or shame in being a caring

  person. Never let anyone make you feel wrong for honoring your pet

  with tears.

  The best help for grief-stricken pet owners is support from people

  who’ve experienced loss too. You are not alone. Talk about your

  feelings. Share stories about her with other pet lovers. Local

  veterinarians or animal shelters may offer grief support groups that

  meet in your area. A number of veterinary universities host pet loss

  support hotlines. If you are on the Internet, pet sites provide pet loss

  support groups where you can share stories, cry a little, receive—and

  give—support to other pet lovers going through the same emotional

  journey.

  At times the grieving process becomes prolonged, and people

  need help to get through it. In fact, the loss of a pet may sometimes

  trigger other very deep-rooted and unresolved problems in the

  person’s life that they may not even recognize, or have repressed,

  says Dr. Sife. “Then they’re overwhelmed with grief, and they can only

  see it as the loss of the pet, which is intense by itself,” he says. “That’s

  where it takes a professional counselor who is professional y trained

  and capable of identifying and helping the person.”

  Honoring the Memory

  How you recognize your special cat’s death can help you get

  through the grieving process. You wil need to decide what becomes

  of her body. When your cat was treated by a teaching hospital at a

  university, you may be asked about al owing an autopsy, especial y if

  it’s an unusual case. This could be considered a legacy that wil help

  the lives of other cats.

  Your veterinarian should have suggestions for taking care of her

  body, and may provide services for clients who do not have the ability

  or resources to make other arrangements. Rural areas with property

  available may offer the opportunity for a home burial. Be aware that

  some cities have laws prohibiting burial of pets within residential

  areas, so check with officials in your area. A home interment al ows

  you to create a memorial gravesite in a setting familiar to the missing

  cat friend—perhaps beneath a favorite tree she loved.