by Jessica Ames
“Are you crazy? That’s my boss!”
His eyes go over my head, and I see fire flare through them. “Don’t like the way that fucker was looking at you.”
I fold my arms over my chest. The audacity of this man! “Since I’m not yours, I don’t see why that matters.”
Not that Tim was looking at me in any way but that of a friend.
Rooster’s eyes drop to my hair, taking in my tight curls. “Love this look on you, Kitten.”
My heart clenches painfully.
“Don’t call me that,” I say quietly. Hearing the name on his lips almost breaks my composure.
He sighs and rubs a hand over his chin. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You’re married,” I accuse.
I watch the wince cross his face and my gut roils as I realize it’s true. “Technically, yes. I want a divorce, but every time I broach it, she threatens to take my kids off me. Don’t got a single feeling left for Janie but anger, but I love my damned kids.”
I soften at his words. “She can’t just stop you seeing your kids.”
“There’s so much you don’t know.”
“So, tell me.”
His eyes harden. “They ain’t mine by blood.” Pain ripples across his face. “But they’re my sons. I raised both of those boys from birth. Loved them, gave them everything they needed. For the past five years, I’ve been a father. I tried to stay with Janie for them, but she and I were never a good fit. Told her I wanted a divorce when Taylor, my youngest, was two, but that I’d keep doing everything needed for my boys. She dropped the bombshell that she’d fucked someone else, that my kids were this other guys. Gored me in every way imaginable hearing that.”
“Oh, Finn.” I cover my mouth with my hands. I want to reach out, touch him, but I’m scared to do it. I’m scared of wanting more from him.
“Ain’t divorced because of my kids, Kitten, and that’s the only fucking reason. Ain’t nothing between me and Janie, and there ain’t ever going to be again. I hate her for what she’s done to me.”
“You know for sure they’re not your sons? She could be lying to hurt you.” I hate this woman. Seeing the pain on Finn’s face makes me hate her more.
“Had a test done. They ain’t mine, but I’m the only daddy they’ve ever known. I can’t leave those boys fatherless. I love them both. Nothing changed that.”
And yet again, I’m seeing a side to Rooster I didn’t expect to see. He’s not this shallow manwhore, but a man who puts others before himself.
“You should have told me all this.”
“Wasn’t exactly time to get into my messy past, Kitten.”
“You should have made time as soon as you realized how serious things were getting between us.”
“And you shouldn’t have run. You didn’t give me a chance to explain things. I would have told you everything if I’d known.”
“Your ex-wife blindsided me when I called. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
He reaches out and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry, Kitten. More sorry than you’ll ever know.”
“I know you are.” I let out a breath. “It doesn’t change the fact you kept it from me, though. You lied.”
“I didn’t lie.”
“Okay, call it a lie of omission, whatever you want to say. You didn’t tell me you were still married and that you have kids.”
He stares at me a beat and I can see the cogs turning in his brain as he mulls my words over.
“Don’t want this to be over, Carla. Ain’t ready to let you go.”
I’m not sure I’m ready for that either, but I’m not ready to forgive him either. I peer up at him, and I lay it out for him, my heart cracking as I say the words. “You let me love you when you didn’t give me the full picture.”
“Does it change things? Knowing I have kids, does it stop how you feel about me?” There’s a hint of desperation in his voice and I hate that I put it there.
“No. I’m more concerned about the fact you didn’t tell me.” I glance over my shoulder at Tim, who is studiously trying to ignore the conversation I’m having.
“I need to get back to work.”
As I start to turn, he grabs my wrist. “Ain’t walking away from this. Ain’t ready for it to be over.”
“I know, but it is.”
I pull free and he lets me go. Then I turn my back on him, my heart shattering like glass.
Twenty-Three
Rooster
Carla’s still mad at me, and I understand why, even if I don’t like it. As soon as we started getting cozy together, I should have told her about my boys. There just never seemed to be a good time and on the road it was easy to forget my messy past. In fact, with her everything fades into the background. She makes the dark spots in my life brighter.
I don’t want to lose her, but I’m not sure that’s my choice any longer and that guts me. I need her like I need my next breath and I feel like I’m suffocating as I think about a life without her in it.
I’m not a man who gives up easily. So, the next night, I head to the bar. She eyes me as soon as I enter, her eyes tracking me as I walk to the stool and slip on to it. I have to make her hear me. I have to make her forgive me.
She looks beautiful tonight, but she looks beautiful all the time. Her dark hair is curled as usual and her shirt fits snug across her tits in a way that should be illegal. Her full lips are painted blood-red and she has on a layer of makeup that accentuates her natural features.
Carla ignores me for a moment, though I see her sneaking looks in my direction. Finally, realizing she can’t avoid me, she moves over to me, her expression a mask of irritation. “What are you doing here?”
“Having a drink. Can I get a Scotch?”
“No.”
“Kitten…”
“Didn’t we talk about you calling me that?” She huffs. It’s adorable.
“We talked. I didn’t listen.”
She leans over the bar and hisses in my face, “Go home.”
“Not without you.”
“Finn—”
“Ain’t leaving you here. I love you, that ain’t changed, but even if I didn’t, the Filthy Reapers are still a threat, so if you won’t come back to the safety of the clubhouse, I’m camping here until the threat is gone.”
She opens her mouth, then closes it again. I watch as she leans over the bar, her tits tantalizingly close. I have to keep my eyes locked on her face to stop from staring at them.
“You need to go back to Jersey.”
“Not without you.”
Carla stares at me, and for a moment, I think she’s considering all the ways she can kill me. She looks as if she’s seriously considering it, too. I interlace my fingers on the top of the bar and smile at her.
“Ain’t no point without you, Kitten. I know I fucked up, but give me a chance to fix it.”
She eyes me, then turns. “I’ll get your Scotch.”
She moves over to the back of the bar and grabs a bottle from the shelf. I watch as she pours the amber colored liquid into the glass. When Carla steps back up to me, she slides the glass on the bar in front of me. I dig out my wallet and hold out a couple of bills for her. She takes them, but as she does, I snag her wrist. Carla’s eyes slide to mine.
“Ain’t giving up, Carla. You’re mine.”
“I’m not,” she says quietly, and her words are like a thousand knife wounds to the chest.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you I’m yours.”
“You lied to me, and I can’t stand liars.”
“I didn’t really lie, Kitten. I just hadn’t got around to telling you about it yet.”
“You don’t think the fact you’re married and have two boys might be something you lead with?”
I study her face, trying to read her emotions, but all I’m getting from her is anger.
“Does it change things that I have kids?”
Carla rolls her eyes. “Of course no
t.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
“I don’t trust you.”
“How can I make you trust me again?”
She lets out a breath. “Honestly, I don’t know. I need time to process everything. Give me that?”
I shake my head. “You can have time, but I’m not leaving Temecula. Not with this shit going down with the club.”
“You’re annoying,” she grouses.
I grin. “You already knew that.”
“I have to get back to work. If you want to sit there, I can’t stop you, but don’t get in my way.”
“Gotcha. I’ll just be over here, enjoying my drink.”
She rolls her eyes at me and wanders over to the other end of the bar to serve a patron. I watch her work while I sip on my Scotch. The way she moves entrances me. Everything about her entrances me. She’s my perfect woman, and I’m not willing to give her up. She might think we’re done, but we’re not even close to being done yet. She’s mine and I’m going to make her realize that.
All night I sit at the end of the bar, watching her work, keeping an eye out for any trouble. The next night, I’m there too, and the night after that. I can tell my presence is pissing her off, but I can’t leave. I won’t leave knowing there is danger looming, and I need her to see how serious I am
She’s it for me, and I’m not walking away over something so trivial. I love her, and I know she loves me. She just needs to remember that once she stops being angry with me.
We get into a routine of her ignoring me and me sitting watching her work.
On the fifth night, Carla walks over to me, dropping a hand to her hip.
“Are you planning on sitting there all night again?”
“I don’t have anywhere else to be.”
“You need to leave, Finn. My boss is losing his shit about you camping out there.”
“This is a bar. I’m a patron. Not sure what the issue is.”
“The issue is you’re not here to patronize the bar. You’re here like some crazy stalker, watching me every night.”
I put a hand to my chest. “Ouch, that was cold, Kitten.”
She grits her teeth. “Please, just leave.”
“Carla—”
“I told you I need time. This isn’t giving me time.”
The desperation in her voice makes my stomach roll. I don’t want to hurt her or upset her, but I’m not willing to walk away either. What I am willing to do is give her the illusion of space.
Sighing, I push up from the bar. “Fine.”
Her brow cocks. “Fine? Just like that you’re walking away?”
“Did you want me to argue with you, Kitten?”
Heat rises in her cheeks. “No.”
“I can if you want me too.”
“No.”
I lean over the bar. “I’ll never stop fighting for us, but I will give you space, because I can see you need it, but I love you, and that hasn’t changed. I want you back in my bed and I’m not going to back down until that happens.”
I push up from my seat and head for the exit. I don’t go back to the motel I’m staying at, though. I move over to my bike which is parked up on the street outside the bar, and I lean against it. If she thinks I’m leaving her exposed, she’s crazy.
Maybe I’m the crazy one. She’s right, this is totally stalking territory, but I don’t give a shit. I want her back, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
Twenty-Four
Carla
Rooster doesn’t come back to the bar the next night, which I’m relieved about. I wasn’t lying when I said Tim was getting antsy about having a huge biker camped out at the end of his bar night after night. He ordered me to get rid of him because he’s scaring the other patrons.
Considering what Rooster told me about his ex holding his kids over his head, I should forgive him and move on, but I’m stuck on the fact he didn’t tell me this major part of his life. Truthfully, I’m still smarting over the fact I had to be reamed out by his wife for being a home wrecker, even if she wasn’t telling the truth. I’ll never come between a man and his family, and there are issues there that I don’t want to touch with a ten-foot pole. Janie is crazy, and I don’t have the patience to deal with a whacked-out scorned ex-wife.
But his situation isn’t his fault either. I can see he’s trying to do the right thing, which makes me feel a little guilty for being so hard on him. I really never intended for things to go this far, but now that we’re here, I don’t know how to go back. I know Rooster is still in town. He follows me to work and sits outside the bar for my entire shift, making sure I’m safe. That does fill me with a warm fuzzy feeling I can’t deny. He still cares, even though I did everything I could to push him away. I wonder if he still loves me. I still love him. I’ve tried to turn those feelings off but I can’t.
It’s late afternoon and I’m wiping down the bar, my thoughts on Rooster when the doors open. I don’t glance up until the patron slides onto the stool in front of the bar. As I do, recognition dawns and my jaw drops open.
Copper-brown hair, a scruffy face and a gorgeous, chiseled jaw smirks back at me. He looks just as handsome as ever, but my stomach doesn’t dip as it used to. Now, I feel something different, something less intense. Rooster has ruined me for all other men.
“Carla Babes.” His Australian drawl has me grinning. He lifts a hand and gestures. “Hit me up.”
I move over to the back of the counter and grab a bottle from the middle shelf. I remember what he drinks. It’s hard not to, the man was in my bar nearly every night while he stalked his then ex. Him and Finn have a lot in common.
As I slide the drink in front of him, I notice a wedding band on his finger and rather than feeling a pang of jealousy, I feel a surge of happiness that he got his happily ever after.
“It’s good to see you, Chance,” I say, meaning every word of it. “How long are you in town for?”
He and Aubrey moved out of Temecula, but I’m not sure where they went. We became friends during his stalking escapades, but he didn’t stop by to tell me he was leaving town.
“Just today. Me and Aubrey are doing a whistle-stop tour of all the places we visited on our road trip for our two-year anniversary.”
“That’s romantic.”
He smirks. “Yeah. I got my happily ever after. I hope you found yours.”
I stare at him, almost unable to believe he’s really here. “My situation is… complicated.”
He threads his fingers together on the bar top and says, “Complicated, how?”
“Where’s Aubrey?” I deftly change the subject, not wanting to get into my tragic love life.
“She’s in the car with Pixy.”
“The goat?”
“And our son, CJ.”
My heart surges again. “You have a boy.”
Chance smirks. “Yeah.”
“If he’s anything like you then you have your work cut out for you.”
“He’s exactly like me. The little bugger drives me bonkers, but I love the kid. Never thought I could love anyone as much as Aubrey, but he proved me wrong.”
“I’m glad you found that,” I tell him, meaning every word of it. He’d been a wreck when he was trying to get her back, and honestly, for a little while I didn’t think they would make it. I’m glad they proved me wrong.
“So, why’s your situation complicated?” he asks as he takes a swig of his drink.
“He’s complicated.”
“You know what I learned?”
“What?”
“Life is fucking short, Carla Babes. You have to take what you want, take risks, be willing to step outside your comfort zone. That’s the only way to get what you want in life. You like this guy?”
“I love him,” I admit.
“Then get your guy. Don’t hold back, don’t let fear stand in the way.”
If only it were that simple.
“He lied to me.”
“We
all lie when we’re scared of losing the most important thing in our lives.”
I glare at him. “When did you become so sage?”
“I’m trying it out.” He grins.
Sighing, I lean on the bar. “He’s married. He can’t get divorced because his wife won’t let him see the kids—kids that aren’t his by blood but that he raised.”
Chance listens to my words then says, “So you’re mad he has kids or that he’s still married.”
“I don’t care that he has kids. I care that he never told me he was married before…”
“Before you started feeling for him?” he correctly fills in.
“Yeah.”
He smiles at me. “I lied to Aubrey. I went to jail and did my time without her by my side. I could have had her, though. I could have avoided a lot of heartache on her part and mine. Don’t make shit harder than it has to be.”
“You think I should let it go?”
“I think you should do what your heart wants.”
My heart wants Finn. I miss him so much.
“Being angry only makes you miserable. Trust me, I know.” He knocks his drink back and grins. “I’ve got to head out. I’m taking Aubrey and CJ out for dinner.”
“I’m happy you got your girl,” I tell him, meaning every word of it.
“Yeah, me too. Now go and get your guy.”
He pushes up from the stool and slides the glass back on to the bar. “See you, Carla Babes.”
I watch him leave, my brain filled with colliding thoughts. I do love Finn and I’m miserable without him. Chance is right, being angry serves no purpose. I wipe the bar where Chance was sitting, clean away the glass then I pull out my phone from my apron. I dial Finn’s number.
“You okay?” he asks as soon as the call connects.
“Can you come into the bar, please.”
“Be there in a second.”
“A second? Are you camped outside still?”
“If I answer yes am I likely to get my ass kicked?”
I chuckle. “No.”
“Then yes, I’m outside the bar.”
“Come inside.”
I hang up and wait. A few moments later the doors open and he steps inside the bar. My heart starts to race and my tongue glues itself to the top of my mouth, much like it did the first time I laid eyes on him.