I poured whiskey into my mouth. The smooth liquid slid down my throat and kept going, warming my chest. My pulse was all over the place. My stomach felt like someone had used me as a punching bag, and my legs felt wobbly. The small amount of whiskey did nothing to ease any of that.
Lucas grabbed the flask before I emptied out his stash. I’d forgotten mine at home for good reason.
He took a swig then pocketed the flask inside his suit pocket. “We should go back out there.”
I clutched my chest. “You’ve got to stay at my side.” He was like a brother to me, and honestly, he was the only one close to me that I could trust.
He glanced at me in the mirror. “I’ll be there when you fall.”
Tears threatened. “When I fall?”
“It’s going to happen,” he said seriously. “And that’s okay. Come on. I hear the preacher talking.”
All I heard was a droning sound, like bees were buzzing in my ears. Nevertheless, I followed him out, my breathing labored. I swore I was about to pass out. That fall he’d just spoken of was about to happen.
I shuffled behind Lucas at a slow pace, and as I looked out at the crowd, my gaze fell on her. Haven’s red hair was pulled up off her shoulders, exposing her long neck. Those emerald eyes were glued to me. Suddenly, “Follow the Yellow Brick Road” started in my head.
What the hell is happening to me?
Haven blinked slowly, sadness washing over her. Or maybe it was pity. Either way, that noose around my neck loosened for a mere second until my eyes landed on the man beside her. Then I was clenching my fists.
The senator had no business being there. I whipped my head to Franklin.
The preacher stopped talking, diverting his attention to me.
Franklin rushed up to the gray-haired preacher and said something to him. Then his long legs carried him over to me.
Lucas and Franklin escorted me back toward the bathroom, but instead of the restroom, Franklin went into the preacher’s office.
As soon as the three of us were inside, Franklin closed the door.
I paced like a madman. “What is Senator Hale doing here?”
Franklin unbuttoned his suit jacket. “The whole town is here. So let’s not cause trouble today.”
“He doesn’t belong here,” I said with a growl.
Franklin could never find evidence that the senator had been responsible for making sure James Enterprises didn’t operate. All Franklin had was an employee’s word that had worked at the water board.
Lucas clutched my arm. “Relax. Franklin’s right. Everyone, including the senator, is paying their respects.” Lucas handed me his flask again.
This time, I did drain all the alcohol in the hopes that the burn sliding down my throat would calm me.
Franklin raised an eyebrow.
I shrugged. I didn’t give a damn about etiquette or how it would look if I stumbled out of the pastor’s office, although the small amount of whiskey wouldn’t affect me in the least.
I wiped the back of my mouth with my hand. “If he so much as makes one comment that I don’t like, then you’re going to have to hold me back.”
Both of them nodded.
I took in a few big gulps of air then stalked out, returning to my seat, not looking at the senator or his beautiful daughter.
Franklin and Lucas followed.
I nodded to the preacher.
He started in on his sermon about loved ones, death, and grieving. I tuned him in and out as my aunt held my hand. Before long, five people paraded up to the altar, one after the other, to talk about Leigh, Randal, Jr., and my mom and dad. Each one talked about a memory or experience with one of them. It wasn’t until Leigh’s best friend, Jessica Davis, mentioned my name that I zeroed in on what she was saying.
“Ryker, you were Leigh’s hero,” Jessica said as tears streamed down her face. “She wanted to be everything you are—strong, determined, dedicated, loving—and you are what she deemed as special. The love for your family. The love you gave them.”
Don’t cry, dude. Don’t do it.
Aunt Kari squeezed my hand. “It’s okay. Let it out.”
No fucking way was I about to be the biggest crybaby anyone had ever seen. Be a man, my dad would say. Tough it out. Show people that you can handle anything. Because when they see you sweat, when they see you break down, they’ll pounce on your weakness.
But I didn’t feel strong at the moment. I didn’t have a determined bone in my body.
Jessica moved her dark hair off her shoulder, sniffling and smiling at me. “Leigh’s wish for you is to find someone who will give you that deep love that you have in your heart.”
Holy fuck! My head was dizzy. I felt as though Jessica were Leigh. My sister had said that very line to me a time or two. My response had always been that I would find someone when the time was right. But football was my love. Football was my future. Hell, it was my life. I had no room for anything else other than football and family.
Jessica blessed herself. Then she hung her head and walked off the altar.
My legs moved, but my brain was still on neutral. I wrapped my arms around Jessica. “Thank you.”
She hugged me back with every ounce she had and bawled into my chest.
I rubbed her back. “Leigh will always be with us.”
She flashed cloudy dark eyes at me. “I loved her so much.”
I was a second away from bawling with her until she ran back to her seat.
Five minutes later, the service ended. People I didn’t even know lined up to pay their respects by saying a prayer in front of the coffins.
I sat there, watching, while Kari and Franklin stood off to the side near me, shaking hands with people. Some tried to talk to me, but all I could do was nod. I was numb from head to toe with Jessica’s words on repeat, and I knew that in about an hour, we were about to bury my family.
The lilac scent gave Haven away before her soft hand landed on mine. “Ryker.”
Heaven.
Her voice was like an angel’s.
She closed her hand over mine. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
I turned slightly, lifting my gaze to hers. Those fucking emerald eyes were mesmerizing, bewitching, and enchanting. I sighed as though she were the air I needed.
She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek with soft lips then whispered in my ear. “I know how it feels to lose someone. If you ever want to talk, come find me.”
My heart settled a beat until a large, looming man stood over us.
His green eyes narrowed at me. “Son,” Senator Hale said. “Please accept my condolences.”
Don’t make a scene. Don’t freak out. Don’t punch him.
I wanted to do all of the above.
Instead, I deadpanned.
Franklin came over and extended his hand to the senator. “Eugene, thank you for coming.”
I didn’t know how in the world Franklin could be so pathetically nice.
Franklin and Eugene started talking. I tuned them out. I was becoming an expert on tuning shit out, which was good at the moment.
Franklin might have been a seasoned pro at masking his anger, but I wasn’t, and even though the incident that had happened at James Enterprises had taken place well over a year ago, it felt like the senator had just ripped open the scar.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” Haven asked.
Only four days ago, she was calling me a jerk in front of a room full of women. Regardless, I had so many comebacks on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them. I might have been a dickwad, a jerk, and an asshole, but church wasn’t the right place to show that side of me. There would be plenty of time to have fun with the senator’s daughter.
I cleared my throat. “Just make sure you’re at the fundraising meeting on Thursday.” My voice was loud on purpose.
She tensed, pursing her pink lips as I caught a glimpse of the senator whipping his attention our way.
I pushed to my feet. “Sena
tor Hale, thank you for coming.”
The large man turned to me with a fake grin plastered on his freckled face.
I draped an arm around Haven’s tight shoulders. “I want to also thank you for allowing your daughter to be part of our fundraising efforts for the football team.”
He narrowed his eyes, his fury lasering in on her. “Fundraising?”
She lowered her gaze, trying to get away from me.
Inwardly, I grinned like the asshole I was. Man, this woman had a way of changing my mood. I pulled her to me. “All proceeds go to support the Chelsea House for Battered Women.”
He schooled his features as he regarded his daughter. “What’s involved in the fundraiser?”
“We’re auctioning off your daughter,” I said. That probably wasn’t the kind of attention he wanted for his election.
Haven gasped and managed to get away from me then practically ran out of the church.
Franklin shook his head at me, silently telling me to shut up.
“Son,” Senator Hale said. “It would do you best to stick to football.”
“First, I’m not your son.” Thank God. “And it would do you best to stay out of my father’s business.”
“I’ve never been in your father’s business,” he said. “And from my understanding, his company violated a discharge permit. If I recall, the matter was settled in the appropriate manner.”
“So you’re going on record that you had nothing to do with making sure the water board took its time in handling the company’s case?”
He mashed his lips into a thin line. “I don’t work for the water board. But it’s my duty to the people of this state to make sure we have a clean environment. Companies such as your father’s threaten the livelihood of this state.”
My eyes rolled without any effort. Typical of him to avoid the question. “Keeping the oil refineries operating is key to your success too. Isn’t it? You’ve touted how important it is to the Texas economy. After all, the refineries employ thousands of citizens as do the chemical companies, which, by the way, keep the refineries operating.”
“Again, stick to football,” Senator Hale said. “After all, the loss yesterday isn’t a way to start the season.”
Asshole.
The loss was hard to swallow, nonetheless.
Franklin touched my arm. “Ryker, can you see if your aunt needs anything?” That was his way of saying, shut up and leave.
I ground my back teeth as I walked away, although I didn’t check on my aunt. Instead, I headed for fresh air.
“Oh, and Ryker,” Senator Hale said to my back. “My daughter is off-limits.”
We’ll see about that.
10
Haven
I sat in the back pew under an eave, where I couldn’t be seen unless someone was really looking my way. I’d wanted to leave the church, but I wanted to make sure Ryker and my father didn’t get into a brawl.
If it weren’t for that, I would have hightailed it out of there and driven as far away from Lakemont as I could. The idea of attending an out-of-state university suddenly became appealing. It wasn’t too late either. The semester didn’t start until tomorrow.
But I wasn’t a quitter, and I wouldn’t give my father that satisfaction.
I moved both my knees up and down as I listened to Ryker and my father. Their voices carried through the mainly empty church.
People had left after paying their respects. I suspected that most of them were headed to the cemetery. I’d heard Lucas tell someone that it would only be a few minutes before they carried the caskets out to the four hearses that were parked outside.
I didn’t plan on going to the cemetery. Father and I had plans to head back to his ranch for dinner, and after the interaction between Ryker and Father, heading to the cemetery definitely wasn’t a good idea. Plus, as infuriated as I was that Ryker was using me to get to my father, I would probably deck the jerk.
To think that I’d kissed him on the cheek and offered him a shoulder to cry on.
Stupid me.
I was smarter than that. I knew he wasn’t worthy.
Yet there I was, ready to throw myself at him. I knew how death had gripped me by the neck and sunk its claws in so deep that I hadn’t been able to breathe when my mother had died. I knew firsthand how the pain stayed for a long time. That shock, denial, and all the emotions that came with death never went away.
The more time that passed, the more I wanted my mom alive. If she were there, then my father might not have been such a bastard. I hated how he lived so carefree and easily, like he’d never known her or loved her, like he had never been married to her. I didn’t believe in dragging out the grieving process, but my father never talked about my mom. Arlene was partly to blame, and I couldn’t fault her too much. She was his life now, but so was I.
If he loved me, he would want the best for me. But my father was all about himself. All that mattered was politics and sticking it to people he didn’t like.
Bastard.
It was clear he didn’t like Ryker, and now I knew why. From their conversation, I’d gathered that my father had stuck his nose into the James’s family business. I would bet that whatever had transpired had benefited my father or his election. But there were always two sides to every story.
Ryker stormed down the aisle with his shoulders hunched, his face pinched, and his gray eyes swirled with fury. When he got to my row, he stopped and turned as though he could sense me.
Hot rage jumped off him as he slipped into the row and dropped his big body down beside me. He spread his legs in that manly way that guys did when they sat down, and his leg brushed mine.
Immediately, my pulse ramped up.
“Your father is a piece of work,” he whispered.
“What did he do?” As irritated as I was with Ryker, my tone was even.
I watched Father talk to the handsome man dressed in an expensive suit. Father smiled and nodded, being as polite as he could. Underneath that grin, though, was nothing but boredom.
“Fucked with my old man’s business.” Ryker spat the words through clenched teeth.
“I’m sure my father had a good motive.” I wasn’t taking sides, but when it came to voters and elections, my father wanted to deliver on his promises.
“You would say that,” he said.
“I heard something about the environment.”
“My old man’s company lost millions of dollars, employees, and customers, all because your father stuck his nose where it didn’t belong.”
“And you know this for sure?” I asked.
“What I know is your old man talks a big game about jobs, the economy, and the environment. But if he keeps submitting bills that hurt the businesses that support the moneymaker, as in oil refineries, he won’t win his election.”
I didn’t get involved in my father’s bills or politics. I didn’t even help him with elections. Actually, he’d never asked me, and I had never offered. I’d never had the desire.
But I didn’t want to talk about my father or politics. Actually, I didn’t even want to talk to Ryker, but I did have one question for him. “Why are you using me?”
He looked straight ahead. “Why are you here?” A muscle ticked in his strong jaw. “I’m also curious why your old man is here.”
“I asked him to come with me.” Arlene had gotten a bug at the last minute. If I were being honest, it was her idea for my father to attend. After all, he donated money to the university, and its star quarterback was grieving.
Or at least I assumed he was. At the moment, he didn’t seem to have a grieving bone in his body. He had earlier when he’d emerged from the back of the church, looking strung out and like he was about to cry. He’d certainly shown how distraught he was during the service as friends and loved ones spoke about each of the deceased. The one who had affected him the most, though, was the young lady who had spoken about his sister. The way he’d held her and consoled her had left me shedding tears.
>
Losing a loved one was hard. Losing four at the same time had to be downright gut-wrenching.
“Why are you even in my life, Haven Hale?” He sounded mortified yet heartbroken.
“That’s an odd question,” I returned.
“Look,” Ryker said. “Forget the fundraiser. I don’t need the hassle of your old man on my ass.” He rose, and in a flash, he was gone without even a quick look back at me.
My father was scaring away potential suitors.
Bastard.
Yet I didn’t know why I was complaining.
He told you to stay away from Ryker. Now Ryker will stay away from you. So you can party, live it up, stay out of the media, and not have to worry about your father on your butt.
Nevertheless, I scratched my head at Ryker’s question. Why was I in his life? Hell if I know. Maybe my father had a good point about me staying away from Ryker. Because in a freaky kind of way, the quarterback reminded me of my father—bold, aggressive, possessive, and an ass. All those qualities told me Ryker wasn’t the right guy. Yet there was one major difference—Ryker had a heart.
Whatever. I didn’t need the headache.
Then why do I feel like I’ve been dumped on the curb?
11
Ryker
Dark clouds skated by as the threat of rain hung in the air. I took off my tie and jacket then rolled up my sleeves, staring at four coffins, four graves, four souls that had gone to heaven. I still couldn’t shed a tear. Not when the preacher had said his final prayers as he blessed each coffin. Not when the football team had carried the caskets from the church to the hearse and then to the gravesite. Not even when my aunt Kari had broken down in a fit of tears, practically throwing herself at the coffins.
The cemetery had emptied out. Lucas was waiting back at the limo. Franklin had taken my aunt home, and all the guests had scattered. I needed a moment to collect my thoughts and say one final goodbye.
But I had no words. My brain was empty. My heart hurt, and I searched for reasons why my family had been taken from me. Why wasn’t I on that plane with them? It should have been me in one of those coffins rather than my baby brother or sister.
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