Beefcakes

by Katana Collins

  I didn’t doubt that he meant that. Neil loved me… that wasn’t in question here. “Isn’t it dangerous? Stunt work?”

  “If you’re a chef, you’re bound to get a few burns. So, sure… things can happen. But it’s not nearly as dangerous as people think.”

  Neil pulled me into him and kissed me slowly. “Please don’t worry about this stuff. Maybe there’s some smaller stunt gigs I can take in the Boston or New York area. Those movies wouldn’t take me away from home for more than a couple days at a time.”

  I cleared my throat. “If I wasn’t in the picture, would you take this job in Budapest?”

  “But you are in the picture.”

  “But if I wasn’t—”

  Neil took two steps back from me until his calves bumped the sofa behind him. Frustrated, he thrust his hands into his hair. “Lainey, what do you want from me? You said you didn’t want me to go to Budapest… so I’m not going. I want you more than I want the stunt work. You are more important to me than a movie gig, okay? Don’t make me hash this out over and over.”

  My limbs went numb. Was I setting us up for the same fate as Chloe and Dan? “You want me more than the movie right now… but what about six months from now? A year from now? Ten years? What if you look back in ten years, and not taking the gig in Budapest is your biggest regret?”

  “It won’t be—”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I do know that! I know that because I’ve already lived through my biggest regret, and it was losing you!” he shouted, then immediately fisted his hand over his mouth and whispered. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I just… I don’t know what you want.” A humorless laugh cracked as he said the last sentence. “You said you wanted to trust me again. I’ve worked hard to earn that trust back. You said you don’t want me going to Budapest… so I quit the project. Now you’re asking all these questions to… what? Convince me to go to Budapest? It doesn’t make sense, Lainey.”

  I had never heard Neil raise his voice like that before… at least, not to me. I stood still, too shocked to speak. “I just… I want to make sure this is what you want. That a quiet life in Maple Grove is enough for you.” I wanted to add, ‘That I am enough for you,’ but somewhere along the way, the words twisted around my tongue and didn’t come out.

  “Of course, this is enough for me. I’d give up every dream I had if it meant being with you.”

  I swallowed the knot in my throat. It was exactly what I was afraid he’d say.

  Sweat pushed out of my pores, and while I could have blamed the hot set lights, I knew the truth. After we finished filming this episode, I needed to have a talk with Neil. A long talk… because he couldn’t stay in Maple Grove for me. He couldn’t not take this gig because of me.

  Which perhaps, for most women, wouldn’t be such a big deal. But for me? I don’t think I had it in me to do the long-distance thing. They didn’t work… hadn’t that been proven? It was hard enough to make a relationship work when you lived in the same town together. Even still… maybe I could try. For Neil. Even though I didn’t think my heart could handle it. I wasn’t sure I could stomach watching our love flicker and fade like a dying star in the night sky.

  All six of us—the three couples from the show—were hooked up to lie detector machines, slices of our wedding cake creations sitting in front of us. Neil smiled at me from across the table, and if he wasn’t in fact as cool as a cucumber, then he was damn good at hiding it.

  Jackson and Aspen had already tasted their cake, and neither passed the lie detector test when they said they liked it. That, combined with the fact that it looked like they had fought with each other throughout the entire challenge? I didn’t think they were going to get 2nd place, let alone win the game.

  Somehow, instead of easing my mind, that made me even more nervous. I gulped as the second couple, David and Sabrina, took the first bites of their cake. David smiled, swallowing. “I think it’s pretty good,” he said.

  “It’s… it’s not the most terrible thing I’ve ever tasted,” Sabrina answered, her smile more of a grimace.

  Nigel frowned and swallowed his bite, grabbing his water glass and chugging half of it. “It’s not the most terrible,” he said, mimicking her. “But it’s certainly not the best.”

  David shook his head at her but chuckled softly. “Seriously? That’s the best you could do? That it’s not the most terrible?”

  Sabrina shrugged and gestured at the lie detector. “Better to be honest than get caught in a lie, right?”

  He sighed, and with a shake of his head, his grin widened as he stood. In a swift movement, he tugged the wires from his arms and dropped to one knee in front of her. “I still love you, Sabrina. Will you marry me?”

  She tugged the wires off her pulse points before he even got the question out and jumped to her feet, throwing her arms around his neck. “Yes!”

  They kissed. He slipped the ring on her finger. And the whole thing felt very… rehearsed. The judges smiled, but based on the glances they each exchanged, they were thinking the same thing I was. It looked so fake.

  Elliott whispered something in our host’s ear, and within seconds, she stepped forward toward the couple. “Congratulations, you two! Have a seat back down… the crew will hook you back up to your lie detector tests, and we want to ask you some questions about your wedding.”

  Sabrina’s smile fell, and David looked like he might be sick. “W-why? The taste testing is done, right?”

  The crew was already surrounding them, hooking them back up to the lie detector. “Yes, yes, of course. But we still need to ask you all some questions.”

  The couple sat back down, looking far more nervous than at the beginning of filming. “Are you excited to be marrying your ex… well, I guess he’s not your ex anymore, is he?” Savannah asked.

  Sabrina cleared her throat. “No… Um, no I guess he’s not.”

  Savannah’s eyes slipped to the test which wiggled with what she said. “And when was the moment you knew you wanted to propose to Sabrina?” She asked David.

  “Um. Well, pretty much the moment I saw her again six weeks ago.”

  More wiggling of the needle. The computer screen ticked across the levels of lie.

  “And… what sort of wedding are you thinking of—”

  “We planned it!” Sabrina cried out, dropping her head in her hands. “We’re not really engaged, okay? We decided weeks ago that he would propose to me on the show, and backstage we decided to rip off the wires in an effort to look excited.” The needle on her lie detector test moved to truth side.

  “Sabrina! What are you doing?” He groaned and wiped a hand over his face.

  Savannah Newport smiled and moved over to Neil and me. He gave me a sweet, calm smile. “We’ve got this,” he whispered with a wink and squeezed my hand from across the table.

  I wasn’t sure we did… but admittedly, it seemed like the other two couples had blown it. Neil and I had talked a while ago about him proposing on this last episode… but he hadn’t brought it up again since that first meeting. He wouldn’t, would he? I’ve waited my whole life to hear the words marry me … and yet, my stomach twisted in knots at the thought.

  “Go ahead,” Savannah said. “Try your cakes. To remind the audience, Elaina despises sauerkraut, and Neil hates fennel.”

  I stabbed my fork into my cake, filling it with an even mix of buttercream, candied fennel, and chocolate cake. I could barely see that there was sauerkraut in it. Just small shreds of what looked like coconut. But I knew better.

  I closed my eyes and took a bite, chewing slowly. To my surprise, it wasn’t terrible. Actually… it was kind of good. The sauerkraut tasted nothing like sauerkraut, it simply added moisture and texture to the cake.

  “It’s good,” I said, smiling. I didn’t even need to look at my own test. I was telling the truth.

  Neil made a face as the candied fennel crunched in his mouth. “Candied fennel is better than regular fennel,
” he said. The needle moved to the truth side. “But I’d still prefer the cake with no fennel,” he said.

  “I agree,” Nigel said, judging his bite.

  Millie shook her head. “I quite like fennel, actually. And I think it works here. Although there’s already so much going on with this cake, it doesn’t need the added ingredient, it still works. I think you did a pretty good job.”

  Trish, the supermodel judge, pointed at the cake with her fork. “This is sugar-free?” We both grinned and nodded as her brows shot up. “Wow. That’s incredible. You’d never know based on how good this chocolate buttercream is.”

  Neil beamed, and pride swelled within me. That was all Neil. His baby. His creation. His great mind at work. Why couldn’t baking be enough for him?

  Nigel shook his head. “I like it, but it’s not perfect. The purpose of the challenge was to create a cake using ingredients you hate. By rinsing the sauerkraut, you removed all the flavor. If the challenge was to masque these flavors, this would have been a success.”

  We both nodded. I understood what he was saying. Maybe it was sort of cheating stripping the ingredient of its flavor.

  “Nevertheless,” he continued. “The cake is beautifully baked, and the flavors go well together. And Trish is right. The fact that this is grain free with this velvety texture and sugar free without an aftertaste is really impressive. All in all, well done.”

  I smiled at Neil. “It was all him,” I said. “I was a glorified assistant.”

  “Come on,” Neil said, grinning. “You’ve at least earned the title of sous chef.”

  Neil squeezed my hand from across the table again, but this time he held onto it, took a deep breath, locked his gorgeous eyes on mine, and smiled. “I have a question to ask you, Lainey…”

  My heart lurched so hard in my chest that I felt it slam into my ribcage. Oh, God. Was this it? Was he proposing? Flutters of nerves jounced around in my body.

  “Do you love me?” he asked, eyebrows lifted.

  I exhaled, surprised at how relieved I was that he wasn’t asking me to marry him. But this? This I could answer honestly. “Yes,” I whispered, smiling. “I love you more than I ever thought possible.”

  “I love you, too,” he whispered.

  Neither of us bothered looking at the lie detector test… there was no need.

  Savannah stepped forward, smiling and looking at the cameras. “At this point, we’re asking you to get your final votes in now—that includes you, judges! Our judges’ votes count for fifty percent of the final results, and your votes count for the other fifty percent. We are closing down the polls in ten… nine…”

  There was a screen behind us that was lit up with numbers showing who was ahead in the polls. But Neil and I both ignored it. We stayed there, locked in each other’s eyes. Truthfully, in that moment, I didn’t care if we won. Yes, the money would be great, but I felt like we won regardless. Without this show, we never would have found our way back to each other. Or maybe we would have, but it probably would have taken a lot longer. “Neil,” I whispered. “You need to take that job in Budapest.”

  “Eight… seven…”

  He jerked back as though my words struck him across the face. “What? Lainey, we talked about this.”

  “Six…”

  “I know, but I’m not going to be the one to stand in the way of your dreams.”

  “Five…”

  “You’re not,” he said, his voice cracking.

  I glanced at his lie detector test which flicked toward the red zone. Lie.

  He dropped his head from my gaze for the first time in minutes. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Four…”

  I gave him the best smile I could, despite the tears welling in my eyes. “Then it’s a good thing you know where to find me when you get back.”

  His expression lifted, eyes widening. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

  Nerves fluttered in my chest. I wasn’t sure what was in store for us… I was terrified to spend that much time apart. But I was willing to try. “I want to do the long-distance thing with you.”

  “Two…”

  His eyelids fell closed, and if I wasn’t watching him so carefully, I would have missed the tear that escaped from the corner of his eye. “I love you, Lainey.”

  “I love you, too.”

  The entire group of judges, the host, the producers… everyone in the room was surrounding us, tugging us to our feet. A couple of crew members disconnected the wires from our arms, and we were clutched in embraces by the team.

  We won. We freaking won the show…we won a million dollars. My whole body felt as weightless as a feather in a hurricane. We’d actually done it.

  Neil and I pushed through the sea of people, and I launched myself into his arms, squeezing him around his neck. He lifted me into the air, spinning me around, and kissed me hard, smiling. Then, after reaching into his pocket, he pressed something small into the palm of my hand.

  I uncurled my fingers, and there in my palm was a simple white gold band and a square cut diamond. “Marry me,” he whispered in my ear. “I love you, Lainey. I can’t think of a better way to bookend this adventure than asking you to be my wife.”

  “And cut!” Elliott yelled. “That’s a series wrap! Go ahead and get changed and we will have champagne and food out in the green room waiting for everyone!”

  I blinked, stunned. Numb, even. Brad and I dated for years... and for years, I had waited for this very moment. And here Neil and I were after a few weeks? It was... it was too soon. Wasn't it? I had only just become comfortable, literally minutes ago, with the idea of trying long distance. We waited in silence as several crew and cast members and the judges passed by us, hugging us, congratulating us, one by one, until it was only Neil and me left standing there, staring at each other on a dark sound stage. My breath froze in my lungs.

  Was this Neil’s idea of taking things slowly? Everything about our relationship had been accelerated because of the show. Or… was this proposal not real either? Was it part of the Hollywood glitz?

  He leaned down, kissed me hard, and was all smiles and chatter and hugs as he escorted me back to our dressing room. Tears filled his eyes—tears of joy. Tears of anticipation. And his smile—if I thought he had beamed when he talked about stunt work? He was positively radiant now, like a lighthouse surrounded by a storm’s crashing waves.

  When I shut the door behind me, the engagement ring was still clutched in the palm of my hand. He glanced down at it, then squeezed his eyes shut with a quick shake of his head. “I’m such an idiot,” he said, and my blood pressure spiked with his words. I jerked my eyes up to his. “I didn’t even put the ring on your finger.”

  I blinked, not releasing my grasp on the ring. “Because… because I didn’t say yes,” I whispered.

  Tears fell from my eyes—but not joyful ones. This felt… it felt wrong. Beginning our engagement with him leaving? It was too much. I was willing to do a long-distance relationship, but I didn’t know if I was ready for a long-distance engagement.

  “You… didn’t.” His smile twitched, dropping only fractions of an inch. It froze in a brittle way that could shatter if I simply flicked it with my fingers.

  My heart slammed against my ribcage. I loved him. I loved him so much, but this? This wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t ready. And more than anything… I was terrified.

  “It’s, um…” I swallowed, pushing past the massive lump in my throat. “It’s a little fast… isn’t it?” I inhaled a slow, shaky breath, and my lungs tightened with it. “I asked you if we could go slowly, remember?”

  His smile dropped and his eyes flicked to the ring, still in my palm. “So… you don’t want to marry me?”

  “I…” I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. And shouldn’t I be sure? Shouldn’t I have zero doubts when I do finally say yes? “I… I love you.”

  He laughed—a bitter, caustic sound that made me flinch. “So you’ve sai
d.”

  On an exhale and blinking back the tears in my eyes, I answered, “I do love you.”

  He turned his back to me, grabbing his duffel bag and throwing his stuff into it. “When you love someone… you say ‘yes,’ Lainey.”

  “Not necessarily!” I cried and ran to him. I tugged the bag free from his hands, stopping him from his packing. “Neil, please—”

  “I was ready to sacrifice everything for you,” he said. “I would have given up the movie, given up stunt work—”

  “I don’t want you to. I want you to be happy. To have everything—”

  “I want you… to marry me.” He paused, moisture filling his eyes as he stared at me. “It’s a yes or no answer.”

  “Not everything is so black and white, Neil…”

  He clamped his hands to his hips and looked up at the disc lights on the ceiling. “I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.” He licked his lips and sniffed, slowly bringing his red-rimmed eyes back to mine. “So, I’m going to ask one last time. Elaina Louise Dyker… will you marry me?” The weight of his question was a boulder between us. Thick, heavy, and this time, his tone was filled with dread—with sorrow—instead of joy and love.

  I pressed my lips together and tasted the salt of my tears. “If you’re going to force me to give you my answer now… rather than give us, give our relationship the time we need… then my answer is no.”

  He grabbed his duffel bag from my weakened grip and flung it over his shoulder. “Goodbye, Elaina.”

  A few weeks later…

  “Neil? Earth to Neil?”

  I blinked, snapping out of the fog that enveloped my brain. “What?”