Snowflakes Over Bay Tree Terrace (Willowbury)

by Fay Keenan

  ‘Yeah, that makes sense,’ Tom said. ‘After all, she’s a bit schoolmistressy at the best of times, and she’s more likely to give him a hard time if he comes clean now than if he just keeps quiet. I wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of her when she’s angry.’

  ‘And he’s frightened to death she’ll just bawl him out,’ Aidan replied. ‘He’s really fragile at the moment. I don’t think lust and failed love are a great combination, to be honest.’

  Florence had heard enough. Not even realising she’d just taken a mouthful of tepid coffee grounds, she wandered back into the house, mind and heart awhirl.

  On the other side of the wall, Tom grinned and put his finger to his lips. ‘Bait the hook well…’ he said, this time in a stage whisper.

  ‘Are you sure about that?’ Aidan replied. ‘I mean we’ve basically just told her he’s a lovesick schoolboy with commitment issues who’s too frightened to fess up to how much he loves her in case she screams at him. I’m not sure she’ll find that terribly attractive.’

  ‘Trust me,’ Tom said airily. ‘From what I know about women, and Florence in particular, she’ll love the idea of him being vulnerable. Sam needs a third party to interpret for him on occasion, he’s that emotionally constipated.’

  ‘I hope you’re right,’ Aidan said dubiously, ‘or you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do when they find out we’ve just made up a pile of emo-schoolboy crap to try to get them back together.’ And with that, they headed back into the house.

  43

  Oblivious to the storm that was breaking on the other side of the party wall, Sam returned a couple of hours later from his shift to find Aidan and Tom having a cosy cuppa over the kitchen table, laughing uproariously at a punchline it seemed only they understood. As he stood in the doorway, he was stunned to see Aidan stand up, drape an arm around Tom’s shoulders and plant a tender kiss on the top of his head before reaching for the kettle to put it on again. Coughing to announce his presence, he was unprepared for Aidan’s casual response.

  ‘Hey bro,’ Aidan said, turning briefly to acknowledge his brother in the doorway. ‘Want a tea?’

  ‘Uh, yeah, sure,’ Sam replied, head whirling. What had he just seen? Were his brother and Tom together? An actual couple? He pulled out one of the other kitchen chairs and sank into it, wondering what to say next.

  ‘Hey,’ Tom said, grinning broadly. ‘How are you, Sam?’

  ‘I’m good, thanks,’ Sam said. ‘Busy shift, but that’s nothing unusual. You?’

  As Tom confirmed that he was, indeed, fine, Sam could swear he saw a large elephant sauntering around the kitchen. Suddenly the air seemed thick with things unsaid, kisses unacknowledged. He shook his head in total confusion.

  ‘You OK?’ Aidan asked as he brought three mugs back to the table, on a tray with a packet of Hob Nobs.

  ‘Fine,’ Sam said over-brightly. ‘You?’

  ‘We’ve done that,’ Aidan said gently. He reached out a hand to where Tom’s lay on the kitchen table. ‘I think it’s about time we told you what’s going on.’ Tom nodded in agreement, so Aidan added. ‘We’re together.’

  Sam knew his jaw had dropped, despite his best efforts not to betray any more shock. ‘Well, this is, um… Actually, I’m not quite sure what to say.’ He stood up from the kitchen table, pushing back his rickety chair and tried to saunter nonchalantly over to the sink for a glass of water, despite the fact that there was tea on the tray in front of him. He wasn’t sure he’d pulled it off when he tripped over one of the legs of the other unoccupied chair.

  ‘Let me enlighten you, bro.’ Aidan grinned, relenting a little in the face of his brother’s confusion. ‘I’m gay. Out and proud. Batting for the other team. A full-on homosexual. I fancy blokes. OK? Well, one bloke in particular.’ He looked fondly in Tom’s direction.

  Sam choked on the water that he’d somehow managed to get into the glass without spilling. ‘Why don’t you just come straight out with it?’ he coughed. Then burst out laughing as he realised just how unfortunate that turn of phrase was. ‘I mean… are you sure?’

  Aidan snorted. ‘That’s like asking you if you’re sure you fancy girls. Yes. I’m sure.’ He paused, waiting until Sam had sat back down at the table. ‘I’ve pretty much known all my life.’

  ‘But… you’ve never, er, brought another man home with you. How the hell have you managed to keep it a secret all this time?’ Somewhere, deep inside Sam’s brain, was another voice wondering quite insistently about why he’d never guessed. How could he have gone all of his life without having a bloody clue?

  As if he could read his brother’s mind, Aidan softened his tone. ‘Look. I know this might be a bit of a shock, but think about it. By the time I started getting interested in relationships you were off at university. And then you were in the navy and off all over the world. I joined the army and was at the other end of that world for quite a lot of the time. And before you ask, yes, you can be gay and in the army. They’re not exactly keen on you snogging on the front line, but there’s not a lot they can do about it these days. It was easy to keep my private life private.’

  ‘Does Mum know?’ Sam asked.

  ‘Christ, no!’ Aidan looked horrified at the thought. ‘Although I reckon Kate’s probably guessed by now. Having said that, I did bring a few girls home on and off when I was on leave back home, but it was really more of a physical thing than an emotional one.’ Aidan glanced again at Tom, who, for once, seemed to have the tact to keep quiet. ‘Sleeping with women wasn’t really ever a problem, and I, er, was quite happy to go through the motions, but I’ve never really been drawn to a woman on an emotional level. It doesn’t take a genius to work out why.’

  ‘So, are you going to tell them? Officially?’ Sam pictured their mother, tucked away in her little house in Cambridge, and wondered how she’d react. Although, given Kate’s instincts at Christmas, perhaps their sister wouldn’t be surprised.

  ‘I might pop over there at some point and enlighten them,’ Aidan replied. ‘But I’m not in any great rush. Mum’s so wrapped up in her adoration of Kate and her boys that I doubt she’d take any notice anyway.’

  ‘Still, you ought to tell her at some point.’ Sam glanced at Tom. ‘Is this, er, serious?’

  Aidan laughed. ‘Is anything?’

  ‘You know what I mean.’ Since he came out of hospital, Aidan did seem to have been on more of an even keel, and Sam had thought it was because he himself had been keeping a closer eye on him, but perhaps Aidan’s new relationship with Tom had more to do with it? From the contented way they were acting around each other, it seemed likely.

  ‘Well, it’s about as serious as I can be right now.’ Suddenly far more sombre himself, Aidan disentangled his hand from Tom’s and squeezed his brother’s shoulder. ‘You, more than anyone, know how things are. I can’t think too far ahead; in case the bad days take over again. But I can say that I feel more settled now than I have in a long time, and it’s partly due to having Tom in my life.’

  Tom, who was staring fixedly into the bottom of his now nearly empty mug of tea, looked up and locked eyes with Aidan.

  Sam cleared his throat.

  ‘I’m glad you feel that way,’ he said softly. ‘Although, as the older brother, I’m wondering if I have to do the whole “hurt my brother and I’ll kill you” routine to you, Tom.’

  Aidan grinned. ‘I’ll take that as a blessing.’

  ‘I just want to see you happy and settled, after everything you’ve been through,’ Sam replied. ‘And if Tom’s going to be part of that, then I’m happy for you both.’ And as he said it, Sam realised that he really did mean it.

  ‘Cheers, bro,’ Aidan replied.

  ‘Is it too early to say welcome to the family?’ Sam asked, holding out a hand to Tom across the table.

  Tom, a look of relief writ large across his face, took the hand and shook it.

  ‘I’m glad you approve,’ Tom replied, looking a whole lot less nervous.

/>   ‘I mean it, though,’ Sam said. ‘He’s, er, special, so watch how you treat him.’

  ‘Special in a good way, I hope!’ Aidan chipped in.

  ‘Of course.’ Sam grinned. ‘Right, well now that’s all out in the open, I’d better get in the shower. It was a long shift.’

  As he left, he could hear both Aidan and Tom breathing mutual sighs of relief. And then, just as he started walking up the stairs, he heard Aidan muttering, ‘Now that’s done, we just need to make the stupid twat realise how he feels about Florence. I wouldn’t mind her for a sister-in-law.’

  ‘I’ve got an idea about that,’ Tom said. Annoyingly, their voices then dropped to a level that Sam, who was already halfway up the stairs, couldn’t interpret. He shook his head. He knew he’d burned his bridges with Florence, and no amount of pep talks from Aidan, and now Tom, it seemed, would make any difference.

  44

  ‘But are you sure that Florence is still hung up on Sam?’ Carol, who worked behind the counter of the Willowbury Co-Op, called, loudly enough for her already naturally strident voice to carry across the aisles of the village shop. ‘After all, from what you told me when you popped in the other day, she seemed pretty definite to me that he’d better leave her alone after their last conversation.’

  Sam, who, having taken his shower, was dispiritedly looking in the shop’s small freezer cabinet for something for dinner that just required shoving in the oven, went as still and cold as the frozen chickens on the bottom shelf.

  ‘Oh, absolutely,’ Josie replied, grabbing a bottle of Chablis and putting it with a clink into her shopping basket. ‘She’s not been able to sleep for weeks, ever since they had that row that ended it all. She feels so guilty for calling him out about Aidan that she’s really off her game. In fact, I overheard my head of department saying that if she didn’t get her act together professionally, she’d be out on her ear at the end of next term.’

  Sam drew in an involuntary breath and nearly dropped his own shopping basket. Surely Florence wouldn’t really lose her job because of their argument? Perhaps it had affected her more deeply than he’d thought. After all, he knew how much it had affected him, even though he tried not to show it, to push it aside, especially at work. But she’d seemed so together when he’d seen her leaving the house. Every day. Not that he’d been looking out for her, from behind the curtains in his bedroom window, or anything.

  ‘But what will she do then?’ Carol asked. ‘I mean, I know she’s got the house, but she’s still got bills to pay.’

  Josie sighed heavily. ‘Well, if she can’t get another job, she’ll have to rent the place out and go back to Yorkshire. At least that’s what she said. After all, the renovations have been costing an arm and a leg, so it’s not as if she can just go and do something minimum wage. She’ll have no choice.’

  ‘But that won’t happen, surely?’

  ‘She’s really not in the best place to be standing in front of classes of kids right now,’ Josie said. ‘She keeps sighing in the office, writing her name and Sam’s in the back of her planner like some lovesick teenager… Frankly, I think she’s losing the plot.’

  ‘He’s going to have to make the first move, then,’ Carol said. ‘If only there was some way to let him know just how sad she is. That she didn’t mean to be so tactless.’

  ‘Well, he’s so stubborn, he’s not going to take telling,’ Josie replied. ‘I reckon he’s got a bit desensitised after all those years in the navy, and picking up so many broken bodies in the air ambulance. They say it can do strange things to your mind, and your emotions, when you’re exposed to trauma all the time. Compassion fatigue, isn’t it? We see it a lot in students who’ve suffered early traumas – it takes a long time to build trust again. Perhaps he’s incapable of falling in love, of letting himself go now. Perhaps it really is too late.’

  Sam’s hands were trembling so badly that he had to put his shopping basket down on the floor beside him, or risk dropping the contents all over the floor. His knees were turned to jelly, too. Is that really what they thought? That he was too remote, too cold, to express his emotions properly?

  Stung, he thought back to that last conversation with Florence. Perhaps they were right, he conceded. Perhaps he did come across that way to others. But nothing could be further from the truth.

  ‘Well, it’s not like you can do anything,’ Carol replied. ‘If he’s too blind to see what’s under his nose – well, next door to him, then so be it. You can’t push people together who don’t want to be together.’

  Leaving his shopping basket in the aisle, heedless of the trip hazard it might cause, Sam almost ran from the shop, making sure that he avoided the aisle where Carol and Josie stood, eyebrows raised.

  ‘That was a pretty barbed trap we just set,’ Carol said, her voice laced with concern as she caught sight of Sam’s retreating back. ‘Do you think we went too far?’

  ‘Nope,’ Josie replied firmly. ‘It’s about time that man realised just what he threw away when he chucked Florence. I’d say he needed a short, sharp wake-up call.’

  ‘I hope you’re right,’ Carol replied. ‘I mean, we basically just accused him of being a cold-hearted bastard who lacks compassion.’

  ‘He’ll get over it when he’s snuggled up on Florence’s sofa, happier than he’s ever been,’ Josie said. ‘In fact, he’ll probably thank us.’ She grinned. ‘I’m off to look at wedding hats on eBay, just in case.’

  ‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ Carol said as Josie walked to the counter to pay for her shopping.

  ‘Trust me,’ Josie smiled. ‘I know a good couple when I see one, and if Tom and Aidan did half as good a job with Florence, those two will be back together before the day’s out.’

  45

  Sam hurried home, thoughts whirling around in his head like rotor blades. Was he really that cold? Did he project an image of not caring, even when he cared so deeply? What the hell was he going to say to Florence?

  With a shaking hand, he unlocked the door and slammed it firmly behind him. He needed to shut out the world, to think for a while. Or did he? Perhaps that was the problem; that he’d been closing off from emotion for too long. Perhaps what he needed to do was actually the complete opposite.

  ‘Fuck…’ the word seemed to echo off the empty hallway and back at him. Tom and Aidan had gone out for a pub dinner, so he couldn’t even run what he’d heard past them. His stomach was turning somersaults.

  Maybe he should just go next door, he thought. Strike while the iron was hot. Prove to her he wasn’t just some unfeeling bastard who couldn’t commit to a choice of sandwich. Yes, that’s what he’d do.

  Opening the front door again, he slammed it shut behind him before he had any more time to think. Without even pausing to consider what he was going to say, he rapped smartly at her lilac front door.

  The wait while she answered it seemed interminable, but, eventually, he heard footsteps coming down the hallway, and as the door creaked open, he caught sight of her.

  ‘May I come in?’ he said softly. ‘I think we need to talk.’

  Was he imagining things or did Florence blush? ‘OK,’ she said guardedly. ‘But I’ve got a lot of work to do tonight, so can we make this quick?’

  Sam wandered through the hallway and then into the living room, standing awkwardly in the middle of it, hands in pockets, all thoughts of what he could say suddenly fleeing from his mind.

  ‘What was it you wanted to say?’ Florence prompted. Her tone was gentle, calm even. Sam was surprised by this, as, given what he’d overheard Carol and Josie saying in the shop not ten minutes ago he’d expected her to be a bit flustered, a bit self-conscious, but the tone of her voice suggested concern for him, more than anything else. He wondered why.

  ‘Look, Florence, I’m sorry for the way things ended between us,’ he began, clearing his throat nervously. He found himself stumbling a bit over his words. ‘I mean, at the time I thought it was the right thing to do, but I had no idea�
� I didn’t know that you were taking things so badly.’

  Florence’s brow wrinkled suddenly in irritation. ‘What do you mean? We said what we needed to say; it sucked, but I moved on.’

  ‘Really?’ Sam said in what he hoped was a gentle, compassionate tone, but her quick change of facial expression was making him question himself. ‘Are you really OK, Florence?’

  Florence tossed her head. ‘Of course I’m OK. I’m not some stupid schoolgirl who’s going to spend the rest of her life weeping over some commitment-phobic bloke, am I?’ She raised her chin defiantly, as if challenging him to argue with her.

  ‘Of course not,’ Sam stammered, getting really flustered now. This wasn’t going the way he’d assumed it would. He’d thought she’d be sadder, more vulnerable somehow, not defiant and angry. He felt his stomach flip in embarrassment.

  Then, miraculously, Florence seemed to relent. Her face grew softer. ‘Look, Sam…’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I’m sorry if I was a bit harsh the last time we spoke. I don’t want you to feel you have to spend nights away from home just to get away from me.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Sam was thrown by her non-sequitur.

  ‘I overheard Aidan saying you’ve been sleeping down at Norton Magna.’ She paused. ‘I don’t want to drive you away from your own home.’

  Sam felt a flash of irritation. Why would his brother say that? He’d spent a couple of nights there after shifts, but he certainly hadn’t done it to avoid Florence; it was just because he hadn’t fancied the drive home after a long night. ‘That’s not exactly true,’ he said grudgingly.

  ‘Well, OK, whatever. I’m sorry, but I really do need to get on.’ Florence clearly wasn’t in the mood to continue the conversation, from the way she was edging him towards the front door.