Desert Roots

by Anna Lowe

  “So, how was the drive to Arizona?” her mother asked.

  “Fine,” Carly said, letting her gaze stray over the ranch. The sky went on forever, just like the pastures seemed to. Copper bells hung around the necks of the sheep clanged at intervals as the flock rooted through the scrub. It was all so timeless. So peaceful. So harsh yet so fragile.

  A little like your heart, her wolf murmured.

  She ignored it and forced on a cheery tone. “The trip was fine. Easy. No problem.”

  Okay, so that wasn’t entirely true. She left out the part about the SUV that had nearly run her off the road by Indio. She also left out that eerie feeling of having been followed all the way from Palm Springs to the Arizona border. She hadn’t been driving as fast as usual on that stretch of highway because the cops were out in droves, and some sixth sense had her looking over her shoulder every few seconds. She’d only shaken the feeling when she opened up the throttle at the Arizona border.

  She scowled. She’d been so obsessed with Luke lately that she’d pushed that episode completely out of her mind. Maybe she’d been imagining things. Anyway, she was on the ranch now, so it didn’t matter, right?

  “Did you get in before dark?” her mother asked.

  “Um, I stopped for the night,” Carly said. The cleaned-up version of I stopped for a wild night of screwing a wolf I barely know, and now I can’t get him out of my mind.

  “Thank goodness,” her mother said. “It’s so much safer than driving through the night.”

  Carly kept her lips sealed. If only her mother knew.

  “How’s everyone?”

  “Everyone is doing just fine,” Carly sighed as she walked up to Ty’s house. Her brother was sitting on the patio, holding an impossibly tiny bundle on his shoulder. Both of them looked firmly asleep.

  “Hi, Ty,” she called.

  Ty’s right eye cracked open with a look that said, If you wake this child, I will kill you.

  She covered the phone with her hand, coming closer. “Get much sleep last night?”

  Ty shifted slightly so she could see a tiny little nose and two dark splashes of eyes.

  Her heart skipped a beat, and something in her soul moved. The child was that gorgeous. That much of a miracle. That amazing—

  She cleared her throat and leaned away before her wolf got carried away.

  “I’ve forgotten what sleep is,” Ty grumbled, though his lips quirked at the same time and a massive hand stroked the tiny back with a soft touch she’d never have thought her brother capable of.

  Her siblings were all in baby heaven — even though they liked to pretend it was hell. Little Tyson was Ty and Lana’s third. Meanwhile, her older sister, Tina, was pregnant, and Cody doted on his daughters so much, it seemed only a matter of time before he and Heather had another. They all loved joking that Carly would be the next to take a mate.

  As if.

  “Is Tana ready to go?” Carly asked.

  Soon, Ty said, shooting the words into her mind so as not to disturb the baby.

  “How’s your father?” her mother’s voice rose, pulling Carly back to the phone.

  She made a face and moved off a short distance. She could hear the wistfulness in her mother’s words. All the crushed hopes of a love that had blossomed then crashed and burned decades ago. Would her mother ever get over her first love?

  “Dad’s not here. He’s in Colorado, remember?”

  “Oh, now I remember,” her mother said. Which was about as truthful as Carly saying her trip was fine. Her mother had lost part of her mind when Carly’s father rejected her, despite the fact that he was a powerful, self-centered alpha who didn’t know the meaning of love.

  And you do? her wolf snorted.

  Sure, she did. She loved her mother, regardless of how batty the woman was. She loved her siblings. She’d even fallen in love with a few men in her time, too. It was just that she fell back out of love.

  Not with Luke, her wolf insisted. He’s the one.

  “Craig was asking about you,” her mother went on.

  Carly made a face and crinkled her nose. Craig wasn’t the first unwanted suitor she’d had, and he probably wouldn’t be the last. But he was so damned persistent. Persistent and powerful — a bad combination.

  We ought to get him together with Audrey, her wolf grumbled. That tramp.

  “Brad says Craig is perfect for you.” Her mother’s voice rose in glee.

  “What do you think?” Carly shot back. Not that she wanted her mother’s opinion. She just wanted the woman to think for herself instead of parroting her mate.

  “Well, Brad is usually right.”

  Carly rolled her eyes. “Well, tell Brad I’m not interested in Craig. Tell Craig I’m not interested, either. Oh, wait. I already told both of them to their faces, didn’t I?”

  Carly caught her voice rising and forced herself to slow down. Okay, so her mother was weak and dependent. The important thing was not to become like that herself. To stay strong. To avoid men like Craig and Luke and live her own life.

  Luke is nothing like Craig, her wolf snarled.

  “I just think you ought to consider settling down, honey.”

  “With Craig? Never.”

  Her mother let out a loud, martyred sigh. “Well, he’s gone now, anyway. I hope you won’t regret missing your chance.”

  Alarm bells went off in her mind. The leading alpha of Arroyo Hills had offered Craig a job — one with a clear path to eventual pack leadership if Craig was willing to put in the years of hard work as a worthy alpha would.

  Obviously, Craig was looking for a faster track to the top. An easier way. But where?

  “Where did Craig go?”

  Her mother made a vague sound. “He said something about hooking up with some friends and checking out a new pack to lead. That man’s moving up in the world, I tell you.”

  Carly’s mind spun. “New pack? What new pack?”

  She’d seen the greed in Craig’s eyes the last time they’d met. He wasn’t a man on the lookout for a pack to serve — he wanted a pack to lord over, just like he’d wanted to lord over her. And young bucks didn’t exactly get voted into power — not in the shifter world. If Craig had turned down the offer at Arroyo Hills, he was probably plotting to overthrow an alpha somewhere. Some packs were ruled by family dynasties, like Twin Moon Ranch. Others saw leaders come and go in a series of violent takeovers — including packs like North Ridge.

  “He didn’t mention.” Her mother’s voice was so vague and disinterested, Carly wanted to scream.

  What if Craig had his eye on North Ridge? And, shit. Maybe that was the root of Craig’s quest to take her as his mate. He certainly hadn’t shown genuine interest in her when he’d turned up out of the blue.

  Not like Luke, her wolf whispered.

  And there it was again — the memory of Luke brushing a finger over her eyebrow then tucking her hair behind her ear. When he’d lain face-to-face with her after they’d made love, his eyes had sparked with wonder, just as they had when she visited him before walking to Ty’s house.

  Not lonely, he’d said. Not any more.

  She closed her eyes, trying desperately to keep her armor in place.

  “I really think he could be the one for you,” her mother said. She meant Craig, of course, but all Carly saw was an image of Luke, looking deep into her eyes.

  “Carly! Carly!”

  Little Tana and her cousin, Holly, skipped up, as bright and sunny as the Arizona sky on a warm summer’s night. But it wasn’t summer, and Carly sensed ominous clouds looming somewhere beyond the horizon. She’d witnessed storms sweep over the ranch in a matter of minutes to batter the buildings with rain, hail, and wind. The desert could be like that, springing surprises from out of the blue.

  “I have to go, Mom,” Carly murmured.

  “Have fun, sweetheart. Kiss your father for me.”

  “I told you—” Carly started, then gave up. “Okay, Mom. Thanks for calling. By
e.”

  “Hi! Hi!” the girls cried, hugging her legs.

  Carly did her best to settle her emotions as she hugged them back. There was nothing to worry about. North Ridge pack had been warned to keep their guard up. And anyway, Craig was no match for her father, regardless of the age difference. Craig would have to assemble a solid group of powerful supporters to pose a genuine threat.

  So, really, there was nothing to worry about. Everything would be okay. Carly tucked her phone into her pocket and smiled at the kids.

  “Hi, girls. Ready to go?”

  “Ready!” Tana declared.

  “Can we feed the horses?” Holly begged.

  Carly nodded, trying to snap her focus to the kids.

  “We’ve been stuck at home all day,” Tana complained.

  Normally, her nieces had the run of the ranch, but with Luke around, their parents had kept the kids close to home. Well, Carly knew about needing the freedom to roam.

  “Sure. Let’s go feed the horses.”

  “Yay! Let’s go!” Tana cried.

  The kids grabbed her hands and hurried her up the hill, where the horses nickered in greeting.

  “Look! Missy had a baby.” Holly pointed at the palomino in the second pasture.

  “My mommy had a baby, too,” Tana said.

  Carly smiled. Yeah, that was one of the reasons for her visit — to meet her new nephew, Ty and Lana’s third child. Their third! She shook her head, wondering what had gotten into her brother and his sensible mate. Kids were lots of fun, but taking care of three of them? All the time?

  I think that would be nice, her wolf chipped in.

  “Aunt Tina and Uncle Rick are having a baby soon, too,” Holly said.

  Carly sighed. Friday nights were duller than ever on the ranch. It was funny how she always counted down the days to her next visit to the ranch, then counted down the time until she could leave again. To some undefined place she could get a fresh start in and call her own.

  “So you two will get another cousin soon,” she said as they walked.

  “How soon? Tomorrow?” Tana tried.

  “On my birthday!” Holly clapped. “Aunt Tina could have a baby on my birthday!”

  Carly laughed. Holly’s birthday was two weeks away, and Tina was still in her first trimester.

  “Sweetie, it takes nine months to make a baby.”

  “Why? How?”

  Carly kept her lips sealed. No way was she going to explain sex to a couple of curious preschoolers.

  And, whoa. Just the thought of sex made her mind slide straight over to that incredible night with Luke.

  I didn’t want that night to end, her wolf whimpered.

  Which was why she’d had to leave so quickly the morning after and why she’d been avoiding him — or trying to force herself to — over the past few days.

  The problem was, she’d been thinking of him day and night. Moping. Wishing. Thirsting for more. And the scary thing was, she wasn’t just daydreaming about the sex. She was thinking about watching him sleep or smiling that out-of-the-blue smile.

  “Are you going to have a baby, Carly?” Tana asked.

  She choked so violently, the nearest horses skittered away. “Um, I doubt it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because she needs a mate first,” Holly told Tana.

  Carly snorted. “Not getting mated, believe me. Never. And don’t let anyone tell you you have to, either.”

  “Daddy says I never have to get a mate,” Tana agreed.

  That, Carly could picture. Her brother, the big bad alpha, was already stressed about the thought of his little girl growing up. Ha. She couldn’t wait to see him dealing with his stubborn daughter then.

  “Why not? Holly asked. “Mommy says she loves Daddy. And Daddy loves her.”

  Carly waved her hand vaguely. It was hard to explain to someone who assumed the whole world had stable and loving parents. “Well, if you find the person you love, then it’s great. It’s just not for everyone.”

  Keep kidding yourself, her wolf snorted.

  “Daddy says I can get a dog when I’m grown up,” Tana announced.

  Carly smiled. Ty was right. Dogs loved you unconditionally. Dogs didn’t play power games the way men did.

  “So will you get a dog, Carly?” Holly persisted.

  Just Luke, her wolf replied. All I want is my mate.

  Don’t have a mate. Don’t need a mate.

  Carly repeated the mantra through the next half hour of feeding horses, then looked up at the bluffs, her favorite place to get away from it all while she was on the ranch. “Let’s go explore the mesa.”

  They came across Stef and little Keith on the way, and soon, they were a merry band of five.

  “Yay! Rock-climbing!” Tana squeaked, pulling her on.

  “Sounds good,” Stef said. “I haven’t been climbing in a while.”

  See? Carly told her wolf. The minute you mate and have kids, it’s all over.

  Her wolf snorted. Didn’t we see Stef zip by on her mountain bike yesterday?

  Okay, okay, so Stef seemed to be living the best of both worlds, with a loving mate, a job she loved, a son she adored, and plenty of adventures to pursue.

  So what are you afraid of? Carly’s wolf cried.

  Afraid? She wasn’t afraid of anything. Except maybe losing her heart.

  “Here’s the spot,” Carly said, hushing the beast within while she looked up from the base of the mesa. Orange-toned rock undulated in waves, serrated by a series of cracks that provided just enough handholds to make things interesting.

  “Carly is an expert rock-climber,” Tana told Stef.

  “So I’ve heard.” Stef winked at her.

  “She even works at a rock-climbing store,” Tana went on.

  Carly stifled a laugh. She worked part-time at an outdoor outfitter’s outlet, but her real job was all the unpaid work she did for her home pack. All the women who didn’t have the nerve to approach the alpha came to her to voice their concerns, and she constantly found herself lobbying for one thing or another on their behalf. More childcare. A better community center. More funding for interpack projects to keep rogues at bay. Of course, all that was hard to explain to Tana, who focused on the rock-climbing part.

  “Have you been recruited to chaperone the field trip yet?” Stef asked as they threw down their backpacks and let the kids drink.

  Carly nodded. Every year the school kids went on a field trip where they piled into a covered wagon and recreated pioneer days.

  “Wouldn’t miss it,” she murmured truthfully. As a kid, she’d always missed the event, just as she had missed out on so many other things by living with her mom.

  “Yay! I can’t wait!” Holly skipped and jumped.

  Carly tousled her niece’s hair. “Me neither. Now, go at that rock. Show me what you can do.”

  “Just bouldering,” Stef told the kids. “Don’t go too high.”

  The kids kept to the lowest level — low enough that they could hop to the ground if they lost their grip. Stef and Carly did, too.

  Well, Carly did for a while. But eventually, she found herself climbing higher. She couldn’t help it. Instinct drew her to cracks and overhangs that provided more challenge. To the kinds of views that made her feel like a soaring eagle and not a mere dweller of the earth. To heights that reminded her of her most epic ascents.

  “You’re a little high, aren’t you?” Stef called from below.

  Carly eyed the forty-foot drop and shrugged. “Eh. It’s not that high.”

  Stef looked around and called in a whisper-shout. “Seriously, what if you fell?”

  Carly sighed. Stef sounded like Tina. Or worse, like the older ranch ladies who scolded her all the time.

  Do you have to go so high?

  Do you have to drive so fast?

  Do you have a death wish or what?

  She didn’t have a death wish. She had a lust for life.

  You’ll kill me with worry
, her mother would say, clutching her heart.

  You’ll kill yourself someday, Tina had once said, grabbing her arms in a sisterly heart-to-heart. Promise you won’t ever make me go through that. Promise you’ll be careful.

  She was careful. Well, careful enough. What were they all so worried about?

  “The good thing about being a shifter,” she called down with a grunt, “is that we heal fast.”

  “Heal? From a fall from that high?” Stef sounded skeptical.

  “This is nothing,” Carly shot back. Her voice was cavalier, but an out-of-nowhere memory made her wince. She’d taken a bad fall two years ago in the Sierras and, yes, it had hurt. Murderously. But she’d patched up perfectly well, right?

  Her wolf whimpered and stuck its tail between its legs, remembering another close call. That terrifying moment on Half Dome in Yosemite National Park. She’d free-climbed the whole damn thing in a stunt that had the rock-climbing world buzzing. A good thing no one had seen her bobble near the top. She’d slipped and scraped her nails to a bloody mess before two fingers miraculously caught on a tiny ledge. She’d hung there by one hand, looking down at the longest fall of her life, her heart beating in triple time as the seconds ticked past.

  But she’d gotten her shit together and continued to the top. Triumph had chased the fear away, and she’d grinned for weeks afterward. She was practically immune to death, it seemed. She was strong and capable, and even if she bobbled, her body could take any injury, any time, any place.

  Right?

  Can’t we slow down a little? Stop and smell the roses? her wolf begged.

  Carly ignored it, climbing higher until it was just her, the desert breeze, and miles of open space. She climbed on and on, then hauled herself over a ledge and stood panting at the top.

  Her special place. A place where the earth fell away from the sheer cliff she’d just ascended and the desert stretched to a horizon so distant, she couldn’t pinpoint the border between earth and sky. The perfect place to clear her mind. Up here, she could stand tall, independent, and free.

  Alone, her wolf whimpered. Always alone.

  Chapter Nine

  Luke didn’t dream much at night when he dropped onto the old mattress they’d given him. It lay on the floor of a shed that had once served as a turkey coop — one with a five-foot-two ceiling for his six-foot height. But when he did dream, it was always a variation on the same theme — of becoming part of a pack like this one. Being an insider. Being trusted and trusting of others.