Josh

by Dana Archer

  Eyes closed, she inserted Aron’s image over Josh’s, but Aron’s gold and black eyes turned blue. His blond, chin-length hair shortened and darkened until black strands framed a roughened, scarred face.

  Her weary sigh surrounded her, and her shoulders slumped. Ever since Kade had showed her the picture of Josh with the bull’s-eye drawn on him, she’d agonized over her decision and tried to figure out a way to keep the male she considered hers. She couldn’t come up with any solution and didn’t have the energy to think about it anymore.

  With sluggish movements, she undressed and pulled on an oversized shirt. She slipped into the bedroom with the intention of crying herself to sleep. After taking a few steps into the room, she froze. The sound of a heartbeat reached her ears. The scent of heaven filled her nose. And the sight of her favorite obsession met her eyes.

  Josh leaned against the wall, one foot bent against the surface, his thumbs hooked in his front pockets. A plain white T-shirt stretched over a muscled chest she longed to explore. After tonight, she never would. It was just another regret to add to a lifetime of disappointments.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were working today.”

  “I called in sick. Mental health day. The boss approved it.”

  She grinned at his joke. Since he owned the Black Widow, he had nobody to answer to. “I heard he’s pretty reasonable.”

  He smirked. “Depends on the situation. I’ve also heard the owner is a stubborn man. Possessive too. He refuses to let go of what he considers his.”

  He was talking about her. She could see the look of ownership in his eyes. She pressed her lips together instead of responding. Encouraging him would hurt them both. The stakes had been raised since she’d last seen him.

  Silence descended. He never took his gaze off her.

  Needing to break the tension, she tightened her grip on the door handle and asked, “How did you get in here?”

  Josh skimmed his heated gaze over her body. She came alive with his intent scrutiny. Her skin burned in the wake of his perusal. He focused on her braless breasts hidden by the thin cotton. The achy flesh grew heavy.

  He licked his lower lip slowly. She followed the deliberately tempting stroke and reached for the doorjamb.

  “The door, same as everyone else,” he muttered, gaze locked on her upper thighs where the nightshirt’s hem ended.

  Aware of her panty-less state, she shifted uncomfortably and toyed with the edge of her shirt. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “I was quiet. Didn’t want you running from me.”

  He might’ve been quiet, except he was only human. Her cats should’ve heard him. Scented him at the very least. They hadn’t, but didn’t mind that he’d snuck up on them. Each predator lay with its head on its paws, tails swishing softly as they listened to his husky words.

  Their acceptance of Josh escalated her need. Her cats’ happiness fed hers. Being with Josh made them feel content—at peace—and left her energized on every level. Seeing him so close to her bed, however, made their sad fate real. She’d never be with the male she loved.

  With her true mate.

  Better this way. She wouldn’t miss what she never had. She didn’t believe her words for a minute but repeated them, hoping she’d eventually accept it as truth.

  She crossed her arms, unintentionally lifting her breasts. She considered dropping them but liked the way Josh’s eyes darkened with lust. “I can’t run from someone I don’t care about.”

  One corner of his mouth lifted, causing the dimple in his cheek to appear.

  “We’re back to that, are we?” He dropped his booted foot from where it had rested against the wall. The clunk echoed in the small room. Chin tucked, he peered at her through thick lashes. “That’s okay. It won’t be a hardship convincing you of the truth again.” Another slow swipe of his tongue had her reaching for the nearest object to support her rubbery legs. “I think I’m addicted to your taste. I need another fix.”

  A shuddering breath fell from her lips. “Please don’t.”

  Josh advanced on her with a predatory look stamped on his face that made her feel as if she’d been labeled as his prey.

  Her limbs trembled as she matched his steps backward. They ended up circling the room so she was next to the bed, and he was near the bathroom. With her gaze on the bed, she let her mind recall the fantasies she’d embraced under the cloak of darkness.

  His scent reached her—her only warning. With thick arms wrapped around her waist, he pulled her against his strong chest. He towered over her and surrounded her with his presence. The sensation of his chin on her head and the hardness of his body enhanced the sense of rightness.

  “Please don’t make me wait.” He rubbed his cheek against her hair. “That’s what you meant. Isn’t it, kitten?”

  She shook her head. The strands of her hair caught on his stubble, linking them together. “No. You know that’s not what I meant.”

  Soft lips replaced the roughness of his jaw. He trailed his slightly parted lips over her temple, across her cheek until his warm breath washed over her neck.

  “Please don’t neglect me?” He offered.

  Whips of tingling sensations spread from where his mouth touched the rim of her ear to her lower body. Need spiraled out of control. She shook her head, unable to utter the lie in the face of her mounting desire.

  He nipped her earlobe, and she leaned into his hold. He tightened his arms around her. Not hurting her. It was a show of strength, confidence, and possessiveness. And one she couldn’t resist.

  Weak. She was so weak.

  “Please don’t…tease me?” Josh whispered the question, his lips brushing against the vulnerable column of her throat.

  It seemed a safe answer. She nodded. “Yes, that’s it. Don’t tease me.”

  A rumble of approval vibrated his chest, one she felt deep inside her body and her soul. Her cats wrapped the sound around them and closed their eyes, their contentment adding to the moment.

  “Okay, Mira. You win. I won’t tease you anymore.” He spun her in his arms, lifted her, and tossed her in one easy movement onto the bed. She bounced on the mattress but didn’t get a chance to scramble away. Josh dragged her close. “I’m going to kiss you again. Just like I did back at the bar. You enjoyed having my lips on you, didn’t you?”

  She nodded. It was all she could do while her body ached with need.

  “Good, my little kitten.” Josh cradled the back of her head and brushed his lips over hers. “I’m going to love you, then hold you. Just hold you and memorize how you feel in my arms.”

  “Oh, Josh.” His words added to the spell he wove, guaranteeing she’d do anything for him.

  What she should be doing was getting away from Josh, saving him. With his heated blue eyes on her, though, she couldn’t bring herself to run. He’d chase her. She knew it. Submitting now was easier. Who was she kidding? Josh made her weak. She couldn’t resist him. Her weakness. Her sin.

  Chapter 21

  Josh rested his cheek against Mira’s hair. He was glad she’d dozed off without questioning his reasons for coming to her or trying to talk about their problems. He couldn’t deal with any of those issues. The jumble of emotions rolling through him had left him shaky. Or maybe loving Mira had made him lightheaded.

  He felt drunk on her taste. Crazy but true. He swore he’d gotten as much enjoyment out of the act as she had. Oral sex had never been as completely satisfying with any other woman. Only Mira. Her every breathy moan and whimper amplified the need to please her. And when she came…ecstasy.

  He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and eased back to take in the image she made. A flush gave her exposed skin a soft glow. The black hair he loved with its patches of color like a collage of fall foliage fanned out around her face.

  She was strength and softness all wrapped up in one decadent package. Shy and sexy, confident and vulnerable. She was everything a woman should be. He wanted to wrap his arms aro
und her, lock her to his side, and snarl at anyone who dared come near her. Possessiveness grew, stronger than ever. The thought unsettled him.

  Already, he was obsessed with Mira, but the heightened sense of ownership entering his head shocked him. He felt like a shifter ready to fight in order to keep what belonged to him—Mira.

  At the moment, it wouldn’t take much to convince him to rip Aron’s or any other male’s throat out if they so much as looked at Mira with lust in their eyes. That bothered him on so many levels, but what worried him most was the flaring of the itch along his skin that accompanied the primal thoughts.

  He buried his nose in the fall of Mira’s hair and breathed deeply until the tightness in his muscles and the ache in his bones eased. For whatever reason, Mira stopped the odd ailments. With the lure of her soft curves so close, he didn’t want to question why.

  He’d accomplished what he’d come here for—reminded her of what he could do to her. It wasn’t enough. With his favorite obsession spread before him, he wanted to love her, show her with his body what he knew he couldn’t express. She was his one. No other woman would take her place in his heart or his life.

  No matter what happened between them, she’d always have his love—this lifetime, the next, the one after that—but he didn’t want to lose her. He wanted to…

  Mate her. Claim her. Keep her.

  The urges echoed in his head, not in words. The need ran deeper. There was a primal edge to it he couldn’t explain. He swore he was developing an alternate personality, one that based its thoughts on a primitive level. It amplified his possessiveness, gave him images of what he wanted to do with this woman. And he had to admit, he liked what his alter ego showed him.

  He kicked off his boots, the loud thumps not waking Mira. With a tug, he yanked his belt free. He tossed it aside and unbuttoned his jeans, but didn’t unzip them. He wanted Mira to peel his pants off him. She had to willingly accept his body and his claim.

  He had to be her choice.

  His shirt tore in his haste to remove it. No matter, he had others. The bed dipped under his weight. He crawled toward her and gave in to his yearning. He pillowed his head on her stomach. A deep breath brought her scent to him. He moaned, lust seizing him. Her fragrance was stronger than it had been the last time he’d seen her—rich, alluring, and full of life.

  She smelled almost…ripe. It was an odd description, but it made him want to spill his seed inside her. Get her with child. His breathing quickened as he imagined how very sexy Mira would look swollen with a baby. His babies, three adorable little ones as in the dream he’d had.

  He was spending too much time with the shifters. He’d spent his adulthood cringing at the thought of accidently knocking up his lovers. He’d never gotten close to a woman’s sex without a condom on, afraid his little swimmers would find their way home. No way did he want a tie to any of the women who’d hopped in and out of his bed. But Mira? Anticipation and excitement left him on edge.

  Was it the knowledge he couldn’t impregnate her that had him so excited? Or the desire to prove the world wrong? He wasn’t so sure. He only knew he wouldn’t walk away from Mira today unless she tossed him out.

  Fingers massaged his scalp.

  The knowledge that Mira had reached for him upon waking pleased him, swelling his chest. He had no clue why such a simple thing as Mira running her fingers through his hair would make him feel as though he were a king of something, but there was no denying the sentiment. Each circling pass of her fingertips spread contentment through him.

  Peace. That was what he felt. Like he died and went to Heaven.

  “Josh.”

  The breathless way she whispered his name amplified his thoughts and intensified his lust. He needed to be with Mira. The drive was too powerful to ignore, even for another minute.

  He straddled her, covering her body with his. With his hands cupping her cheeks, he stared into her eyes—those kaleidoscope eyes that had ensnared him from the moment he’d first looked into them.

  “Mira, my kitten. You are beautiful. So very beautiful.”

  The swirling yellow spread over the white part of her eyes. He’d never seen them change that way. Was it because she too was overcome by desire? Was it a sign she was ready to make love to him? The lack of knowledge frustrated him, but it wasn’t as if the ins and outs of loving shifters came up in normal conversation. He wished he’d talked to one of the other males about what to expect. Then again, they likely wouldn’t have told him because he wasn’t supposed to be in Mira’s bed.

  She swept the tip of her pink tongue across her upper lip. Her scent—spicy, sweet, and full of life—filled his lungs. He leaned closer, inhaled deeply, and moaned as her scent became a part of him.

  “I want you, kitten. Tell me you want me, too. That you want us.”

  “I do.” She pressed her lips to his. “Goddesses, I do. I want you. No one else.”

  Those were the words he’d waited his entire life to hear. He felt something click and unfold within him, stretching his limbs. Pain seized his chest in a tight grip that stole his breath. Mira ran her fingertips across his back. The burning in his veins faded. The agony piercing his heart stopped. Mira took it away, replacing it with lust.

  “Mira, my Mira.”

  “Always and forever.” She pressed her mouth to his but didn’t kiss him. Their lips rubbed as she brushed hers back and forth over his. The light touch ignited him as much as when their tongues twined and rolled.

  “Always and forever,” he repeated.

  He held her gaze and luxuriated in the knowledge he wasn’t alone in this crazy, all-consuming desire.

  “Are you ready for more?”

  “Yes, more.”

  He spread his arms out to the side. “Then take me. I’m yours.”

  A harsh stamp of hunger flared in her eyes. She moved, all sinuous grace, and knelt in front of him. “One time, Josh. That’s all I can give you.”

  No. One time would never be enough.

  Flashes of images skipped across his mind. Him and Mira, twined together in positions he’d never attempted with a woman, a look of rapture stamped on her face. Mira pressed against a tree, him with claws embedded into the trunk over her head. Another with her on her knees, his fangs hovering over the bite on her shoulder.

  He froze, chilled by the images. They weren’t right.

  Mate her. Claim her. Keep her.

  The conviction echoed in his head. Not words, the deep instinct he felt belonged to him yet it wasn’t his. He felt fragmented, as if his soul wasn’t his own.

  What was wrong with him?

  He swept his tongue across his teeth. Flat. No fangs. Disappointment rushed up. He shoved it away. Only a fool would let a little frustration destroy his time with the woman he wanted above all others. And he wasn’t a fool. He grabbed life as it came and enjoyed every minute of it.

  She tilted her head to the side to peek at him from under her lashes. “Did you hear me, Josh? One night is all I can give you.”

  He heard the goodbye. She’d always want him, but this was it, just as she’d said. She’d leave him after today and take another man to her bed, love his body the way she would Josh’s.

  No. She was his. His true mate.

  Instincts guided him. He loved Mira, allowing his new alter ego to rule. It was safer. He didn’t want to talk. The words on the tip of his tongue were ones he’d never uttered to a lover before. They were real, true, and a reflection of his devotion. Yet, he wasn’t convinced telling them to Mira was wise. Silence was best, but the feeling that dragged those words up filled the ache in his chest. No longer did he feel fragmented. For the first time in his life, he felt whole.

  Chapter 22

  Mira glanced at her reflected image and didn’t know whether she wanted to smile or cry. Happiness and despair warred equally within her. She let both settle in her heart and accepted the truth.

  She’d made her choice and taken a mate.

  With
a shaky hand, she rubbed her swollen belly. A thump met her palm. She grinned. A little farther down, the impression of a knee or elbow pushed against her distended stomach. A kick from deep inside resonated in her back. She blew out a rough breath, unused to the odd feeling of having things alive inside her that weren’t her cats.

  A quick peek at her surroundings confirmed her suspicion. She was dreaming. She had to be. The big four-poster bed with its dark-blue sheets would never be in her bedroom nor would the male sprawled on top of it. Josh slept on his stomach, one arm hanging off the side and the other hooked around his pillow. A sheet covered one leg, half of his firm ass, and a small section of his back.

  Would this be her eternity? Dreaming of the male she loved while she carried another’s babes? Gods, she couldn’t do it. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to wake. She didn’t. The muscled body of her mate, if only in her heart, filled her vision.

  She sighed and walked toward the bed. Well, waddled. She couldn’t manage more than an awkward shuffle. With her hand pressed to her lower back, she let her gaze roam over Josh.

  Scars she’d never known he had bisected his tan skin. A snarling tiger tattoo covered his shoulder. It was a beautiful design, but her attention focused on another tattoo, one she’d only glimpsed while they’d had sex. She braced her top-heavy body with a hand on the bed next to his chest and leaned over him to get a better look. The sight of the Irish cross inked on his upper arm sent a whipping pain through her heart.

  Woven into the design was the inscription, John Conway. She stared at the child’s memorial and choked back a cry. The baby had died the day he was born.

  Questions pinged in her head. How had he died? Why hadn’t Josh mentioned the child when he’d talked about his family? The little boy had to have been important to him to have earned a permanent memorial on Josh’s body.

  She pressed a hand to her mouth as the thought morphed into another—could the little boy have been Josh’s son?