Secret Pet

by Jamie Knight

  Oh, my God!

  I can’t even explain the range of emotions that pours through me as I run my eyes over the picture again and again. I memorize every detail, from the awkward smile on her face, and the worry in her eyes, to the flush of her cheeks. But each glance of mine settles with my eyes on the bump — the baby. My Baby. I don’t know how I know, but I do. My pet is pregnant with my child.

  My longing for her increases tenfold. It’s a burn, an ache in my chest so hard that it makes my throat constrict. I need to have my arms around her as soon as possible. I need to touch that little swell in her stomach that is holding my child — my heir.

  I have to find her immediately and beg her to take me back.

  Chapter Twenty

  Mandy

  Going on an Alaskan cruise when you are two months pregnant is a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have agreed to even buy the tickets, but when Bubby overheard me lying to Sloane, I didn’t have the heart to tell her no, or what is really going on. But she wasn’t in the dark much longer. I ended up throwing up almost the whole plane ride from New York to Anchorage — that was her first clue. The second was that my usually flat stomach decided to pouch overnight. I went from to totally normal to obviously pregnant so fast that I started to worry that I was having twins.

  Standing in front of the full-length mirror in our shared stateroom I pull my shirt tight over my, now, bulging tummy. I look like I have eaten a small cantaloupe. It’s insane and much too soon. I cannot stop staring at my reflection.

  “Good thing we paid for the all-you-can-eat plan.”

  I jump back and stare at my grandmother. She is supposed to be taking a walk on deck, not stealthily sneaking in and watching me gaze at myself.

  Bubby puts a hand up to her chin and scratches lazily. “Although you can’t eat seafood now, right? So, I suppose all-you-can-eat would be a waste.” She shrugs her narrow shoulders. “The rules weren’t so tough when I was pregnant with your father, but we didn’t know better back then.”

  Everything hits me. I can’t hide anymore. The truth is out, and soon everyone will know. I drop my hands over my little bump as a tear squeezes out of my eye and runs down my cheek.

  Bubby shuffles forward and takes me into her arms. “Hush, child,” she croons. “It’s a perfectly natural thing that is happening to you. It’s all going to be just fine.”

  “No, it’s not!” I wail. My mouth is directly at Bubby’s ear, and she flinches.

  The fact that I hurt her hurts me more, and the sobs start coming hard. My whole body shakes with grief. What the fuck am I doing? What kind of idiot gets pregnant with her boss’s child and then runs away to Alaska?

  “Now, now.” Bubby pats my arm and then runs a hand over my hair. “Come sit down on the bed here and tell me all about it.”

  She guides me with her frail arms to the closest twin in our shared stateroom, plops me down and sits next to me. One of her thin hands moves down to my lap to hold my hand, while she pulls my head down to her shoulder with the other. I can smell her rose-scented perfume and the mild soap she uses. It’s a combination of smells that suddenly makes me feel like a little girl again — which strikes me as ridiculous at the moment.

  “Come now, Amanda. Open up and tell me what happened.”

  I lean into my grandmother more, letting go of my tension and feeling the soft caress of her hand over my hair. Soon the sobs let up a bit, and I can breathe again. But still, I can’t find the words to tell her how stupid I have been.

  “Take a deep breath, child.” I do as she instructs. “Is this that Christian fellows child?” she asks. I nod, pushing my head further into the curve of her neck. She nods back, squeezing the hand that holds mine tightly. “I see. Have you told him about the baby?”

  My breath hitches, and more tears come to my eyes. I shake my head, unable to explain.

  Bubby shifts away from me. Her frail hand reaches under my chin and brings my eyes up to hers. “Look at me, Amanda.”

  It’s the second time she’s used my full name. That means I am to do as she instructs. My eyes look into hers. I expect to see judgment, but instead, there is just love and concern. There are tears in her eyes too. Bubby doesn’t like to see me hurting. That realization crushes my last wall.

  “Why would he want a child with a poor girl?!” I howl.

  My grandmother’s eyes go wide. “What the fuck?” she snaps. “Amanda, you are not poor. And besides, what does money have to do with anything? Did Christian tell you that you were poor?”

  I shake my head. I can’t quite catch my breath. “Jered said it.” My words come out in gasps. “He told me I was too poor to be his wife!” A long moan escapes my lips, causing me to lean forward. My whole body feels torn with my sorrow.

  Bubby keeps running her hand over my head, petting my hair with gentle strokes. “I don’t understand, doll. You said this was Christian’s child. What does your ex-boyfriend have to do with anything?”

  “Before. He told me that before. When I was pregnant the first time. Then he left me.”

  I can feel her body stiffen, and her hands stall. “You were pregnant before? Oh, my child! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

  I shake my head wildly. “I couldn’t. I was too ashamed after he left me.”

  “Oh, love, you can tell me anything. You know I will help with whatever you need. But Amanda, what happened—”

  “I miscarried.”

  Silence feels the room. It’s the first time I have ever told anyone or admitted it to myself. Back then, the doctors said that word, it was on the hospital paperwork, but I never said it out loud. To do so felt too real.

  Bubby pulls my head into her lap. She holds me close as she can, humming lullabies and combing her fingers through my hair over and over. “Shhh, now, doll,” she murmurs. “I had one too. Before your father came to us. Carrying babies is a hard business. But that was then, and this is now. This little baby that is in your tummy right now? He or she is staying put. Do you understand?”

  A bit of peace flows into me from her touch. My breaths come slower, but the tears still fall. “Yes, Bubby.” I nod, moving my head against her lap.

  “Okay, now, you need to let Christian know.”

  I gasp in a breath and try to sit up, but Bubby pushes me back down with a strength that I didn’t know she had. “I can’t…”

  She hushes me. “Christian is not Jered. He may act the same way as that ass, but he deserves the chance and the choice to be in his child’s life.”

  “But what if he doesn’t want me to be having his baby?”

  Bubby chuckles. “It’s happening, so I don’t think he has much choice in the matter.” She pulls up a strand of my hair and wraps it in a curl around her finger. As I look up at her, she gives me a little smile. “Besides, any man with real sense would know that my granddaughter is a treasure. And my great-grandchild will be just the same.”

  I wrap my arms around her bony knees, giving them a little squeeze. “I hope that my child is just like you, Bubby.”

  She hums slightly sounding pleased. “I’m sure they will be, doll. I’ll be there to guide them. Now close your eyes. I think a little nap will do you good.”

  Holding me close, she continues to stroke my hair. I let the feeling soothe my aching nerves, and my eyes lids droop.

  “Do I really have to tell Christian?” I mumble.

  “Oh yes, child. The father deserves to know. But don’t worry about that now. Honestly, I think he will be delighted. That poor boy needed direction, and now he has it.”

  The noises of the ship and the world around us starts to dim as I relax and let the need for sleep take over my senses. My mind focuses on the song Bubby is humming, and the rhythmic feeling of her fingers combing through my hair.

  Somewhere between starting to dream and being awake, I feel another presence join us. It’s familiar and yet not. I fight back sleep to figure out who it is but can’t. Just before I drift off, my grandmother starts whispering excit
edly.

  “Oh, Harrold! You will never guess. Our little grandbaby here is going to be a mother!”

  It doesn’t make any sense, but I hear my grandfather saying how pleased he is.

  It must be Tuesday.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Christian

  I pay an insane amount of money to the Alaskan cruise line representative to find out what boat Mandy and her grandmother are on. I pay more to have them stop the boat off the coast of Glacier Bay and allow my helicopter to catch up. I’m not sure what they told the other passengers, perhaps that they are flying someone out for an emergency. But, in any case, I’m on the boat and waiting for Mandy within two days.

  Once I get on board, I bribe a maid to let me into Mandy and her grandmother’s shared stateroom. I want to surprise her. I want to make this day one that she will remember for the rest of her life. I have the room dark. The cruise line representative let me know what shows Mandy and her grandmother have tickets for, so I snuck in while they are out.

  The new suit I bought for the occasion feels weird. It looks a little weird to me too. Somehow, even though I’m in my thirties, I look more adult now. Maybe because I am expecting a baby. It makes me feel more grown-up.

  The doorknob starts to turn. I take a deep breath, stand up, and hold the bouquet of red roses I brought out in front of me. This has to go perfectly.

  The lights flip on. She’s there. Standing in front of me with her cheeks slightly pink from the cold air outside. Mandy blinks at me.

  “Christian?”

  The look of surprise on her face is priceless. Her brown eyes are so wide. Her little pink lips are pulled into an O. When she notices the flowers, a slight blush fills her cheeks. It is at that point that I notice that her hands instinctively go to the little bump at her belly — the bump that is my child.

  I’m drawn to her body in a new way. The desire to take it, make it mine, and watch Mandy cum over and over is still there, but there is something new in me…in my heart. Images of us wrapped together fill my mind. Only with my arms around her, protecting her, will I feel complete again. Maybe more complete than I have ever felt before.

  My arms reach out for her before I tell them too. I have to hold back; there will be no jumping in now. Our breakup was too bad for this to be immediate. The words I came to say get caught in my throat. Instead, I offer her the flowers again, as if a couple of slightly frozen roses will explain everything.

  Mandy doesn’t take the bouquet. Her lips pull into a hard line; a sign of the confusion that she is feeling. She glances over her shoulder to her grandmother who shuffles into the room. “Did you call him, Bubby? I told you I would handle this my own way.”

  “I did not!” the old woman snaps.

  Bubby looks me over, a slight smile hovering on her face. There is a brightness, an expectation, in her eyes that comforts me and scares me at the same time. The grandmother likes my effort, but she wants to see my follow-through. A moment passes between us. She raises her bleached-blonde eyebrows.

  “I expect that the young man is here to tell you that he wants you back. That’s what flowers used to mean in my day — roses especially.” She makes a slight humming sound, indicating that she is expecting me to speak.

  Suddenly, I feel like my head is spinning. There is so much here. So many new feelings. I want to say that I am here for what is mine — Mandy, who is my pet, and the baby. But facing the pregnant woman that is carrying my child makes me feel unworthy, all of a sudden.

  “I came to give you these.” My voice is a croak. I offer her the flowers again.

  Mandy just stares at me. The silence stretches between us. She doesn’t move. Her hands still rest on the little bump that is my child.

  “Well, I’ll just take these.” Bubby shuffles between us. She takes the flowers gently from my hands. “I’ll find a vase and put these in some water. Mandy, I think you should tell him everything.” She gives us both a quick look then heads out the door of the small stateroom.

  I drop my hands to my sides, not knowing what to do with them now that the flowers are gone.

  Mandy rolls her eyes slightly and sighs. “Look, Christian —”

  “I already know.”

  “What?!” She steps back slightly. Her knees hit the bed, causing her to lose her balance and sit down. “How could you possibly know? Wait…what do you think you know?” There is heat in her words now.

  I wasn’t going to tell her the truth, but now I feel like I have to. Taking a deep breath, I rub my fingers through my hair. “I hacked your phone. Months ago. I’ve been reading your texts and emails. I know about the —”

  The look of horror on her face stops my words and drops me to my knees. I’m starting to lose her again. She tries to pull away, but I reach forward and grab her little hands in mine. Still, she struggles.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Christian, that is not okay!”

  “I know. I know. Please, Mandy, just hear me out.”

  My pet takes a deep breath and relaxes. I drop my grip on her hands, but I can’t totally let her go, so I keep my hands on her knees and look up into her face. It’s time to let my truth out.

  “It’s what I do with women. I find a pet, hack her phone, use her for a few weeks and then let her go. I don’t date—”

  “Feelings are a waste of time,” she mimics the words I have said too often, then sits back, rolling her eyes. “The girl gives, and I take, and that’s the end.”

  Every word she repeats feels like a sting on my body. What an ass I was…am. I bunch the fabric of her long sweatshirt into my fists, closing my eyes against the shame I now feel.

  “It was different with you,” I whisper. “I swear it was. I mean, it was the same at first, but I found after a few weeks that I didn’t want you out of my life. That sense of longing was too much for me and I didn’t know how to handle that, so I ignored the emotions. I tried to lock them away. I wanted to hold you close and push you away at the same time. After meeting your grandmother, it just got worse. You were making me part of your family. Then there was Jered —”

  “What about Jered?” Mandy’s words cut into my rambling.

  There’s still anger in her brown eyes, but she isn’t pushing me away. So, that’s something. With a sigh, I let myself drop down to sitting on the floor and turn. With my back to the bed, I lean against it and put my head on her knee. Being next to her, touching her body in any way, feels safe.

  “I know you two have history. That bothered me more than I would have liked. It was like he could take you away from me at any moment. The way you acted around him; I knew that there were still feelings between you.”

  “Feelings of hate,” Mandy hisses between her teeth. “I can’t stand Jered. He hurt me so badly, Christian. I was…am scared that you are going to do the same thing.” There’s a little hitch in her voice like she’s starting to cry. I wrap my arms around her short legs and put my chin on her knees. I don’t want her to cry, ever. “I thought that you wouldn’t want a…”

  “A baby?”

  She nods as I glance up to see the tears running down her cheeks. “I thought that you wouldn’t want a baby with a girl like me. A poor girl. We come from such different worlds.”

  Seeing her vulnerable is too much. I pull myself up, sit on the bed, and take her in my arms. Her head rests against my chest. I can feel how her body shivers as she sobs. I shush her some, rubbing one hand over her head and hair.

  “You and the baby, you are both mine,” I whisper to her. “In my mind, you are both perfect for me. I don’t ever want you to go. These last few weeks without you have been hell.” The sobs causing her body to writhe lesson. “I want you to marry me, Mandy.”

  She gasps and pulls back to look up at me. Her eyes are wide with shock. I run a finger under her chin, using my thumb to whip some of her tears away.

  “I’m serious, pet. Please, marry me. Let me be part of your family.”

  I can’t resist lean
ing forward and kissing her soft, pink lips. Some of her tears wet my face, but I don’t care. I’m as close to home as I have been in weeks, maybe more than I have ever been in my life. Mandy is my home.

  She grabs one of my hands and places it on the bump of her belly. The taunt feeling to her body gives me chills. There is some connection between my child and me already. Through Mandy’s skin and muscle, I know he or she is there, growing and changing.

  I look into Mandy’s damp eyes. She gives me a slight smile. “You already are part of my family, Christian. But yes, I will marry you.”

  In that one second, my world is complete. “Oh, thank God,” I whisper, bringing my hands up to run my fingers through her hair, and pull her face to mine. “Thank God, because I cannot live without you, pet.”

  Mandy lets out a choked sob. “So, you really want me…and my baby?”

  I kiss her again, then pull her head till her nose is buried in my neck. “Our baby, pet. You two give me life. You give me a reason to live. You’re everything to me.” I can’t hold her close enough to me. Having my arms wrapped around Mandy is the only thing I want anymore.

  She lets out a little laugh. “So, I’m not just your accountant.”

  Her words cause my body to freeze. Sitting back, I take her face in my hands and look deep into her eyes. “I’m sorry I said that, pet, but let me explain. My father is a very bad man. He takes everything that is mine. That night, I was trying to protect you.”

  Her mouth drops open as she frowns. “Are you serious?”

  I nod. “Dad uses people. And what I didn’t realize was that I was acting the same way.” Gently, I brush my thumbs over her soft lips, taking in every detail of her face. “I’m so sorry, Mandy. I’m cutting him out of my life and trying to change my behavior. I promise it will never happen again.”

  My pet smirks at me. “It better not, or I will have to punish you.” She giggles. It’s a sound that eases all the tension in the room.

  “Are we okay?” I ask.