Whatever He Wants

by Bridgett Henson

  James relaxed as her car pulled onto the highway. What was it she’d been mad about? In his truck, he slapped his palm against his forehead. Jabbering? Because of his jealousy, he’d missed an opportunity to clarify some of her misconceptions.

  Misconceptions he’d led her to believe.

  There was no time to talk to her now. Cecil was expecting him in Montgomery this afternoon.

  James resolved to keep his head out of the gutter and his hands to himself. God forbid she believe some false doctrine because she misinterpreted the Holy Ghost.

  ~~~

  The argument with her mother lingered in her mind. She needed a friend. She took out her phone and scrolled through her contacts. Marla would agree with anything Joni said. No, she needed a best friend. Too bad James was off somewhere working. She should’ve had lunch with him Sunday. She missed him.

  He answered on the first ring.

  “Are you busy?”

  “I’m never too busy for you. Where are you?”

  “The park.” Joni got out of her car and walked under the pines toward the duck pond. “Mom found out I changed my major.”

  “Ooh, that’s not good.”

  “She refused to pay my tuition. I can cover the expenses with my savings, but she’s using parental guilt to try to change my mind. You know my parents are retiring to Miami?”

  “Yeah, my mom listed your house for sale.”

  Joni kicked a pine cone. “She wants me to transfer to a local university there.” She climbed atop a concrete picnic table and jumped off the other side. “James, are you there?”

  “Where are you exactly?”

  She stopped three stage-lengths from the water. “Watching this silly duck in the pond.”

  “Hold on two seconds.”

  The duck pecked his feathers and splashed around as a mother pushed a stroller toward the swings. Joni shouldn’t wallow in self-pity. “I’m sorry for bothering you. You’re obviously busy.”

  No reply.

  “James, where are you?”

  “Right here.” His answer came from behind her.

  She squealed and swirled around. “James.” Enfolded in his arms, she could conquer the world. Joni closed her eyes and leaned against him. Oh, he smelled good. She lifted her head and laughed. “How’d you do that?”

  His eyes sparkled. “Your wish is my command.”

  She playfully swatted his shoulder. “Be serious. How’d you get here?”

  “I was looking for you.” Oh, how she missed his smile. “You want some lunch?”

  She shook her head. “I have another class in half an hour. So, should I transfer?”

  ~~~

  James threaded his fingers through hers and walked toward the parking lot. He was moving home to be near her, and her mother ordered her to Miami. He wanted to tell her to stay, but the mistakes of his past choked him, and he struggled with his words. “You should do whatever God wants.”

  She stopped and yanked on his arm. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “I know you doubt my conversion, but my prayers are real.”

  She opened her mouth but he silenced her by laying a finger against her lips.

  “Let me finish.” He led her to a picnic table. They climbed over the bench-style seat and sat on the concrete slab. Resting his arm around her shoulders, he prayed she’d understand his next words. “The night I went to the tent revival was the day I should’ve received my engineering degree.”

  She leaned over and kissed his cheek.

  “I guess you could say I’ve done a lot of soul-searching since. About me. You. But mostly Isaac. I had to face the truth. Looking back, I realized that when Kathy showed up with Isaac, she wasn’t looking for a daddy. She needed more drug money, and Sam and Anna needed the biological father’s consent. If I wasn’t so hell-bent on being a better father than my own, Isaac’s adoption would have been final when he was three. But because of my stubbornness…” His voice broke and he caressed her knuckles with his thumb. Inhaling, he continued. “Isaac suffered Kathy and Brian’s abuse.” Though his eyes stung, he raised them to meet Joni’s. “It was my fault. I’m guilty of placing a little boy in a dangerous situation.”

  Tears rolled down her face.

  “I love him, but he never should’ve been mine.” He forced a smile and cleared his throat. “If I’d have followed God, I’d have my degree and the ability to support a family without worrying about qualifying for a job.”

  Her smile spread sunshine throughout his soul. “I love you.” She pressed close and kissed him the way she did in his dreams.

  The afternoon heat rose and James broke contact and stood. “You’re gonna be late.”

  Hand in hand, they strolled along the path. She pressed a kiss on his upper arm, below the fabric of his short sleeve, and snuggled close to his side. “You know, if you hadn’t been at the party looking for Isaac, you couldn’t have rescued me and we might never have met.”

  The wind whipped Joni’s hair against his skin. “That’s why I can’t tell you to stay. What if God has someone waiting for you in Miami? Someone better than me.”

  A sting pierced his upper arm.

  “Ouch!” He snatched his arm away and inspected the blood and teeth marks. His jaw slacked. “You bit me.”

  “You were talking nonsense. There’s no one better for me. I know it and God knows it. That’s why he sent you to that party. Enough crazy what-ifs.” A gentle thumb caressed his broken skin. “What are you doing here? You said you wouldn’t be home for a few more weeks.”

  He didn’t want to spoil the surprise in case her uncle had changed his mind. “I have a job interview this afternoon.”

  “With who?”

  “A local construction company. I’m tired of living out of a suitcase. I want to sleep in the same bed from week to week.” A blue jay cried overhead.

  Joni squinted. One hand shielded her eyes from the sun. “You’ll be home? Every night?” She wet her lips and glanced at her shoes. “The extra bedroom is empty. I know you still have a key to our apartment.”

  Desire slammed him. James bent and wrapped his arms above her knees. He lifted her and stared up into her dazzling smile. “Don’t. Tempt. Me.”

  Her giggle was priceless as he spun her around. A flip-flop flew into one of the rose bushes. He released her, avoided the thorns, and rescued the shoe.

  Joni wiggled her dainty foot under the strap. “I’m serious.” She crossed her arms and frowned. “Why was it okay for you to spend the night when I was the one in church? But now all of a sudden it’s a sin?”

  Words escaped him. “Joni…it’s…ah…well…since you asked.” The breeze lifted the fuzzy strands of her hair. James smoothed them behind her ear. The wheels in his brain came up empty. He slowly blew out a breath and then shrugged. “I don’t know what to say.”

  She smothered a giggle. “You twisted the Scriptures to get what you wanted.”

  He picked up an acorn and aimed for a knot in a tree. Hands in his back pockets, he glanced heavenward. “I’m sorry, Joni. I was jealous of your relationship with God. Not that I wanted one with Him myself. I didn’t want to share you and the simple truth is…I wanted you. I never lied.” He cringed. “Except about the key. I told you partial truths to make you love me.” He pulled her close and rested his forehead against hers. “Forgive me?”

  When she smiled, the sparkles in her eyes outshined the sun. “I wasn’t as naïve as you thought. I knew what all those nights on the sofa were leading up to. Christmas Eve night, I lay awake for hours. Waiting for you to come to bed.”

  He couldn’t stop himself from reaching for her. He bit his lip. Oh, if he’d have only known… His mind trailed off and he shook the thoughts from his head. “Joni, stop reminding me. Do you forgive me or not?”

  Her stubborn chin lifted. “If you give me the key.”

  He shook his head. “I might need it one day.” His arms tightened around her and he kissed her templ
e. She drew a line across his back with her fingernail. His breath caught and his pulse ran away. Joni drew small circles on his fevered skin.

  James released her and stepped away. He cleared his throat.

  The flames dancing in her eyes mocked the calm in her voice. “You want to come over for dinner tonight?”

  He checked the time on his phone. “You and me alone in the apartment isn’t a smart idea. Anyway, I can’t tonight. I have an appointment.”

  Her shoulders sagged. “Fine.”

  “How about lunch tomorrow?”

  She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled close. “Sounds wonderful. I’ll text you the address where to meet me. There’s something I want to show you.”

  He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. “I’d better go.”

  “Kiss me ‘bye.” She stood on tiptoe and lifted her face to his.

  His lips brushed her cheek, but she turned her head. Sparks ignited. His pulse thundered out of control as her mouth nibbled. Gripping the back of her head, he ended her teasing. She tasted sweeter than ever and he didn’t want to let her go.

  She shifted and the flames leapt out of control.

  He broke contact and escaped. Desire turned into self-disgust as he stalked toward his truck and paced between it and her car.

  She caught up with him there.

  “Joni, I’m sorry. This is why we can’t be alone. I can’t control myself. No more kisses.”

  Her smile winked from her pressed lips. “Whatever you say, dear.” She reached for him.

  He held up a hand and stepped back. “Don’t touch me.”

  A giggle escaped her.

  “Joni.” He glared down at her. “Stop it.”

  “I can’t help it.” She stepped forward. “You love me.”

  He frowned at her in confusion. “Of course I love you. How could you doubt it?”

  “You haven’t told me in weeks.” Her voice cracked. She waved her hands in front of her face. “And you quit calling me beautiful.”

  He stilled her hands and raised them both to his lips. Tears shimmered in her eyes. “I love you more than anything in this world.” His thumbs caressed her knuckles. “You are and will always be my beautiful angel, but when I kiss you I don’t want to stop with one taste. I want you, all of you. You are my forbidden fruit, but I keep hoping and praying that one day you will belong to me again.”

  A lone tear slid down her silky cheek.

  He dipped his head and brushed her lips with a gentle kiss. The scent of her shampoo triggered a flood of memories. “Joni, I miss you so much. Never, ever doubt my love for you.”

  Her soft lips parted and curled upward. Trembling hands smoothed the wrinkles from his shirt. “I should get to class.”

  Ignoring the desire clouding her eyes, he reached behind him and opened her car door. When she was settled in the driver’s seat, he leaned in for another kiss. “Learn something for me.” He jumped in front of the car before she closed the door. She narrowed her eyes as her window lowered. “What are you doing?”

  He winked and shrugged. “I don’t ever want to be in your rearview mirror.”

  ~~~

  The door squeaked open over a scarred wood floor. At the reception desk, nestled between the stairs and a narrow hallway, a gray-haired lady peered at James over thin glasses.

  “May I help you?”

  “What is this place?” From the outside, the old house looked to be another renovated business or downtown residence. There was no sign in the yard to indicate the building’s purpose. If it hadn’t been for the house number mounted on a porch column, he would have passed it up.

  “I’m sorry, this is a private establishment.” The elderly lady stood. “I’m afraid you need to leave now.”

  James shook his head. “Joni Maher gave me this address. I’m supposed to meet her here.”

  A second woman, twenty years younger than the first, walked down the narrow hall. A hand with fingernails painted the same color as her lips stretched toward him. “You must be James.”

  He shook her hand and looked around her. “Did Joni tell you I was stopping by?”

  Her laugh was loud and hearty. “No. I’ve begged her for an introduction. I’m Mrs. Wendel.” She dropped his hand and tilted her head. “I recognized you from your mug shot.”

  “Oh.” The pieces didn’t fit together. He had no idea why the woman would want to meet him, especially since she knew he had a criminal record. “Can you tell Joni I’m here?”

  The calculating gleam in her smile put him on guard. “This way.”

  He followed her up the stairs toward the sound of an off-key piano. Joni’s voice was unmistakable. So was the sound of children singing “This Little Light of Mine.” Mrs. Wendel opened a door and motioned for him to go in. She closed the door behind him and left him alone with Joni and over a dozen small children.

  She played with her back to him, but one by one the children quit singing and stared at the stranger among them. Joni turned. Her smile sparked life within him.

  A toddler trailed behind her as she crossed the room. “I have a few more minutes before Mrs. Grayson takes them down to lunch.” She tugged on his hand. “Sing with us.”

  His feet were frozen. “Where are we?”

  Sadness clouded her eyes. “A safe house for abused and neglected children.”

  An unseen hand squeezed his heart. “Joni, I can’t—”

  The toddler, a little girl, lifted her arms to him. “Up.”

  A bruise marked the little girl’s cheek. Her green eyes reminded him of Joni. His throat burned, but he hardened his heart against the blond curls so like Isaac’s.

  “I’m sorry. They’re starved for love and attention.” Joni knelt and held out her hand. “Carrie, come to Joni.”

  Little hands clung to his pant leg. “Up.”

  Having no choice, he lifted the little girl in his arms. Inhaling baby shampoo, he closed his eyes as the soft body snuggled against his shoulder. He swallowed his pain and winked at Joni. “Let’s sing.”

  James reclined on the floor against a bean bag while Joni wrestled with the outdated piano. Other children slowly edged their way to him. By the third song, he was covered in toddlers. The older children, especially the girls, eyed him with suspicion from a distance.

  Joni smiled at him. “I’ve been replaced.”

  Careful not to make any sudden moves and scare the skittish children, he shook his head. “You’re irreplaceable, Joni. Don’t go to Miami. You have the talent to play in Carnegie Hall, but God put you here for a reason.”

  She turned crimson and closed the piano. “Thank you. You don’t know how much those words mean to me, especially coming from your lips.” She smiled away the pools in her eyes. “Now, if you can break away from my babies, it’s lunch time.”

  James wrinkled his nose. “One of them stinks.”

  She laughed and pointed to a side door. “The changing room is through there.”

  It was a good thing she was joking, but he decided to play along. “I don’t do diapers.” A little boy crawled across his chest and James lifted the culprit toward her. “This one.”

  Mrs. Grayson clapped her hands in the doorway. “Come along, sweeties.”

  The kids scrambled toward the door. Joni carried the stinking toddler but turned to smile at James. “I’ll meet you downstairs as soon as I take care of Ralph.”

  ~~~

  Joni descended the steps a few minutes later to find Mrs. Wendell campaigning her ideas for changing Alabama’s child protection legislation to James. She waited patiently while her employer finished talking.

  When they were alone outside the building, he eyed her critically. “Did you wash your hands?”

  Joni laughed at his stricken expression. “Yes.” She held out her hands and turned them up. “With antibacterial soap.”

  His wink took her breath. “Good.”

  They stopped at her car. “Didn’t you ever change Isaac?”


  Awkward silence fell. Her careless words brought a haunted look into his eyes. “He was potty-trained when I got him.”

  “Oh.” She didn’t know what to say so she kissed him instead. “I’m done for the day. I’ll meet you at the restaurant so I won’t have to come back for my car.”

  He lifted her hand and kissed her fingertips. “I’ll follow you.”

  ~~~

  The waitress brought their salads and James shocked her when he bowed his head and said a short blessing over the food. “Let’s eat. I’m starved.”

  Joni laughed. “You’re always hungry.”

  The fork in James’s hand paused halfway to his mouth. “And that’s why you should be feeding me a steak instead of this rabbit food.”

  She giggled and caught her glass before it tipped over.

  “Tell me about this safe-house thing. Does it have anything to do with changing your college major?”

  Joni relaxed and told him all about her plans to get her degree and open her own safehouse one day. She told him of her trips to Montgomery and how Mrs. Wendell wanted him to speak out for a father’s right to request paternity. Gone was the tension between them. The heavy weight on her heart lifted further with each smile he gave her.

  Until he asked, “Is that where you met Matt?”

  She swallowed a stubborn piece of pasta. “Yes. He interned for their attorneys.”

  His fork clattered to his plate. “I see.”

  “I’ve talked to him at work, but he, um, called me a bad name and we broke up. Sort of. I only went out with him ‘cause Marla wanted to date his friend Jeremy. The night you saw us was our first and last date. But I didn’t ask you to lunch to talk about that.” Joni gulped her tea.

  “What name did he call you?”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It matters to me. Tell me.”

  “No. I’ve learned there are some things you should never know.” Joni laughed to soften the blow of her words.

  James withdrew his hand. “You’d keep secrets from me?”

  She leaned over the table and captured his hand. “You explain how Trent spent a week in the hospital after you snuck into town to take care of some business and I’ll tell you all my secrets.”

  He pressed a feathery kiss against the small scar on her temple. By way of explanation he said, “He hurt you.”

  “Yes, and it’s your anger issues that prevent me from telling you everything.”

  He pushed his full plate away. “What haven’t you told me? Did someone hurt you?”