Married to Krampus (My Holiday Tails)

by Marina Simcoe

  “Omni can clean it,” the Colonel waved me off.

  A couple of drones whizzed over to the sink. The water turned on as if on its own, and the drones started scrubbing the dishes.

  I remained motionless, unsure of what to do with myself.

  He stared at me with his unsettling eyes. I quickly swiped at my cheek, wondering if I had flour all over my face.

  “Last night...” He rubbed the back of his neck, shifting his eyes from mine.

  “It’s fine,” I took a step to the side, trying to figure out the best route to escape. “No need to apologize.”

  “Apologize?” He stared at me in confusion.

  “Dammit,” I cursed softly. “I guess you weren’t going to do that anyway.” I should’ve expected that. “Never mind. If you’ll excuse me...” I inched to the door, aiming to squeeze past him.

  “Daisy.” He grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks. “Where are you going?”

  “To bed?” I stilled under his stare.

  “It’s dinner time.”

  “I’m, um, not really hungry tonight.”

  The warmth of his large hand on my bare upper arm felt oddly pleasant, even as his grip was rather firm.

  “I’m sorry to have put you out of your bedroom.” I said the next thing that came into my head. “I would be more than happy to move to the spare room myself, for the remainder of my stay.”

  “Remainder?” he growled, his voice rolling in a deep ominous rumble. “Are you planning to leave?”

  “Well, it may be too soon,” I mumbled. “And I’m willing to discuss it, but considering how the things have been going... Anyway, I believe you may be willing to consider the dissolution of the contract—”

  “Bullshit!” he roared, yanking me to him.

  Startled, I went numb and mute at once.

  “You are my wife, whether you like it or not!” he raged, holding me by my upper arms in front of him. I froze like a rabbit staring into the eyes of a snake—the blazing red eyes with pupils that looked like vertical slits left by a steel blade. “There is no leaving for you now. I won’t have it!”

  His unhinged anger was terrifying. I could barely blink, even my breathing all but stopped.

  Then, a wave of hot defiance swelled inside me. I was so sick and tired of being scared of this man.

  I drew in a deep breath, trying not to waver under his glower.

  “There is no need to yell at me,” I said as firmly as I could manage. I realized I was lunging into a fight against an opponent who’d won a lot of battles in his life, but this was a fight I couldn’t afford to lose. “The Marriage Contract states that our union can be dissolved by either party at the end of the year. I’m considering petitioning the Committee to allow for an earlier dissolution—”

  “Both parties.” He narrowed his eyes. His jaw muscles moved, stirring his beard.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “The contract can only be ended by both parties. And there is no way in hell I’ll ever allow my wife to dishonor me by leaving like that.”

  Both parties.

  The image of the contract rose in my mind. The words of the exit clause I’d read very carefully had been burnt into my memory. It did state “both parties.” I’d just never thought that it meant “together” or “simultaneously.”

  Dread seized my heart. Gripped in his large hands like prey, I no longer believed any reasonable conversation was possible with this man.

  Still, I tried, “Surely, you can see, this is not working between us...”

  “Not without at least some effort on your part to make it work,” he gritted through his teeth.

  Was he accusing me? I couldn’t believe my ears.

  “My effort?” I gaped at him, flabbergasted. “Are you blaming me for all of this? You’ve been nothing but rough and boorish here and...” I waved my hand in the direction of the stairs, “and in the bedroom.” I pointed with my gaze at his hands gripping my forearms. “This is no way to treat a woman.”

  Following my gaze, he released me, and I rubbed the lingering ache from my arms with my hands, taking a step back and away from him.

  He remained in the doorway, blocking my way. Anger seethed inside me, shoving fear aside.

  “Colonel—”

  “Grevar,” he corrected gruffly. “It’s customary for the wife to address her husband by his first name.”

  “Gre...” I huffed a breath. “I can’t. I don’t think of myself as your wife. There has been no getting to know each other, no courtship, no attraction...Nothing that has to happen before the actual marriage can take place.”

  “You knew what you signed.”

  He was so right, and I felt so stupid for being naïve in my hope for an out-of-this-world romance with an alien man I’d never met, for signing my life over to him.

  “When I signed, I genuinely hoped there would eventually be a connection between us.” I felt deflated and crushed by disappointment all over again. “I believed you would take your time to get to know me. That you’d give me a chance to learn more about you, too. Instead, all you really wanted was...sex?”

  I glared at him, feeling the anger rise higher.

  His face distorted with rage. “I’m your husband! It’s my right and obligation to sexually pleasure my wife. You, Madam Colonel Kyradus—”

  My nerves had been stretched tight like strings. Hearing that name made me snap.

  “It’s Daisy. Like the ‘flower!’” I raised my voice. “Not Madam Kyradus, like ‘the wife of a rough, boorish Krampus.’ Marriage does not give you the right to own me or to force yourself on me.”

  “I didn’t force!” he shouted back. “I don’t force myself on women. Never have. The one I’ve been with liked me just the way I am, ‘rough and boorish.’ Especially, in the bedroom!”

  His roaring voice reverberated through the open space, amplifying under the glass dome like inside a giant bell.

  “Why are you not with her, then?” I placed my fists on my hips.

  His beard moved as he flexed his jaw. “She chose to be with someone else.”

  “Why does that not surprise me?” I shook my head.

  “Enough!”

  His nostrils flared as he stomped closer. Storm raged in his eyes, making me draw my head into my shoulders. I half-expected him to strike me. There’d be no way back from that.

  He just stood over me, panting hard in rage.

  Avoiding his terrifying eyes, I stared at one of the shiny buttons on his army coat.

  “Don’t you see? We’re making each other miserable. Just let the Committee dissolve the contract, please, and I’ll be out of here. You’ll have your life back.”

  “No!” The word shot out of his mouth like a bullet, startling me. “You’re my reward from the Governor. Refusing you would dishonor me.”

  “Those are the worst excuses I’ve ever heard for holding on to a marriage that wasn’t meant to be. You can’t keep me here because of some obligation toward a government official.”

  “I can, and I will.” He stood his ground, stubborn as a goat. “Unlike you, I keep my promises and appreciate the rewards bestowed on me. I have honor.”

  “And I don’t?” I screeched, my voice high from indignation. “How would you even know what I have? What do you know about me beside the fact that I own a bright sunflower dress? Nothing! Because all you care about in a wife is the convenience of having someone to fuck after dinner.”

  Anger boiled hot and high in my chest. The room suddenly seemed too small for both of us. This entire planet didn’t have enough space for the two of us. Yet he kept standing in the doorway, blocking my way out.

  “Let me go!” I snapped, shoving both hands against his shoulder with all force I could muster.

  He staggered aside in shock, and I finally dashed out of the kitchen.

  “Oh, I wish I’d gotten the chance to watch that video of you before I’d left Earth,” I muttered under my breath while running to the stairs. “
I would’ve never come here at all. You’re nothing but a savage, in the video and in real life.”

  “You’re not leaving!” he yelled after me as I ran up the main staircase that circled the entire dome. “I won’t let you!”

  “We’ll see about that!” I screamed back.

  “I said no!” he shouted. Then came the sound of the dishes crashing to the floor.

  Through a section of the glass dome below, I caught a glimpse of the Colonel sweeping my neatly lined-up cups with the pre-measured ingredients off the counter. The shards of glass scattered all over the floor, clouds of powder rising through the air.

  “Savage.” I gritted my teeth, seething with anger. Rushing into the bedroom, I slid the doors shut behind me. “A wild animal. A raging beast. The freaking Krampus...”

  I paced the room, trying to calm my nerves and my breathing.

  There was absolutely no way I was staying under the same roof with this man for an entire year, not to mention for the rest of my life. I needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

  “Omni, get Nancy, the human representative to the Liaison Committee on the line, please.”

  The robot rolled out from the closet. “Unfortunately, I cannot comply with your request. The Colonel had just cancelled his permission for any outgoing calls for you, Madam Kyradus.”

  The last shreds of my composure evaporated at the sound of that name again.

  “Daisy! It’s Daisy!” I screamed. “There is no Madam Kyradus. You hear me? He doesn’t deserve to have a wife because he has no idea how to be a good husband. Breaking things, raging like a wild beast, and depriving me of all contact with the outside world is the opposite of what a good husband would do.”

  Tears sprang to my eyes, spurred by the feeling of utter helplessness. Here, in his house, I was entirely at his mercy. He could lock me up, starve me, hide me from the world if he felt so inclined. I couldn’t leave unless he allowed it. I couldn’t even sneak out, because I had no idea how to operate the freaking aircraft.

  Taking deep breaths, I stopped pacing eventually and tried to think rationally.

  No, he couldn’t hide me from the world.

  As the first human-Voranian couple, the Colonel and I were watched by the entire populations of two planets.

  My first follow-up meeting with the Committee was in a few days. There would be major consequences if I failed to show up for it. The meetings were scheduled weekly for the next month while the human delegation remained in Voran. After the humans left for Earth, the meetings were supposed to happen monthly.

  Either way, I would get plenty of opportunities to plead my case for dissolution of this joke of a marriage. Meanwhile, I should gather the evidence of the Colonel’s abusive behaviour to prove my case.

  Having a plan—however shaky—made me feel a little better. I was not alone, the people of two planets were watching the progress of this marriage. If I did get locked up, everyone would know.

  With the adrenaline still rushing through my system, I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep quickly tonight. I felt too agitated, angry, and...overwhelmingly sad. Even if a romantic relationship between us wasn’t meant to be, I’d still hoped for a friendship between the Colonel and I, or at least for some kind of understanding.

  I hadn’t expected this to end this badly.

  “Could you draw me a bath, please?” I asked Omni, heading to the closet to get rid of my dress.

  “Certainly,” the robot replied, rolling with me to the closet and from there to the adjacent bathroom.

  Preoccupied with my gloomy thoughts, I began undressing in the robot’s presence. It was just a machine, after all.

  The clear, round tub stood in the middle of the bathroom. A blown glass chandelier hung over it, dripping with vines and flowers. The tub had no faucet. The water simply rose from the bottom, filling the entire tub within seconds. A pleasant fragrance drifted through the room with the steam.

  “Oh, it looks fantastic. Thank you, Omni.” After taking off my bra and underwear, I raised a leg over the edge of the tub to climb in when Omni’s screen lit up brightly.

  “Colonel Kyradus is on the line for you,” Omni informed me.

  The Colonel’s grumpy face suddenly filled the screen.

  “I don’t want to talk to him.” I climbed into the tub and stood inside it, waiting for my feet to adjust to the temperature of the water. Omni had made it just a bit too hot.

  The Colonel’s jaw dropped, he blinked, staring straight at me. I realized belatedly that he must be able to see me, as well.

  “Oh no!” I hugged my bare breasts with both arms and plopped into the tub with a huge splash. “Stop showing me to him! I said I don’t want to talk to him.”

  Thankfully, Omni’s screen immediately went black.

  “The Colonel expressed concern that you’re hungry,” Omni stated calmly. “He is requesting your presence at dinner.”

  Concern, requesting. I doubted the Colonel had used these actual words. Most likely, he’d yelled, stomped his hooves, and broke a few more things. That seemed to be his only way of “expressing” himself. I didn’t think he even had any nice words in his vocabulary, which was filled mostly with growls and grunts.

  “I’m not hungry,” I replied sulkily, sinking into the fragrant water up to my chin. “Tell him to have dinner without me.”

  “Would you allow the Colonel to send some food up here for you?”

  Would I allow?

  Was he actually asking for my permission? Now?

  It was probably just Omni’s program, dressing up the Colonel’s “requests” into more socially appropriate form.

  “No. He can eat it all himself.”

  I sank even deeper into the water, until it touched my lips. The warmth finally started to relax me a little.

  A few minutes later, Omni’s voice came up again, “Colonel Kyradus would like to know if you would at least have the dessert.”

  Dessert? I didn’t get any last night, either.

  “What’s for dessert?” I asked, tentatively.

  “Phesoth mousse with chesu berries and whipped aicea. It’s a delicacy in Voran.”

  Maybe I was just a little bit hungry, after all.

  “Fine. He can send it by drone,” I conceded.

  It hadn’t escaped me that the Colonel was doing the entire negotiation in his own name. He could’ve just sent the food up here through Omni, without saying it was from him.

  “Thanks,” I said, accepting a small crystal dish from a drone. If Omni felt like forwarding my thanks to the Colonel, it was his business.

  Soaking in the luxurious bath, the crystal dish with something heavenly delicious in my hand, I finally was able to completely relax for the time being.

  That was my spark of sunny pink in this utterly blue situation.

  Chapter 7

  “COLONEL KYRADUS IS requesting a meeting with you.” Omni’s voice woke me up.

  The sky above glowed faintly with the sunrise. The bed’s canopy also lit up slowly, aiding the pale light from the outside in illuminating the bedroom.

  “A meeting?” I sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

  For the past two days, the Colonel and I had been effectively avoiding each other. It hadn’t been difficult as he left for work before I woke. He also ate the dinner elsewhere, coming home only after I had gone to bed.

  “Why?” I asked Omni. “What time is it?”

  “Six thirty,” came the deep voice of the Colonel from the door.

  I jumped up at the sound of his voice. Any remnants of sleep now gone, I yanked the covers up to my chin.

  “I’ll be leaving for work shortly.” Fully dressed in his uniform, his horns polished to a shine, and his fur smoothed down, he appeared collected and refreshed—more civilized than I had ever seen him. “I need to talk to you before I go.”

  “What is it?” I shifted under the covers uneasily.

  “The Governor’s Ball is tonight. I have been invit
ed to attend. The Governor is requesting I bring my new wife along.”

  “Me?”

  “Evidently.” He tilted his head, folding his arms over his chest.

  “I—I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Not when I was determined to leave here at the first opportunity. Going out in public as Colonel’s wife would only perpetuate the lie that ours was a valid marriage.

  His chest rose with a deep breath, his eyes focused on mine.

  “Please,” he said suddenly.

  I nearly choked on the air I inhaled. I hadn’t heard the word “please” from him before. I didn’t think he even knew it existed.

  “Why?” I glanced at him suspiciously, searching for signs of hidden motives in his expression.

  I’d figured that the purpose of him getting a wife in the first place was so that she would escort him to some high-profile events. The Governor’s Ball must be an important one to attend, since he’d actually asked me nicely. He wasn’t shouting or breaking things. Not yet, anyway.

  “This marriage was the Governor’s idea—” he started.

  “Oh, I get it. You want to show him that you appreciate his gift? And with the gift being me, I’ll need to play along. Right?”

  He took his time to reply, his jaw moving under his beard, eyes set on me. “Right.”

  I couldn’t immediately decide whether his straightforwardness was insulting or admirable, but I was determined to be honest in return.

  “Well, you see, doing that wouldn’t be helping my intentions. Because I believe it’s best to dissolve this marriage.”

  The muscles in his face twitched. He balled his hands into fists. Surprisingly, no explosion followed. Having witnessed his temper, I appreciated his current composure.

  “Why?” he asked in a rough, low voice.

  “Why?” I repeated in shock. “Are you kidding me? Do you really not see the problem here?” I waved my hand between us. “You’ve done nothing but yell and growl at me ever since I got here. And I don’t particularly enjoy the idea of being yelled and growled at for the rest of my life.”

  He shifted hoof to hoof.