Forgetting to Breathe

by Megan E. Bean

  “I mean, I really like you,” she emphasized and leaned up off of me, so that we could face each other.

  My heart was pounding. It took me a while to be able to form a response. The look in her eyes was almost too intense for me.

  “I really like you, too,” I softly said.

  She smiled before leaning down and gently kissing me. I wondered if her kisses would always make me turn to mush.

  “I want you to be my girlfriend,” she whispered against my lips, and I got chills down my spine. I couldn’t speak. I just nodded my head and she grinned. “Yeah?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I repeated. I was never surer of anything in my life.

  Chapter 14

  I woke up the Monday morning happier than ever. Seeing Keira sleeping next to me, arm draped across my stomach, was the best feeling I had ever felt. But then I felt a wave of euphoria hit whenever I remembered that she asked me to be her girlfriend on Saturday night.

  I stared at her for a while—her mouth was open slightly and she was breathing heavily. Her hair was a mess, but it made her look even more beautiful. She looked like she had slept just as well as I had the night before.

  I remembered that we had class today and looked at my clock. It was 7:13 A.M. I needed to get her up now, or else we wouldn’t be on time for school.

  I leaned over and placed little kisses on her cheek and whispered good morning into her ear.

  She mumbled and stirred a little before fluttering her eyes open.

  “Good morning, indeed,” she said dreamily and nuzzled into me further.

  “We have to get up for school, sleepyhead,” I said, even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to lay in bed with her for the rest of my days.

  “Let’s just stay here,” she pouted, wrapping the blanket around both of us. I almost agreed, but I was too meticulous with school to let that happen.

  “I want to, but we have to go. I can’t afford to miss today.”

  “You’re such a nerd,” she replied. She splayed across the bed, stretching and releasing a small moan.

  I instantly thought that I would love to make her moan like that. I quickly shook the dirty thought from my mind.

  “Whatever. Come on, get up,” I jumped up and out of the bed, making my way to my dresser.

  “I don’t have clothes to wear,” she said to me, rubbing her eyes. She was adorable when she was sleepy. Beyond adorable.

  “Well, you can wear my clothes, duh,” I said and she just looked at me, smiling. “What?”

  “Nothing,” she simply replied.

  “Weirdo,” I smiled back at her. I was feeling very giddy this morning. “What do you want to wear?”

  “I don’t care, just pick something,” she answered, sitting at the edge of the bed now, kicking her feet absentmindedly.

  “You look like a little kid right now, waiting on her mom to dress her,” I laughed.

  “Shut up and clothe me,” she said, with a fake scowl on her face.

  I picked her out my favorite T-shirt. Mainly because it had my last name on the back of it. She lit up when I threw it to her.

  “Are you trying to claim your territory?” she asked, one eyebrow raised.

  “No,” I halfheartedly replied.

  “Mhmm.” She was not buying it.

  “Okay, fine. Maybe a little,” I confessed.

  “Good,” came her simple reply. She left me there, smiling, as she went into the bathroom to get ready for school.

  * * * *

  “So, what is the deal with you two love birds?” Ariel whispered to me at the lunch table, as Keira and the boys were engrossed into their conversation about sports.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, playing stupid.

  “Shut up,” she cut to the chase. “What’s up with you two?” she emphasized again.

  “Well.” A big smile crept onto my face. I couldn’t help it. “She asked me out over the weekend.”

  Ariel slapped me and tried holding in a squeal. I slapped her back, trying to shut her up before she embarrassed me.

  “That’s awesome! I’m happy for you,” she said. I was shocked, kind of. She was never the enthusiastic type. This seemed to be the exception, though, and I was glad for that.

  “I know. It’s awesome. She’s so dreamy, and oh my God. I can’t believe it,” I gushed.

  “So, have you guys…” she trailed off.

  “Have we what?” I asked, genuinely confused.

  “You know.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

  “Oh my God.” I finally realized what she was getting at. “No, we haven’t,” I lowered my voice, trying to avoid suspicion from Keira. She seemed to be deep in conversation, luckily. They were arguing about some coach getting fired from one of their teams. They had very opposing views, apparently. I subconsciously took her side.

  “Well, I was just wondering,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Goody two shoes.”

  “You are so stupid,” I retorted.

  Thanks to her comment, all I could think of was…you know, with Keira. When were we going to? Was she expecting it soon? Would she be mad if I wasn’t ready when she was? What if I was bad? Oh my God. I was freaking out now.

  But at the same time, I was getting hot and bothered. I thought back to the innocent moan she had let out earlier. I wondered how it would feel to hear that over and over again. I imagined her body on top of mine, grinding down against me. The feeling of her teeth on my bottom lip.

  “Babe?” I heard Keira ask me. I shook my head and focused on her, trying to play it cool.

  “Huh?”

  She smiled and shook her head. “You zone out there, space cadet?”

  “Maybe,” I admitted, returning her smile.

  She slid her arm around my waist, gently pulling me closer to her.

  “I like that Engles on your back,” I admitted to her.

  “I might like it a little, too,” she coyly said.

  Ariel admired us for a moment, before addressing the elephant in the room.

  “Have you and Jenny talked lately?”

  I felt guilt in the pit of my stomach. I had temporarily forgotten about her. I was the worst friend in the world.

  “No, not really. She avoids me at all cost,” I answered. I envisioned her sitting in her car, eating lunch by herself every day.

  “You know, it doesn’t make sense that she is so upset with you,” Jacob chimed in. I thought he was right, but clearly there was something more to it.

  “She’s just jealous. She will get over it,” Ariel shrugged. She wasn’t big into feeling empathetic to other people. Some could say she was cold, but I knew better than that. She was just straight forward and thought that everyone else should be, too. I respected that about her.

  “Maybe she’s just in love with you,” Johnny said, joking.

  “You are so stupid,” I replied to him, throwing a piece of carrot his way. In true Johnny fashion, he picked it off of his shirt and ate it. “You’re disgusting.”

  We all laughed. Well, almost all of us. Keira didn’t join in. I nudged her, bringing her gaze up to me. I silently asked her if she was okay. She shook her head, gesturing it was nothing to worry about. I knew there was more to it, but I dropped it, and we continued on with lunch as usual.

  * * * *

  I was at home, studying for my test coming up, whenever I heard a knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting Keira, so I ignored it and decided to let my family answer. I was pretty stressed out by the science test, so I didn’t notice when my bedroom door opened.

  “Ash,” I heard a timid voice. I recognized the pitiful voice immediately. It was Jennifer.

  I turned around from my desk and was shocked to see her. “Jenny, hi.”

  “So, I just wanted to come by and say I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting,” she apologized and stood in the doorway.

  “Come in here, weirdo. Sit down,” I gestured to my bed and she sat down, hesitantly. “What’s going on?”
r />   “I don’t know. It’s really stupid,” she started off. I waited patiently for her to explain further.

  She was picking at her fingernails and cuticles—her nervous habit. She puffed her chest a few times, opening her mouth to talk, but opting against it each time. It took what felt like minutes for her to continue.

  “Okay, I’m just going to say it,” she started off.

  I had never seen her look so…scared. Self-conscious, even. It was a whole new side to Jennifer. One that I hadn’t seen in the entire decade we had been friends. And one that hurt my heart.

  “I’ve fallen in love with you,” she blurted out. She looked surprised at what had come out of her mouth.

  It took me a few seconds to register what she had just said. I had no clue as to what to say. My speechless state caused her to fall into a ramble.

  “I’ve always had feelings for you. But when we kissed, they were intensified. And I know I have no chance with you, because you like Keira so much. I didn’t mean to be such a brat about it. I really just want us to forget about this, move on, and go back to being friends please?” She finally looked up at me. She looked so pitiful.

  What was I to say? I had never seen her in that light. And when we kissed, I hadn’t felt anything, aside from being anxious to see how Keira reacted.

  Jenny was such an amazing friend and person, though. She was always there for me. She, obviously, was willing to go through great lengths to help me any time I need her. We had an amazing bond. And she was gorgeous behind those glasses. She would be an incredible girlfriend. But I didn’t want that. Not from her.

  “J, I had no clue you felt this way,” I scooted closer to her and grabbed her hand, to comfort her. She pulled her hand back and batted away the tears that were swelling in her eyes. “How long have you felt this way? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “If I told you, would you not be into Keira?” she asked me.

  I couldn’t give her the answer that she wanted. But how was I supposed to break that to her? I didn’t want to hurt her anymore. In my silence, she seemed to understand what my answer was, though.

  “Look. It’s stupid and unnecessary. Please can we just forget about it now?” she pleaded with me. I wanted to push further. I had so many questions. I wanted to comfort her. But I caved in and gave her what she wanted.

  “Okay, you got it,” I replied. She was sitting there, looking so small and averting eye contact with me. It pained me to see her so shaken, embarrassed, and pathetic.

  “Do you want to watch a movie or something? Mean Girls?” I suggested her favorite movie. It always put her in a good mood.

  She smiled and nodded her head.

  Not long after the movie had started, she paused it.

  “I just want you to know that you don’t have to feel uncomfortable around me and Keira together. I know she makes you happy and you deserve that,” she said, still staring at the TV. I didn’t have a chance to reply, as she pressed play. We were in a silent agreeance, though.

  Laughing and perfectly quoting the characters, I was happier than ever. I had my best friend back.

  Chapter 15

  After that night, all was well in the world. My best friend and I were together again. I was dating the hottest girl in the school. My grades were right on track. Homecoming was all set up and ready.

  I was smoothing down my dress, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I had picked out the dark blue dress before I was involved with Keira and I hoped she would like it. It was a little lower cut than I was used to, but Ariel talked me into it. She had a funny way of doing that.

  I heard my girlfriend whistling a cat call from behind me and smiled before turning to face her. She was propped up against the door frame, fanning her face dramatically.

  “You are so stupid,” I said, the hint of affection in the sentence betrayed me, though. I made my way over to her and hung my arms around her shoulders. “You like?” I asked her, playing it coy. I knew she liked it.

  “Very much so,” she drawled out, placing gentle kisses on my neck.

  I found myself lost for a moment before coming to and weakly pushing her away. “Stop it,” I demanded, but secretly not wanting her to obey.

  “Okay, okay. Fine,” she stubbornly said, pouting.

  She looked hot. She was in a tight red dress, her shining brown hair flowing free, her red lipstick. Her red lipstick. Oh my God.

  “Is there lipstick all over my neck, Keira?” I asked, sternly.

  She straightened her invisible glasses, squinting to investigate my neck. “I see nothing there,” she said, but her smirk gave her away.

  “Oh my God,” I walked into the bathroom and moved my hair to the side. “I’m going to kill you,” I warned and grabbed a washcloth, rubbing the lipstick off of my skin.

  I heard her giggling in the background. “Sorry,” she faked an apology.

  After there was no more evidence of her assault on my neck, we headed out to her Jeep. I smiled when I saw that there were flowers in the front seat.

  “For me?” I asked her, a wide grin on my face.

  She looked worried. “Oh no,” she started, inhaling a sharp breath and wincing. “That was for my other girlfriend, actually.” She leaned over to remove the flowers from my grip. “I’m gonna need those back.”

  I moved the Tiger Lilies out of her reach and leaned over and kissed her, eliciting a smile. “Thank you.”

  * * * *

  We all met up in the gymnasium. Ariel and Johnny were matching, down to the color of his socks. Jacob was wearing a ridiculous tuxedo and top hat. Keira’s friends, Matt and Kim, were hanging out with us. They were a really cute, quirky couple. They were competitive in everything that they did—including chugging the spiked punch. And Jenny even showed up, luckily. She looked beautiful—she was wearing a peach colored dress that I had helped her pick out. I briefly wondered if she picked it solely because I told her she looked hot in it, when we bought it at the mall.

  “Guys, I brought something special.” Ariel practically sang as she pulled something out of her purse. It was little shooters of flavored vodka.

  “Hell yeah!” Jacob said, grabbing one and downing it before any of us had the chance to take one.

  “Do you want one?” I turned to ask Keira, but she had already had one in her hand, unscrewing the lid. I smiled and took one of the green ones. All of us clinked them together before drinking them and quickly disposing of the evidence, covering it with a paper towel in the trash can.

  We claimed a table and as our friends went to dance, Keira and I stayed back, waiting until they played decent music.

  “What the hell is this One Direction sounding bullshit they are playing?” she asked me, causing me to laugh and almost spit out my punch.

  “You don’t like Liam?” I asked, sarcastically. I wasn’t one hundred percent certain if I had even just named a One Direction member.

  “He is so totally hot,” she said in a valley girl accent. I loved how often she had made me laugh. Aside from Jennifer, no one else had ever come close.

  “You’re so totally hot,” I said in a serious tone. The alcohol was already hitting me—I rarely drank.

  “You think so?” she asked, leaning in closer to me at the table.

  “Uh huh,” I said slowly, moving my face closer to hers.

  “I think you are so…” She moved to where her lips were centimeters from mine. “Totally hot, too,” she whispered.

  Her breath against my mouth was too much to handle. I captured her lips in a kiss, not caring if her lipstick stained mine. Fuck it. I needed her.

  She seemed surprised, but that didn’t stop her from deepening the kiss. I was drunk off of alcohol, yes, but I was getting even drunker off of her. I had no clue how long we kissed for, but I know when she pulled away and I looked into her eyes, I was ready for her to do anything she wanted to me. She looked like a lion eyeing her prey.

  I was debating on grabbing her hand and pulling her into the ba
throom, when Ariel interrupted us.

  “You guys ready for another?” she said, slurring her words a little. The last thing we all needed was more, but who were we to argue?

  Keira was done after that one, but the rest of us all had three more each. I was surprised that Ariel’s purse held so much. We were all dancing now—it didn’t matter what song was on. I broke out my best dance moves and my girlfriend had a blast, laughing at the rusty moves. Still, she wasn’t embarrassed. She joined in.

  “What the hell?” she said aloud, I don’t know if she was talking to me or herself, but I responded anyways.

  “What the hell what?” I panted, still dancing.

  “Look.” She pointed and I followed the direction of her finger. I know I was drunk, but I definitely saw Jennifer and Sadie dancing together.

  “What?” I asked, confused. I rubbed my eyes and focused again. Yes, that was Jennifer and Keira’s ex.

  “Investigate?” she asked me and I nodded.

  We slowly and carefully danced through the crowd and planted ourselves a few couples away from them. That way we could eavesdrop but remain unseen.

  “—really nice,” I heard Sadie say.

  “What did she say?” Keira asked me, a little too loudly. I shushed her so that she wouldn’t blow our cover.

  “She said really nice,” I relayed to her.

  We continued dancing, discretely listening in.

  “You look amazing tonight,” my best friend said, wrapping her arms around Sadie’s neck further, bringing her in closer. I had never heard my best friend…flirt before.

  “What did she say?” Keira asked me again. I leaned in closer to her, whispering into her ear.

  “She said she looks really nice.”

  One of the couples between us moved, causing us to rush behind another pair. We giggled before getting back to our mission.

  “—want to kiss you right now,” Sadie said, and I was in suspense.

  “Sadie said she wants to kiss her right now,” I blurted out quietly. My and Keira’s anticipation was killing us as we watched them.

  “This is so weird. Are we weird?” she asked me, and I simply shook my head. We continued staring at them.

  “Actually,” I said to her before laughing. “Yeah, we are weird. We should give them privacy,” I stated. We continued watching them.