We Woof You a Deadly Christmas

by Laura Quinn

  Barbara was the last to leave, helping Claire close down the store for the extended break. The task was easy, as the shelves, tables, freezers, bins and bakery displays were empty. The manager offered to stay to help organize restocking orders, but Claire insisted they both leave.

  “I’ll have plenty of time to do that while I’m lounging in my jammies for the next ten days,” Claire said. “You have to get home and finish your grandmother’s famous Christmas cake and brandy butter you promised us.”

  “Tis a beautiful sight, if I do say so myself,” Barbara said in her best brogue, then hugged her friends. “I’ll see you both tomorrow at two o’clock, with bells on.”

  Chapter 24

  Sunday, December 24th

  Humans, dogs and cats took advantage of their day off with a long winter’s nap. At ten o’clock, the only creature stirring was Bob, who prepared a late breakfast of poached eggs, cinnamon-walnut-fig waffles, and fruit salad topped with pomegranate crème fraîche. Awakened by the heavenly aromas, Marti and Claire ate large helpings of each while the cats dined on lobster-stuffed salmon and the dogs devoured their mincemeat pies.

  Afterwards, the purring trio retired to the cushioned window seats, cuddling together in holiday harmony. Everyone else bundled up to take a long walk around the neighborhood. Marti’s dagger stares warned off anyone who may have tried to approach them with questions. Instead, everyone waved and wished them “Merry Christmas”.

  The overnight frost had swathed the trees in diamonds that sparkled in the noon sun. Claire stopped and took a deep breath of the cleansing air.

  “Are you ok?” Marti asked, running to her side.

  “I think I will be,” Claire said, taking in the silent beauty around her. “Yes, I think I will be.”

  Marti hugged her resilient friend and Bob urged them back to the house to warm up with some hot cocoa. Baron, Clarence and Darrow lapped up their carob cocoa, topped with a dash of whipped cream and miniature ginger bones. Before getting ready for the early dinner, Claire was presented with two large gift boxes.

  The first, from Jean and John, contained a handknit plum-pudding sweater, with matching collar slides for Baron, Hercule and Penny. The second box had a Beverly Hills, California postmark, causing her heart to race.

  “Is that from JP?” Marti asked. Bob stood alongside her to peek inside.

  “I’m almost afraid to open it,” Claire said. She laughed in relief when she saw the card addressed to herself and Toots. “It’s from Agnes!”

  Baron jumped up to sniff the box, which contained a neon pink t-shirt, bedazzled with a glittering Christmas palm tree, with matching flipflops. A scrunchie with dangling flamingos wearing Santa hats completed the ensemble. For Baron, Agnes made a matching decorated palm-tree bandana and an assortment of California-themed toys. He considered each, selecting the stuffed movie clapboard, embroidered with “Baron, Mega Star” to play with while Claire got dressed. She selected jeans and her new sweater, complying with Bob’s request to continue the ugly sweater theme. Baron wore his new neckwear from California.

  Marti emerged from her guestroom in an ugly sweater dress, with a plunging neckline and short hemline that showed off her long legs.

  “Remind me again how you and Bob are just friends,” Claire teased.

  “Shut up!”

  “You look fantastic. How do you like my new addition, courtesy of Jean and John?”

  “You look like Emma’s hat, but I love it.”

  “It was lucky they made it for me; everything else in my suitcase is from my summer closet.”

  “Bob’s fault,” Marti said. “I gave him a very thorough list of what you would need.”

  “That’s probably all I had left; I haven’t done laundry in ages,” Claire said. “I plan to be in loungewear for the next several days, anyway.”

  Barbara was already in the living room, looking even cheerier than usual. Claire guessed Bob made a pitcher of his spirited Christmapolitans. While the goose finished roasting, the four friends talked nonstop about everything except the events of the last few days. Barbara shared photos her son and his girlfriend emailed from Kauai.

  “Aren’t they a beautiful couple?” she beamed. “Jimmy promised to call me as soon as she says yes.”

  “When is he planning to propose?” Bob asked.

  “More importantly, how is he planning to propose?” Marti asked. “I’ll bet it’s going to be so romantic.”

  “I know it’s going to be tonight, but that’s all he told me, which is just as well. It took everything I had to keep the secret from her when they called last night,” Barbara said. “She thinks he won the trip. She’s going to be so surprised; I can’t wait to hear everything.”

  “Christmas in Hawaii, how magical. Too bad you couldn’t have stowed away in their luggage,” Claire said. “I wish I had planned a getaway for Baron and me, especially after all the chaos here. It would have been great to spend some time with my family in San Francisco.”

  “It’s never too late to ask Santa,” Barbara said, touching a finger to her rosy nose.

  “And leave this winter wonderland? I thought you loved the snow,” Marti said.

  “Oh, I do, and I couldn’t ask for a better family here.” Claire raised a toast to her friends and Baron lay his head on her lap, sharing the sentiment.

  A series of timers called Bob into the kitchen, helped by Claire and Barbara. Marti set the table with evergreen-patterned China and gold-plated silverware, then lit the red tapers in the center of the evergreen and rose centerpiece. Every available spot on the long table was soon filled with dishes of traditional English fare from Bob’s late mother’s recipes. Christmas memories were exchanged between the friends as they dined on the delicious offerings.

  While Claire and Marti cleared the dinner plates, Bob and Barbara prepared the dessert buffet.

  “This has been bathing in Irish whiskey for weeks, so it should be very merry,” Barbara said, slicing into the dense cake, covered in white fondant, edible holly berries and leaves, and a sprinkling of edible glitter.

  Before they could partake in the boozy dessert, Baron barked in unison with the baying beagles. The cats took cover under the table as Bob welcomed in Lana and Claude.

  “You’re just in time for dessert,” Bob said.

  “We brought Champagne,” Lana said. “A bit of bubbly goes with everything.”

  Only then did Claire notice the flutes and two extra settings at the table. Claude seated himself next to a beaming Barbara, and Lana sat next to Claire and Baron. The socialite wore an emerald green dress, highlighting the sparking clasp of her restored pearl necklace, liberated from its hiding place in Donald’s trove. A round of toasts shared holiday wishes for each other.

  Lana was the last, dedicating hers to dearest Claire and Baron. “I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for all you’ve done for me,” she paused, resting her hand over her heart and necklace. “I hope this small gesture brings you un petit taste of the joy you’ve given to me.” She hugged her friend and handed her a gold-gilded envelope.

  Claire opened it and pulled out a flight itinerary for December 24th from Chicago to San Francisco on Air Lana. “What is this?”

  “Surprise,” the table shouted.

  Marti explained the hastily-conceived travel plan, coordinated with Claire’s brother.

  “I’m watching your cats,” Bob said. “Don’t worry, they’ll be very happy here.”

  “But…I can’t leave Baron,” Claire said, still stunned by the surprise announcement.

  “Of course not,” Lana said. “He’s coming with us. My babies will keep him company if he gets nervous, but I don’t think that will be a problem.”

  “See, Santa came through for you,” Barbara said, eyes sparkling.

  “You knew and didn’t say anything?” Claire asked.

  “I almost blew the surprise today; that’s why I’m glad Jimmy didn’t tell me anything.”

  “There’s a reason
for that young lady,” Claude said. He pulled out a second gilded envelope and presented it to Barbara.

  “My stars, what is this?” Tears filled her eyes as she read the flight’s extended leg, leaving San Francisco and arriving in Kauai early on December 25th.

  “Claire couldn’t do everything she does without you,” Lana said. “Claude told me that this was the first Christmas you wouldn’t be with your family.”

  “I spoke to young James, who is very excited to share Christmas dinner with you and his fiancé.”

  “Oh, but I don’t want to impose on their special time,” Barbara said, still wiping her eyes.

  “Mon Dieu, you won’t be staying with them,” Lana said. “I have a guestroom for you at our resort, just a short drive away.”

  Claude held Barbara’s hand and smiled. “I took the liberty of scheduling plenty of activities for you and me to explore the island while we’re there, including shopping for a tropical wardrobe for you.”

  Barbara squeezed his hand, her smile wider than Claire had ever seen before. Claude pulled out a sprig of mistletoe from his pocket and kissed her on the cheek. “It’s tradition,” he explained.

  Barbara’s cheeks turned as red as the berries on her cake, then reached over to kiss Claude on the lips. “Tradition,” she said.

  A final toast signaled time to load the luggage and passengers into the heated Rolls.

  Barbara wished her friends the blessings of Christmas in Gaelic, “Beannachtaí na Nollag duit.”

  Claire, lost for words as she parted, could only muster, “Merry Christmas to all!”

  Marti and Bob, embraced in the doorway, called back in unison, “And to all, a good flight!”

  Chapter 25

  Monday, December 25th

  “Merry Christmas, sleepyheads!” Brad yelled, bouncing on his sister’s bed like he had when they were children.

  Baron groaned and rolled over. Claire pulled the blanket over her head. “What time is it?” she croaked.

  “It’s time to see what Santa brought, starting with this,” Tom said, adding to the arising clatter. He placed a tray next to the bed, wrapped in a red satin bow. It contained a steaming pot of Christmas tea, distinctive Fortnum and Mason silver tea strainer and teacup.

  “My very favorite,” Claire said, enticed to sit up and sip the spiced black tea. Baron stayed undercover until his uncle Brad lured him out with bits of organic maple-glazed turkey jerky.

  Claire sleepwalked to the foyer to get her coat and Baron’s leash and harness.

  “You can’t go out like that,” Brad said. “People know you’re my sister, I’d be humiliated.”

  “Really, we just want to walk that adorable dog of yours,” Tom admitted, handing her a second gift. “Santa even brought him a new harness for his San Francisco debut.”

  Claire opened the box to reveal a bright red harness with white faux fur trim and black leather straps with brass buckles. Silver sleigh bells jingled as Claire secured the harness around Baron’s furry torso.

  “He looks fabulous!” Tom said. “It isn’t too much, is it?”

  Baron answered by prancing and ringing his bells in a tune that sounded remarkably like “Jingle Bells”.

  “I’d say he loves it,” Claire said, hugging Santa paws before he left with his uncles.

  “Don’t eat anything yet, you’ll ruin your appetite for later,” Brad warned as he shut the door behind them.

  Claire padded into the kitchen and refilled her cup with more tea. She couldn’t resist slicing off a small piece of the freshly baked stollen that glistened on the glass cake stand.

  She sat in the modern sling chaise, soaking up the sun that streamed through the floor-to-ceiling windows. There was at least an hour before her parents’ flight arrived, plenty of time to get ready for them, Tom’s parents and who knows who else would arrive for holiday brunch. For now, she planned to take full advantage of a morning of comfort and joy.

  She took a picture of her elevated feet, wearing the cozy polar-bear slipper socks from Marti. The backdrop included a view of the lush garden and its bursts of white and lilac alyssum surrounding multi-colored Icelandic poppies and English daisies. She typed “California dreaming on such a winter’s day!” and texted it to Marti and Bob. Although she promised herself not to check emails during her vacation, she couldn’t help but open the special delivery alert from the post office.

  The notice advised that the envelope from J. Pearson in Beverly Hills, California was delivered to her neighbor’s house. She immediately began dialing her neighbor, then stopped. Men were nothing but trouble, she reminded herself. Whatever JP had to say could wait until she returned home; it was safer that way. She slid her phone on the table behind her, out of sight and out of mind.

  Forty minutes later, the trio returned. Baron ran to her, jingling all the way.

  “Did you walk to Golden Gate?” Claire joked.

  “We barely made it around the block,” Tom said. “Everyone had to stop and meet the star.”

  “I had to spell Eurasier so many times, I decided to make business cards for next time we go out,” Brad said.

  The talented chefs donned their elf aprons and began assembling brunch. Baron lay on the couch, clearly exhausted from greeting so many new fans. As he napped, Claire took a long, hot shower. Inhaling the relaxing vapors of a jasmine bath bomb, she could feel the residual tensions melting. She was grateful for her pets, family and friends, and the new life she had made for herself. Making an early resolution to leave all the mayhem in the old year, she also vowed to avoid boyfriend drama in the new year.

  Although she would have been happy with throwing her hair into a ponytail and wearing her holiday pajamas, she knew she had to make an effort. Her mother would be dressed to impress and would expect nothing less of her. Claire blew-dried her blonde hair, resulting in a sleek, glossy finish. She chose her red wrap-dress with satin trim and put on a ruby and diamond necklace, then used the travel makeup kit Marti packed to apply the works.

  “You look like a movie star,” Brad said as she descended the staircase. “Mom will be impressed.”

  “That’s the look I was going for,” she said, then put on an apron.

  She stole pieces of turkey and ham from the oven to add to a cheese quiche for Baron, who was still sleeping off his walk. Tom, seated beside the snoozing pooch, called Claire when her phone chimed on the table.

  “Your doorbell app is flashing,” he said, bringing the phone to her.

  “It’s probably just my neighbor from down the street; she always brings fruitcake on Christmas,” Claire said and pressed the button to virtually answer the door.

  The screen showed Santa, standing with a bouquet of red roses so large it eclipsed his head.

  “Ho ho ho, special delivery for Claire Noble,” the jolly elf announced.

  Baron jumped on his back legs to investigate the talking device, with Tom and Brad standing next to him, staring at the screen.

  Given the last few days, Claire was extra cautious. She read a line she memorized from the app’s guide, “Please leave them on the bench; I’m sorry I’m not able to come downstairs right now.”

  “Not even for Saint Nick?”

  As the bouquet lowered, the north pole visitor’s face was revealed. Baron licked the phone, wagging his tail.

  Claire stood, gobsmacked, when what to her wondering eyes did appear? Nick Cooper, looking quite handsome and sincere.

  * * * END * * *

  Woof-Worthy Recipes: Christmas Edition

  Treat your precious pooch to a special winter wooferland treat with one of these Baron-approved recipes. Although human-quality ingredients are used, these recipes are intended for dogs.

  As always, please consult your veterinarian before introducing anything new into your dog’s diet.

  Doggie Hot Cocoa………….…Page 2

  Gingerbread Express Cookies…Page 3

  Mincemeat Pies……………...…Page 4

  Beef
y Cheesy Doggie Wreaths…Page 7

  Doggie Eggnoggy Ice Cream…..Page 10

  Eggless Eggnog Ice Cream….…Page 11

  Doggie Hot Cocoa

  Dogs can’t have chocolate, but that doesn’t mean they have to miss out on a cozy cup of cocoa, a howl-iday favorite!

  Ingredients:

  1 Cup coconut milk or rice milk

  1 Tablespoon carob powder

  ½ Tablespoons honey

  Whipped cream topping (optional)

  Preparation:

  Combine milk and carob powder in a small saucepan over medium heat, whisking to remove any lumps.

  Then, stir in honey until blended.

  Cool to room temperature.

  Pour in bowl or cup and serve. If desired, add a dollop of whipped cream. (Baron recommends serving with a cookie or three.)

  Gingerbread Express Cookies

  Gingerbread cookies are absolutely required for Santa Paws and friends. My grandmother’s recipe is delicious, but time-consuming. This express version brings all the holiday flavor in a flash (leaving more time to shop for furry kids).

  Ingredients:

  1/3 Cup Molasses

  1 T Vegetable Oil

  1 Cup Water

  1 ½ Cups Whole Wheat Flour

  1 ½ Cups Unbleached White Flour

  2 Tablespoons Ginger

  ½ Tablespoon Cinnamon

  Preparation:

  Preheat oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit.