My Perfect Imperfections

by Jalpa Williby

  “He was not a punk,” I answer.

  “Well, he was a lot younger than you.”

  “What? I’m not that old!” I answer, furious at what he’s implying.

  Chance laughs, apparently enjoying himself. “I’m glad you turned him down.”

  I sigh, frustrated that he’s buying time and not answering any of my questions. Sensing my exhaustion, he stands back up. “Okay, come on, I’ll help you to bed. Let me stretch you out for a bit. I promise I’ll leave you alone afterward.”

  I want to refuse his offer, but my muscles have been so tight that I know it will feel really good if he works on them. In the end, my body wins out over my mind. I allow him to take me to bed and massage my muscles.

  After working with me for good forty-five minutes, he says, “Much better now. Your muscles are becoming tighter. Still attending therapy on weekends?”

  I nod, my body melting under his magical touch. The tighter my muscles become, the more the pain. Although my body has gotten used to this, sometimes it can be so painful that I have to remain immobile until it passes.

  “Do you want me to stay the night, Lily? I can crash here.”

  I shake my head no. Once he lies next to me, I know all the walls will come tumbling down.

  Chance tucks me in and says, “Okay, but have dinner with me tomorrow. I’m staying at a nearby hotel.”

  Again, I shake my head no.

  “What do you mean no? I want to talk to you…about things. Sorry, you’re not allowed to just push me away just because you don’t want to deal with it. I’ll pick you up tomorrow around seven in the evening. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  Chance gives me a brief kiss on my forehead before I can reply and walks out of my bedroom. When I hear the apartment door close, I release my breath that I must have been holding.

  The rest of the night, I toss and turn, as the images of him refuse to leave my mind.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  The next day, the anticipation of seeing him that night has my nerves on edge. Once again, I remind myself of the heartaches every time he leaves, and I wonder why I’m putting myself through this. During my entire aqua therapy session, though, I contemplate on what to wear and how I want my hair done.

  I’m glad Lauren is my personal helper today because she has known Chance forever, as well as our history. That evening, when she is helping me get ready, we pick out the black dress from my closet. It’s a simple sleeveless dress with a scoop neck style, but it flatters my pale skin.

  Although I don’t want Lauren to fuss too much, she says, “If you’re going to go on a date with Chance, then we’re going to do it right. I don’t think he’s ever really seen you get prettied up, has he? Well, we’re going to show him tonight.”

  Now that I think about it, I don’t think Chance has ever seen me outside of home, college, or work. Even when we were in Cancun, we never dressed up for anything. This really will be the first time I actually make an effort to “pretty myself up.”

  Lauren puts on just enough makeup to accentuate my large green eyes, and since my hair is long down my back, she uses the large curling iron to add loose curls.

  When she finally permits me to look at myself in the mirror, I’m shocked as I stare at my reflection. The beautiful woman in the mirror looks innocent, yet confident, soft, yet feisty, and sweet, yet sexy. For the first time in my life, I actually feel sexy.

  Suddenly, the insecure part of me questions everything. Why did I go out of my way to get ready? Why am I assuming it’s a date? It’s just dinner, and we’ve had plenty of dinners together. Am I going to be totally overdressed?

  Embarrassed, I turn to Lauren, ready to ask her to help me into jeans and a t-shirt. Before I can say anything, though, she says, “I know what you’re about to say, but I’m putting my foot down on this. You look absolutely gorgeous, and there’s nothing wrong with us women dressing up and feeling fine. It makes us feel good and keeps the men drooling. Now, I don’t want to hear any complaining from you!”

  I release a deep breath and smile. “Thank you, Lauren.”

  After a quick hug, we both head downstairs since it’s almost seven o’clock. Knowing Chance, he’s probably already waiting for me downstairs. As predicted, I notice my parents’ van by the front door. In the past, he has always borrowed their minivan, so it only makes sense that he would do the same again.

  Chance steps out as soon as he sees us. I’m relieved that he’s also dressed up, wearing black slacks, a black, button-down shirt, and a gray tie. Where he normally wears his hair wild and tousled, tonight he has it nicely combed, away from his face.

  After giving Lauren a brief hug, he picks me up and places me in the front passenger seat. As he fastens the seat belt on me, he whispers, “You look stunning.”

  Once the wheelchair is loaded, we drive to his hotel. Normally, Chance is very talkative, but today, he’s especially quiet. I sneak a peek at him, and I notice that his face looks tense. He’s not his usual, teasing self. Immediately, my heart sinks. Something has to be wrong to cause him to be this quiet.

  When we reach the hotel, he lifts me out of the passenger seat and places me in my wheelchair. I notice it’s the MGM Grand Hotel, and the elevator takes us to the top floor. Once he opens his room, I catch my breath when I enter the elegant penthouse suite. The place has ceiling-to-floor windows with a spectacular view of the city.

  “Beautiful,” I say with my device.

  “Hmm,” he responds, his voice soft. After watching me intently, he says, “Sorry, I didn’t cook for you. I ordered room service…I know you like Italian so—”

  “It’s great. Thank you.” I’ve never felt this awkward with him. He has always been able to tease me enough to make me feel at ease. I know something is on his mind, causing this strange behavior.

  “It should be here any minute…err, the food I mean. I planned it accordingly.” Chance brushes his hand through his hair nervously.

  “Is there something you want to tell me?” I finally ask. I don’t want to play games, and it’s better if I know before this date even starts. Suddenly, it hits me. Did he bring me here to tell me about another girl? Maybe he flew here just to tell me personally. I can totally see that. He would think he owes me that much. If he has found a girl he wants to settle down with, he would tell me first. Of course! It all makes sense now. I try to swallow the lump that has suddenly formed in my throat. Feeling claustrophobic, I want nothing more than to get out of here.

  “Lily, I do want to tell you something, but hey, let’s have some wine first, yeah? I think I need a drink.” Chance walks to the bar, taking two glasses out and pouring red wine into them. “I hope Merlot is okay.”

  He’s afraid he’s going to hurt me. That’s why his hand is practically trembling while he’s pouring the wine. All this time, I’ve been fantasizing about our time alone together. I’ve dressed up for him and have gone out of my way to put this stupid makeup on and do my hair. Damn, I feel like a fool.

  When Chance holds the glass of wine to my mouth to help me drink it, I turn my head away. I don’t want the stupid wine, and I definitely don’t want him to help me drink it. As a matter of fact, this entire charade is a big joke. I don’t want to go through the dinner and this pretense.

  “I would like you to tell me what’s going on now. I can clearly see that something is stressing you out.”

  Chance sighs. “You know me too well, Lily. Yes, I’m stressed but…”

  “I’m a big girl now, Chance. All grown up. I’m sure I can handle whatever you’re going to tell me,” I lie.

  “Believe me, Lily. I know you’re all grown up.” He sits on the sofa. “I want you to sit next to me here, Lily.”

  “No, I can’t access my communication device. I need it to be able to talk to you.” This part is definitely true, but I also use the excuse because I don’t want to be in close proximity to him.

  Before he can respond, there’s a knock at the door. “Room servi
ce,” says the voice from the other side.

  Without saying a word, Chance heads to the door to open it. Once the food is brought in and the server leaves, Chance takes his place on the sofa again.

  “I’m totally screwing this up. I had rehearsed over and over how I was going to tell you. But damn it, I’m fucking up.” Chance stands back up and starts pacing.

  “Let me make this easier for you. You want to tell me that you’ve met somebody special and you’re in love with her. You just didn’t know how to tell me for fear of hurting me. But, you don’t need to worry about me. We’re friends. Period. I’m happy for you. Neither of us owes anything to the other. So, please, stop acting like this.” I put on a brave front…for him. I don’t want him to feel bad and think he will hurt me. I just need to smile right now, put on my best performance, and when I’m alone later, I’ll deal with the pain.

  Chance falls to his knees in front of me. Taking my hands in his hands, he looks deep into my eyes. “Lily, Lily, there’s so much I want to say. Damn it, you look so gorgeous tonight that I’m really having a hard time focusing here.” Chance pauses. Taking a deep breath, he blurts out, “You need to know that I’m moving back here. My residency will start here in Michigan.”

  Confused, I continue to stare at him. I don’t want him in the same town as me while he flaunts around his new woman. It’s so much easier when there’s no chance of running into him, and I can just go about my life, shutting my feelings away.

  “University of Michigan has one of the top neurology programs. It has everything I’m looking for, so it actually works out perfectly,” he explains.

  I try to pull my hands out of his hold, but his grip tightens.

  “I can see that you’re not too thrilled about me moving back here,” he continues. “But let me just get this off of my chest. I’ve wanted to tell you things for so long, but I just didn’t know how. I guess I’m a big wimp. All of the years I’ve known you, Lily…damn, so many memories. When you wanted to give up, you would dig deep within yourself to find that light of hope. When you were backed into a corner, you came out swinging. Every fear you’ve had, you not only faced, but you conquered it. Every time you fell, it would have been easier to just remain lying there. Amazingly, you not only crawled yourself back up, but you also kept moving forward. Lily Cooper, this is why I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I set my eyes on you. Your beauty and grace blow me away. You inspire me every day, even when we’re miles apart.”

  I remain sitting in my wheelchair, without saying a word, without moving. For the brief moments, there’s simply silence as I try to make some sense out of his words. Incapable of stopping the tears that now roll freely down my face, I reach for him with my arms.

  Pulling him into my embrace, I whisper, “I love you.” Although it doesn’t sound perfect, Chance understands my words, holding me tighter.

  “Let me be your hero, Lily. Your fairytale prince charming who carries you off into the sunset. For the simple reason that I love you so much it hurts. You may not like it, but the truth is, I want to always protect you…from any harm that may come your way. Not because I think you’re helpless. It’s because I love you. And, when you truly love somebody, you protect them.”

  He takes my seat belt off and stands me up, pulling me into his arms. I cling to him, wishing this moment would last forever.

  “The first time we danced, it was to that depressing song, The Lonely. I want to dance with you again.” Chance reaches for the remote and turns his CD player on. The song, Hero, by Enrique Iglesias, comes on. “Every time I hear this song, I think of you, Lily.”

  I close my eyes and lose myself in the lyrics, sinking into his embrace and allowing the music to do its magic. While we dance, Chance caresses my back, plays with my hair, and leaves a trail of soft kisses on my face and neck.

  When the song finishes, he helps me to the sofa and kneels in front of me. “Lily, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me in the future, but I want to spend whatever time I have left in this world making you happy. I’ve tried to live without you, and I’ve been miserable. I’m broken without you by my side. Will you have this broken man and make him whole again? Will you marry me, Lily Cooper?” Chance pulls a small, black, velvet box out of his pants’ pocket and takes the ring out.

  My head spins as I stare at the beautiful halo engagement ring. Is this really happening? With my emotions so high, my muscles lose control. My arms go one way while my legs kick the opposite direction. Seeing that I’m about to lose my sitting balance, Chance steadies me. “Whoa, wild girl! You’re all over the place. Should I take that as a yes?”

  Using all of my might, I throw myself forward and into his arms. Chance catches me while he laughs and slowly lowers himself to lying on the floor with me on top of him. I stare into those gorgeous hazel eyes I’ve dreamed of every single night for so many years. He holds my face with both of his hands, staring back into my soul.

  “I didn’t get a yes yet,” he softly whispers as he slips the ring on my finger.

  I lower my lips slowly to his and show him exactly how I feel about him. Chance tangles his fingers into my hair and deepens our kiss. This man not only possesses my heart but also my body. Suddenly, I want more…need more.

  Chance picks me up and carries me to the bedroom. “To hell with the dinner.”

  After sharing some passionate kisses, Chance pulls away. “No, Lily. We’re waiting until marriage. I’ve waited this long for you, and I want to do it right.”

  Although disappointed, a part of me wants to wait, also. I sigh and snuggle closer to him.

  “This dress is gorgeous on you, Lily. When I picked you up earlier…well, just seeing you looking so beautiful…I almost lost my nerve. I’ve been so nervous like this. Do you know I’ve been planning this move back for a while? I fought my feelings for you for so long. I had so much guilt. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but so many times, I fantasized about making love to you. That’s when the guilt started. I mean, we were friends and you trusted me. I should be taking care of you, protecting you. But, when I saw your strength, I knew you were so much more than I had ever dreamed. My feelings for you only deepened. I thought maybe it would be easier while I was away at medical school. Lily, no matter how hard I tried, I thought about you every single day, every minute of the day. I tried to stay busy, even tried dating other girls, but you were always there with me. It killed me when you stopped texting me. I couldn’t just let go like that. I’m not strong like you, Lily. You must know that.” Chance plays with my hair and lifts my chin up to look at him. “I swear, I think I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. I denied it to myself and even tried to stay away. But, it was useless. When I finally got the chance to talk to you while you were waiting for your dad to pick you up that stormy day, I knew I had to know the real Lily Cooper. You stole my heart from the beginning. Do you know how much it killed me when I found out what that bastard did to you? I blamed myself. I should have been with you to protect you.” Chance begins trembling, as his emotions get the best of him.

  Shaking my head no, I kiss his lips again. I realize now that not only did I need the healing from that horrible incident, but so did Chance. The way he’s acting, he may never be able to get over that.

  “I’m never going to bring that incident up again, Lily. I promise you.” Chance sends tender kisses all over my face. “Lily, I have to be sure. You know what you’re getting into, right? There’s a good possibility that I may be diagnosed with ALS one day. I don’t want to be a burden to you, ever…that’s another reason I stayed away. As you can see, though, I’ve failed miserably. One thing you have taught me is that I can’t worry about the unknown. I just have to live day by day and make every minute count.”

  I hug him tighter, drowning in the sea of bliss.

  “You know I asked your parents’ permission to marry you?”

  I look up at him, surprised.

  “Yeah, I asked
them officially when I returned back. Your mom cried and your dad said, ‘What took you so long? It’s about time you put your big boy pants on!’”

  I laugh because I can totally picture the entire scene. Sighing deeply, I rest my head on Chance’s muscular chest. I close my eyes, savoring this moment and hoping this feeling of pure ecstasy will last forever.

  The very next day, Chance and I head to the cemetery. I need to be close to Layna and share my news with her. As soon as we reach there, Chace places me on the ground and sits behind me to support me.

  “Layna, I want you to know that I’m going to marry your sister. I can’t promise that our life will be perfect, but I can promise that she’ll never have to face it alone. I will look out for her until the day I die.” Chance then leans forward and kisses my cheek.

  I lean my back against him and close my eyes.

  Oh, Layna, I so wish you were here. I want to share this so badly with you. I love him, Layna. But, of course, you knew that. He’s wonderful, and I know I’ll be happy with him. I just wanted to come here and tell you myself. I want you to give us your blessing, Layna. There’s just so much I want to be able to share with you. Remember you used to say how we were both going to marry brothers so we could live together even after marriage? And remember, I would think you were nuts? I never thought I’d be getting married, Layna. Somehow, you knew. You just knew. You were the one who always believed. Thank you, my dearest sister. I miss you so much. I love you, Layna.

  The plans move quickly after we’re engaged. The date is set ten months down the road, and Chance moves into my apartment with me. Although we’ve always spent a lot of time together in the past, we’ve never lived together. Chance has no reservations about helping me with my needs, but still, I continue to have my personal helpers come and assist me, especially for bathing and toileting. Chance has never seen me without my clothes, and I can’t help but feel that I’d like to keep it that way until after marriage.