Murder in the Crooked House

by Soji Shimada

  Michio Kanai was so thrown off balance that he couldn’t bring himself to speak. Hatsue came to the rescue by immediately adopting a very convincing meek demeanour.

  “Oh, good evening, Mr Kikuoka, sir. Please come in. You’ll find that this room has quite a wonderful view.”

  “Sounds like the two of you are having a very lively conversation,” said Kikuoka as he came in.

  “Er… yes, well… the view from here is really splendid. And it is all thanks to you, sir. I feel incredibly lucky to have the chance to take this break in such a relaxing place. We both do.”

  “Yes, yes. Well, there’s no outdoor view from my room—it’s a bit boring to tell the truth. No complaints about the decor though. Is it really coming down out there?”

  “Yes, still the same, isn’t it, dear? A major snowstorm.”

  “Yes, really. The same as ever. Still a blizzard out there, Mr Kikuoka.”

  Kikuoka looked around the room.

  “Wow, this is a deluxe room, isn’t it? Such a dramatic view! It’s a little dark now to be able to see it properly, but I imagine the view tomorrow morning’ll be amazing. Makes me wish I could change rooms with you.”

  “Oh, would you like us to switch with you?”

  “Eh? What? Oh, no, seems old Hamamoto personally chose that other room for me. Think I’ll just pop up here tomorrow morning and take a look.”

  “Please do,” said Hatsue. “You’re welcome anytime. It’s kind of dull here with just the two of us. My husband really is the most unsociable type. Not a thing to say for himself.”

  “Ho, ho! That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it? Ha! But I suppose it’s true,” said Michio.

  “Hang on! Is that drift ice? That white thing in the distance?”

  “Where? Ah, yes, sir. You’re quite right. They say that on a fine day you can see as far as Sakhalin from here.”

  “I’m just asking about drift ice.”

  “Ah, yes, of course. Yes, it’s an ice floe.”

  “There are ice floes visible out there. Ms Hamamoto was kind enough to tell us earlier,” added Hatsue.

  “I see. Well, I think it’s about time I was getting to bed. It’s not good for the body to stay up late. If I end up with diabetes from partying into the night, then half the fun of life will be over.”

  Kikuoka laughed.

  “Diabetes?… Oh, you’re joking? Diabetes? But, sir, you’re so young…” Michio Kanai forced himself to laugh. “You think you might get diabetes! Oh, that’s a good one!”

  “I’m not joking at all. You ought to be careful too. You get diabetes and you’ll never be able to satisfy your wife again.”

  And with another roar of laughter, he punched Michio playfully in the shoulder a few times, and left the room. The executive husband and wife waited to hear his footsteps going down the stairs, and then exchanged a sour look. The reason was that just two weeks earlier sugar had been found in Michio Kanai’s urine. Since then he’d been using a special sweetener for diabetics which was an extremely unpleasant substitute for the real thing. Only someone who had been forced to try it could understand just how unpleasant it was.

  “It just makes me want to cry. How come a fat old lecher like him doesn’t get diabetes and a skinny, clean-living man like you ends up a diabetic? He deserves to get it! Then he wouldn’t be able to sleep around so much! Life really isn’t fair.”

  “Shut up! Let’s just go to sleep.”

  “You can sleep by yourself. I’ll go and sleep in the bath or somewhere.”

  “Do what you like!”

  “When I think how tomorrow we’re going to have to sit through that irritating cow’s piano recital again, I get too angry to sleep. I don’t know why she can’t just shut the hell up.”

  Right then, there was another knock at the door. Hatsue was panting like a wild beast from the effort of spitting out so much invective, but when she saw who was at the door, her voice instantly took on the sweetness of a teenage girl’s.

  “Oh, hello, Ms Hamamoto! What can we do for you?”

  “I was just doing the rounds of all the rooms to check that there’s nothing you need. I wondered if you had any questions about anything.”

  “No, there’s nothing at all we could possibly want,” said Michio. “This is such a wonderful room. And as it’s my second visit, I don’t think there’s anything we need to ask you.”

  “Is there enough hot water?”

  “Yes, plenty, thank you.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. I just wanted to make sure.”

  “Thank you so much for inviting us to such a lovely party,” said Hatsue. “And your piano recital was such a treat!”

  “Yes, Ms Hamamoto, you’re a truly gifted player. Have you been studying long?”

  Michio Kanai’s face wore its usual plastered smile.

  “Yes, I suppose it has been a rather long time. I started taking lessons when I was four. But I’m really not a very good player. I’m rather embarrassed that my performance was so poor.”

  “Not at all. It was absolutely delightful,” simpered Hatsue. “This husband of mine has nothing interesting about him at all. He’s like a limp stick of celery. Unless we come for a little holiday like this, we never get to do anything fun at all.”

  “Hey, Hatsue, that’s not true! But I really hope you’ll play for us again tomorrow, Ms Hamamoto.”

  “Yes, please!”

  “Ah, I’m so sorry. Tomorrow my father plans to play everybody something from his record collection.”

  “You’re so talented, Ms Hamamoto! I wish I’d taken the piano when I was a girl. I was just saying the same thing to my husband.”

  “Oh, don’t. You’re embarrassing me. Anyway, if there’s anything I can do for you, anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask Hayakawa and he’ll come and let me know.”

  “Thank you. We will.”

  “Well, then, be sure to lock up properly. Goodnight.”

  “Yes, we will. Thank you for everything. Goodnight!”

  SCENE 4

  Back in the Salon

  Kumi Aikura wasn’t in the mood to be all by herself in Room 1, so instead she made her way back to the salon and hung around there.

  Apart from Kikuoka, the Kanais and, of course, Eiko, everyone was still there. And it wasn’t long before the west-side door opened and Eiko returned from her visit to Room 9.

  Mr and Mrs Kanai and Kikuoka seemed to be the only ones concerned about getting an early night for their health. Like Kumi, the others seemed more worried about being alone on this stormy night.

  The police detectives, on the other hand, didn’t seem too bothered.

  “Ahh! I’m getting sleepy,” said Okuma, stretching. “Didn’t get much sleep last night. Work and all.”

  And with that excuse, he got to his feet. Eiko noticed and called Chikako Hayakawa to show him to his room.

  The Inspector left for Room 12 and Chikako soon returned to the salon. But that was the only change. No one else from the crowd made any move to head off to bed. Mr and Mrs Hayakawa and Kajiwara could hardly leave before the guests, so they took three of the chairs and seated themselves inconspicuously in the doorway between the salon and the kitchen.

  The clock turned 10. The salon had no television, so that normally by this time of night it would be deserted. Eiko went over to the stereo and put on Colin Davis conducting The Rite of Spring.

  Togai and Yoshihiko were sitting together at the dinner table. Sasaki was opposite, reading one of his medical textbooks.

  “Hey, Yoshihiko,” said Togai. “You know the flower bed, was that a design from a catalogue or something that could be ordered?”

  “Nah, I don’t think so. Uncle Kozaburo drew the sketch himself, and called in a landscape gardener to do it.”

  “So he designed it himself?”

  “That’s what I heard. And when they started landscaping it, he was there for the whole thing, giving directions and stuff.”

  “Wow.”

  �
�But that’s only what I heard from my cousin, Eiko.”

  “What are you two talking about?”

  Eiko came over and took the chair next to Yoshihiko.

  “That flower bed.”

  “Oh, that.”

  She didn’t seem very interested in the topic.

  “It’s always a big thing when Daddy has the idea for a design. It’s all, ‘fetch me this, get me that’. You know that he’s an artist at heart. He never really wanted to be the president of Hama Diesel. What he really enjoys doing is listening to Wagner while he paints.”

  “Does he really demand that people bring him all kinds of things?” asked Togai.

  “He’s quite the autocrat, Uncle Kozaburo,” said Yoshihiko.

  “It’s because he’s such an artist. Back then he insisted on drawing all his sketches on aluminium foil. He sent me off to Kajiwara to borrow rolls of it.”

  “Aluminium foil? That’s what he drew on?”

  “So it seems. And after borrowing it, he never gave it back. Kajiwara told me that he needed it for his cooking, so I told Daddy to take what he needed and to give the rest back, that he was wasting it. But he just told me to go and buy more. So I had to go down to the village to stock up.”

  “Wow.”

  This time Sasaki was the one to react.

  Constable Anan carefully placed his cap on the dining table, adjusted his expression and seated himself at the very far corner. He was immediately accosted by Kumi.

  “Constable?”

  “Yes?”

  Anan kept his face rigidly facing forward.

  “Constable Anan, isn’t it? That’s rather unusual. Is it a local Hokkaido name?”

  Kumi waited for a reply, but none came. She had just given up and decided to go and try the billiard table, when Anan suddenly spoke up.

  “My father’s from Hiroshima. My grandmother was from Okinawa.”

  “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  Kumi seemed determined to make the constable uncomfortable.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m unable to answer that kind of question.”

  Ignoring his obvious reluctance, Kumi grabbed Anan by the arm and began to pull him from his chair.

  “How about a game of billiards?”

  “I’m, er… I’m sorry but that’s not possible. I’m afraid I didn’t come here to play billiards.”

  But Kumi was not that easily discouraged.

  “It’ll be fine. You’ll still be doing your job while you’re playing. You’re supposed to be protecting us, right? Come on, if you haven’t played before I can teach you.”

  Chief Inspector Ushikoshi was deep in conversation with Kozaburo Hamamoto, but that didn’t stop him from throwing glances in the direction of the billiard table, where he saw the junior officer start up a game with a young woman.

  Eventually Togai and Yoshihiko got up and looked ready to head off to bed. They went over to Kozaburo as if to say goodnight, but for some reason he signalled to them to stay. Then Kozaburo and Ushikoshi both got up, Kozaburo called Eiko over and the five of them headed to the billiard table.

  Anan, who by now was enthusiastically potting balls, noticed his boss coming in his direction and quickly stood to attention. Kozaburo smiled and urged him to continue.

  Back at the dining table, Sergeant Ozaki was getting bored. He got up, threw a scornful glance towards Constable Anan at the billiard table and whispered in Chief Inspector Ushikoshi’s ear that he was going to retire for the night.

  Eiko spotted the interaction and sent Chikako Hayakawa to show the Sergeant to his room. When Chikako returned, she went straight back to her seat next to her husband and the chef.

  Kozaburo Hamamoto was in a cheerful mood, enthusiastically demonstrating different shots to the beginner, Anan. Chief Inspector Ushikoshi found himself surprised and impressed by the older man’s skills, but when asked if he’d like to play, he quickly demurred. Like Anan, he had never played before either.

  Kozaburo turned next to Eiko and Yoshihiko.

  “Constable Anan here seems to have some talent. I’m counting on you two to give him some proper coaching. “Mr Anan, I don’t mind if you’d like to keep playing all night. There are no other houses nearby, and knowing you are here all night staying awake makes me feel safer. I’ll look forward tomorrow to seeing how much improvement you’ve made. And if you’re up to it, I’ll challenge you to a game. But if you come face to face with the killer, please take a break from practising.

  “Yoshihiko, Eiko, teach him well. I have a feeling this man has it in him to become quite a player after only one night of practice. And it might be a good idea for you to stay close to a policeman on a night like this one.”

  For his part, Ushikoshi hadn’t seen anything in Anan that suggested he might be a billiard genius, so he found Kozaburo’s suggestion rather surprising.

  “Now then, Chief Inspector, would you care to visit my room? I think it would be a great chance to get to know each other. I have a rather good bottle of cognac in there. I’m not keeping it to share with some celebrity visitor; I’d much prefer to drink it with someone I can get along with. But more than anything I’m feeling a bit vulnerable tonight, one night after someone was murdered in my house. I think that cognac will taste even better tonight if I’m drinking it with a police officer.”

  “I don’t mind if I do.”

  Togai, left alone at his side of the table, moved over to sit next to Sasaki. Perhaps he didn’t feel like heading back to his room alone, or maybe he just wanted the companionship.

  Kozaburo was about to climb the stairs from the salon, when he suddenly stopped at the first step. He seemed to have changed his mind.

  “Chief Inspector, I’d forgotten. There’s something I need to say to Mr Kikuoka. I wonder if he’s already asleep. I’m sorry to bother you, but would you mind coming with me for a moment?”

  “No problem.”

  The two men crossed back through the salon, and this time headed down the stairs to the basement. They stopped at the door of Room 14.

  “If he’s already sleeping I feel bad about waking him…” murmured Kozaburo, knocking gently on Room 14’s door. There was no reply.

  “Mr Kikuoka? It’s me, Hamamoto. Are you asleep?” he called softly. The noise of the blizzard echoed faintly in the basement corridor.

  “No answer. He must already be asleep.”

  Kozaburo tried turning the doorknob, but the door was locked from the inside.

  “Let’s go. He’s asleep.”

  “Are you sure it’s okay?” asked Ushikoshi.

  “It doesn’t matter. It can wait till tomorrow.”

  The two men went back upstairs. Kozaburo went to speak to the Hayakawas.

  “It’s going to get very cold tonight. Please turn the heat up.”

  Then Kozaburo and Ushikoshi climbed the east wing staircase. After a while, the sound of feet crossing the drawbridge mingled with the noise of the blizzard.

  Kumi Aikura was not at all happy that Eiko had joined the game of billiards. As soon as Kozaburo left the game, she decided it was time to head up to her own room.

  Now the occupants of the salon were down to eight: at the dinner table were Togai, looking at the sketch he had made of the flower bed, and Sasaki, reading a medical textbook. At the billiard table were Eiko, Yoshihiko and Constable Anan; and near the door to the kitchen, Mr and Mrs Hayakawa and Haruo Kajiwara.

  SCENE 5

  Kozaburo’s Room in the Tower

  Fig. 6

  “This house is so strange and magnificent at the same time. This is another great room.” (See Fig. 6.)

  “It’s just right for an old man like me to kill time. I can dabble in my sinful pleasures. I sit here asking myself why I built such a whimsical thing, and suddenly a whole day goes by… But you’re fed up with this place, aren’t you?”

  “It’s one surprise after another. They’re never-ending. Hold on, is the floor of this circular room crooked too?”

 
“Yes, this tower is built to resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa. My plan started out to build this tower on a slant. The Leaning Tower of Pisa leans at an angle of about 5.5 degrees. This tower was built to lean at the exact same angle.”

  “Wow.”

  “I’m going to prepare some snacks for us. Could you excuse me a minute?”

  “Sure, sure. No problem. Is there a kitchen or something through there?”

  “Well, it’s not quite what you’d call a kitchen. There’s a sink and a refrigerator and a stove. Take a look if you’d like.”

  “Yes, I would. This is the first time I’ve visited such an unusual building. I’m sure it’ll be useful for reference purposes…”

  Kozaburo opened the door to the kitchen area and turned on the light. Ushikoshi peered in.

  “Wow. There are so many windows in here too! Do they go all the way around?”

  “Yes, this room has nine windows and one door, covering its whole circumference. Four of them are in the kitchen.”

  “I see. The view must be excellent.”

  “It is a very good view. It’s dark so you can’t see anything right now, but in the morning you can see the sea on one side. You know, you’d be welcome to stay the night here. The early morning view is the best. You won’t miss it if you spend the night. How about it? I was going to admit it to you eventually after a few glasses of brandy but I’m a little scared. I’ve come all the way up here to Hokkaido but I’ve still managed to make an enemy. If there’s a killer hiding away here somewhere, it’d be safe to say he’s likely to have me in his sights next. It’d be reassuring to think that there was a police officer in the same room all night.”

  “Fine with me. But is there anywhere for me to sleep? I can only see one bed.”

  “Yes, right here, under this…”

  Kozaburo reached down under his own bed and pulled something out.