Doing her best to shake away the mocking voice in her head, she walked into the kitchen with the intention of preparing something for the evening meal. She wasn’t hungry, but she needed to make sure she maintained plenty of milk for Evelyn.
She was rummaging through the packages and cans stacked on the pantry shelf when the doorbell jangled.
Thinking it might be Katherine stopping by on her way home from work, she hurried out to the tiny foyer at the front entrance and peered through the peephole on the door. But instead of Katherine it was Chandler standing on the small, concrete porch.
This was the third visit he’d made to the apartment and each time the sight of him never failed to shoot a beam of joy right through. Even if he didn’t love her, even if it was impossible for him to make a commitment to her, she wanted to be near him for as much and as long as possible. Maybe that made her foolish, but she couldn’t help it.
Swinging the door wide, she greeted him with a bright hello.
“Would you like an uninvited visitor?” he asked.
The lopsided grin on his face put a smile on hers and she reached for his hand and tugged him across the threshold.
“You never need an invitation,” she told him.
He held up a large brown bag in one hand and a pink paper gift sack with handles in the other. “I brought Evelyn a gift. And dinner for us,” he said. “I hope you haven’t already eaten.”
He handed the gift to her and she peered inside to see an adorable little dress of white-and-pink checks trimmed with white lace.
“Chandler, you shouldn’t have bought Evelyn anything. The nursery is already stacked with stuffed animals and toys that you’ve given her.”
He waved away her protest. “Little girls love clothes. She can’t have too many.”
Groaning, Roslyn shook her head. “She’s only a bit over a month old. She doesn’t know what she’s wearing.”
Chandler chuckled. “Years from now when she sees pictures of herself, she’ll be glad.”
The delicious smells coming from the bag made her mouth water. Now that Chandler was here she was suddenly very hungry and very happy.
“I was just in the kitchen wondering what I was going to make myself for dinner. You’ve saved me from the task.” She motioned for him to follow her. “Let’s take that to the kitchen. Or we could eat in the dining room. The view from the table there is much nicer.”
“The dining table is fine with me. But I’m not going to eat a bite until I see my baby Evelyn,” he said. “Is she asleep?”
“Yes. I just put her in the bassinet. But you won’t disturb her.”
After Chandler deposited the sack in the kitchen, the two of them made their way to Roslyn’s bedroom. Along the way, she noticed his jeans and dark brown shirt were clean, telling her he must have changed at the clinic before he’d driven over here. This evening he looked even more handsome than usual, making it very difficult for her to keep her hands off him.
Inside the bedroom, he bent over the bassinet. “Look at her! She’s growing like crazy!”
“It’s only been three days since you’ve seen her,” Roslyn pointed out. “She couldn’t look that much different.”
“She does to me. She’s gaining weight and getting longer. Next thing we know, she’ll be trying to climb out of this thing!”
Roslyn didn’t miss how he’d used the word we in his statement. And ridiculous or not, it gave her hope that he was looking toward the future. A future with her and Evelyn.
Laughing softly, Roslyn said, “She won’t be able to climb for months!”
“Who says? She might be a little superwoman.” He straightened and slipped his arms around Roslyn’s waist, which was growing slimmer every day. “Like her mom.”
Although Chandler had been showing her more and more physical affection since Evelyn had been born, he’d always pulled back before things got heated. She wasn’t sure if his reticence was because she’d been recuperating from giving birth, or because he wanted to keep a cautious distance between them. Either way, each time he touched her, she felt as if every cell in her body was glowing.
“Hmm. How does it feel to be in a house with two superwomen in it?” she asked.
A low, sexy chuckle passed his lips before he lowered his head toward hers. Anticipation hummed through her as she splayed her hands on his broad chest and tilted her face up to his.
His kiss was warm and left the taste of promise on her lips. When he lifted his head, she instantly wanted to pull it back down to hers and kiss him a second time. But she didn’t want to press him. She wanted him to reach for her on his own.
With a hand on his arm, she said, “Our dinner is getting cold. We’d better go eat before Evelyn decides her nap is over.”
She thought she saw a flash of frustration in his blue eyes, but then he smiled and nodded. “Right. You need to eat without interruption.”
* * *
As it turned out, Evelyn woke before Roslyn finished all the food on her plate. But Chandler was only too happy to go fetch the crying baby for her.
He rose from the dining-room chair. “You stay put. I’ll take care of Evelyn.”
“But her diaper probably needs to be changed.”
He feigned an insulted look. “Roslyn, if I can examine a hissing, clawing cat, I think I can handle one sweet little baby.”
She laughed. “Sorry. I’d forgotten you have that special touch.”
Inside the bedroom, Chandler gently gathered Evelyn up from the bassinet and carried her across the hall to the nursery, where a changing table was positioned between the crib and a matching chest of drawers.
He was fastening the tabs on the clean diaper when from the corner of his eye, he saw Roslyn step inside the door. Knowing she was watching his every move, he finished snapping the baby’s onesie back together, then wrapped her in a light blanket.
He scooped up Evelyn from the changing table and cradled her safely in the crook of his left arm. “See, not so much as a tiny whimper,” he playfully bragged.
“Where did you learn how to handle a baby?” she asked. “And don’t tell me at the animal hospital. There is a huge difference between animal and human babies.”
“To be honest, I learned a little about baby care way back when Vivian gave birth to Hannah. Viv was terrified she was going to do something wrong.”
“That surprises me about Vivian. The night she visited the ranch, she came across as a very confident woman to me.”
“She is now. But years ago when that jerk of an ex-husband left the ranch like a scalded hound, it shattered Viv’s self-confidence. Not only about caring for the baby, but about everything. Holt and I and Joseph all helped her with the baby as much as we could. Until she finally woke up and realized she wasn’t helpless, she was just divorced.”
“Hannah is thirteen now. That was a long time ago,” Roslyn stated. “Obviously you’ve not forgotten how to change a diaper.”
He grinned. “You know what they say. Once you ride a bike you never forget. Same with dirty diapers.”
Laughing, she moved out of the doorway. “Let’s go to the living room,” she suggested. “I’ve made coffee to go with the Italian cream cake you brought.”
“That means I’ll have to put Evelyn down,” he complained.
“She can lie on the cushion next to you on the couch,” Roslyn suggested.
“That’s not the same as holding her.”
Roslyn playfully rolled her eyes. “If you keep this up you’re going to spoil her.”
Wasn’t that what fathers were for? Chandler caught himself before he said the question out loud. He wasn’t Evelyn’s father. But he felt like he was and everything inside of him wanted to be. Yet to say something like that would imply a serious commitment. Was he really ready to do that? To expose his heart?
Well, hel
l, Chandler. What are you doing here? It’s not like you needed to leave the clinic and come over here to see Roslyn just to have something to do. When you left the office earlier, Trey and Cybil were still dealing with patients. But they’d insisted they could handle things because even they can see you’ve fallen in love with Roslyn and need to be with her. Don’t you think it’s time you face up to the reality that she already owns your heart?
Clearing his throat, he said, “Evelyn isn’t going to be a spoiled little girl. She’s going to be loved and protected.”
The baby’s warm weight against his chest was a feeling like nothing else he’d experienced and as he bent and kissed the top of her little head, he suddenly realized why his brothers were so happy. Joe and Blake had everything a man really needed.
* * *
By the time they finished dessert, Chandler had related everything that had been going on at the clinic and the ranch since he’d last seen her. Just hearing him talk about both places made Roslyn homesick, but she did her best not to show it.
Above anything, she needed to show him that moving here to town hadn’t been a mistake. Her father had raised her to be a sponge and to Roslyn that was unacceptable. Yet at times, when she was feeling lonely and isolated, she wondered if she’d carried the independent thing a bit too far. Had living with the Hollisters really been that much of a crutch for her?
Staying there as an excuse to be close to Chandler was wrong, she firmly told herself. Especially if he had no plans to take their relationship a step further.
“Evelyn has fallen asleep again,” he said as he smoothed a finger over the baby’s fine hair. “Maybe I should put her back in her bed.”
He was so incredibly gentle with Evelyn. Just watching the way he cradled the baby in his arms, the way he hummed and talked to her, filled Roslyn with bittersweet emotions. Would her daughter ever have a father who loved her as much as Chandler seemed to love her?
Not wanting to dwell on that melancholy question, Roslyn rose from the armchair. “Okay. While you do that I’ll clean up our dinner mess.”
Moments later, she placed the last dish in the dishwasher and closed the door just as Chandler entered the kitchen.
“She’s sound asleep,” he announced. “Do you need any help in here?”
“No. All finished.”
Awkward silence suddenly filled the room and Roslyn watched him jam his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and lean a shoulder against the doorjamb.
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
“No. I’m just wondering what it’s like for you living here—with just you and Evelyn.”
She shrugged and walked over to him. “I’ve already told you that I like it. The apartment is cozy and convenient and has all the space the two of us need.”
His eyes narrowed as he studied her face. “That’s not what I mean.”
“If you mean, do I get lonely, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. After living at Three Rivers with lots of people around and things always happening, this little apartment is very quiet. But staying here is good for me,” she reasoned.
“Your voice is wobbling, Roslyn. If it’s so good for you, then why are you about to cry?”
Because she was feeling totally helpless, she thought. Because she was standing here looking at a man whom she loved with all her heart and he didn’t love her back. And probably never would.
“I’m not about to cry,” she lied. “I just get a little emotional when I talk about Three Rivers. While I was living there the ranch became very special to me.”
And that was definitely no lie, she thought. No matter what happened with Chandler in the future, she would never forget the beautiful ranch or the Hollister family.
His nostrils flared slightly as he pushed away from the door frame. “I was hoping I had become special to you,” he said quietly.
She wasn’t expecting anything like that to come out of his mouth, and for a moment, she could merely stare at him and wonder what was going on behind those blue, blue eyes.
“You are,” she admitted.
He moved close enough to wrap both his hands around her upper arms. Roslyn’s heart began to pound with anticipation.
“That’s hard to believe. I asked you to stay on the ranch. You refused.”
Was that disappointment she spotted in his eyes, or simply frustration?
Shaking her head, she said, “I explained to you that I needed to stand on my own for a while. And why are you bringing this up tonight? It’s not like we haven’t hashed it out before I left the ranch.”
He moved his hands to her back and drew her forward until the front of her body was touching his. “No. We didn’t hash it out. Not completely. Because at that time I didn’t...no, I couldn’t tell you how I really felt.”
She flattened her palms against his chest and savored the warmth of his hard muscles. “Why not? I was there for over two weeks after Evelyn was born. You had plenty of opportunities to talk—about whatever it was that you wanted to tell me.”
The sound he made in his throat was something between a cough and a groan.
“Yeah, I could talk. But I couldn’t do this.” Drawing her closer, he nuzzled his lips against her ear. “I couldn’t show you how much I want you. How much I’ve been aching to make love to you.”
Just hearing him speak the words was enough to turn her knees to mush. The sensation caused her fingers to instinctively clutch folds of his shirt to support herself.
“You couldn’t? Why?”
Her voice was slurred with desire as she tilted her head and exposed the column of her neck to the searching warmth of his lips.
His arms tightened around her. “You’d just given birth,” he reasoned. “And I wanted to give you time.”
She slid her hands upward to his shoulders and gripped them tightly. “You should have told me how you felt, Chandler.”
Delving his fingers into her hair, he turned her face until their gazes melded and only a scant space separated their lips. The connection stole her breath and scattered her senses in all directions.
“Would it have made any difference?” he asked.
The helpless moan in her throat was more like a sob. “Yes! Just to know that I was important to you in some way would’ve been—”
“You’re important to me in every way, Ros. If I didn’t realize that when you were at the ranch, I do now.”
He wasn’t exactly saying “I love you,” but at this point, he was saying enough.
“Oh, Chandler.”
Bringing her hands up to his face, she began to rain kisses over both his cheeks, his chin and finally the corners of his lips.
With a needy growl, he fastened his lips over hers and kissed her so deeply and passionately that she was instantly and totally lost to him.
The fiery contact went on and on, until her lungs were crying for air and her body was aching to connect to his. When he finally lifted his head and gazed down at her, his breathing was hard, his eyelids heavy.
“As much as I want you, this can’t go on,” he whispered gruffly. “Otherwise, I won’t be able to stop. And I don’t want to hurt you.”
Before she could reply, he turned and walked a few steps away from her. Confused, she stared at his back.
“Hurt me? Why—?” Suddenly it dawned on her and she closed the space between them and rested a hand against his back. “Chandler, I promise, you’re not going to hurt me.”
“I can’t take that chance. I—”
“No,” she interrupted. “Listen, I just had my post-birth checkup yesterday. The doctor says I’m in great shape—if I feel like being intimate it will be fine.”
Still uncertain, he turned back to her. “What about birth control? You’re breastfeeding—” He suddenly paused and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Roslyn, I sound like a doctor. When I should b
e talking to you like a—”
“Lover?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said sheepishly.
Smiling coyly, she moved forward until her breasts were pressing against his chest and her hips were aligned to his. “You need to quit worrying, Doc. The birth-control issue was taken care of while I was still in the hospital.”
A horrified look came over his face. “You didn’t do anything permanent, did you?”
Chuckling, she hugged him tighter. “No. Later on I’m going to want Evelyn to have brothers and sisters. When that time comes I can have the birth control removed.”
He let out a relieved breath. “Oh. I’m glad I—” His arms came around her as he buried his face in the side of her hair. “I’m acting like an idiot, Ros. But nothing about my life has been the same since you left Three Rivers. I’ve missed you so much. I want you...more than you could possibly know.”
She eased out of his arms and reached for his hand. “Maybe as much as I’ve been wanting you.”
Not bothering to say more, she led him back to the bedroom and over to the queen-size bed covered with a fluffy red-and-white comforter.
Chandler looked over his shoulder at the bassinet. “What about Evelyn?”
Smiling impishly, Roslyn said, “She’ll never know we’re in here. But if it will make you feel better, I’ll move her to the far side of the room.”
She left him long enough to roll the bassinet to the opposite corner of the room, then returned to his side. Chandler promptly gathered her up in his arms and gently laid her in the middle of the bed.
Laughing softly, she said, “Don’t you think I’m wearing too many clothes for bed?”
“I’m going to take care of that problem in due time,” he promised.
Her heart was pounding with eager anticipation as she watched him quickly discard his boots, then strip down to nothing but a pair of black boxers.
His Texas Runaway (Men 0f The West Book 41) Page 16