Hazed

by Brittany Butler

  ****

  Waking to a trail of kisses across my arm beats my alarm. I grin, but remain silent as he reaches my face and my lips. The warmth of his touch causes a tremble through my body. His hand runs through my long hair. My eyes pop open.

  His head is propped on his elbow and he’s looking at me, grinning. “Mornin’, class is in an hour,” he says.

  I jump out of bed, searching for a bathroom. “Thanks for the show,” he calls out.

  I shoot him a glare as I tug on his shirt. “Where’s the bathroom?”

  “Second door on the left,” he says. He points to the door, smiling as his eyes run down my bare legs.

  Half an hour later his knuckles tap on the bathroom door. “Thirty minutes, babe,” he said.

  I step in my jeans and pull my auburn hair back. “People are going to talk, you know?” I said.

  “About what?” He bunches his brows together and walks in the bathroom as I walk out.

  “The ‘Hayze Clarke’ is bringing a girl to class?”

  “You’ve been around Lea too much.” He slaps my back side as he passes by me. “Let them talk.”

  “And the girls at the bar?” I eye him. He hands me my purse and shoes, rushing me out the door.

  “It will be hard to miss you,” he says, “when my hands are all over you.” He wraps his hands around my waist, kissing my cheek.

  “I’m serious Hayze.” I push him away. He scowls and folds his arms across his chest. He leans on the side of his car propping a leg on the front tire. “Are you sure you want this?”

  He chews on his lip, looking at the trees. He kicks off his car and walks to the driver side. “Why don’t you just come out and say it, Taylor. You don’t think I can be faithful?”

  I shake my head. “I didn’t say that!”

  He laughs without humor. “You didn’t have to.”

  He gets in the car and I follow him. As he cranks the car, he runs his hands through his hair in frustration. “Why do you think I’ll cheat?”

  “I didn’t say…”

  “Just stop beating around the bush,” he said, holding his hand out.

  I gaze out the window. The Mustang picks up speed as we leave the tree lined, dirt driveway and turn on the highway.

  “It’s not you that I don’t trust,” I say.

  “So, you don’t trust girls? Or what?” He snaps.

  “I don’t know!” I groan,

  “You were thinking about this before. You didn’t just pull this out of the air! Tell me,” he urges.

  I shrug my shoulders. His knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel harder, his jaw works under his skin.

  “This just seems too good to be true,” I say. “I feel like something shitty is going to happen.”

  He pauses as the thought plays through his mind. He sighs as we pull into the campus. “I won’t cheat on you,” he says.

  “But something shitty might happen?” I tease. His face remains serious as he pulls into a vacant space.

  “Never say never,” he says as he climbs from the car, leaving me behind. He walks from the car. I speed up and catch his arm, spinning him around.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Taylor,” he sighs, bringing his hand to his forehead. “Just stop reading into everything.”

  And just like that, everything changed. Suddenly I was in high school again, vowing to keep my virginity intact until marriage. I was with the same guy for years and never moved passed the kissing stage, never wanted to, but one date with Hayze and my head is all fucked up. I handed my virginity over to him without a second thought, knowing who he is and what he does to girls. I don’t know why I’m surprised at his attitude today.

  “God, I’m an idiot,” I say, pushing past him as I stalk by. I’m not sure where I’m going, certainly not class, or to my dorm where his sister could throw ‘I told you so’ at me.

  “Fuck, what was I thinking?”

  “Excuse me?” I snap around. “What were you thinking? What was I thinking?! I’m the one that gave my virginity to some guy that couldn’t care less—”

  “Stop,” he says, cutting me off. His voice comes off almost as a plea. A group of students pass by us then he looks at me again, shaking his head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. So whatever crazy ass scenario you’ve come up with in your head, drop it.”

  “I’m not making this up; you’re acting like an ass,” I say, shoving my finger in his direction. I’m standing a foot away from him but I’m keeping my voice calm and low, student’s pass by us without any indication of our fight that’s going on.

  “I believe you’re the one that started this…you said I would cheat,” he says. I roll my eyes, then check my watch, seeing that it’s close to class time I walk away from him. He, of course, follows me.

  “I did not say that, Hayze.”

  “You didn’t have to,” he says, trailing behind me.

  Turning, I shrug. “I’m sure you have some concerns, too. I can’t be the only one.”

  He cocks an eyebrow, and gives me a smug grin. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, after spending twenty-four hours with you I’m concerned about my mental health,” he says, laughing. I roll my eyes. I should’ve known he wasn’t capable of a serious conversation.

  “Whatever, see ya around,” I say and walk off.

  “C’mon babe, that was a joke,” he says.

  “Yeah, that’s the point. Everything’s a joke with you.”

  Do you even remember what we’re arguing about?”

  I finally reach the building, when I walk up the stairs I stop, knowing he would follow me into the classroom. His eyes are lit with amusement when I face him. “Yeah, I do, the way you treat women. It’s repulsive. I’m starting to feel like one of them…”

  Last night everything was perfect. Obviously it was too good to be true. Since we got in the car, we’ve fought and he’s been distant. I’m starting to feel like one of his one night stands.

  He pulls me into his arms and presses a light kiss on my forehead. “You’re much more than a conquest,” he whispers on my skin, sending chills down my body.

  “Was that your attempt at being sweet? Don’t call girls that, it’s degrading,” I scold him.

  His body shakes with laughter. I try to push from him but he keeps me locked to him. “Okay, I’ll personally go to each of ‘em and ask them on a proper date, would that make you feel better?”

  I untangle myself from him, searching his face, I frown. We didn’t have the official talk last night. Not only did I give my virginity to the biggest player I know, but I did it without figuring out his intentions. He could leave here right now, screw half of the university’s population, and I could say absolutely nothing to him about it.

  “Do whatever you want Hayze.”

  He grabs my arm. “Hey? I’m joking, okay? I wouldn’t do that, not anymore.”

  You mean you would actually take girls you’ve already slept with on a date? Not ever,” I say. Hoping it insults him, but his grin grows wider and I know he has no conscious.

  “You have a point,” he says, grinning at me.

  “I’m late for class.”

  He pulls me into a quick, second hug. “Pay attention; don’t let your crazy mind get the best of you in there.” I swat at him, playfully but he steps away at the last second and I hit air instead. He chuckles at me as I walk off without another word.

  My classes drag by. I doodle pictures on notes, keeping my eyes buried in my notebook. Hayze met me during lunch and after both classes. He’s unfazed after our argument.

  “We will pick up where we left off next week,” the professor says.

  As students file from the room, I gather my things and leave. Hayze is leaned against the opposite wall, his foot kicked back. His eyes meet mine, and he smiles with relief. Out of the corner of my eye I see a girl standing next to him, she looks in my direction as he waves at me. The notebook slips from his hands, pap
ers scatter to the floor. He stalks over to me, cups my face in his hands and kisses me.

  He pulls from my mouth, but his hands stay cuffed around my face. “Not that I’m complaining but what was that about?” I ask.

  He turns and I peek over his shoulder. I catch a glimpse of the girl, turning and storming away. “I think she got the idea,” he laughs.

  “You don’t have to grope me in public. You could just tell them,” I say.

  He smiles. “I know, but where’s the fun in that?”

  Once we are on the sidewalk, I spot Lea’s blonde bob running toward us. She waves with both hands as she approaches.

  “There you are! I have been looking all over for you. You didn’t come back last night,” she says.

  Hayze walks up and slings an arm around my shoulder.

  “Oh,” she said, with a brow cocked.

  “Yeah, we uh, stayed at the cabin last night,” I tell her.

  She winks. “I can see that. So, are we still on for shopping?”

  “Ah, I forgot!”

  “Well you are not getting out of it,” she says.

  “Maybe we already had plans,” Hayze says.

  Lea taps on her phone, ignoring him. “Okay, so let’s go to the hall.”

  I crinkle my nose. “What?”

  “Yeah, that’s what we call the mall here. You can literally stand on one side and see the other. It’s craziness,” she says.

  Hayze groans, “Can we at least take my car?”

  Lea covers her smile. “You are actually comin’ with us?”

  “Sure, why not?” He rubs the back of her head and puts his aviators in place.

  “Because you hate shopping; that’s it, I have seen it all.” I shoot her a look, hoping she’ll stop teasing him. The truth is, I’m happy he agreed to come with us. After this morning I was afraid last night was a mistake.

  Once we’re stuffed in the car, Hayze exhales. “You really wanna go to the mall?”

  “That’s the plan. By the way, Taylor, you will never guess who sent me a friend request.” I hear Hayze sigh. I know he already regrets agreeing to girl’s day.

  “Who?” I ask.

  “Scott!” I turn to face her. Her dimples greet me in a shit eating grin. “What? When?”

  “This morning. He sent me a message asking for my number, and then he was like let me know when you guys go out again.”

  “I thought you guys already talked? How did you invite him to my party?” I ask, confused. She waves me off and laughs.

  “I just texted him from your phone,” she says.

  “What the fuck did I sign up for?” Hayze sighs.

  “This is obviously going to be a problem. We need to draw up a timesheet for Taylor. And for the record I’ll never let you date a friend again.” I frown at her choice of words.

  “You will never have to,” he smiles. “Why are we here?”

  “It’s getting cold outside. We need new winter clothes, and Taylor needs going out attire,” Lea says.

  “I think her clothes are fine.”

  “Of course you do,” Lea says and her voice drips with sarcasm. I get out of the car and let Lea out of the back. She smooths down her clothes and motions me to follow her.

  “So, what about Scott?”

  She shrugs, playing it off, but her grin gives her excitement away. “We’ve been texting back and forth today. We both kinda want to hang out, but I wanted to ask you first. Would that be weird?”

  “I’m dating your brother.” I stare at her blankly.

  “Oh yeah, you don’t care!”

  Hayze shakes his head at his sister. His fingers snake around mine, leading me to the small building. I’ve never been to the Nacogdoches mall. It’s a town over from Lufkin, the only place I was allowed to drive to. While that mall is sadly small, it has nothing on this place. With just a handful of stores, we’re finished after two stops. Lea’s arms are filled with sacks. I leave with only two, against her will.

  I spend the night at Hayze’s. It crosses my mind that we are rushing whatever this is. But I push that thought to the side. I may look back on my college years with regret when I’m old and gray, but for now I’m living in the moment. Because right now I regret being compliant, I regret the old me and I welcome the new girl that surfaces more each time Hayze comes around.