Hazed

by Brittany Butler

  ****

  When I wake the scene has changed. The sun has set and all is quiet. I blink and stretch my limbs before looking over at my empty bed. I climb out of bed and check the clock for the time. Seeing that it’s past six in the afternoon, my stomach growls, so I tug on fresh leggings and a baggy sweater before grabbing my purse, but I stop at the door. A folded, rectangular piece of paper waits for me on the floor. Against my better judgment I pick it up and read it.

  I wish I could tell you the truth. I wish I could tell you to leave. I drove to your dorm twice today. I know that’s fucking crazy. I sat in my car and tried to work up the courage to knock on your door. One day you’ll know the truth and if I fall back in this again promise me you’ll run. If you never remember anything else remember this: When all else fails, save yourself.

  I love you. Please don’t hate me.

  “What the hell does that even mean, Hayze?”

  I ball it into my fist, crumbling the pages with anger. At this point I can’t pretend that our relationship is healthy. All of the going back and forth is taking a toll on both us. Lea seems to be taken off guard by his erratic behavior and lately I’m wondering if I’m to blame for some of his new rebellion. Either way, this has to end.