“I didn’t just have a miscarriage, B. It was a fetal demise. The baby was dead inside of me for three weeks. Three weeks!”
“I know, honey. I can’t even imagine.”
She cried on my shoulder while I held her, not saying anything. I couldn’t imagine losing a baby, but not being able to have a baby of my own was heartbreaking—I wished I could talk to her about it. It wasn’t the right time, though. She needed to get Avery back, and I needed to find out for sure if I had FAP.
“How do I get him back?” she asked.
“I’d start with a shower.” I laughed.
When I left Nicole’s parents’ house, I wanted to put the FAP thing in the back of my head. Seeing Bailee was a reunion. It was about having a good time and catching up. I didn’t want to burden her with more bad news. There was still a chance that I could be in the super rare group and not have FAP and only have had a desmoid tumor in my chest. On the other hand, if I told Bailee before I left, then she could be there when I called our mother and asked her our family history. It was easier to deal with that crazy woman in a team of two than alone.
The last I talked to my mother she wanted me to get pregnant so she could have grandkids. Her new boyfriend had grandchildren, so she wanted some, too. I haven’t heard from her since that day we spoke almost four months ago. Not once had she called to check on me during my recovery other than that one time. I wasn’t sure if she even knew I’d had radiation. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking forward to having to call her, but Megan wanted me to in hopes she knew more about my father’s side and more about her side of the family. I wanted to wait until the genetics test came back to see if the markers showed I carried the gene.
I pulled into the garage of Bailee’s apartment complex. After grabbing my overnight bag, I made my way to the third floor and found the unit number. Even though Bailee was living in a two-bedroom apartment with a roommate, I was staying over for the weekend. We were going to have sister/sister time, and I had the desire to visit a few of my old haunts.
Before I could knock, the door swung open. “It’s about time you showed up.” It was the second time I’d heard that line today. Bailee’s arms wrapped around my neck and she pulled me to her before I could reply. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“I’ve missed you too,” I mumbled into her chocolate brown hair.
“How are you feeling?”
And there it was again. The question I was tired of answering. Of course, it was a natural question for anyone to ask since I’d just had surgery and gone through radiation, but I was tired of feeling sick.
“Fine.”
She pulled her head back and looked straight into my eyes and deep into my soul. “You know I know when you’re lying. Something’s wrong.”
I broke free from her grasp and walked out of the doorway and into her apartment, setting my bag on her couch. “I’m tired from the drive, Bai, and I just stopped at Nic’s parents’ to see her. She’s all fucked up over Avery. I’m just tired, okay?”
She closed the door. “What’s wrong with Nicole and Avery?”
“Aw fuck,” I mumbled and looked down at the beige carpeted floor.
“What?”
I took a deep breath—she was bound to find out sooner or later. My gaze met hers. “They lost the baby.”
“Aw man.”
She leaned against the breakfast bar and looked down at the floor as well. I sat on the couch, letting Bailee take a minute to absorb the information. “I should go see her,” she stated.
“I hope she’s going back to New York to get back with Avery soon.”
“Is that what he wants? Is that what she wants?”
“I think so … I hope so.”
We stayed in silence for a few minutes as I took in Bailee’s apartment. There were a few boxes here and there, but a lot of it was in order. My baby sister was an adult. Granted, she was a college graduate, so she didn’t have much. She had a blue couch that so far was not that bad to sit on, a square particleboard coffee table that had seen more wet glasses than coasters, and one single fern near the window that was adjacent to a medium size boxed TV.
“And this is why I don’t date,” she finally said.
My gaze flicked to hers. “I’ve known you to have boyfriends.”
“Not serious ones,” she clarified.
“You’re too young anyway.”
“Speaking of men, you haven’t shown me your ring.” She walked over, and I held my hand out to her. “It’s fucking gorgeous.”
I felt my face heat up as I stared at the princess cut diamond in a halo setting. “He did good, huh?”
“Yes, he did.” She rounded the breakfast bar of the open floor plan and went to the fridge.
“I should have brought you a housewarming gift or something,” I blurted as I eyed the plant by the window again then back to Bailee.
Her eyes met mine and then she said, “About that … I was wondering if maybe you could buy me a coffeemaker?”
I shook my head in disbelief and smiled at her. “You don’t have a coffeemaker?”
She shook her head, grinning as she handed me a bottle of water.
“For the love of God, tell me you have bacon for tomorrow morning?”
She looked away then sat at the far end of the three cushion couch.
So … maybe my little sister wasn’t growing up. “Bailee Rose!”
She shrugged. “I thought we could go shopping together.”
Any other time I wouldn’t mind going shopping with her, but I needed a nap. I was surprised I was still upright at this point, and if we were going to go to a bar later, then I definitely needed a nap. “Bai, the side effects from radiation are really kicking my ass. How about you go to the store while I stay here and take a nap? Then I can be ready for tonight when we go to The Bell in Hand.”
“Radiation is over, though.”
“Yeah, but I still have side effects for up to three months, and I’m actually more tired now than I was while I was getting treatment. Plus driving today …”
“Okay, I understand. I didn’t realize. You can use my bed in case Maddie comes home from work. I’ll get us everything we need and then some. Even some pre-going out cocktails.”
“Perfect.”
There was not a chance I was going to be able to function in the morning without coffee, so before Bailee left for the grocery store, I gave her money to get a coffeemaker. She needed more than a coffeemaker to fill the apartment, but right now we needed to prioritize. We could grab coffee at Starbucks in the morning, but after a night of drinking, I would rather stay in bed, drink our cups of java and eat our breakfast. Not brave the streets, tired, and maybe hungover if I let myself drink too much. I wanted to have fun and not think. I knew my limit, and I could handle it …
I hoped.
“I spent most of my first paycheck, but I got us everything for Moscow mules before we go out tonight, breakfast for the morning, and snackage while you’re here,” she called out while I lay in her bed, waking up from my nap. “And a kickass coffeemaker.”
I stood and walked to where she was in the kitchen. “Did you say you spent your first paycheck on all this?” I motioned to all the bags on the counter.
“My first paycheck was only for a week of work. It’s no biggie.”
“Do you need me to lend you money?”
She grabbed my shoulders and looked directly into my eyes. “Sis, I’m a big girl now. You don’t need to keep providing for me. I have a job and some money saved from when I worked the weekends at the coffee shop off campus. I’m fine.”
I frowned. “You’ll let me know if you need anything, right?”
She chuckled. “I did earlier about the coffeemaker.”
I snickered. “What’s up with that? You don’t have one, but you worked at a coffee shop?”
She smiled. “Coffee shop coffee is always better, but if I want to save my money, then I can’t buy five dollar coffees every day. Plus, that cuts
into my one-clicking books from my favorite authors.”
I nodded. “Damn the one-click. Gets me every time.”
“But totally worth it.” She laughed.
“For sure.”
Bailee turned back to the fridge. “Want a Moscow mule?”
I groaned inwardly. “Can we have dinner first? I’m starving.” This was true, but I also didn’t want to drink on an empty stomach with my meds.
“I …” she hesitated. “I didn’t get any food for dinner. I only have PB&J.”
I laughed. “While I would love a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, we should get a full meal.”
She sucked in a breath. “But what about the stuff for Moscow Mules?”
“You’re twenty-three. I’m sure you’ll put it to good use.”
After we had dinner, we headed to The Bell in Hand. Since turning twenty-one nine years ago, TBH had been one of my favorite bars to go to. It was a quaint bar that resided on a small corner of Union Street and Marshall Street along the Freedom Trail. The tavern had been around since 1795 and still had the feel of being able to relax with a friend for a drink like they would have done back in the day, or dancing on the dance floor to live music.
“I hope they have a good band tonight,” Bailee stated as we stepped through the doors.
“Me too,” I agreed.
We bellied up to the bar for a drink, and I texted Easton as we waited for the bartender to step our way.
Me: Bai and I are at a bar waiting for a drink. I miss being at a bar where I’m sleeping with the owner and don’t have to wait.
I didn’t expect him to text back because I knew he was working. Avery was a complete mess and needed to be relieved for the night. However, as Bai and I stared at the bartender trying to get his attention, my phone buzzed in the back pocket of my jeans.
Easton: Ha! Is that the only reason you’re marrying me?
I chuckled under my breath.
Me: That, and the way you make me come
I saw the bubble on the text light up as Easton typed a response.
Easton: Do I need to close Halo early and drive there so you don’t get any ideas with that bar owner?
The bartender finally stepped in front of Bailee and me, and we each ordered a vodka cranberry.
Me: You should know me better than that. I might, however, drunk FaceTime you later.
Easton: I’m going to be hard the rest of the night waiting.
I paid for our drinks, and we stepped away from the bar so more people could order.
“Hold my drink real quick.” I handed Bailee my drink to text Easton back as we walked to a free standing area against the back wall, but as I was typing out my message, I ran into someone. I looked up to utter my apologies and my eyes locked with the blue ones of Jared. He smiled wide. “Babe,” he said as though we were still together. “It’s good to see you.”
“I wish I could say the same.” The words spilled from my mouth.
He chuckled slightly. “You’re still pissed at me?”
“Jared,” Bailee quipped and handed me my drink. “Of course, she’s still mad at you, asshole!”
I reached out to grab the drink with my left hand.
“You’re engaged?” he questioned as if he couldn’t believe it.
“Yes—”
“To the best thing that ever happened to her,” Bailee said, cutting me off.
His eyes cut to her and narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I tried to answer, but Bailee spoke again. “To a man who will never cheat on her.”
“Doubtable since she only fucks missionary.”
Bailee stepped forward as if she was going to take a swing at him. I wanted to punch him too, but instead, I got between the two, holding out my arms to separate them.
“That’s a low blow and not true.” I glared at him as I stepped back.
His laugh came out evil. “It’s true.”
I laughed to mock him. “You have no idea.”
“We were together four years. I think I know how I fucked you.”
Bailee started to speak, and I shot her a look to shut her up. I didn’t need her fighting my battles.
“You only wanted to have sex that way because it helped put you to sleep after a night of gaming. Don’t act like it was all me.”
He rolled his eyes.
“Speaking of sex,” I continued. “Where’s Tramp Tarah?” I heard Bailee giggle beside me and I tried to stifle my own laugh.
“We broke up.”
I stuck out my bottom lip, frowning. “She was tired of missionary?”
He sighed and looked around the room, stalling before telling me the truth. “She cheated on me, okay?”
I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “Are you serious? Fucking Karma!”
“Whatever. See you around.”
“Bye,” Bailee and I said in unison as we watched Jared walk away through the crowd. I was thankful he left, but turning the tables on him had been fun.
“What an asshole,” Bailee muttered and I nodded in agreement.
I unlocked my phone to text Easton back finally, and noticed he’d texted me.
Easton: I have to get back to work. Be safe tonight. I love you.
Bailee was right. Easton was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Me: I love you too.
I didn’t see Jared the rest of the night. After he walked off, I’d chugged my drink and then Bailee and I went back to the bar for another round. That round turned into another and then another and then …
Well, I wasn’t sure how many rounds we had. I couldn’t remember anything but dancing. I didn’t even remember how we got back to Bailee’s apartment. When I woke the next morning, my ass against Bailee’s, my head was pounding.
I missed Easton. I missed the fact that he would take care of me in my hungover state. But he was in NYC, and I was in Boston wondering how I was going to manage the drive home.
My phone buzzed, and I grabbed it off the floor next to my jeans. Apparently, I hadn’t managed to put on my pajamas because I was only in my bra and panties. It looked as though I’d stripped off my clothes and slid into bed probably not even washing the makeup off my face first.
When I finally managed to focus on the screen of my phone, I noticed I had a text from Easton.
Easton: Are you alive?
I rolled on my back and texted him.
Brooke: Yes, but I feel like I’m on my deathbed.
Easton: LOL. You had fun I take it?
I smiled.
Me: I think. It’s a little fuzzy.
Easton: Did you just wake up?
Me: Yeah, but I want to sleep until this feeling is gone.
Easton: Have some bacon and pancakes. You’ll feel better.
I turned and look toward Bailee. She was still passed out.
Me: No on is here to make them for me.
Easton: I take it Bai is just as fucked up as you?
I looked at the time, and it was a little after eleven. The last time I remembered being this fucked up was my thirtieth birthday. I groaned.
Me: I’m not sure. She’s still passed out.
Easton: I think you can manage. Text me when you leave, and don’t forget we’re having dinner at my parents.
Shit, I had completely forgotten about our weekly dinner at the Crawford’s. Every week we had dinner with them, but given everything plus the state of my pounding head, I’d forgotten tonight was the night.
Rolling out of bed, I went into the bathroom and searched Bailee’s medicine cabinet for anything to make my head stop yelling at me. Afterward, I stepped out and slid on my PJs before heading to the kitchen to start the next thing that would get me through the day: coffee. I grabbed a bottle of water, took the aspirin I’d found, and then started the oven to pre-heat for the bacon.
Once I was down putting all the bacon on the cookie sheet and the oven was pre-heated, I slid the tray in and set the timer. My headache was starting to dissipate
, and I was hopeful that the grease from the bacon and the caffeine from the coffee would make me feel a hell of a lot better. I poured two cups of the java and then went to wake my baby sister up. As I walked closer to her bedroom, a sense came over me like déjà vu. It had been years since I’d had to wake her up.
Stopping in the threshold of the door, I stared at her. I missed her tremendously, and even though she was closer now, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to pack up her minimal belongings and move her in with me. Not knowing if I had cancer was scaring the shit out of me, and I didn’t want to go a day without seeing her. But that wasn’t reality. There was no way I’d leave Easton, not even for my sister. We were both adults now, and this was a part of life.
“Why are you staring at me?”
I blinked, not realizing Bailee had woken up. I shook my head to clear it. “I wasn’t staring at you,” I lied. “I was coming back from making you coffee.”
She sat up in bed, reaching for the cup. “I don’t think coffee is going to cure the way I feel no matter how fucking good it is.”
I chuckled as I sat next to her. “That’s why I’m making bacon.”
“Ahh,” she groaned. “Don’t mention food.”
“You’re worse than me?” I questioned over the rim of my mug.
“You’re not hungover?”
I swallowed the rich, creamy goodness of coffee and vanilla creamer. “I’m hungover for sure. But I know we need grease to soak up the alcohol—even though that may be a myth. Who cares, it’s bacon. People eat bacon any time of day. That’s how good it is.”
She eyed me as I spoke and I wondered if I were making any sense. I knew I was stalling about what really needed to be discussed.
“I need aspirin before I try to make sense of what you just said.” She groaned.
I laughed and walked to her en-suite bathroom and grabbed the bottle of pills I’d found earlier. “I made total sense.”
“Maybe, but my head is pounding too hard to comprehend the words coming out of your mouth.”
I laughed, my own headache long gone. “I’ve never seen you hungover before.”
“Yeah, college …”
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