by Tina Saxon
He flashes a warm smile. “Hi,” he whispers.
I know I’m dreaming but this feels so real. I can feel the warmth in his hand. I look down at our linked hands, confused. I don’t think I’ve ever felt someone in my dream. My gaze moves back up to his face. My brows furrow.
“Do you need anything?” he asks, tilting his head. My gaze quickly darts around the room and when I see my tree swaying in the wind, reality hits. I’m not dreaming. I yank my hand back. The ground underneath me shifts, throwing me off my axis. Everything changes.
“Get out!” I yell. I feel betrayed, but I don’t know why. Aiden stands up, taking a couple steps back. His face twists and his shoulders drop.
“Addison, it’s okay.” He shoves his hands into his jeans pockets.
“No. No, you’re supposed to be dead!”
“I’m not, sweetheart. I’m here.” He takes a huge step in my direction, pulling his hand out of his pocket as he tries to touch me again. I flinch away from him. He clenches his hand, steps back, and starts to pace the room.
“Please leave,” I whisper. I choke back my tears. I mourned you. I thought you were dead. My mind twists between reality and what I believed. I’m having a hard time processing this new reality. I watch him pace. My eyes shift away when he looks at me. I feel like I’m drowning in disbelief. I can’t breathe. I roll away from him, cradling my body as emotions overtake me. My body shakes violently from my cries. Guilt starts to strangle me as my thoughts turn to wishing he had died rather than him being here and seeing me like this. I hate myself for even thinking that. God, why didn’t you let me die?
Amy sits down in front of me, blocking my view of the window. I hadn’t even heard her come into the room. I have no idea if Aiden is still here, but at least I can’t see him if he is. She grabs my hand and wraps her other arm around my body while I cry. Exhaustion pulls me under. This time there aren’t any fields of love in my dreams, there’s only the feeling of rejection from being broken.
I wake up before my eyes open. I’m afraid Aiden will be in my room, so I cover my face with my hands like a shield, digging my palms into my eyes. It’s still daytime because the sun still shines its bright rays into my room.
“Look who’s awake,” I hear Ted say. I peek through my fingers and see Ted sitting at my side. His face is unshaven and his eyes are turned downward. I can see how tired he is. He flashes a weak smile as I move my hands away.
“Hi,” I say, sighing.
“I was instructed that I had to get you to eat a couple bites when you woke up.” He stands and walks over to a tray filled with food. My eyes widen, wondering why the hell they would bring that much. He must see my reaction because he says, “They just bring what the lunch is for the day. The doctor just wants you to eat a couple bites, though.” He puts it on a roll cart and swings it in front of me. I let out an audible gasp and hold my broken rib as I try to sit up. “Wait. I’ll lift the bed,” he says, softly putting his hand on my shoulder. I exhale sharply, lying back. The bed slowly reclines. Ted sits back down as I pick through my food.
The silence that surrounds us is awkward. I know he has a ton of questions, but doesn’t want to ask them. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him open his mouth to say something only for it to snap back shut.
“Thank you for being here,” I quietly say, looking over at him. He angles his head and takes in a deep inhale then lets it out slowly.
“Addie, I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
“Is … did they …” I can’t say his name. Even though my body is scarred by every mark left on it by him, I’m afraid if I say it out loud I’m acknowledging it. I stuff a spoonful of mashed potatoes in my mouth. I glance at Ted and his hands are firmly grasped in his lap. His jaw clenches. My gaze turns downward, and I close my eyes. I hate seeing the pain this has caused.
“He’s dead,” he says, his voice strained.
Those two words should make me feel better. But they don’t. I wish I had been the one to kill him. To see his eyes plead for mercy while I took the life from them. A warm hand covers mine. When I open my eyes, Ted nods as if he understands.
“Eat,” he whispers.
I take a couple bites of applesauce and push the cart away. Ted pushes it to the side. The door to my room opens, and I abruptly pull my blankets up over my chest. When I see that it’s my doctor, my shoulders relax as I lean my head against the pillow. I haven’t seen Aiden since this morning, but I know it’ll only be a matter of time. I don’t want him to see me like this. I know I’m not thinking clearly because he’s already seen me, but seeing the pain in his eyes cuts me deep inside. It’s a reminder that I need to let him go.
She checks me over, happy that I’ve decided to start talking. She inspects my food to see how much I have eaten and writes it down in my chart. Amy walks in with a Target bag and gives Ted a hug. He smiles at me and winks before leaving.
The doctor sits down and discusses the tests that were run when they brought me in—including a rape test. I cough as my lunch threatens to come back up. Embarrassment creeps through me as Amy wraps her hand around mine. I close my eyes as tears roll down my face freely.
“Addison, it’s okay,” Amy says softly.
I shake my head. “No, it’s not. Everyone knows I’m broken,” I cry.
Last night
“Keep the package warm.” We hear Max growl through our headphones.
Rage burns through me. I know there is only one reason that Max wants Joe alive. Revenge. And that must mean one thing. I run out of the van, needing to get to Addison. She’s my lifeline. She can’t die.
I run the two blocks, full speed. Cold air hits my face as my feet pound the pavement. When I see Max start to get into the medic helicopter, I pick up my speed, pushing through the pain in my chest. They are not leaving without me.
We had a plan for me to meet them at the hospital, but it’s two hours away and I was supposed to drive. Fuck. That. I yell for Max to wait, but the helicopter’s blades start to turn, drowning out my yelling. I wave my arms, catching Max’s attention. I see him say something to the pilot. Thank God he’s waiting for me.
When I jump into the helicopter, Max scoots over, making room for me. “You almost got yourself shot. Dumbass,” he grates.
I don’t hear a word he says. My world blurs at the sight of Addison. I thought I was angry when I didn’t know where she was. That was like an open wound. This feels like someone is pouring acid on it. It burns through my core. I fall to the ground by her lifeless body. Half her face is unrecognizable. It’s swollen with yellow bruises covering the entire side. I go to reach for her but then stop myself. She’s covered with a blanket, and I’m afraid to see what is underneath. The medics already have her hooked to an IV.
“Hold on, sweetheart,” I whisper, laying my head down by her body. I don’t want to touch her not knowing what might be broken. Max has his hand on my shoulder. My body shakes as I silently cry.
Addison is rushed into a hospital room as we’re instructed to wait in the waiting room. I can’t sit down. My body is so revved up that there isn’t a single muscle inside me that will relax. I’ve had to pull myself back from punching a hole into the wall. I stalk around the room like a caged tiger waiting to pounce.
While we were in the waiting room, FBI agents come and go as well as the police. Once we got the initial report from Addison’s doctor, that’s when things got a little fuzzy. Dehydration, broken rib, broken nose, and lacerations here and there … the list went on and on. When my eyes scanned over the word rape, my entire body froze. I thought I knew what revenge felt like before. It doesn’t come close to how I felt at that second.
Next thing I know we’re on the helicopter headed back. Back to get the revenge I need to unleash. The beast grows by the second, my restraint slipping every second we got closer.
As soon as our feet hit the ground, I follow Max’s heavy footsteps toward a small guesthouse on the same property of the house we found Addison. I can
see the main house in the distance, but it’s not close enough to hear the screams coming out of the small house right now. My hands twitch, knowing who those screams belongs to. I want in on the action.
Joe is tied to a chair, stripped of his clothes, except his underwear. When I see his beaten body, the angry monster inside me wants more. There is not enough pain in this world that can make him suffer for what he did to Addison.
When he sees me, he smiles wickedly through the blood dripping down his face. I step forward, planning to wipe that smile off his face. Max’s arm halts me.
“Not yet,” he growls.
Hudson, one of Max’s men, continues his barrage of assault. I stand with my feet planted and arms crossed, enjoying every fucking second. Every scream that comes out of his mouth makes my heart beat faster. I’ve never been one to torture, but this right now … it’s like my body is inhaling his screams and energizing every nerve within me.
While Hudson takes a break, deciding what to do next, Joe lifts his head. His gaze finds mine. He coughs up blood through his laughs.
“Your Addison is one good fuck. How’s it feel to know I’ve claimed her as mine?” He coughs again. “Every part of her. The best part was her ass.”
My body lunges forward, and my fists connect with his face over and over. Max pulls me off of him, dragging me back. My chest heaves from the rage.
“You can finish him off, but not yet.” Max nods to Hudson. I jerk out of Max’s hold, nodding my head as I lean against the wall.
I look over at Hudson and he clutches a hammer. His nostrils flair as his face is hard as stone. When the end of the hammer is slammed down onto his groin, Joe’s high-pitched cries makes me even clench my ass.
Max can sense when I’ve had enough. He calls off Hudson and hands me his gun. I don’t waste a second as I walk up to Joe and pull the trigger.
The blades of the chopper turn. Tonight’s events run through my head. The last couple of hours have been a blur. I look out the window into pitch blackness except for the flames of the little house lighting up the darkness. Fitting for the Devil himself. I take a deep breath in and blow it out slowly. That was the easy part.
Max and I hop out of the helicopter when we reach the hospital. Max stops me before we walk through the doors.
“You okay?”
I exhale loudly. “No.” I shove my hands in my pockets. The sting of my raw knuckles reminds me I need to wash up. I pull them back out and look down at them.
“She’s tough. She’ll pull through this,” he says.
“Max,” I howl. “I’ll do everything in my power to help her through this, but you and I both know what this does to a person. We’ve seen it. The destruction from the pain.”
“Time, brother. Just give it time.” He grips my shoulder as I hang my head.
“I’ll give her an infinite amount of time.” My hand covers my face as my sobs wreck through me. Max embraces me, holding me up. I take a deep breath, pulling myself together, and stand. I can do this. I can be strong for Addison. Max glances at me, tilting his head in question.
“I’m good.”
As we walk down the white, sterilized hallway, I lean into Max and quietly say, “Remind me never to piss off Hudson.”
Max nods. “He was definitely a crazy, pissed-off motherfucker.” He jerks his head toward the bathroom so I can go clean up.
When I walk into the waiting room, Amy and Ted stand. Amy wraps her little arms around me and her body shakes. “Thank you for finding Addison,” she says through muffled cries. I swallow hard trying to keep my emotions at bay.
Ted looks at my raw hands and our eyes lock. His jaw clenches, and he nods slightly. He’s been in law enforcement his whole life. He’s not stupid. He already knows that Joe wasn’t found in the raid. He also knows there was a reason I wasn’t here when he got here. I know what he’s asking without it being asked. Did he suffer? I grit my teeth and nod. He drops back into the seat, sitting forward with his elbows on his knees, and drops his head into his hands. I’m sure he was holding in the worry of Joe still being out there. His emotions flow freely now.
Now
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I scream into the empty car, beating the steering wheel with my palms. I can’t believe that asshole told her I was dead. No, I can believe it. Psychopaths play mind games all the time, but when it’s the woman I love being lied to, being told that I’m dead, it makes it hard to see straight. I pound on the wheel a few more times before I fall into it and let it hold me up. I dig my head into the leather. What am I going to do?
I roll my head to the side when I hear tapping on the passenger window and grunt when I see Max. I’m really not in the mood to talk to anyone. There’s a reason I’m out here alone.
“If you don’t unlock it, I’ll do it myself,” Max says, smirking. I flip him off then press the unlock button. I roll my head back, sighing. Max gets in and shuts the door but stays quiet. I take a few deep inhales and exhales before sitting back up.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say, looking straight ahead. The wind is strong. I watch a couple walking to their car, the woman gripping her dress preventing it from flying up.
“Like I said before, it’s going to take time, Aiden.”
“Before I didn’t think she thought I was dead. Who knows how long she’s had that in her head messing with her.”
“Well, you’re obviously not,” he says, matching my snide tone. “So she just needs time to process it.”
“When I was holding her hand while she was asleep, I felt like everything was going to be alright. She’s a fighter. She’s been through so much that I thought she’d be able to get through this. Then when she opened her eyes and realized I wasn’t dead, I felt every singe of betrayal radiate off of her. I felt helpless. And then seeing her cry without being able to comfort her, killed me.”
“She is a fighter.” Max grips my shoulder. “And she’ll need all the help she can get from everyone to help her fight. Including you.” I sigh heavily and nod in agreement. “Let’s go get something to eat, hospital food sucks.”
I wake when a nurse comes into my room to check my vitals. The sun is barely peeking over the horizon and emits a soft glow into my room. I told Amy to leave my curtains open last night. I like knowing that I can focus on my tree when bad thoughts start to creep into my mind. The wind has died down so the leaves barely shift.
My body feels so much better as fluid runs through me. If it weren’t for my broken rib, sitting up would be easy. Unfortunately they took out my catheter, so I have to walk by myself to the bathroom. As much as my body is thankful for all the fluids, my ribs hate me right now. I walk slowly with the help of the nurse.
“Would you like to take a shower?” she asks quietly. A shower sounds wonderful, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stand for that long. I groan with frustration. “I could help you if you want. If you want to sit on a chair, I could wash your hair for you.”
My first thought is Amy can help me. Then I think about all the bruises on my body that I’d rather her not see. “Yes, I’d like that,” I whisper as my emotions stir within me. A tear falls down my face. She glances at me and smiles warmly.
As awkward as it is having someone wash me, I feel amazingly better afterward. Amy brought me some pajamas so I won’t have to wear the hideous hospital gown and my breakfast is a success; I finish my entire Jell-O cup and my stomach doesn’t protest. Proud of myself, I lie back and watch TV. I look toward the door as it opens, hoping it’s not Aiden.
Damon knocks and peeks in. “Can I come in?”
“If I say no, are you going to listen to me?” I say sarcastically. He shrugs and walks in anyway. See? I don’t even know why he asked.
He pulls out the chair from next to my bed and sits forward on his knees. “You look better today. How are the ribs?”
“Hurts like hell,” I answer dryly. I narrow my eyes at him. I can’t think of one good reason why he’s here. It doesn’t matter if he’s h
ere for Aiden or because he’s FBI and needs to question me, either way, I don’t want to talk to him about it.
He exhales loudly, looking down. “I’m assuming you don’t want to talk to me about what happened.” Really? What gave that away? “I’ll send someone you don’t know personally if that’ll help. I just wanted to see how you are doing, if you needed anything …” he says, lifting his head up with furrowed brows. I look away from his pained stare.
I stare at the TV. “No, I’m fine.”
“Addison, I’m only here for you. So, if you need anything …” he pauses until I look at him, “… please let me know.” I nod once and he stands. He looks back over his shoulder giving me a crooked smile before pulling the door open and leaving. Unwanted tears fall down my face. I can’t even tell why I’m crying. Maybe it’s because I was just a bitch to a friend or maybe because anything or anyone associated with Aiden messes with my emotions. I may be clean on the outside, but the filthiness I feel inside of me that won’t go away consumes me whenever I think about Aiden. I’m not the woman he fell in love with. I’m not the woman he wants.
Damon doesn’t waste any time sending someone in. A female FBI agent comes into my room and asks questions that are so painful to say out loud, that my broken rib feel like kisses on my skin compared to that pain. When she leaves, I’m exhausted from my body being tense the whole time. I press the nurse call button and request some pain meds. I know it’s not going to make the emotional pain I feel go away, but it’ll help me go to sleep. So much for a successful morning.
I can hear the quiet hum in my room before I even manage to open my eyes. My eyelids are still heavy from the pain meds, so I keep them closed. I would know the person behind that melody anywhere. Sydney. I hesitate because I need to prepare myself. Sydney is as much my sister as Amy is my aunt. They are not my family by blood, but by choice. I know she must have been going crazy the entire time I was missing.
I take a deep, quiet breath before I pry open my eyes. Sydney sits on the chair next to my bed, looking down at her phone. She has black circles under her eyes and her messy hair is pulled back in a clip. I slowly scan her face. She doesn’t have any makeup on and her face is pale. My heart hurts knowing how much anguish she must have been in. My gaze moves down her body, and I notice her plaid leggings don’t match her flowered tunic. It’s so hideous that people might actually think she meant to do it. But I know Syd. She didn’t mean to.