by Tina Saxon
“I didn’t ask.” I chuckle. He gives me a pointed look. “I just said that I’m sure it was Aiden.”
He shakes his head. “You know you could have easily found out if that’s what you thought.”
Here is the main reason I think he’s never told me. He wants me to call Aiden. Hell, everyone wants me to call Aiden. And while I thought about it many times, what if it wasn’t him? Then I’ll make him feel guilty for not doing it himself. I blow out a breath. I don’t want to make him feel guilty for anything else. I’m sure the guilt between us weighs so much it could ground this seven-thirty-seven airplane.
“I guess I never thought to ask you if you left anyone behind in New York,” I say, trying to change the subject. “Are you dating anyone?”
“Why, you interested?” he asks, wagging his eyebrows. I laugh, knowing he’s joking.
“Oh, yeah, that would go over well.”
“Right? I’d like to keep my life, thanks,” he teases. “I mean I’m a big man and can protect myself, but I’ve got to say, Max scares me.”
I laugh louder. “Max seems to scare a lot of people. Hey, you know Harper? You guys should go out.”
His hands clap and his laugh echoes. “Oh, Addison. Yes, I know Harper.” I turn my body toward him and lift my brow. I obviously haven’t heard this story. “She’s never told you?” I shake my head. He wiggles his arm so his watch moves down a little and then steeples his fingers, placing his elbows on the armrests.
“Come on, tell me! Harper usually tells me everything. Why haven’t I heard about you two?”
“It happened before you moved to New York,” he says, turning his head my direction. I gesture with my hand for him to continue. “So, we went out a couple times and ended up at my apartment one night. Things were getting hot and heavy between us and as I’m carrying her to my room, we pass some pictures.”
I’m trying to decide if I want to hear the details, because I don’t know how detailed he’s about to get. Curiosity wins. “Who was in the pictures?”
“My mom and dad,” he says, looking down.
“What’s wrong with that? I think it’s sweet that a guy has pictures of his mom and dad in his house.”
“Well. Come to find out, my dad is Harper’s doctor.”
“Hmm. Okay?”
“My dad is a gynecologist, Addison.”
I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand silencing my laugh. Oh, my! Wait, who’s my doctor?
“So what did she say?”
“She thought it was really awkward that my dad has seen her vajayjay—her word, not mine—and that it was just too weird for her.” He shrugs.
“Wow.”
“Yep. Story of my life. You’d be surprised at how many women who I’ve met that go to my father.”
I grab his arm and squeeze. “I’m so sorry, Tony. I can’t imagine,” I say, trying to hide the humor in my voice; I can’t for long and bust out laughing.
“You don’t know how happy I am that he’s retiring next year. It sucks that I have to ask a woman who her gyno is before I date them.”
The plane takes off and we talk the entire way home about what it was like having a father as a gynecologist. By the time we start our descent into La Guardia, Tony has everyone around us doubled over laughing.
It feels weird walking into my apartment building. Like it’s not mine. I’ve been gone three months. Even the security guard is new. He stops me before I make it to the elevator.
“Excuse me, miss, who are you here to see?” he asks as he stands up.
See, even he thinks I don’t belong here. “I’m Addison Mason. I live here.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he says quickly. His face flushes.
“That’s okay. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here.”
“I’m Stan Bishop. It’s nice to finally meet you.” I can only imagine what he’s heard about me. “If you need anything, please let me know.”
I nod and thank him. As I wait for the elevator, I watch my reflection in the glass. I’ve changed so much since the last time I stood here. The feeling of melancholy washes over me when I think about the last time I was in my apartment. I was wallowing in sorrow thinking that Aiden had left me. He disappeared for a few days to the beach house. So much change.
My reflection vanishes when the doors open and pulls me back to the present. When I step off the elevator, I see a sign on the door that says “Welcome Back.” I told everyone not to be here when I got home. I needed to do this myself, so if there is a group of people in my apartment, I’m going to kill someone.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I slowly open the door and peek into an empty apartment. I look around at everything. Well, life, we’re back in business.
I may have wanted to be alone when I got home, but everyone might as well have been here because my phone has been ringing nonstop. Did you get there? How are you feeling? When can I see you? Are you sure you’re okay?
I settle back into my couch and take a breather between phone calls. I need to get out of here, go for a walk. The liveliness of the city has always energized me.
“Addison.” I whip around at the sound of my name and see Marco swiftly walking toward me as soon as I walk out of my building. I smile but quickly grab my phone like I just received a text. I half expect him to want a hug, so I make my hands look busy. Even though I feel like my old self, I’m definitely not in the mood for flirting. I text Sydney random stuff. She’ll just think I’m bored. “It’s so great to see you,” he says, standing in front of me. He looks down at my phone and then back up to my eyes. I keep both my hands on my phone.
“Hey, Marco, it’s good to see you, too.” I force a smile.
“I heard you were home.” My back straightens. There are only a few people who knew I was coming back, and I just got back today. “I mean, I overheard someone in the restaurant say that you might be coming back soon,” he says backtracking.
I guess that could’ve happened. I stuff my hands in my jacket and stand there, not really knowing what to say. “Well, it was really good seeing you. I need to go back up to my apartment; I think I forgot to turn off my stove. I just needed some fresh air so I walked out without thinking.” I shake my head and wave my hand around. “Silly me.”
His eyes assess me like he’s trying to gauge if I’m telling the truth. I put my hand on the door and his eyes follow my movement.
“Okay, beautiful. Come see me soon. I want to make you your favorite meal.” His smile reaches his striking, dark eyes. He is really an attractive man. Why he’s not taken already surprises me. I blow my cheeks out as I walk back inside. Maybe I’ll skip the walk.
They say time heals, but what if time seems to be standing still? The day changes, but my life feels like it’s staying in one spot. I’m caught in a loop and can’t seem to move forward. The colorful blur of people’s lives pass me while mine seems to be stuck in black and white, motionless.
I get up feeling groggy every morning after taking a sleep aid at night. I’ve tried to stop taking it a couple times because I hate that feeling, but it seems my mind doesn’t want to move on either when I sleep. Why does it want to keep reliving that hell?
Coffee is a must now. Before, I rarely drank it. My chai tea latte was all I needed, and I tried that once but ended up wearing two different pairs of shoes to work. Definitely not strong enough to pull me out of my sleep-induced funk.
Speaking of work, I know everyone there has good intentions, but I’m tired of people walking on eggshells around me. It’s been three and a half months. They are still afraid to talk to me and when they do, their voice drips with pity. I hide out in my office all day.
Sydney is worried about me. At least she’s not treating me like I’m going to break. She’s trying to make me push forward out of my merry-go-round of a life right now.
Syd’s on her way up now. I’m lounging in my pajamas, watching Chip and Joanna on Fixer Upper. I’ve never wanted to live in Waco before, but it’s very t
empting watching this show. I want them to do a house for me.
I hear the door open and close. My eyes stay on the TV because the reveal is coming up. I can’t miss that! Syd walks around the couch and plops down.
I look over at her quickly. “Hey,” I say.
“This again?” she says, staring at me.
“What’s wrong with Chip and Joanna?”
She purses her lips and rolls her eyes. “I can’t believe they’re making Waco out to be this fabulous place,” she says, waving her hands toward the TV.
I laugh at her. It’s true. It’s a college town and not much else. Well, if you Google Waco, it’s definitely a known town. But good on Chip and Joanna for helping make it a better place.
I shush Syd when the reveal starts. I’d love to have a fixer-upper. I think of Aiden and his beach house, all that work they did and how proud he was of it.
I think of Aiden a lot, wondering how he’s doing and if he’s thinking of me. I’ve picked up my phone so many times I’ve lost count. I mean to call him or text him, but then chicken out. He probably hates me for what I did. The guilt eats at me every day. It’s not my fault … that’s all I ever hear from people. Nothing seems to be my fault, but everything keeps happening to me. Can’t they see it’s me? I’ve been doomed since I was born. Bad luck, bad karma, bad fate … whatever, it’s all BAD.
I get pushed over by Syd’s foot. “What the hell?” I snap.
“It’s over. What are we going to do today?” she asks, still pushing me with her foot.
“I’m going to break your foot today, if you don’t stop,” I answer. I grab her foot and start tickling her.
“Okay, okay!” she squeals, pulling her foot out of reach.
She tucks her feet under her and stares at me expectantly. I lay my head back and look up. Can’t I just sit here and watch the Fixer Upper marathon? I don’t dare ask because she’d never let me.
I shrug, tilting my head in her direction. “What’s Damon doing?”
She shrugs back. “I don’t know. He said he had a date tonight.” My eyes widen.
“What? I thought you two …”
She waves her hand in the air. “I don’t even know what to think. He’s hot one minute, the next he’s cold. I don’t know what he wants. I don’t think he knows what he wants.”
“Well, he’s a stupid man not to see what’s right in front of him,” I say, smiling at her.
“Yep, his loss,” she says quietly, looking at the TV. I watch her for a few moments. I know they like each other so I’m confused. Seems there’s a lot more to the story than she’s telling me. Typical. It’s the same with everyone. They only tell me things they think I can handle. I sigh as I push off the couch.
“I’ll go take a shower so we can do something,” I say, dragging my feet to my bedroom.
As I turn off my hair dryer, I hear voices coming from the living room. I freeze, trying to hear who it is. Sydney laughs and then I hear a male voice. My hands fist and my body tenses up from anxiety. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Addison, calm down. Syd wouldn’t be out there laughing if it were someone to worry about.
It’s not until I hear the male voice yell, “Add Cat, get out here,” that I know who’s here. My lips curl when I recognize Frankie’s voice. I walk out of my room and a surprise stops me in my tracks. A Caribbean, blue-eyed surprise.
“Travis,” I say. I look around the room as Travis, Frankie, and Syd all watch my reaction. I don’t even know what I feel. I haven’t seen him since the day I was kidnapped, and I didn’t leave there with any warm and fuzzies. But I know it’s because of him and Frankie that I was rescued, so there is gratitude. And a small part of me recognizes that he is my father, even though I know we can’t have a relationship.
He stands up from the barstool. “Addison, it’s good to see you,” he says, embracing me in a hug. My arms hang at my side because I’m confused about what to do. Do I hug him back, push him away, or just stand here hoping he’ll stop soon?
It’s not until I take a deep breath and his scent reaches me that I break. I wrap my arms around him as tears begin to fall. His embrace tightens. It feels surreal that I’m in my father’s arms. So many years I wondered what he was like and now he’s right here, holding me in his arms. Wavering emotions flow through me.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeats softly into my hair.
I blink my tears away and draw in a breath. My arms go lax as I step back, and I smile up at him.
“Thanks,” I say sheepishly.
“Anytime,” he says as he wipes away a tear on his own face. “You look great.”
I nod and let out a soft sigh. I look at his dark denim jeans and off-white sweater. If it weren’t for his salt-n-pepper hair, I’d have a hard time thinking he was old enough to be my father. He definitely looks better than the last time I saw him.
“You do, too. Orange definitely wasn’t your color.”
His powerful laugh echoes in my small apartment. “I hope to God I never have to wear it again,” he chuckles.
“C’mere and give me a hug,” Frankie says with his arms open wide. I walk over, laughing at his big, goofy smile.
As soon as my arms wrap around his neck, he picks me up and spins me around. I cherish the moments when someone does something, not expecting me to break. I think that’s why I like to go to the gym a lot with Tony. Shit, sometimes I think he’s actually trying to break me—but in a good way.
“Well, I guess we’re even,” I say when he puts me down. If it weren’t for Frankie, I would have died in that prison. It’s eye opening to think about why a person was placed in your life. When I met Frankie, I would have never figured that he would be my angel. I thought I was his. But our relationship was bigger than that. And I’ll forever be grateful for him.
“We’re not keeping tabs, Add Cat,” he says, his voice turning serious.
“I know,” I whisper. “Thank you. For everything.” He nods in understanding. “So, do y’all want something to drink?” I ask, needing to do something. I walk to the kitchen, grab a bottle of water, and hold it up. “I have … water.” I laugh when I look back into the refrigerator and notice it’s almost empty except for the waters. I guess I should go grocery shopping today.
Grabbing one for everyone, we all sit in the living room. I sit in the cushioned chair, Sydney and Frankie take the couch, and Travis grabs a kitchen chair. He sits in it, leaning back with his leg propped up on his knee.
“So what brings you to New York City?” I ask, looking between the two guys.
Travis opens his mouth to answer and then snaps it shut. He’s thinking about what to say. “Just some business,” he answers.
“Oh. That was vague,” I reply sarcastically.
Frankie laughs out loud, clapping his hands. “I see it now,” he says, nodding his head.
“See what now?”
“Similarities,” he says, smiling.
I roll my eyes, shaking my head. “What … they’re both smart asses?” teases Sydney.
“Girl, that’s for sure,” Frankie boasts, high-fiving Sydney.
“It’s best you don’t know anything about what I do, Addison,” Travis says, ignoring the chuckling duo on the couch. “But since I was here, I wanted to stop by. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t. But you’re right,” I say, looking at him. “It’s probably best that you don’t make this a habit either. Coming here,” I clarify.
“I won’t,” he says, looking down, playing with the water bottle in his hand. “I just wanted to see you. Make sure you were okay.”
“I’m glad you did.” When he looks up, I smile at him.
“Well, I wish we could stay longer…” he glances at his watch “…but we have to be somewhere in half an hour.” The guys stand and they each give me another hug before leaving.
I shut the door and lean back against it. My feelings for Travis catch me off guard. A small part of me would like to get to know him better.
/> “Well, that was interesting,” Syd says as I walk to the couch. “It’s crazy how you don’t look anything like him, but you definitely have his eyes.”
It’s those eyes, mija. Those eyes are your hell.
I snap my eyes shut, shaking my head. I fall into the couch and drop my head between my legs as my body starts to shake, hearing Rico’s words.
“Addison! Look at me,” I hear Syd say. She grabs my hands off my head. “Addison, it’s me, Sydney. You’re safe. You’re with me. Open your eyes,” she commands softly.
Her words start out muted but the more she talks, the closer I get to her. When it’s just her voice I hear, I pry my eyes open.
“That’s it, Addie. You’re safe,” she says, nodding, expecting me to understand. I nod back. She grabs my water, untwists the top, and hands it to me. I can feel drops of sweat running down my back. I hold out my hand for the cap. When I twist it back on, I run the bottle across my forehead. The coolness helps as I do my breathing exercises.
“What just happened?”
I exhale slowly. I always feel pathetic when I have flashbacks. “Rico would always mention my eyes. He told me they were my hell,” I say, picking at my jeans.
“Your eyes are beautiful, Addie. Your eyes are not your hell. He was.” I nod, agreeing with her. Yes, he was. Him and his spawn.
When I calm down, I glance at Syd sitting across from me on the coffee table. “I’m sorry,” I say and look away from her.
A pillow slams against my head. “Ouch,” I say, rubbing my head. “What was that for?”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” She tries to hit me again, but I duck this time. I stick my tongue out at her. “Dr. Price told both of us that this might happen. It’s part of your healing. You know you’re safe,” she says, standing up. “I’m starving, so let’s go eat.”
That is what I love about Syd. She’s direct and moves on. As we’re walking out of my building, she says out of the blue, “Frankie is so hot.” I laugh when she starts to fan herself. “I mean seriously. It’s a good thing you came out of the bedroom when you did, because I was about to jump on the man.”