by Jody Kaye
“I tried more than you can imagine.”
“Aidy, if you go, I’m not sure in good conscience we can pay for school next semester. Not with the grades you have. The effort you put forth. It’s reasonable to believe the time you’re spending with Morgan may not be what’s best for you.” My mom sidles up, taking her place next to Dad.
“You want me to leave Kimber in the lurch?”
“If you go, Morgan will stay with you, try to sway your sensibility.” Mom initially thought it was sweet of Morgan to help with Owen. Now it’s like his intentions are cruel and lascivious.
“He’ll be there because Morgan lives with Kimber and Trig. They trust him while you condemn him! Kimber trusted you. Is she a poor judge of character?”
Morgan’s hands cover my shoulders. “Aidy, I think we need space to cool off. Let’s go get Owen and take him to the beach.”
I sigh into his touch, leaning back, closing my eyes and imagining the sound of our voices drowned out by the gulls and waves. Then I take Morgan’s hand and let him lead me to the door.
“I mean it, if you go…” Mom’s words are as clear a threat to me as the tears about to fall from her eyes.
Their disappointment is obvious. This woman has given her whole life to raising me. Turning my back on Ghillie and Don is as if I’m betraying them. She thinks I’ve chosen Kimber over her. Mom doesn’t see this as more than a youthful, impetuous decision. It’s my fault for not telling her everything I went through last semester was profoundly adult. I kept my rape from her. I’d do it again because what I’ve shared with Morgan over the past few months has helped me to heal. And if my mom is this upset by the current situation, how would she react finding out I’d been drugged and sexually assaulted?
Sometimes you care for someone enough not to tell them the truth.
“T-This doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” I say before closing the door behind me.
I’ve promised Aidy we can drop off her bag and go to the beach, but for the first time she doesn’t want to. On the drive she’s quiet, curled into herself. I’ve always known a smoldering fire can erupt into flames. However, it was shocking to see her stand up to her parents when it came to her feelings for me. Maybe because so few come to my defense. The fight exhausted her. Aidy looks like all she wants to do is pull the covers over her head and sleep.
Instead of bringing her stuff to the guest room, I lead her up the stairs to the attic and drop it on the floor by the door. I’ve never brought Aidy up to my space. The pressure seemed immense on both of us and I care about this woman more than anything. How she defended my jail time to her mom and dad isn’t lost on me. Although, I’m wishing it hadn’t gone down like that. I don’t like the rift it caused or that she’s got to go back in a few days and try to mend it.
Aidy walks the perimeter of my room, ducking her head where the ceiling vaults from the eaves and roofline. There are shades on the windows, but no curtains. It’s rare I close them. The neighbors need a ladder to see inside, and the sunlight makes it feel more open. She picks up some origami animals resting on the sill because I have no other place to put them. There’s a stack of used computer paper where a nightstand might go and next to it another pile I’ve been experimenting with so the folds are imperfect and the creases ruin the crisp paper at odd angles.
I lie on the bed and fold when I’m bored, tired, happy, sad, guilty my hand has strayed to my dick with images of her playing in my mind.
From the windowsill, she picks up a heart with a quarter set in the center. “I like this one.” She turns to show me my art.
I’m glad because it’s another one I’ve been trying to get right. I considered boxing up a bunch of them for her for Christmas with cash and the coins in the center like gems, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I want whatever gift I gave Aidy to mean more.
Walking over to her, I replace the origami heart in its spot. Her eyes dart through the empty space.
“How can you have so little?”
I wrap an arm around Aidy and drag her toward me. “You’re all I need.” I’ve gained so much in this person and the idea I’m on the brink of losing it, her, has me as tied in knots as it does Aidy.
I lead her to the bed so she’ll rest. We didn’t stop at the front door to remove our shoes and neither of us takes them off. She rolls to her side and I snuggle up to her back, inhaling her shampoo, wondering if her scent will linger after she’s gone. Aidy pulls my arm over her like a blanket, my elbow bends and it rests between her breasts. I place a gentle kiss on the back of her head.
“Nap, Sweet Pea.” I have a shift at the club tonight and should be greedy about the limited time we’re spending together. But all I want is one memory of waking with Aidy in my bed before it all goes to pot.
In her sleep, Aidy’s rolled to face me. Her light touch through my shirt followed by her lips on my neck are the sign she’s awake. She’s traced my pecs the way she is now when we’ve made out down on the living room couch. I’m comforted it’s her as I wake. My eyes are closed and I thread my fingers through her hair, pressing her lips closer, moaning her name. It’s like a wet dream come true.
Her fingertips dip lower, playing at my waistband and the button on my jeans.
“Sweet Pea,” I grumble low.
I need her to stop. I need her to guide me. For all the time’s shirts have come off and hands have dipped below the beltline, stroking one another, pants have stayed on.
The bed shakes as she toes off her shoes and presses the top of her foot into my covered arches to get me to do the same.
My mouth has found hers. Pulling her toward me, I’ve trapped her hand between our bodies.
“I want this, Morgan.”
“What do you want?” Say me. Remind me we’re meant for each other and that we can forget our lousy morning and the rest of our troubles.
“To suck you.”
My chest rumbles and she pushes against me.
“Do you want more?”
“I don’t expect anything from you.”
“I’ve done it before. You’re not forcing me.”
I’m not sure how I feel about her last statement. I don’t want to think about her lips around anyone else’s dick, so I pull us both up to a seated position and my hands tug at her shirt so I can get her bra off. We wind up on our knees, unbuttoning each other’s pants. The awkwardness of shimmying them past our ankles has us both laughing.
My boxer briefs hang low on my hips, my erection strains the cotton. I’m kneeling on the mattress. Aidy’s splayed before me in nothing but her lacy underwear. The strip of fabric between her legs is damp. It’s not that I didn’t think I turned Aidy on, but seeing it makes me conscious of it on a higher level.
Her nose grazes my stomach muscles as her gentle kisses descend lower, down my trunk. She pushes the elastic down my legs and she takes the tip of my cock in her mouth, swirling her tongue around it. Her palms rest under the v planes near my hips. I breathe in through my nose and move them.
This is my trigger. After Aidy fell on the floor that day, I had to think long and hard about what my own reactions would be. It’s the sensation of rough hands right there. Hers are tender, but I’m not making Aidy worry the way I did. Instead, I plan to show her what I like.
She takes instruction easy, wrapping a hand around my stiff dick, pumping it with smooth steady strokes as she sucks me off. Her other hand cups my balls, rolling them through her delicate fingertips as if our skin is floating together.
I lean a little to kiss the top of her head, encouraging her sweet mouth to keep going. What she’s doing is amazing. Cum is boiling in my balls and I’m having a hard time holding back. There’s no fucking way she hasn’t done this before. I hate it and love it. The only thing that could feel better is being inside Aidy. We’re not there yet. But I know she deserves to feel what I’m feeling.
My hands have been resting on her knees, I glide one down her thigh. My knuckle teases her clit through her panties.
I’ve been watching my dick slide in and out of her mouth and Aidy looks up at me with hollow cheeks.
“I’ve gotta touch you.” My other hand cups her face as she nods, taking more of me down.
I slide her panties to the side and sink a finger inside. I swear her ass lifts off of the bed as her back arches . She’s insatiable, seeking my finger to penetrate her deeper. Her lips leave my cock just long enough for the word “more” to slip out, and then she’s back to licking my shaft as I use two fingers to fuck her.
The more noises Aidy makes, the more relentless I become in my attempt to get her off. It’s too much for her as her pussy clamps down and she whines when she can’t keep up her ministrations. As soon as she’s come down from my distraction, she’s back at it. Because I can’t have Aidy touch me and I don’t want to hurt her, I fist the base of my cock while she keeps pumping. Gathering her hair, I fuck her mouth, giving enough fair warning before I blow so she’s not surprised when I jerk her face back and come all over her pretty tits.
Not caring about the mess we’re making, I tip her back and cover my body with hers.
“So wrong.” She’s trying to catch her breath. “Feels so fucking right.”
“Did you like that?”
“All of it, Morgan.” She giggles. “How long before we can do it again? I’m not sleeping in the guest room anymore if this is what I’ve been missing out on.”
Her honesty makes me laugh. I kiss her nose. “If you’re lucky soon, but not today.”
Aidy gets a puzzled expression.
“Sweet Pea, I want you, and I don’t mind sharing my bed. But we’re not ready for the rest of it. And the more this happens, the closer to not being able to stop becomes. No regrets for either of us.” I tap her hip as she tries changing my mind by wrapping her legs around me and grinding up. “No.”
“I’m supposed to be the one who says, ‘no’.”
“We both get a say.” I give her a sharp look. “It has nothing to do with my past and everything to do with the future.”
“You want me to stick around?” Her smile is shy.
“More than you know, but not if I can’t give you the things you need.”
“I need another orgasm.”
“Oh, yeah? Prove it.” I roll off of her, pulling my boxers up over my ass. “Touch yourself.”
“Doing it myself isn’t as fun, good, as the one you gave me.” Her fingers trail down her soft belly, trying to entice me.
“Well, if you need it so badly, that’s your option.” My cock jumps, wanting to prove my intentions wrong. I get up off the bed and walk to the bathroom.
“Where are you going?” Concerned, Aidy rolls to her belly with her focus on my backside. She lifts her chest and her breasts hang free, glistening from the spunk I’ve shot across them. I may work at a strip club, but this is my kind of dirty. Sexy.
“I’m showering. Don’t worry. After I’ve jerked off, there will still be enough warm water for you to wash up with. Have a good time, Sweet Pea. I’ll be thinking of you.”
I close the bathroom door and pound my forehead against it. Being a cocky jerk was all I could do to get my ass out of there before taking it to the next level. I meant what I said. We’re ready for this, but not ready for sex. And if we can’t get through the next few days, I won’t have Aidy regretting giving herself to me. Not when she’s already lost so much.
Once I’m finished showering, I tease Aidy a bit more. I can’t help it. I want to see her smile. She laughs with the covers of my bed drawn around her to stay warm. The fabric of her tee has stiffened, matting against her skin. As much as I want to smell myself all over her, I tell Aidy to shower and leave the room so she has privacy.
Downstairs I pull out the bread and cold cuts and make us two ham and cheeses, wrapping Aidy’s so she can eat when she’s hungry. It’s after lunchtime, I’m famished and can’t wait any longer.
Like always, Owen’s cups are on the countertops. Munching, I tip one to look at the design. This is what I thought the future held. The big house, the kid’s stuff strewn over every inch. Making sandwiches when my wife walks into the kitchen with the baby on her hip, telling me I’m ruining everyone’s dinner by feeding our children so close to mealtime. I imagine responding to Aidy that I’ll make it up to her. We’ll survive this one evening and I’ll be in charge of our brood while she takes a break.
Trig walks into the room, an impassable expression on his face. He opens the refrigerator door, pops the top off of two beers, and pushes one into the opposite hand that holds Owen’s cup.
He refutes the lame excuse I give him about not being much of a drinker, and I’m cognizant of how real the fantasy was and how close it is to imploding.
“Tough shit you’ve been through. I acknowledge why you stopped drinking, Morgan. But it wasn’t a single drink that led to a tragedy. And, for this conversation at least, we both need one. Porch. Now.”
I lay the plastic bottle down and shift the colder one into that hand, accepting it so Trig has one less weapon to use against me when he drains his beer dry. He leads me out the back door to a screened-in porch. We sit in silence until Trig’s chugged half of his and he’s assured I’ve at least taken a sip.
I expect the dark brew to sour when it hits my tongue. My cheeks pucker, but the bitter is oddly refreshing. I hadn’t given up drinking because of the taste. I’ve missed it. The past few years, my life has lacked something as simple as shooting the shit on a porch and I’m flooded with the nostalgia of doing this when I was carefree and invincible.
The neck has no liquid and I’m considering taking the level down to the label when Trig starts talking to me. I’ll need a hell of a lot more than liquid courage, though.
“Don called me. He’s pissed as hell I’d let you around his daughter. She’s this close from failing out.” His thumb and forefinger pinch together. “Hasn’t been to class for God knows what reason.” He leans back in the seat and it creaks under his weight.
“It’s not me.”
“You’re right, it isn’t. Don also mentioned Aidy is moody and unlike herself. She’s not like that here… She was for a while,” he concedes, taking another swallow. “Even Kimber noticed how sullen she got. I told her it had to have been nothing, and she’s not in a place to dig into Aidy’s personal life when they’re finally getting a chance to bond with one another. My wife knows when it’s best to leave things alone. I hate lying to her even when they aren’t my stories to tell.” Trig rolls his tongue in his mouth. “I want to know what you know.” His teeth bite into his lip and there isn’t a doubt what we’re discussing.
“As much as she’s told me. Hacking into the college’s surveillance confirmed a few things.”
Trig nods. “When was it?”
“The beginning of the semester.” I stare at the green fescue grass, unable to face Trig. Aidy may not be his daughter, but I feel a responsibility for her that extends past the moment we met. It’s as if I failed her by not being a friend before then. Maybe if I’d held her in my arms over the summer. Fuck, those ideals are futile. I can’t change the past. My refusal to let this go, to let Aidy struggle alone going forward, has more to do with me. I’m unable to stand tall with my heels in the shifting sand for the rest of my life. Vengeance seems like my only lasting tranquility. It’s a new and usual feeling. And one I understand acting on will lead me down a dark alley that there may not be any coming back from. But I still find myself alone, asking my conscience if I can endure what I’m setting my life up for next in exchange for bringing Aidy peace.
“How do you know?” I dare to ask.
Trig makes his living learning other’s secrets. He rarely shares them. I mean, he definitely shares shit our video feeds spy on with Carver, which because it lines their pockets—and, after what Jasper and Skye have shown me, I’m beginning to realize how deep those pockets really are—but the stuff that affects his friends and family personally? Nuh-uh. Nobody keeps anything under wraps better than Trig.
“Initially, somebody saw her at group, and you three morons are kidding yourselves if you don’t think I have a pulse on what’s happening with my own business.”
“Sloan?” I ignore his hard glare for the moment. On both counts, Trigs is about to hand me my ass.
“Keep your nose out of it.” He gives clear instructions. “I’ve known Carver for a long time. He will eat you alive when it comes to protecting Sloan.”
I nod. “You’ve both done more for me than—”
“Yeah, we have. Don’t fucking forget it. Skye teaching you all the shit I purposely hadn’t gotten around to and Jasper calling in favors has a hell of a lot less to do with you and them being buddy-buddy and more to do with Kimber being mine and Aidy being hers. You’re putting us in a position where we owe people and I. Don’t. Like. That.” He punctuates those last words. “Have you ever considered what happens when Jasper can’t pay the price? Cuz’ it certainly ain’t you Mordecai’s coming after for a favor when the time comes. Shit’s going to flow up. Our activities fly under the radar. Keeping negative attention off of everyone is how we’ve survived. How we’ve fucking bootstrapped this into an organization that works. We all have each other’s backs and the last thing Carver, Jake or I want to deal with is a friggin’ MC, gangbangers or any other shitheads who want a cut of what’s ours. Do we know them? Fuck, yeah. Scoping out the competition makes it less likely to get taken out by them.
“But you, kid, you’ve got a lot to learn. It’s a damn good thing you only owe your fuckwit friends and that they consider Aidy one of us. They wouldn’t go along with it for any other reason. And if anyone else ring mastered this kind of shit for a woman, using my resources—if it wasn’t Aidy we’re talking about—I’d be cutting you loose and I don’t like loose strings.”
Trig leans forward. His elbows hit his knees, and he pegs me with a stone-faced stare. I’m left with a visual of him using the utility knife he splices electrical wires with across my neck and I start to sweat.