by Jody Kaye
“Do you think I’d let a decent kid who got tangled in some bad shit near my family, Morgan?”
I stop to think about the way he’s phrased the question.
“Yeah, yeah. I do.”
Trig smirks, scoffing, “You’re smarter than you look, dumbass. No wonder why Aidy hangs around. The pretty boy facade fades quick for her. It’s gotta be biological since her mother is like that too.”
“I have yet to figure out what she sees in me.” I chuckle with humility.
“Herself.” Trig’s the one interested in the green grass now.
He won’t expand on his meaning. We’re aware of what’s behind it. I’m thankful for the way he’s showing his support, quietly acknowledging he’ll never put me between a rock and hard place by asking about what happened to me. HIPPA laws be damned. He knows. He’s seen my criminal record. My files. The blood tests to make sure I’m clean. He did his homework on me before letting me into his home, around his family. And I don’t fucking blame him one bit. I’d have done the same. I’ll do the same to keep anything from harming Aidy. Except there will always be something I can’t stop her from hurting over. Things I didn’t know until it was too late.
“Listen, Morgan, Cece’s not naive. She had a good idea of what she was getting you involved in when she asked Carver for help. I kept you on the periphery all these months for your own good. You deserved to toe whichever line was best for you after getting the shit end of the stick. We’ve all been there in one way or another. It was your decision to take it further. Now? You’re not standing on the high-dive waiting to jump. You’re six feet deep and I refuse to guarantee from now on what I ask of you won’t chain you to the bottom.
“Most of the rest of the mill girls knew what they were signing on for before getting involved with any of us. Kimber made sure Aidy grew up with a silver spoon. It’s not fair dragging her down if she’s not aware of the way our life works. We may do all we can to keep our wives and women from worrying, but leading Aidy blind into tomorrow? It’s not right. It is about to blow up in your face and you gotta figure that one out right quick if you think she’ll make any effort to stand by you. Otherwise, it’s all for naught.”
I blow out a deep breath. “I didn’t fucking know about that until Jasper told me.”
“Periphery.” Trig chuckles. “Take care of it before tomorrow. Don’t fuck up Carver’s Christmas party with petty drama.”
“I’m going to lose her trust.”
“Win it back.”
“So what are you doing about Don?”
“Me? Fuck that. I told him I’m staying out of it. I may care about Aidy because she means so much to Kimber, but she’s not my daughter. This is my house, though, and Don doesn’t get a say in what goes on here. No different than if I stomped into his place and dictated Aidy date somebody else. The Don shitstorm is for you to figure out. I’m only giving you the courtesy of letting you know you have one pissed off lawyer on your ass.” Trig tips the bottle toward me, then drinks the last mouthful.
“There you are.” Kimber steps onto the porch. “I want to make dinner soon. Aidy’s the only person here tonight, so maybe something we can eat in shifts when we’re hungry? I saw those sandwiches, Morgan.” Kimber winks at me and beckons her husband to cook with an outstretched hand.
“I’ll go clean up once I make a call,” I apologize.
“Awesome. After do you think you can help Aidy with O?”
“Nothing I’d rather do,” I respond because I mean it.
One of our favorite pastimes is hanging out in the living room playing with the baby. Kimber’s begun teasing we like to play house and when they’re around still be able to give Owen back when his diaper is dirty. I’ve changed my fair share while my mind’s wandered to those far-off, futuristic places it shouldn’t have.
I dial the phone and it starts ringing. “Hey, it’s Morgan. Do you mind coming over?”
It’s a funny thing when self-preservation aligns with reality. I’m about to get a huge slap in the face. If Aidy can’t forgive me for this, she’ll never be able to absolve me for what’s about to rain down on Brandon.
Morgan’s been on edge for the past few hours. Yet, whenever I’ve gotten him alone to ask what’s wrong, he cups my cheek, saying he’s fine, and we melt into one another, kissing and touching the way we had up in his room.
Sure the joking-to-all-seriousness has to do with what happened when he picked me up, I’ve tried to reassure him my parents will come around. Allowing my mom and dad to dictate what people I include in my life is juvenile. But what happens if Morgan decides I’m not worth the wait because their acceptance of him is tied to it? I can’t let this fester, get to a breaking point where either of them tells me to cut off contact with the other. I’m realizing part of healing is having my choices respected. I need to figure out my limits and have the confidence to stand up for myself.
The doorbell chimes.
“I need to talk to you out back, My Love.” Trig says a gruff voice. “Now.”
Kimber drops what she’s doing, dutifully following Trig to the yard with her arms crossed. Morgan stays with Owen and I go answer the front door, surprised to find Hailey standing on the doorstep.
“What are you doing here?” I squeak, excited.
Hailey looks over her shoulder at a Maserati. It’s only the second time I’ve seen one and weird it’s been twice now. I guess they’re getting popular?
“Can we talk? It’s important.” Hailey shakes my brain from the short tangent. Tension flows off of her in waves.
“Sure.”
“Do you mind if we sit out here?”
Glancing back at Morgan, concern is written all over this face. He nods, indicating I should go. I trail Hailey to the front porch swing.
“Aidy, I wanna say first none of this was ever about hurting you. I wanted to get my way, and it sorta wound up that you were collateral damage.”
“Hailey, this is the way one friend tells another she’s slept with her boyfriend.”
“Oh, God, NO! It’s not that. It might be worse.” Her voice fades. Hailey seems smaller, younger. “I don’t have a job I go home for on the weekends. I don’t have a mom or dad. What I have is an overprotective guardian by the name of Carver Galloway.”
“What?” I grip the bench, trying to stop myself from standing.
“I only just turned eighteen. I’d finished high school online a year early out of boredom. I wasn’t allowed to do any of the stuff other kids my age did. Carver basically locked up me in his stupid, ancient castle so I’d stay out of trouble.”
“What kind of trouble were you getting into?”
“That’s the point, I wasn’t.” She rolls her eyes. “My guardian’s paranoid AF.”
I let out an uneasy chuckle.
“Anyhow, last year Sloan convinced Carver it wasn’t fair for me not to attend college. Commuting sucks.”
I want to agree and say, “tell me about it”, but I haven’t minded the drive back between campus and Brighton since Morgan’s here.
“I know better than to snoop and listen in, really I do, Aidy. But Carver wasn’t budging about me living on campus, and I—I wanted one glimpse of normal instead of being dropped off and picked up outside of a classroom like a preschooler by his butthead goons.” She sighs. “By the way, my boyfriend is one of those butthead goons.” Sarcasm drips down her chin when she tilts it toward a man leaning against the car, but the smile crossing her lips is the same one lit up by her phone in the darkness. I now recognize I’ve seen both before.
“Jasper is your boyfriend?”
“I’m supposedly all his to deal with now.” She rolls her eyes.
“Anyhow, I heard your name, and it’s so unusual. I’d put two and two together when we were in class together. I mean, I wanted to be your friend. It’s not that I used you and didn’t like you.”
“Oddly, it doesn’t make it any better.”
“Nope. Still sitting here spilling
my guts, hoping you won’t hate me, or Morgan.”
I blink twice. It dawns on me when I introduced them that they were already acquainted with one another. My boyfriend has kept this from me. But for what purpose?
“He had no clue we were roomies straight off the bat. That’s not the way it works for us, Aidy. We get told what we need to know when the information is important. We’re expected to keep whatever we do find out locked down. If you stay with Morgan, there’s going to be stuff he won’t ever be able to be truthful with you about. You’ll have to learn to accept half the story—if you get any story at all. A lot of times you won’t and he’s not lying to you for any other reason than to protect you.”
This makes zero sense. “But, Hailey, you’re an adult now. Why don’t you leave?”
“Ah, tuition?” She raises an eyebrow. “Really? This is the family I have. There’s no one else out there and, all joking aside, I don’t want to live my life alone. I’ve been left too many times before. When we talked about our parents, I wasn’t making it up. I substituted ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ for ‘Carver’ and ‘Sloan’. She’s like the most epic mom without actually being one. More like this big sister you can tell anything to, you know?”
At least, having discussed my problems with Sloan, this is rational.
“She stuck up for me when I concocted the plan to be your roommate.”
An anxious laugh escapes before turning indignant. “You’re all aware of everything then,” I accuse caustically.
“Everything?” Confusion crosses her brow. “Aidy, all I know is I’m sorry for my part. Carver agreed to me living in the dorms during the week because you were a good role model. I’m the one who took advantage, nobody else. And nobody figured you’d start dating Morgan, or show up at Sweet Caroline’s.”
My eyes widen.
“Kimber isn’t aware. Like I said, we’re only let in on stuff when we need to know it. Trig’s gonna tell her.”
“What if I beat him to it?” I sound childish.
“Aidy, Kimber and Trig have been together for a long time. There are bigger secrets Trig keeps hidden from her than I was your roomie.” She scoffs, defeated.
“Was?”
“Carver’s all done with my little independence experiment. He’s making move my stuff back to the mill.”
“Does he have a reason?”
“Yup. As far as Carver’s concerned, it’s none of my business—even if it does have to do with me.” Hailey shrugs as if she’s accustomed to being told what to do. Accepts it.
“I don’t understand.”
“Well, if you’re staying with Morgan, it means you have to decide if you can find a way to. Today will happen again and again. Sometimes it’s going to be little and, for all our sake’s, I hope it’s never huge. I like you, Aidy. I want you to stick around.”
“Hay,” I hedge. “Is the stuff they do, that Morgan does, illegal?”
Her blank expression answers my question before she opens her mouth. “They take care of us.”
“Yet, the less you know, the more protection there is?”
Hailey nods, standing. She walks away as if she doesn’t care if I accept her apology at all. However, halfway down the drive she turns back. “I really am sorry I lied to you, Aidy. I hope you’ll still come to the Christmas party tomorrow.”
I watch Carver’s car drive away, not wondering anymore what he does. When I have the ambition to go back into the house, Morgan is leaning over with his head cupped in his palms. “Aidy, I’m—”
“Don’t speak to me, Morgan.” I hold up my hand. I’m not sure how to react. Whether it was a white lie or, like Hailey said, because he had to keep the information he had to himself, nothing changes the fact that Morgan lied to me.
I wasn’t raised to cause a scene, and I’m trying my best not to scream at him while processing what I’ve been told. I make a bee-line for the guest room, cut off by Kimber as she storms into the kitchen from the backyard. The door swings hard in Trig’s face. He catches it right as his fingers are about to get pinched between the wood and the doorjamb.
“Both of you assholes, get the fuck out of my house!”
“Kimber.” Trig attempts to assuage her.
I’m standing stunned between the two rooms. My mom has never yelled at my dad with as much force or animosity propelling her emotions.
“Don’t you ‘Kimber’ me! You waited to spring this on me? On Aidy? I accept putting up with a hell of a lot of shit loving you, Trig Avery. So you get the fuck out of here and don’t even think of coming back until I tell you I want to see you again.” She turns in my direction as I summon the courage to walk into the bedroom.
Owen starts crying on cue.
“And you better take our son with you and figure out a way to do whatever it is you’re doing tonight while taking care of a baby. The priority right now is my daughter.” I hear her screech as I close the door.
Fat tears tumble down my cheeks. The man I’m falling for couldn’t tell me the truth. My parents and I aren’t on speaking terms. It doesn’t matter if Kimber kicked Trig out, this is still his home. But when Kimber was emphatic choosing me, I didn’t feel quite as much like a man without a country.
“Dumplin’?” Kimber knocks on the guest room door. I say nothing and she slides in, without consideration to the cries of her baby on the other side. “I’m so sorry. These men.” She shakes her head, sitting next to me on the bed.
“Who is he?”
“Trig or Morgan?” She looks confused.
I don’t mean either of them. I want to be mad at them and Hailey, but I haven’t processed that far yet. My mom’s the type to calmly talk it out with my dad, and Kimber gave Trig a piece of her mind. I’m stuck ten paces back, not knowing who I am. How I’m supposed to react to any of this?
I hold Kimber’s curious stare. She blinks a few times and the lingering anger she had on her brow toward Trig washes away. There’s a soft watery glimmer in her eyes. She presses her lips together, licking them, and smiling. She pushes a lock of my purple hair behind my ear, cupping my cheek.
“Your father was the most important person in my life when I was seventeen. The center of my universe. The way I loved him was a feeling I didn’t think could get any bigger until I met you. I’ve been waiting for the day you were ready to ask about him.”
“What happened to him?” I swallow, my arms are wobbly almost as if I’m in shock. Then I realize I am. My whole world is crashing down and I’m struggling to shore up the foundation of who I am and what I believe when a cornerstone was never set in place.
Kimber takes my hands in hers. “He was a boy, and where we came from there wasn’t a lot to go around. It was too much for him, Dumplin’.” She responds with grace.
“How can you forgive a man for leaving you?”
“It didn’t happen overnight. I had to forgive myself first, Aidy. I made a lot of mistakes too when I was younger. The only right thing I did was giving you to Ghillie and Don.”
“They hate me.”
“No, your mom and dad are worried about you. They’re reacting out of love. The same way those stupid men are.” She throws a thumb over her shoulder. “Love makes you make a baby you’re not ready for and has you holding onto the grief of losing her for years. Love is what allows a woman to let someone else raise the most beautiful soul into a whole person that you’re so incredibly proud of. Love eventually opens your eyes to your faults, allowing you to forgive someone else’s. Your father was not a bad man. The only person he hurt by not being around was himself.”
“It hurt me!” I demand, taking out my frustration on the nearest target. “It hurt me that you weren’t there.”
Kimber looks at her lap.
“I-I shouldn’t have said that,” I stammer, wiping hot tears from my face.
“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t sugarcoat it. But I have you. You’ve always been my Dumplin’ to cherish. In my book, more hurt comes from not understanding what you lost
out because there’s no way to ever fill the void in your heart. Doesn’t matter if you don’t know why it’s empty. It still is.”
Kimber tugs me into a hug and I break into sobs. She holds me the way my mom used to and because of the rift with my parents, I’m overwhelmed with guilt that another woman holds such a huge place in my heart.
It’s the middle of the night when my shift at Sweet Caroline’s is over. If it wasn’t already a crap-ass day Kimber called into work, turning the night into a nightmare when Jake had to come in. I half expect she’s driven Aidy back to her parents’. When I get home, I find Trig’s legs hanging over the arm of the too-short sofa. He’s wrapped in one of Owen’s blankets and his arm is slung uncomfortably over his head, which rests on a stuffed dinosaur. He’s not asleep by a long shot.
I’m exhausted, yet not talking to Aidy for the rest of the day has me unable to fathom heading to my room. There’s no way she’s up there waiting for me to return. I’d be surprised if she’s in Brighton at all.
I look at the baby’s empty playpen, then through the threshold to the kitchen, wondering what I’ll find if I follow on toward the guest room.
“Left O at the mill with Hailey,” Trig mutters, answering the first of my unspoken questions. “Door is shut, so I expect Aidy’s still here.” It’s quickly followed up with, “Fuck this shit. This is my house.” Trig throws the blanket off and storms up the stairs. I hear the door open and the arguing commences.
“Get OUT!”
“You don’t want to stay on your own side, go sleep on the damn couch yourself!”
“Bite me!”
Kimber screams. I think Trig has actually bitten her.
I hear his pained bellow in return. “That fucking hurt!”
“Serves you right.”
Their voices get quiet and the house settles into an eerie silence. The whole thing is odd because the only piece of advice Trig had when we were stuck sulking across town was to, under no circumstances, hit send on the text I’d been typing out Aidy trying to explain my actions.