by Sam Hall
“Yeah?” His voice was a husky rasp, that sly smile creeping back. “Because you smell so fucking good right now.”
“No, no, stop sniffing me, stop doing that as well.” I bit back a moan as his lips trailed along my neck. I growled in frustration. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was trying to be good or just him, but my body felt like it was on fire. I pushed him back, then spun around and shoved him up against the wall.
“Mmm...” He bit his lip slowly. “I do like me some dominance play.”
“No. No dominance play, no fucking, no doing any of the things you’re thinking about, either. I need to know, Jack. Are you in or out?”
It took a second for the haze of lust to recede. I don’t think he was wholly comfortable when my words sunk in, but he would be damned if he was going to look away.
“You mean on this fool’s errand? I—”
“Don’t.” He fell silent, eyes struggling to hold mind. “This is fucking hard for me too. I have no idea what I’m doing, have no mental models for what having a relationship with so many men looks like. I am so scared I’m going to hurt someone, everyone, and now this...” I stared down at the carpet. “You want out? I’ll tell Hawk it's not going to happen. That’s gonna kill me, but I’ll do it. I really, really like him. I get why you’re scared. I’d be fucking terrified if he was mine, and someone else was coming into the relationship. But I’ll do it. You can take him and kiss him better and fucking bite him already. Make him yours and only yours. But you have to decide, now, are you up for trying things with me and my pack, or are you out?”
I didn’t want to look at him. I could feel his eyes on my face, but I didn’t want to see his reaction or find out once and for all what was happening between us. But I couldn’t go walking literally into the wolf’s den with this kind of instability. We needed to start working as an actual pack outside the bedroom as well as inside. I forced my head up. Had I ever spent as much time laying my heart on my sleeve as I had in Sanctuary? Just getting up every day and knowing my mates could tap into my feelings at any point in time, felt like the hero’s bloody journey. Every one of them did something that made my heart twist with that kind of painful joy that had you coming back for more.
“Of course, I’m in, you idiot,” he said, but his gentle tone belied his words. “That’s why I’m so fucking torn up all the time.” He kissed me, but this time it was a soft thing, just a press of lips to lips for a moment that seemed to last forever. “I can’t promise it’ll be all hearts and flowers. Hawk’ll set you straight there. I’m a prickly bastard, that’s not likely to change.”
“I don’t want you to be someone else, Jack. There’s something about your obstinate arse that I like. I just need you to talk to the two of us, at least. You’re not hiding anything by lashing out. Just talk it through. We can work this out if we keep talking.”
“OK.” He looked at me, a slow smile starting. “You sure we don’t need to celebrate this newfound accord in bed?”
“No, Jack. I want you to help me to get the hell out of here for a while.”
“You skiving off, Jules? I knew I liked you. Shirking responsibilities and pissing off those blokes of yours? Honey, I’ve got you covered.”
I giggled as he jerked me out of the room and down the hall, looking around in a cartoonish manner—as if the guys would come stomping after us—but I felt a kind of lightness as we ran outside our wing, down the huge staircase, and outside the building. He did too, if the grin on his face was anything to go by.
“What have we got here?” he said to himself as he looked through the garage under the house proper. “Finny boy’s truck! That’ll do nicely.” I hovered as he opened the door and then hopped in.
“Umm... should we be doing this?”
“You gonna piss people off, you may as well go the whole hog, I say.” There was something to that bright smile, a challenge perhaps? Would I step up and into the car, putting everything inside the alpha residence symbolised right now or not? A yip had me turning around when I saw Buddy come flying out of the house. As always, he made the decision for me, throwing himself into the open door and taking up a spot in the middle of the bench seat.
“Cockblocked by a dog,” Jack said with a grin, starting the car once I got in. “I was gonna slide my hand up your thigh and—”
“I’ll take you and Hawk into one of the rooms and fuck you until you’ve got no more cum to give, if you keep your hands to yourself until we get home,” I said. “I’m rationalising walking away from my mates when they really need me by saying I’m doing it to get to know you better.”
“Yeah?” His voice sounded so different, I looked over Buddy’s head to check it was still him. He was pleased, the grin showed that, but as he eased the car out onto the driveway, was that...? I peered closer.
“Are you blushing?”
“Fuck off!”
“You are!” I yelped as the sun streamed in the car window, showing the reddened state of his cheeks.
“It’s a manly flush from thinking about all the hot monkey sex we’re gonna have. I need a smoke.”
My hand went out to grab the packet on the dash in the same moment his did, our fingers brushing. He darted me a quick look before drawing both of our hands behind Buddy’s back. We drove out of the alpha residence, holding hands like teenagers.
26
“You’re taking me to the mess hall?” I said as we rolled to a stop.
“And let those vultures get at you? No fucking way. I admit, it's not especially original, but I was gonna grab us some food and then take you somewhere... special.” He looked down at the driver’s wheel for a moment. “What do you like? I’ve just realised I have no idea.”
“Can’t eat seafood or eggs,” I said. “Otherwise...” He looked lost, really, really lost. Like if he fucked this up, something awful was going to happen. “Look, why don’t we both go in?”
“I know that doesn’t fit with the date bullshit thing, but that’d be really fucking good. I’m just as likely to give you food poisoning if I do this on my own.”
“That’s fine,” I said with a laugh, jumping out of the car, Buddy at my heels. “I don’t really need the whole manly ‘order for his woman’ thing.”
“Thank the Great Wolf for that.” But despite all his protestations, he came to my side pretty quickly, putting his arm around me and bowing his head for a quick kiss.
“Jack, what are you doing down here?”
Both our heads jerked up to see Mick and some of the blokes from the fencing team standing by the doorway to the mess hall.
“Mick.” Jack’s voice had instantly flattened, and I felt him begin to pull away. I shoved my hand into the back pocket of his jeans, stopping him from going any further.
“And the beautiful Julie. There’s been talk of you taking petitions.”
“She’s not taking any more petitioners,” he replied, moving forward to put more of his body between me and the other men.
“Pretty sure the lady can speak for herself,” Mick said, his lips curling slightly.
“And what’re you doing with a woman, anyway?” one of the other guys said with a sneer. “No use to you.”
“And not just any woman. She’s Shaun’s.”
I felt his body tense at the same point mine did. You’re very similar, my Tirian said. Hackles up at the first sign of a fight.
They’re disrespecting Jack and me. That can’t be allowed to stand.
You protect him as one would a mate.
“Pretty sure Jules is capable of making decisions about who she’s with, and who she’s not,” Jack snapped.
“You reckon? What about the shit that went down at the Stores building the other day? She smells pretty fucking creamy right now, and that can’t be from you.”
Two of the men took steps forward, scenting the air. I felt the shift in Jack’s arms, the muscles coiling as he readied himself to strike.
“What is with the scent thing?” I shouted. “L
ike everyone seems to smell every damn change in my vagina. Do I stink or something? How about only those people whose faces will be buried between my legs at the end of the day sniff my twat to determine whether I’m into them or not. Because right now, that’s Jack.”
He gave a pleased little purr that had the two men frowning.
“What’re you gonna do with a pillow biter like him? Wouldn’t know his way around a woman’s body if his life depended on it. Try one or more of us. We’ve got what you need. Mick’ll fuck your boy, if you don’t want him missing out.”
I turned to look at Jack, saw the flexing of his jaw and the burn of his eyes, and I stepped in close. I could hear the ragged rasp of his breath now. He started when my lips touched his, something that had the guys laughing, but I didn’t care. I’d wanted him to slam me against the wall, rip my jeans down, and work himself up inside me when we talked, so it was taking all my will to go out and do something outside. I tried as we kissed—his hands going around me—to inject every single bit of that longing, need, and hunger into it. His mouth fell open, his tongue flicking out to cover mine. His lips followed mine when I finally pulled away, so I placed my hand on his cheek, looking into his eyes until he came back online.
I’d intended to turn and let the guys sniff me all they liked, smell whatever it was they did when I was turned on, but I didn’t. He gave me a small smile, then uttered a little growl before kissing me again. God, I wasn’t entirely sure I was on board with this no sex thing. He smelled of sunshine and drying grass and bracken ferns.
“C’mon, we better get some food before the kitchen’s close,” he said when he finally pulled away. He took my hand, and we walked around to the kitchen entrance.
We built ourselves an impressive picnic basket, despite our minds only being partially on the job. Jack kept snatching up foods and forcing me to taste them until the kitchen staff kicked us out. He grabbed a couple of bottles of beer and then put the basket in the backseat.
“What the hell is with the smell thing?” I said as we got back into the car. “Every bloke seems to be sniffing me. I can’t smell when you’re turned on.”
“Don’t need to,” he said, reaching down and grabbing his crotch. “Nah, the Great Wolf didn’t give us blokes much to deal with the mysteries of women, but this.” He tapped the side of his nose. “This we have, at least.”
“Wow, this is beautiful!” I said when we pulled up. We’d parked on the side of a riverbank, the water quite low, trees and shrubs growing thick along the far bank. A broad trunk spanned the gap between the banks so you could walk across.
“Hold onto that,” Jack said, pulling out the basket. “Where I’m gonna take you isn’t that picturesque.”
Buddy followed us, tail wagging as we made our way down the bank, then walked across the tree. Jack strode up the rise, hair gleaming in the sun, parting the foliage with a practised hand and revealing a thin path. On the other side was a huge forest of trees, a great umbrella of foliage letting only small amounts of sun through. The path wound its way through, partially covered by ferns.
“Stay close, Bud,” I said as he went bounding off.
“Behind here,” Jack said, stopping on the buttress roots of a large tree. He took my hand as I clambered over, and then I saw it.
Whoever had made this little bower had taken a bunch of young trees and wove them together, creating a little nest out here in the forest. Those trees had continued to grow, tied together at the crowns as they were, and with the combination of ferns and grasses, it was like a small room in the middle of the forest.
“This is beautiful,” I said, not sure why he’d downplayed it so much. He looked pleased and just waved me in.
The hush of the trees settled somewhat inside here. The air was instantly closer, but not uncomfortably so. It just changed from being huge and expansive to intimate in quick procession.
“Here,” he said, passing me a wooden crate. “Not exactly five-star accommodation, but...”
“It’s OK,” I said, looking around. “Did you make this?”
“Me and Hawk did when we were kids. We were always reading books about faerie settlements in forests and created our own when we couldn’t find any.” As I inspected it, I noted the keepsakes and photos tacked to the trunks of the trees. There were pieces of string with shells threaded through them and feathers, animal skulls and carved bits of wood. But there had been more at some point, that was clear. There were plenty of nails with only remnants hanging from them. I reached down, retrieving a piece of glass from the dirt, its colour a deep blue.
“Don’t go digging around in there yet,” he said, placing the basket between us and starting to retrieve dishes. “What do ya fancy? Pasta salad or a sandwich? There’s some pastries as well.”
“Jack...”
I put a hand on his, stopping his excavating for a moment. This was more than just some childhood cubby.
“Not yet, Jules. I promise, I’ll show you everything, because you’ve got to know what you’re taking on. But not just yet.”
So, we sat and ate. I was oddly hungry, but the peaceful quiet had taken on a kind of eerie quality now. Jack watched my eyes search the bower, cataloguing every change he and Hawk had made, and then finally, he put his food aside with a sigh.
“Women, you’re as curious as cats.”
“This comes from your extensive experience?” I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth, too similar to the stupid shit the guys back at the mess shed were saying. His reaction was interesting. Rather than hardening, his eyes went soft and unfocused. He nodded and reached around, pulling out a primitive-looking spade that looked like it’d been carved from a piece of wood. He tested the ground in the centre with the point, until he found what he wanted.
I watched the muscles shift under his flannel shirt, then he threw the spade to one side once he hit what he was after. He scraped the dirt away from a metal box with his hands and then pulled it free. He tried the lid, and when it didn’t come away, he pulled a pocket knife out and used the blade to prise it open. He laid the lid, scarred by rust and covered in dirt on the ground and then reached in.
The stuff that had hung from the nails had been collected and stored here. Ripped pieces of paper and photographs, torn fabric and crushed dried flowers. He placed it all on the dirt, like some kind of offering before looking up at me.
“If you’re serious, if you really do want us like you say you do, you need to know. This place, Hawk and I built it when we first started having feelings for each other. We used to come out in the forest and fuck. Our mums knew what we were up to, a lot of young blokes go through a bit of a phase when they’re teens, working out what you can do with your dick other than piss. Everyone turns a blind eye to it, boys will be boys and all that, and what with so few girls, no one says anything. We can’t get pregnant, so there’s no lasting damage, right?”
He set the box down, brushing the dirt from his hands.
“Mum noticed first that things were moving beyond just youthful exploration. We were with each other every second of the day. Initially, it was because we were good mates, and he had a mouth like a silken glove. We couldn’t get enough of each other, but people, they don’t tend to fuck the same person over and over without developing something, not unless they put a whole lot of mental effort into it.” He sighed, patting his pockets for a cigarette before realising he’d left them in the car. “Started to be that I wanted to see that smile of his. Y’know, that almost shy one? Like he knows what he fucking does to you, but can’t bring himself to rub your face in it. Like he was just... happy you knew he was there. I wanted to talk to him about Mum and her fucking matchmaking. I wanted to talk to him about the things I saw, the bullshit the matriarchs were pulling. I wanted him to hold me when the arguing with Uncle Max started. No, I just wanted him to hold me, hold everything I was in those beautiful fucking hands of his and keep me there forever.”
He reached down and picked up a torn p
hoto. It was creased and yellowed now, but I could see fragments of a very young Hawk and Jack. He tossed it back in the tin. “This place, we made it like a fucking shrine. I took photos of him after we’d been fucking in the dirt and then pinned them up here. I wrote him letters and poems.” More pieces of paper were tossed back in. “I’m pretty sure there was a fucking ode to his cock. I kept the first flower he gave me, and the second, and he did the same for me. We created this.... whole other world here, away from Sanctuary and Mum and the matriarchs and the whole fucking thing, and for a while, it was the most beautiful thing in my life.”
He picked up a small well-thumbed piece of paper that had been folded many times. When he slowly, painfully opened it up, I could see many stick figures with speech bubbles there.
“This is Hawk. At his core, this is him. This was his dream, what he thought he’d have by now. A mate.” His finger brushed over a primitively drawn woman with the kind of outrageous curves teenage boys think are the height of sexiness. “A pack.” The childish drawings showed a muscular Jack with stiff blond hair and Hawk, holding the woman within their arms. “And a child, or probably a whole pack of them. He comes from a big brood, his brothers all have big families.”
He passed the drawing to me. “Jules, if you don’t want this, if you don’t want Hawk’s arms around you as you grow big with our child, if you don’t want him to build you something like this, if you can’t protect him when he does, then for fuck’s sake, let him go. I’ll bond him, no matter what. You’ve helped me see what I’ve been doing, and I’m not proud of it. He does deserve that, from anyone who’s with him.”
“What happened here?” I said, my voice barely more audible than the breeze.
“Nothing as sinister as you’re thinking,” he replied. “They just tore it down. They strode in here and ripped it all to pieces and laughed as they did it. I found them at it, launched myself at them like a savage animal.” He laughed at that, but there was no humour in it. “I was a savage animal. It was my first shift into Tirian form, but it didn’t matter. The boys, they were bigger and older and more experienced. Had me on my arse in a second, Sonny’s teeth around my throat.” He looked up at me, and it was then I saw how close his beast was to the surface. Even in the murk of the forest, his eyes glowed like bright beacons. “It was then I knew that I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t protect him. I loved him, but I couldn’t take the target from his back. They beat me to a fucking pulp, then and afterwards, for daring to make something like this. It wasn’t hard, anonymous fucking in the heat sheds. I raised him up in my heart beyond anything any woman could compete with. He was the fucking sun, and I just wanted to orbit around him.”