by Sam Hall
He leant over and picked up every piece, placing it back in the box, only pausing when a brittle dried flower began to crumble in his hand.
“I thought if I drew the heat, they’d just lash out at me. I was plenty cunty already, growing up with Kelly as my mum, but I refined that shit to an art form. Didn’t work. They beat me, beat Hawk, held me down and made me watch as they rearranged his face. We had stepped outside the norm of Sanctuary, where no one was going to save us, and so mob rule applied. It took me a bloody long time to talk to Mum about it. I was getting desperate. Animals, they need to be held in check by something. Pack rules, stronger opponents, something, and there was nothing. We lived in the big alpha residence, and Mum was the daughter of the alpha. Someone had to intervene. It ended up being what brought on the challenge that put Mum in power. Nan was going to step in and do something, and Mum wouldn’t have it. No son of hers was going to set up his own pack.”
He placed the box back into the hole and pushed the dirt over it, patting it down.
“Mum won, we were to be split and put in the next petition for mates. I left the house that day, got a place in the singles accommodation and asked to be placed with some of the bigger guys. When I started my first job, I got into a fight with the biggest bloke there and made sure to put him down. If this place is to be run on dominance, I was gonna show it. It broke Hawk’s mum’s heart when he left, but he came to my place and lived in my room, getting a job in fencing, same as me. I made friends—allies really—like Shaun, and collected them, keeping them around Hawk.”
He rubbed at his face, the dirt smearing across his skin.
“He’s not a kid, he’s a fucking hard man. He’s had to be. If you see him fight, he’s like some kind of swordmaster of old. Pure grace and deadly efficiency. But even the toughest bloke is vulnerable, and I’ve sworn never to let him be in that position again. I like you, Jules. If it was just me, I’d let this go and see how things develop. You’re hot, you don’t get caught up in the bullshit here, and you seem calm headed enough to rein me back. Just what Nan always wanted for me. But I can’t, I hope you see that. It’s too early, you and I have barely spoken a word to each other, but if he’s gonna stay, if we’re gonna stay, I need to know. Will you give everything you’ve got to protect him, keep him from this shit, keep him from the cunts who see something beautiful and just want to break it?”
“Yes.”
The word was out of my mouth before I’d even thought about it. He’s right, this was stupid, and we did barely know each other. But for some reason, that didn’t matter. I jerked down the neckline of my shirt until he could see my sternum, see the glow there, and I knew if I pushed his shirt from his shoulders, I’d see an answering light.
There is strength in your number. Together you are enough.
I heard the Great Wolf’s words, and I knew he did too. He frowned at me, looking fucking destroyed. I moved to him, kneeling at his feet and wrapping my arms around him. He slipped free of it, clawing at my clothes, yanking me until I was hard against his body.
“You are pack, Jack. You and Hawk. We have all the time in the world to see where we want to take things, but even if that doesn’t work out, you are pack.”
I could hear the twitter of birds and the hush of rustling leaves, the crackles of animals moving through the undergrowth and the rattle of his breath, a harsh wind in my ears.
“Fucking hell, Jules...”
We stayed like that for some time, and only broke apart when Buddy bounced up and shoved his muzzle between us, wanting to be the meat in the sandwich. We laughed and I saw the suspicious shine in Jack’s eyes before he busied himself packing up the basket. He looked at me when we were ready to go, just seeing me for a moment, before he took my hand and lead me out.
The world looked weird when we emerged, the space Hawk and Jack created had a power to it I’m not sure they sensed. Prosaic things like unlocking car doors and putting on seat belts seemed endlessly fascinating.
“I better get you back. Your blokes will be pitching a fit.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Yep, and so is mine. They’re gonna fucking kill me.”
“No, they won’t,” I said, putting a hand on his. “This has helped me in a lot of ways. I never would have thought this would be the way things would go down when I followed you, but it’s important. It’s my pack, and I need to establish what that is before I go anywhere. I’m only mated to two of you. I’m still finding my way towards an understanding of how I feel about everyone. I’m still getting to know all of you. Some of you love other people. Some of you enjoy sex with other men. Some of you will always be having sex with other people. Who we are, how we’ll connect—if we’re going to do this thing, we’re going to need to know this. You’re in, Jack, and they’ll need to adjust or find another way.”
“Better to just pull this band-aid off, right?”
I nodded. “Right.”
I sent Slade a text on the way, as it was his messages that were the most angry. I asked if everyone could meet us in the main bedroom and then shut my phone off when it started to ring. I didn’t want to. Cutting your partner off when they really needed to talk to you was shitty behaviour, but I couldn’t do this more than once. I held Jack’s hand as we walked down the hall to our wing. No doubt, he was feeling the same as me, like we were facing a firing squad. Everyone was sitting on the bed, leaned up against the wall, or sitting on the floor when we arrived, even Sylvan. I nodded to him, and he looked oddly pleased.
“I’m sorry for taking off. I’m sorry I bailed on the plan you were putting together, Aaron, but there’s something I had to do. I’m sorry if it worried you taking Jack away, Hawk.” He waved his hand, but I shook my head. “No, really, he’s your mate, you love him, and we waltzed off without talking to you. Jack and I talked about some stuff, and it made me realise something. Ever since I bit Slade, it's been all about packs and mates and petitions and stuff I don’t understand, but I know now I don’t need to. I’m telling you how it’ll be for me. All of you are in my pack. Let’s scrap petitions and other bullshit, I think you all know I’m connected to each and every one of you.
“That vision made it clear—our Tirians see each other as mates, and we are. But what that means for us humans that spend the most time walking the earth might be different. Some of us might connect sexually, some emotionally, some both. I’m not going to let archaic processes or vague prophecies dictate that. We’ll find our way, because there’s not one person here I don’t want to go on that journey with. But to do that is going to require communication, a lot of communication. There’s going to need to be ridiculous amounts of checking in to make sure we’re all moving forward together in a way that works for us, but as of now, we act as a pack. We accept all its members, we protect them with whatever resources we have, and we give them all we’ve got to give, because that’s what packs do. I hope you’ll decide to do this, stay, be a part of this, but I’ll understand if you don’t. I wish I could.... talk this through, compromise a bit, but this is absolutely how I feel. I can’t give ground, I’m sorry.”
I stopped filling the room with my words and let them settle, let everyone process. I felt hollow as a bell, like the speech had taken everything I had and just drained it all. Even if they walked out that door, unable to consider what I said, I’d still love them, I realised. It wasn’t yet romantic love for some, but there was love nonetheless. A flurry of little memories of their hands, their words, the laughs had, the way they washed their bodies, the jokes, the comments, the touches. I was drowning in them, all that they were and all that I was. We were one big insane kaleidoscope of moments melded together. No, the truth was shorter than that. We were one.
Strangely, it was still a surprise when I felt the first touch. I jerked my head up to see Slade had wrapped an arm around me, his touch soon joined by Finn’s. I stood within the safe harbour of their bodies for a moment and just breathed. Then, the next one came. The guys shuffled over to let Aaron
in, his arm thick with muscle. Then Hawk and Jack came, two twins—one light, one dark—creating a circle around me. I was held within their interlocking embraces, my breath coming when theirs did.
“It’s time.”
I looked up to see Brandon standing at the edge of the group, and even though my view of him was over someone’s shoulders, I could see the tears in his eyes.
“Now?” I said, feeling the venom surge in my mouth.
“Now.”
The group parted to let him in, and surrounded by the lot of them, I gave Brandon my mate mark. His fingers clawed at my back as my fangs pricked my gums. I fitted my jaws carefully over the juncture of his neck and bit the sun.
Or that’s how it felt as my venom sank into him. Light exploded, filling the room with a radiance that blinded the lot of us, but I could not let go. I surged through him, and we surged through all of them. We ran as a pack on a plain of white, with one heart and one mind, arrowing towards the same point on the horizon, paws moving in perfect unison. Everyone’s fur grew wispier and wispier as we ran, until the forms grew fuzzy and indistinct. Rather, balls of grey and white light gambolled across the featureless plain, spinning around each other, faster and faster until we fused. Then, it all stopped. She stood there, the Great Wolf, looming on the horizon and looking out on all she surveyed with a gentle eye. She nodded, and we looked down. We were the same, a Great Wolf of grey, sitting on our haunches, panting lightly.
You are ready now, she said. Come for us.
And then I blinked. I pulled my fangs from Brandon’s neck, licking the blood and venom there, and he held me so tight. “I love you, my mate,” he said.
“I love you too.”
27
“What do you need, Jules?” Finn asked.
We were coming back to our bodies, and with that, came a necessary separation. It’s OK now, though, I thought. We can rejoin at any point. And somehow, knowing that helped me do what came next.
“I need Brandon.” I looked around the room. “And Jack and Hawk. Is that OK?”
It felt like after what we had just done, we should all be in the room. But I knew, even though we’d reached that level of unity then, we weren’t there yet in real life. I looked at the three of them, loosely grouped together now.
“Of course, love,” Finn replied, and he lifted my chin and kissed me. “I’ll take Buddy for a walk, give you guys some space.”
“I’m probably gonna be rubbing one out in the shower,” Slade said with that crooked grin of his. “What? I feel every damn thing you are when you’re getting off, and it’s hot. Then I’m gonna have a beer because this day....” He shook his head. “You coming?” he said to Aaron.
“In the shower or for a beer?” Aaron replied.
“Now, now, don’t start that shit. All this talk about negotiating the relationship? Well, guy on guy is Slade’s no-fly zone.”
“Still got that fantasy of you covered in cum,” I said with a smirk.
“And you’ll get it. It’ll just be all mine. You can lick it all off afterwards.” I fake retched, well, almost fake. “I love you, princess.”
“Love you too.”
Aaron moved in when Slade and Finn left the room. His hand went to my waist somewhat shyly, like he wasn’t sure he had permission to, so I came closer and put a hand on his chest.
“Thank you,” he said, and I could feel the vibration of his words down my hand. “I... I can’t think of pretty words, so I’ll just say it. That speech, including me in your pack, it damn near broke me.”
“Aaron—”
“In a good way. Sorry, should have made that clearer. It’s like it smashes through who you were so you can become something else. Look, I’m not saying this right. I just wanted you to know, I still feel like I’m in the petitioning stage. Not because of anything you or the guys are doing, but because I don’t think I’m there yet. I need to prove to you I should be by your side. And, Jules, I want to do that.”
“I...” I stared into those hazel eyes, full of a warmth I could almost wrap around myself. “Thank you.”
“Now, I’m gonna jump in the shower before Slade uses up all the hot water.”
“I’m not part of your pack, I think everyone acknowledges that,” Sylvan said as he edged towards the door. “But that was well done, Julie.”
“Just as you foresaw?”
“Better.”
The door was closed with a click, and a quiet fell over the room. I had thought of another speech to give, but I was pretty much out of rallying the troops energy, so I pulled my shirt off over my head and tossed it on the floor, hoping actions spoke louder than words.
“Stop,” Brandon said when I went to undo my jeans.
“We need to—”
“I know, just let us.”
A kind of tension rose inside me as all of them clustered closer. Hands went to remove my bra, my jeans, then my underwear, until I was stripped bare. For a second, I held back that need to be involved and touching them, and just stood there, naked. The automatic fear—that I was not enough—rose as the moment stretched on, but I forced myself to look past my conditioning and see what was actually there in the room with me.
They want you, like you want them.
Because they have to, because they have no other choice.
They could choose each other instead, but they choose you.
I nodded to myself and then moved to Brandon, pulling off his t-shirt. The bite looked red and angry, a small trail of dried blood on his shoulder, but it served to only enhance the savage beauty of his body. I looked up to see how he was coping. Did it hurt? But his lips moved forward, wanting to brush against mine.
“Not yet,” I said with a smile. When I looked over, Jack was doing the same to Hawk, though he was well-practised. The other man’s shirt was already off, and my eyes ran across his chest, noting the way the tattoos had started to gleam.
“Like what you see?” Brandon said. My eyes raked down his chest when he spoke, and I nodded. Like was such an inadequate way to describe my response to their bodies. Reverent may have been closer to the mark.
I watched Brandon’s pupils blow out as I undid his jeans, sliding them down his hips. “Commando,” I purred as his hard length sprung free.
“I had a feeling I wouldn’t need underwear today.”
I wondered at that, at the intuition that seemed to allow him to sail through all of this with a surety none of us possessed, but he pulled me against him when I got to my feet, so that I felt him at my back as I turned to look at Hawk and Jack.
They were already naked, kissing, hands in each other’s hair as they fought to deepen the caress. For a moment, I saw a brief overlay of those coltish bodies in the photos Jack had taken and then collected the remnants of.
“We’re going to need to work out a way to deal with the fact we have a couple in the pack,” I said.
Brandon’s hands trailed up my sides, sending shivers down my spine.
“And that’s what this is, isn’t it?” he said
“It’s a start.”
“And what do you think, when you see them clawing to get closer to each other?”
“That they’re beautiful. That they love each other so much and…” My eyes dropped down to where Jack held their rigid cocks, rubbing against each other as they kissed. “That they’re really hot for each other.”
Jack pulled away, resting his temple on Hawk’s forehead and smiled, an easy sensual thing. “And you. C’mere.”
I took a step forward but stopped myself, remembering why I thought this was a good idea. “We need to negotiate this, Jack. I included Brandon because I need him right now, but also because I think he’d be the best person for this scenario. You two are a couple. No matter what else happens, that will remain true. Are you OK with me touching Hawk when you’re here?” His eyes flared hot at that. “What about Brandon?”
And there it was, what I thought might be simmering below the surface. His gaze went cold
and flat, Hawk’s arm tightening around him in response. I heard a low growl and held up a hand.
“That’s a clear no. You’ve got some boundaries, that’s cool. I just want to get this clear. The first time we were together, Hawk got sidelined, and you and I... I don’t know how to describe that. It was hot, and I have no regrets, but that’s one-night stand kinda stuff, not a relationship. If we’re going to have a relationship, sexual or otherwise, we need some ground rules. Hawk, what about the guys touching Jack?”
He straightened at that, moving behind Jack and massaging his shoulders a little. “People will want to touch him.” His hand dropped to Jack’s hip, gripping the muscle there. “Why wouldn’t they? He’s beautiful. I just want to be there if they do.”
“Yeah?” Jack’s voice broke on the word, and he turned his head towards his lover’s.
“Of course, if that’s what you want.”
Jack’s eyes, when they turned back to us, were hungry and speculative. He watched Brandon’s hand roam, skimming up my rib cage, getting closer and closer to where I needed it.
“Looks like someone’s considering the possibilities,” Brandon said, his voice rumbling in my ear.
Jack came closer first, his eyes taking in all the points where Brandon and I intersected. Did he want to be where Brandon was, or me? I realised it didn’t matter. By making the commitment as a pack, we had until the love died to explore all of that. But I knew what I wanted right now.