Riddley Walker

by Russell Hoban

  ‘Im hy a nuff all ready I dont nead no upping,’ says Punch.

  ‘You shudve thot of that befor you come hitting piggy side,’ says Jack Ketch hes readying the roap on his hang tree.

  ‘You mean bacon side,’ says Punch.

  Jack Ketch says, ‘If a dead pig is bacon whats a dead Punch?’

  Punch says, ‘You wont never see no dead Punch Im too old to dy:

  ‘This heres a magic tree itwl make you yung a nuff,’ says Jack Ketch hes patting his hang tree.

  ‘Im too ripe for that,’ says Punch. ‘The fruit dont go from the groun to the tree.’

  Jack Ketch says, ‘Youwl get back to the groun soon a nuff I wont keap you long jus only til youre dead dead dead.’ He takes his hang tree in boath hans and trying to catch Punch in the loop of the roap.

  ‘You wont keap me at all,’ says Punch. ‘Becaws Iwl whack you on the head head head.’ Hes whacking Jack good with his stick he finishes him qwick he says, ‘Nor I wont keap you nyther’ and he flings him a way.

  ‘Oy!’ says a voyce and up jumps Mr Clevver he looks jus the same as Mr Clevver in the Eusa show hes got the same red face and littl poynty beard and the horns and all.

  Punch looking at him sharp and scanful he says to Mr Clevver, ‘Who myt you be?’

  Mr Clevver says, ‘I myt be the Pry Mincer of Binland and I myt be the Hard Bitchup of Cantser Belly only I aint. Who I acturely am is Drop John the Foller Man which they call me Mr On The Levvil as wel.’

  Punch says, ‘Dont let me keap you parbly youve got binses elser.’

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘O no my binses is right here Ive come for a littl sumfing from Pooty.’ He hasnt took noatis of the frying pan yet.

  Punch says, ‘Going to give you a littl sumfing is she?’

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘Tor my swossage you see.’

  Punch says, ‘That big hard swossage you mean?’

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘Thats the 1.’

  Punch says, ‘That girt big banger you mean?’

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘Right you are Guvner thats the very.’

  Punch says, ‘Youre looking to get sumfing for it?’

  Mr On The Levvil hugs his self a littl he says, ‘Urn um Im craving for a littl of that Pooty sumfing. Thats what I give her the swossage for din I.’

  Punch says, ‘You mean you give her that swossage befor she give you the sumfing?’

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘Thats what I done.’

  Punch says, ‘Then youve stil got sumfing coming to you here it is its frying now.’ He shows Mr On The Levvil Pooty in the frying pan.

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘Now I call that a frying shame becaws a dead Pooty aint much good for sumfing.’

  Punch says, ‘Every man to his oan tase. Have a side of bacon.’

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘What Iwl have is my swossage back. No sumfing no swossage.’

  Punch says, ‘What if you dont get your swossage back?’

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘Iwl have my sumfing out of you then it dont make no odds to me.’

  Punch says, ‘You aint too fussy how you have it longs you have it?’

  Mr On The Levvil says, ‘Im easy longs I have my sumfing.’

  Punch terns his back and poynting his arse at Mr On The Levvil he says, ‘Be you ready?’

  Mr On The Levvil hes wynding his self up for it he says, ‘Ready for it and ramping for it and here I come.’

  ‘And here it comes,’ says Punch. Which that iron sossage comes zizzing out of him and in to Mr On The Levvil. BANG! Flattens him dead.

  ‘Hooray!’ says Punch. ‘Punch has done for Mr On The Levvil now every 1 can do as they like.’

  ‘Hooo,’ says some 1 coming up then. Its a goast its got a skul face and all in wite. That skul has horns and a littl poynty beard. ‘Hooo,’ says the goast agen.

  ‘Whos that?’ says Punch. He dont look easy at all.

  ‘Who do I look like?’ says the goast.

  ‘I ratherwd not say,’ says Punch.

  The goast says, ‘Do you get like a dropping fealing in your belly when you see me?’

  ‘Yes,’ says Punch.

  ‘Thats why they call me Drop John,’ says the goast.

  ‘O dear o dear o dear,’ says Punch. ‘How do I make that fealing go a way?’

  ‘It wont go a way,’ says the goast. ‘Itwl be with you longs Im with you.’

  ‘How longwl that be?’ says Punch.

  ‘From now on,’ says the goast. ‘Thats why they call me the Foller Man.’

  Punch dont look too easy when he hears that. He says, ‘What dyou want to foller me for?’

  The goast says, ‘I dont want to only I cant help it. When you done for Mr On The Levvil you put me on to you. Mr On The Levvil he ben the out side of me which you knockt him off and now Im nekkit enn I. I dont have nothing I dont have no 1 to live in only you.’

  Punch says, ‘Cant live in me theres no room.’

  The goast says, ‘O wewl fynd room some time Iwl jus ride on your back til then.’

  Punch says, ‘O dear o dear o dear 1 hump is a nuff. I bes be off and put a littl farness be twean us.’

  ‘O dont leave me Mr Punch,’ says the goast. ‘I dont have nothing nor no body only you. The worl is emty for me only you.’ With that it hops on to Punchs back its clinging to him all prest up agenst his hump with boath arms roun his neck.

  Punch is off then with the goast on his back and the goast is singing:

  Drop John the Foller Man

  Roal him over throw him down

  1 for you and 1 for me

  Roading hoam to Do It Over

  Roading hoam to Dover

  I stayd sat there looking at the emty space and the paintit smoak and flames on the back clof. I knowit Goodparleywd be out of the fit up in a minim and this daywd go on from there. Iwd have to say things and do things which I dint want to say nothing nor do nothing I wantit to think on that goast what ben living in Mr On The Levvil 1st then it wer on Punchs back and going to live in him soons it got the chance. I never seen that show befor nor never heard the names of Punch and Mr On The Levvil and that goast befor yet now as I seen them and heard what they had to say it seamt like I musve all ways knowit about them. Seamt like I knowit mor about them nor I knowit I knowit.

  Goodparley come out of the fit up he stil had Punch on his right han and the goast on his lef.

  I said, ‘Who done the Nex Nite for that show?’

  He said, ‘There wernt no Nex Nite for it. Granser said this show dint have no connexion nor no reveal. Dyou beleave that?’

  I said, ‘Theres all ways a connexion aint there.’

  He said, ‘Thats what I tol Granser. He said thats as may be only there bint no connexion nor no reveal hed ever heard of for this show. He said it ben jus only a fun show.’

  I said, ‘What dyou mean fun show? Bint it done by Mincery bloaks?’

  He said, ‘Granser tol me this show never had nothing to do with no Mincery it ben jus to make peopl larf. Give peopl a bit of fun.’

  I said, ‘Thats a funny kynd of show to do. Who done it then? What kynd of show men?’

  He said, ‘I dont know nothing about that nor Granser dint Lether. Whats the diffrents any how it aint a show no lwl see no mor. I never knowit any 1 know it only Granser and me. Hes dead nor I wunt show it to no 1 only you.’

  I said, ‘Punch and Eusa. 2 shows.’

  He said, ‘The 2 be come the 1.’

  I said, ‘Whats that Drop John song about? Roal who over? Throw who down? What is that 1 for you and 1 for me? Why is every thing in 2s? Whys Drop John singing about going home to Do It Over?’

  He said, ‘I dont know nothing about that song only its about some thing else. Which every thing is innit. Every thing is about every thing. And what evers in 2wl be come 1. The 2 of Granser and me be come jus only the 1 dinnit. You know how I partit from him?’

  I said, ‘How?’

  He said, ‘I kilt him.’

  I said, ‘How c
ome?’

  He said, ‘It wer the nite of my 12th naming day. The day I be come a man.’

  I had a suddn fealing I said, ‘What day is your naming day?’

  He said, ‘Its the 2nd Ful. Whens yours?’

  I said, ‘2nd Ful.’ We wer boath shaking our heads and thinking on that. I said, ‘What happent that day?’

  He said, ‘We ben talking about that day long befor it come. I ben watching that moon fulling on. We ben roading all roun like userel. Granser he wer what they callit a knowing man he knowit herbs and roots and mixters he done deacon terminations he done healing and curing plus he knowit dreams and syns. We roadit 1 fents to a nother clinnicking and national healfing we done forms and all. He never tol no 1 he wer dog frendy we mosly roadit with crowd like any 1 else. When we roadit oansome we all ways joynt up with some road crowd befor a riving any where. Wewd come roun a hil or thru the trees and Granserwd say we seen them from a farness and forkt off from the crowd we ben with. Some times they dint beleave him they thot he wer a Magic man they made the Bad Luck go a way syn but they let us road with them. Some said theyd seen him running with the Black Pack.

  ‘Wel befor my naming day Id tol Granser Iwd be moving out for my self soons I come a man. I tol him that daywd be the end of my boy time. He larft and said O yes. We wer overing the nite at Good Mercy Form we ben roading with a trade crowd. Some of them from Bollock Stoans up near Horny Boy and they wer joaking how they had the mos bollocks and they wer the hornyes boys in Inland. Getting pist and talking juicy. How they wer dying for a littl. Tiret of husbinding ther hans nor you cudnt get near them form women. Wel they begun looking at me and putting ther hans on me. Granser then he tol them being we wer at Good Mercy he wer going to give them good mercy plus itwd be a bye bye party for the end of my boy time so he give them me for the nite. 7 bloaks had me 1 after the other on the nite of the day I be come a man. Hevvy bloaks all of them I cudntve stood up to 1 let a loan 7. He had to do that he had to put his mark on that day he cudnt leave it a loan. Then after they all had good pleasur and good measur that nite he tol me Iwd have to wait a nother year befor I begun to man for my self becaws I ben boying on my 12th naming day. Larfing his wicket larf and he said he wer going to keap me with him 1 year mor thats when I stuck my knife in him. He cudnt leave a thing be come what it wer going to be nex. Thats what it wer made me kil him it wernt the 7 bloaks. I wantit to man for my self and he made me boy for him 1 time too many. I overt that fents and off oansome tho I bint dog frendy and scaret to death I took my chance I put a farness behynt me I Norft up the A28 keaping close to trees for clyming til there come a long a road crowd they wer Mincery bloaks I gone with them and to the Ram.’

  When Goodparley said that about wanting to man and being made to boy it made me think on Eusa 13:

  13. Eusa wuz angre he wuz in rayj & he kep pulin on the Littl Man the Addoms owt strecht arms. The Littl Man the Addom he begun tu cum a part he cryd, I wan tu go I wan tu stay. Eusa sed, Tel mor. The Addom sed, I wan tu dark I wan tu lyt I wan tu day I wan tu nyt. Eusa sed, Tel mor. The Addom sed, I wan tu woman I wan tu man. Eusa sed, Tel mor. The Addom sed, I wan to plus I wan tu minus I wan tu big I wan tu littl I wan tu aul I wan tu nuthing.

  Goodparley said, ‘Every thing wants to man dont it. Wants to go from littl to big. Wants to be whats in it to be.’ He stil had the figgers on his hans and Punch pickt up the bag of yeller stoans. Goodparley said, ‘This here yellerboy stoan the Salt 4 it wants to be whats in it to be.’ He stept back inside the fit up. BANG! Punch and the goast gone flying. He made the noys with a clapper he workit with his foot.

  I said, ‘It wants to be the 1 Big 1.’

  He said, ‘Thats it. 1 Big 1.’

  I said, ‘Thats going to move Inland frontways is it? Thats going to get us out of the mud? Thats going to get us boats in the air and picters on the wind?’

  He said, ‘Them boats in the air it seams like they ben hevvy on my back longs I can member. What wer it put them boats up there in the air dyou think? Power it musve ben musnt it. Youve got to have the Power then befor youwl have the res of it ha vent you. Which theres Power in this here Salt 4 we know that much. Its 1 of the Nos. of the 1 Big 1. All weve got to do is put it to gether with the others. Weve got to work the E qwations and the low cations weve got to comb the nations of it. We ben looking for Eusas head 1 way and a nother this long time. We ben digging in the groun for it we ben spare the mending we ben tryl narrering for it we ben asking roun the circel for it. We never come this close befor we never had no Salt 4. Weare closing in is what weare doing Riddley it aint going to get a way from us this time. Where ever it is Iwl fynd it. Iwl fynd Eusas head and Eusas knowing. Iwl get it out of Belnot Phist if its in him Iwl get it out of the Ardship of Cambry if its in him.’

  I said, ‘You said befor hes jus only a poor simpo he dont know nothing.’

  He said, ‘Tryl narrer is what it takes you dursnt miss out nothing youve got to try every thing. Try the clevver try the simpl.’ His face begun to go sharp. He said, ‘You never know what levvils it myt be moving on you never know what common nations you myt be missing. May be Eusas 2 littl sons 1 ben clevver 1 ben simpl. “Off thay gon 1 with Folleree & 1 with Folleroo. 1 hedin tords the rivvr 1 a way frum it & each with ½ uv the Littl Shynin Man.”’ He wer looking at me diffrent from how he ben looking at me befor. He said, ‘2 littl sons. 1 of them not qwite clevver may be. 1 of them not qwite simpl. 1 heading tords the rivver which the Rivver Sour runs thru Cambry dunnit. 1 heading a way from it. Tords Widders Dump may be. Each littl son with ½ a pack of dogs. Folleree and Folleroo. Each littl son with ½ the Littl Shyning Man.’ He pickt up a bag of yellerboy stoan and shook it. ‘* the Littl Shyning Man,’ he said agen. ‘Whats that Littl Shyning Man say in Eusa 26? “Yu ar lukin at the idear uv me and I am it. Eusa sed, Wut is the idear uv yu? The Littl Man sed, It is wut it is.” You see what I mean Riddley? “It is wut it is.” Diffrent things at diffrent times may be. Its what ever it wants to be.’

  I said, “Eusa wut is the idear uv yu?”

  He said, ‘You know what the idear of Eusa is. Hes the 1 what goes thru chaynjis. If hes chemistery or if hes a man. Thats what hes for thats the idear of him.’

  I said, ‘He endit up with his head on a poal tho dinnee.’

  He said, ‘Riddley my heads ben on a poal this long time. My head ben cut off from the res of me it ben oansome and greaving in a hy place. Iwd like to get my head down off that poal is what Iwd like.’

  I said, ‘You dont have to be Eusa do you.’

  He said, ‘Coarse I have to be Eusa you do as wel and every 1 else weve all got to be Eusa and get him thru his Chaynjis. Dont you see its on all of us to be every thing. There aint nothing only us to be Punch and Eusa boath. Nothing only us to be Drop John and all and manys the time I ben him and riding on my oan hump.’

  I said, ‘Whatre you going to do now?’

  He said, ‘May be its time to put that Eusa family to gether. 4 souls in the brazing boal.’

  I said, ‘Whos Eusas wife then?’

  He said, ‘You know who she is Riddley shes that same 1 shows her moon self or she shows her old old nite and no moon. Shes that same 1 every thing and all of us come out of. Shes what she is and the woom of her is in Cambry which is the senter. It all fits you see. Old beleaf and new. Thats where the Spirit of God is coming down in the form of a dove.’

  I said, ‘Whats the Spirit of God?’

  He said, ‘Thats chemistery and fizzics and all its what the 1 Big 1 come out of realy theres so many ways of saying it you see. A dove is a kynd of pigeon which a pigeons a messenger innit. Which this message aint being sent its descending or you myt say unsending its going back where it come from which is Heaven. Now Heaven thats where hevvyness comes from innit. So that message or you myt say the trants mission its unsending its self back in to the hevvyness plus its receiving them 4 souls. Receiving is what you do with a trants mission you read it you take it in but this here trants mission its the other
way roun its doing the taking in its taking in them 4 souls back in to the hevvyness. Thats how you get your 1 Big 1 which is the hevvyness made hevvyer with the 4 souls.’

  He wer talking so many levvils at Ice I dint all ways know what he meant realy I wisht every thing wud mean jus only 1 thing and keap on meaning it not changing all the time. I thot wewd be going to Cambry tho I dint know what wer going to be when we got there. I wunnert what wer happening with Belnot Phist and afeart to ask.

  I dint have to ask. There come a yel. ‘Daddy!’

  Goodparley says, ‘Ah! Talky talky.’

  I said, ‘You cunt.’

  He said, ‘Funny what peopl wil use for a hard word. The name of a pleasur thing and a place where new life comes out of. There ben times nor not too far back nyther when they use to offer to that same and very 1 what has her woom in Cambry. That same and very Nite and Death we all come out of.’

  I said, ‘Dont you push words at me you rat cunt.’

  He said, ‘Youre hard took by that yel are you. You dont want no 1 to suffer. Wel my boy I dont like herting no 1 but I wont be tol lys and you bes keap that in memberment. I cant stan lying I realy wont put up with it. It ben jus only a littl wyl back our yung Belnot said right here in this very same shelter he dint know nothing about that yellerboy stoan only I think hes parbly saying diffrent now. I cudve tol them to take him some place where you wunt hear nothing but you see what it is I wunt ly to you I wunt set up for no sof nunkel. Im what I am and youre seeing me how I am.’

  I dint anser him nothing I jus shook my head.

  Never did the Good Luck brother

  Tern a roun to help the other

  Thats what wer saying its self in my mynd nor I wernt going to let it happen like that. Phist wer some kynd of brother may be even a moon brother like the other 2. Cernly a Trubba brother nor I wernt going to leave him in the shit. How come he wernt in that Eusa family Goodparley ben talking of I wunnert. Nothing for him to be. The Littl Shyning Man may be only Goodparley hadnt said nothing about him coming in to it with the brazing boal.

  Wylst thinking that I ternt and run for the gate house. In my mynd I seen Phist with his arms out stretcht like the Littl Shyning Man. In my mynd he wer hanging black agenst a redness. Redness like a berning.