by David Bennis
Be confident.
As mention above, manipulation may involve one person’s attempts at causing the other to doubt their intuitions, abilities, and even reality. If this is happening to you, choosing to stick to your story may help. However, if this is taking place in a close relationship, it could indicate that the time to leave is now.
Disengage
Manipulation also takes place when a person tries to get from you a particular emotional response. When this is happening, choose not to give it to them. A good example is when a manipulative friend has this behavior of flattering you before asking for a favor. Avoid playing along but instead, simply reply politely and the conversation along.
Motives behind manipulation usually vary from unconscious to malicious. Therefore, it’s important to identify the circumstances behind the manipulation. In situations of abuse, breaking things off may be crucial, but therapy also greatly helps people to deal with or confront the other with manipulative behavior.
Persuasion
What comes to mind when you think about persuasion? You might think of that political candidate trying to sway voters to vote for him or the advertising messages used to urge viewers to purchase a particular product. Either way, persuasion is a very powerful force in our day to day lives, and it has a major influence on society as a whole. From politics to news, mass media, advertising, and legal decisions, they are all influenced by the power of persuasion and in turn, it influences people.
So what exactly is persuasion? Perloff (2003) defines persuasion as .”..a symbolic process in which communicators try to convince other people to change their attitudes or behaviors regarding an issue through the transmission of a message in an atmosphere of free choice."
The key issues highlighted in this definition of persuasion are;
It’s symbolic, and it utilizes words, sounds, images, etc.
It involves an intentional attempt to influence others
Self-persuasion is key; that is, people are made free to choose rather than being coerced.
Various methods are used in transmitting persuasive messages, including both nonverbal and verbal ways including via the internet, television, radio, or simply face-to-face communication.
So how does one get a person to think or behave a little differently? There are fine ways that people use to press an agenda without turning off everyone. Robert Cialdini, a retired professor at Arizona State University, wrote about six principles of persuasion. The expert’s principles have been used in boardrooms and in business schools as well. The six principles are;
Reciprocity
This is where one gives and gets back – having the feeling that something is owed can be powerful. It’s like when someone does you a favor, and then you owe that person a favor.
Scarcity
This is where people want more of the things they can have less. Scarcity is important because people get fear when something may be in short supply. When persuading a person using this principle, telling them the benefits they will gain by choosing their offer is not enough, you will also need to point out your proposition’s unique features as well as what they stand to lose if they do not consider it.
Authority
This is the general idea that people tend to follow the lead of knowledgeable and credible experts. For example following a physiotherapist’s recommended exercise therapist after you see their medical diplomas displayed on the way or give change for a parking meter to a complete stranger simply because they are in uniform and not in plain clothes. What this means, scientifically, is that as a way of persuading people, it’s important to signal to them what makes you a knowledgeable and credible authority before making your influence attempt.
Consistency
Usually, people tend to be consistent with the things they had previously said or done – or in simple terms; sticking to their word. This can be activated by asking or looking for small commitments that can be made.
Liking
Most times, people like those who like them or who they consider their friends. This is a simple but powerful idea. In persuasion, the principle of liking can be used as when finding common ground with people, like hobbies and interests, to find a solid ground to build from. Using genuine praise is another approach. There is nothing that builds a positive rapport with others as when you are paying compliments or just being charming with the other.
Social proof
Social proof is where people tend to rely on social cues from other people on how to feel, think and act in a lot of situations, especially their peers – people they believe are not different from them.
How Persuasion Works
Persuasion is not only a science but an art. If a person pushes too hard, he is considered aggressive, but if he nudges too lightly, then it mostly doesn’t get anywhere. If she is too loud others will call her a jerk. A lot of things can help influence the decisions of others. For instance, an attractive salesperson tends to get more attention from people, and when they use powerful words like value, liberty, progress, then people perk up to that person. Persuasive people put other people’s wants into consideration in order to get the necessary information to devise a plan that works for everyone.
Dark Persuasion
Differences between persuasion and dark persuasion
The intention
As we have seen, persuasion is using any method of reason or advertising to prevail on someone to believe or do something. However, when it comes to looking at persuasion and dark persuasion, the first difference is the intention. A persuader may simply be concerned with creating the most good for people, like a diplomat on a mission to prevent war between two nations through creating political ties where there were none before. This is what is called positive persuasion.
Dark persuasion lacks any kind of moral intention. The intention is mostly immoral, and sometimes it is amoral. A dark persuader typically shows a lack of worry or interest in the morality of his manipulation. While “doing the right thing” may be a perk to him, it doesn’t necessarily have to be his biggest motivation.
While positive persuasion is concerned with helping people help themselves, dark persuasion is understood as the process of making others act against their own self-interest. Sometimes some people may be aware that what they are doing isn’t the best choice, but they go ahead and do it but reluctantly just to stop the unpleasant persuasion. Other times, expert dark manipulators can convince someone that they are making a wise choice when in actuality, they are doing the opposite.
The main motivation behind dark persuasion largely depends on the type of persuader. Some of them do it just to serve their own self-interests, while others may act solely to fulfill their malicious intentions of causing pure harm. While they may not succeed in harming the other by darkly persuading them, they would do it anyway. Also, there are those who use dark persuasion because it gives them a sense of control.
Outcome
The second difference between positive persuasion and dark persuasion is the end result. These three scenarios typical define the end result of positive persuasion;
The person being persuaded benefits
A win-win situation for both the persuader and the persuaded
A mutual benefit for the persuaded and a third party
All these results show that the persuaded person gets a positive result at the end. While it is not always that the persuaded benefits, there is, however, no situation that it is only the persuader who benefits.
However, dark persuasion has a very different set of end results. The persuader at all times benefits, either indirectly or via exercising their twisted need for control and influence. Also, the one being persuaded ends up going against their self-interest and in the end, does not benefit.
The persuader inflicts harm
Lastly, in dark persuasion, the persuader not only benefits but also harms both the persuaded and anyone else in or along the way. For instance, a dark persuader convinces someone to c
ommit suicide so that they can profit from an insurance policy. The persuader has not only gained financially, but the victim loses their life, and anyone who knew them or cared about them gets hurt.
The inability to care about or having a lack of interest in how persuasion impacts others is the main characteristic of a dark persuader. Such kind of people is either sociopathic with an inability to grasp other people’s emotional concept or narcissistic and only consider their own needs to be much more important than that of other people.
Dark persuasion in relationships
Dark persuasion is very common in relationships where one part practices it or worse still; both partners use dark persuasion against the other. When such attempts are persistent and last over a period of time, the relationship is considered psychologically abusive. An example of dark persuasion in a relationship is when a partner will convince the other not to take a job opportunity. The persuaded will be told that doing so is for the good of the relationship while in actual sense, letting go of such an opportunity would be hurting the victim and even the relationship in the long run. In turn, the persuader becomes more certain that they can be able to control and manipulate their partner.
Dark persuasion tactics
The six principles of persuasion by Robert Cialdini gives you the insight of persuading people but, dark persuaders have perfected their persuasion skills, so get people to carry out their wishes. They are experts in disguising the nature of what is actually happening. These are the tactics they use.
Graduality
It sounds unbelievable hearing that someone can be talked into killing themselves or killing other people. How would someone accept to do something like that? Or who would even do such a thing? What should be understood here is that dark persuasion doesn’t just start as a sudden request from nowhere. Instead, Michael Pace, in his book on Dark Persuasion 101, describes persuasion as a “staircase,” that is, the victims are persuaded one step at a time. At first, it might not appear like a big deal, but before they know it, they are in too deep, and their persuaders wouldn’t let them climb back up.
For example, let us think of gang bosses; these psychopathic criminals don’t just start by asking their followers to kill people. No, they start small from carrying out hiding weapons for them or carrying out petty thefts. Gradually, they persuade their followers to commit more severe acts. The gang bosses may even have an unseen advantage in their ability to hold the smaller criminal acts over their followers. Before they are able to grasp what is happening, they are already a long way down, so much that they would do anything the persuader wants because they feel they have no choice no matter how shocking the crime seems.
Graduality is a tactic that many expert dark persuaders know too well. It is like asking someone to jump across a canyon with the knowledge that they won’t accept, therefore, slowly by slowly, you build them a bridge.
The long con
The long con is slow and dragged out the persuasion method (not to be confused with graduality). The feeling of being pressured or not having a rapport or trust with a person trying to persuade you are some of the things that give you the ability to resist persuasion. However, the long con takes care of these issues. Have you ever wondered why con artists are so good at what they do? They first earn the trust of their victims through excessive made up rapport-building techniques as well as other methods of increasing their victim’s comfort levels. Then, after a victim has been readied psychologically to an adequate degree, the persuasion attempts now begin. This is exactly how the long con tactic plays out.
In this tactic, the persuasion attempts usually start with some insincere positive persuasion, which will lead the victims to make choices or do things that benefits the persuader. The purpose of doing this is first to make the victim be accustomed to the persuasion and secondly, to make the victim create a mental connection between persuasion and a positive result.
Concealing the real intention
Manipulators usually hide their real desire, which is a crucial step in a successful dark persuasion, especially depending on their victim as well as the circumstance. There is a dark psychological principle that states that a lot of people find it difficult to turn down two requests in a row. For example, when a person wants to get $100 from a friend and they don’t have any intention of paying back the money. The persuader may start by explaining that they require $500 to pay rent, or they would be kicked out, and the friend is the only person they can turn to.
The friend may feel some form of guilt or compassion and wish they could help but explain that the amount is too high they can’t afford it. The persuader now takes the chance and reduces the amount to the original $100 that they wanted in the first place. At this and the fact that the friend is already feeling guilty makes it too awkward for them to turn down a second request and gives in. The persuader gets what they wanted, and the friend will always be in the dark about what has really happened.
Reverse psychology is also another way that persuader use to conceal their real intentions. There are people who have a tendency of refusing to go in the direction they are taken and instead make a complete U-turn. A classic example is when there is a sign on a door saying “Do not push,” but a person does it anyway, in fact, it is like the sign is attracting them to actually do it. A person with such a personality is very vulnerable to dark persuaders.
Coercion
Generally, coercion means imposing one’s will to another by means of threat or force. It involves using various types of forceful action which violates an individual’s free will in order to induce the desired will. These actions include threats to induce favor, torture, blackmail, extortion, or even sexual assault. These actions are used as leverage, that is, as a way to force victims to act contrary to their own interests.
Coercion is both mental and physical. It may involve psychological harm or the actual infliction of injury or physical pain in order to intensify the extent of or the credibility of a threat. Using the threat of further harm to the person being coerced may make them obedient or cooperative. A lot of social philosophers consider coercion as the polar opposite of freedom.
Physical Coercion
This is the most commonly considered form of coercion. This is where the use of force against a victim, the people closest to them or even their property, is the content of the conditional threat. A common example is being held at gunpoint (when a gun is put on your head) or being held at knifepoint or cut-throat (when a knife is placed under your throat). This way, the person compels you to do what they want, or you get injured or killed.
A good example of physical coercion is the use of firing squads by the armed forces witnessed in many countries. This method is used to intimidate the masses or the opposition into silent compliance or submission or to maintain discipline. There are also other methods of coercion that are non-physical where the threatened injury does not imply the use of force right away. Also, coercion, in many cases, does not amount to the destruction of life or property since compliance is the goal.
Psychological Coercion
This situation’s threatened injury is usually concerned with the victim’s relationship with other people. Blackmail is the most obvious example where threatened injury regards the spreading of damaging information. The threats can be physical, emotional, or mental harm, or of criminal prosecution against the victim or any other person close to the victim. Another example of coercion is extortion, whereby coercion is used to obtain money, services, or property from an individual or even an institution. Many jurisdictions consider both blackmail and extortion as criminal offenses that are punishable.
Another example of psychological coercion is emotional blackmail. This typically involves threats of disapproval by or rejection from a peer-group, creating feelings of obligation/guilt via a display of hurt or anger by someone whom the victim loves or respects.
Brainwashing or coercive persuasion is another more lethal example of psychological coercion.
Brainwashing has been the subject of many documentaries and movies over the years, but it’s not always as dramatic as they depict them. Perhaps calling it coercive persuasion will make you understand the concept of brainwashing better. Coercive persuasion involves influencing a person through the use of force. Different techniques are used to get someone to actually change their thought process, belief system, and the way they feel and act. It is said to reduce the victim’s ability to think independently or critically, to allow the introduction of new unwanted ideas and thoughts into the victim’s mind as well as to change their beliefs, values, and attitudes. Coercive persuasion is a stronger and invasive type of persuasion used mostly by sects, terrorist organizations, kidnappers, totalitarian sects, among others.
Deception
Deception is one of the key aspects of dark psychology. Just like other tactics of dark psychology, it is very difficult to tell when it is dark or not. So what is deception? When asked, most people would state their point of view that deception and lying are one and the same thing. But they are not. Lying is actually one of the forms of deception. Therefore, instead of thinking of “lies” as deception, think of it as “misleading.” So, deception is basically any word or action that is capable of making a person believe something other than the truth.
Some of the common manifestations of deception include lying, implying falsehood, omitting the truth, or fraudulently providing false evidence. While you may have done one or several of these examples of deception, don’t panic; it doesn’t mean that all these acts of deception are darkly psychological. Everyone deceives, and the extent of deception varies with everyone or with the situation. People deceive for various reasons like embarrassment, feelings of inadequacy, or even kindness. For example, according to studies, most men on dating websites lie and will continue to lie about their height. This doesn’t mean that these men are practitioners of dark psychology. There are also a lot of people who deceive themselves about several issues, such as their health, happiness, and ambition. These are just the simple, regular, everyday examples of deception that can’t be described as dark. So what constitutes dark deception?