by David Bennis
Their intended goal
Another key element in understanding this tactic is the motivation behind the ultimatum. Usually, those whose ultimatums are for a good course are often motivated by the desire to help better the other person’s life. It could be improving their health or helping them stop carrying out a bad habit. An example of an ultimatum with a good intention is “Let’s go to the gym, or you risk several chronic diseases.” Or “Reduce drinking or I can’t be around you.” Such kinds of ultimatums are issued with the purpose and intention of helping the other person make a good choice, or do something that impacts their life positively.
The nature of the ultimatum itself
Judging the true intention behind an ultimatum is not easy. However, one can never really be able to identify whether the intention behind it is a dark, manipulative one. Therefore, looking at the nature of the ultimatum itself can go a long way in figuring out whether or not it is manipulative. Dark psychological ultimatums usually involve the victim being requested to behave or do something that is either against their own self-interest or that violates their personal morals. Before anything else, the manipulator first tests the extent to which their intended victim is willing to go or be swayed against their own belief. In contrast, a good ultimatum doesn’t require a person to do anything that goes against their conscience or harmful.
By this time, you should be able to differentiate between an ultimatum with a good intention and one that is opposite. This is in terms of the person giving out the ultimatum, the motivation behind it as well as the purpose of the ultimatum itself. So what validates a textbook example of a dark psychological ultimatum? The first indication of a dark psychology ultimatum is the person issuing it. Oftentimes they lack a valid status within the lives of their victims such as the victim’s boss, someone the victim had an illicit romantic relationship with or a friend with far more psychological control and influence over a victim. Other times they take a valid role within the life of the victim such as being a parent, spouse, etc. generally, if they are someone very close to the victim’s social circle, and are giving out ultimatums, then it can indicate that dark psychology is in play.
Examples of dark psychology ultimatums as we have seen are those that are harmful to the victim or goes against their moral character. For instance, a victim has had a drinking problem and decides to quit the habit either for health or ethical reasons. But a manipulator notes this new development and realizes it could be a source of pleasure and amusement for their own dark mind. The manipulator will then take the idea of alcohol and use it as a basis for ultimatums with which to twist and bend the person’s will. Examples of these ultimatums are “Either drink, or you won’t be welcome to the party” or “Either you do a short with me, or I am going home.”
Self-harm, suicide, or even murder constitutes some of the most extreme ultimatums. For example, a manipulator can tell their victim to “Cut your arm, or will cut mine two times.” Or a manipulative boyfriend may issue his girlfriend with a child from a previous relationship with an ultimatum telling her to “Kill that child to prove your love for, or I will leave you.” You would be surprised to know that there are those who are manipulated into killing themselves under the pretense of a suicide pact. Yes, people are that heartless. And once the victim dies, the manipulator doesn’t fulfill their end of the bargain.
The eternal breakup
Having a feeling of contentment and security is one of the basic requirements for a stable, peaceful, and happy relationship. People in happy relationships or marriages usually have a feeling of being at ease and also do not feel a sense of constant threat that their marriage or relationship might end at any time. Manipulators who are experts of dark psychology are very much aware of these principles and would do anything in their power to turn these principles upside down for their own twisted aims. They would cultivate a sense of negativity, chaos, and instability within a relationship to ensure that their victim as helpless and powerless as possible.
The eternal breakup is a very effective manipulation mind game that is very common within a romantic context primarily to cause anxiety and instability. This mind game tactic is the prolonged and persistent use of threats to leave someone. This may take the form of promised breakups, implied breakups or even actual breakups that aren’t usually followed through on.
The implied break up
This is one of those breakups that don’t actually involve a clear mention of breaking up. Rather, the manipulator hints at a potential breakup and in the process plant the seed of doubt in the mind of the victim. For example, a partner may casually mention their plans for the future that don’t involve the other partner. They may even hint at a breakup actively by saying things like “Well, I won’t put up with that for long” or any other kind of veiled hint. In short, an implied breakup is any type of sentence or action that makes the victim doubt the longevity of the relationship.
The promised breakup
This is a step between an implied breakup and the actual breakup. It’s the kind of breakup where manipulators issue threats to their victims that openly state they intend to end the relationship in the near future. For example, in the course of an argument, a manipulative partner may say things like “I don’t have to deal with this anymore; I am going to leave you soon.” Any time a partner mentions the idea of separation, breakup, or divorce but doesn’t actually carry out the step itself immediately or at all then it’s a promise breakup.
The actual breakup
This is the most severe of the eternal breakup mind game. In this case, the manipulator actually breaks up but fails to follow through on it. You may find them packing a bag to leave but then recognize their victim’s sadness and discomfort and then fail to follow through with the breakup. They may actually plan ahead of the breakup and the failure to not go through with it, pretend that they are “accepting the victim back” following the sadness and begging.
Now that you understand what eternal breakup is and its different forms, what are the inspirations behind it? The eternal breakup mind game is intended to remove feelings of security and certainty from their victim’s life so as to reduce their power and influence to their manipulator and in turn place the power in the hands of the manipulator. Sometimes, manipulators use this form of a mind game as an evil “test.” The repeated breakups are also a way for the manipulator to determine the extent to which their partner can put up with being played with. The manipulator also uses that chance to portray themselves as the one who is “compassionate” by “kindly” agreeing not to end the relationship.
What makes this tactic work in the first place? A lot of people will dismiss this tactic as nonsensical the first time they hear about because why wouldn’t anyone want to break up with a manipulative person in the first place? But this is a very major misunderstanding of dark psychology. In this case, the victim is not in a normal situation or psychologically healthy. Therefore, they aren’t in a position to rationally figure out why the relationship is ending. Rather, they are susceptible and vulnerable to their manipulator's influence and power. This is why they get so eager to prevent a breakup and preserve the relationship that has quickly become the manipulator’s dark psychological playground.
Victims subjected to the eternal breakup mind game tactic may end up with severe long-term consequences. They have high chances of developing serious trust issues so much that they may never trust any other person in any situation again. This can destroy a person’s family and professional lives, which is, unsurprisingly and ironically, what the manipulator wanted. The more the “breakup” period lasts, the more the victim becomes a sort of subservient slave, obeying the manipulator unquestioningly and would do anything for them just to avoid another breakup threat. And usually, at this point, the manipulator loses interest in the victim after completely breaking their will and actually breaks up with them and moves on to a new target while leaving the other’s life in ruins.
Hard to get
/> Just like ultimatums, this is another one of the mind game tactics that most people confuse with normal, healthy behavior. There are, however, key elements that show playing hard to get is a clear dark psychology product. The first step into understanding hard to get mind game is to understand when it is innocent and when it is evil.
An innocent use of hard to get mind game is like when a person wants to appear like a bit of a challenge to another person who they are romantically interested in by making themselves less available. This includes not replying to texts and calls immediately, failing to accept every suggested date or any other type of similar behavior. This playing hard to get may keep the other person interested, if they are very serious about it, and could eventually lead to a happy, romantic, and lasting relationship.
When playing dark psychology is used for dark reasons, then it’s usually very dangerous. The time it is deployed, and the motivation behind it strongly differs from the innocent one. For instance, partners in a romantic relationship who use the hard to get mind game to tend to use it in the course of the relationship and not at the beginning. The intention is usually negative and that which doesn’t regard the other partner’s well-being.
When innocently playing hard to get, it does not violate any expectations such as when used at the beginning of a relationship. At this point, no one is dependent or reliant on the other; therefore, it does no harm to be hard to get. When someone is unreliable and evasive in the course of the relationship, the effects tend to be more severe.
After a couple agrees to be in a committed relationship, then one partner starts playing hard to get by being unavailable and unreliable, it becomes an inversion of the normal dynamic. This is because normal relationships are usually elusive at the beginning and then becomes firmer over time. But a manipulative partner will start by being artificially firm to force a sense of connection and then over time becomes less and less available once the victim is “hooked.”
Playing hard to get when the relationship is already in play only makes the other partner chase and exert effort to restore reconnection with the partner who is pulling away. This only ends up gratifying the manipulators' ego and gives them power. Expert manipulators even know how to balance out playing hard to get with doing actions that convey reliability and closeness. This develops into a deep psychological instability and confusion in the mind of the victim, making them vulnerable, and the manipulators then exploit that to get what they want.
Brainwashing
Brainwashing refers to the gradual process of replacing a person’s ideas about beliefs and identity with the brainwasher’s own ideas that are intended to suit their aims. Brainwashing takes place in both the narrower and wider contexts. For instance, a brainwasher can influence and control one person and can also use the same principles and techniques to control a wider group at once. The evil irony is of brainwashing is that the person behind it will ensure that the victim will always feel in control. Brainwashing is the same process that turns prisoners of war into communists and terrorists into suicide bombers. Over the years, this process has been tested, tried, and proven to be effective almost every time.
Situations where brainwashing is used to manipulate people
There are those situations that are brainwasher’s fertile breeding grounds. Let us look at the situations where people are more likely to be brainwashed and what motivates the brainwashers.
Cults
While a lot of people would agree with the idea that people get brainwashed in cults, very few people would explain how this happens. To understand this, you should know what a cult is first. A cult is a fringe group. They usually have a charismatic leader who the group is built around and who exerts high levels of influence over the followers. The followers are usually provided with a “complete understanding of reality.” So what makes cults a perfect brainwashing context?
What makes cults attractive is that they portray reality as something very simple that is within reach of an average person as long as the person is willing to acknowledge and consider the cult’s teachings. The complex world of today may seem overwhelming and confusing. Cults offers its followers a way through this confusion, and by telling them not to worry they have the answer. But the way they present this “answer” is with the intention of playing for the human need for acceptance and belonging. This way, the followers are brainwashed with the idea of a “new normal.” This enables the cult to influence their followers into accepting their teachings and making them appear accepted, positive, and prevalent.
For example, in everyday life, the idea of worshipping a human being claiming to be God is very strange. However, within the confinement of a cult, this idea is “normal” so much that failure to do it seems strange to the other members of the cult. This persistent and social reinforcement process is one powerful tool of ideological brainwashing that many cults use.
Ideologies
This context is a little similar to cults, where brainwashing is commonly deployed. The difference is that while cults focus on the person, ideologies focus on the idea itself. Cults brainwash people into trusting and following a cult leader, but ideologies brainwash people into placing their absolute trust in an idea. Ideological brainwashing is extremely dangerous because it goes above and beyond any one person.
For example, an extremist religious terrorist group - while it is possible for a high-profile leader in the group to be killed, such as Osama Bin Laden, it doesn’t mean that the idea itself is killed. Those who die will only be praised as martyrs whose lives were given to the ideology. This, in turn, increases its allure and attractiveness to potential newcomers.
How brainwashing is used to manipulate people psychologically
The starting point of brainwashing is the social circumstance and mental state of the victim. Brainwashing can’t be done on absolutely anyone. It works best on a person who is either trying to fill a void in their life or is seeking something totally different to try out. These are people who have had a recent event shake up their existing reality such as the death of a close family member or a friend or loss of a job or even diagnosis of a sickness.
Once the victim is identified, the brainwasher will come along as a friendly, calm, and rational person who lives a life that is complete to the victim’s eyes. The brainwasher will work on establishing a rapport and create a level of support. They can compare hobbies and interests and similarities in their personal tragedies. They will also often provide favors and gifts to the victim to create a sense of indebtedness and gratitude from the victim to the brainwasher. All these are just methods of creating a false emotional connection and warmth between them.
A utopian presentation is the next brainwashing step. Here, the brainwasher gradually offers a solution to every problem the victim opens up about. This is done in an offhand and casual manner at first to avoid feelings of pressure on the victim’s part. When done expertly, it leaves the victim with a craving for more information and understanding of the solution on offer. Sometimes the brainwasher would withhold information to increase the victim’s curiosity.
Once this is done successfully and the victim is responding well, the brainwasher now begins the gradual revelation – revealing the right things at the right time. This is the revealing of the ideas that are easy to accept before revealing the controversial ones. For example, in the case of terrorist groups, starting to convince a victim that God loves them is more acceptable than God wants them to blow themselves up. These controversial ideas are saved for much later when the brainwashing process has reached a point of no return.
One may wonder why the victim doesn’t choose to walk away once they discover what is really going on. First of all, the victim who is already vulnerable now feels a sense of approval and liking for the brainwasher. Secondly, the victim has invested time and other times, even money, and they won’t just throw away all their hard work and walk away. Lastly, the brainwasher is likely to have opened about a lot about the sensitive and secre
tive information to the victim that can be held over the victim’s head either overtly or discreetly.
The end result is that the victim becomes manipulated into believing everything they have been convinced and brainwashed with are the truth. But what is more powerful is that the victim would believe that that they chose these views out of their own volition. This makes the once normal person into a slave of indoctrinated psychology to something they probably have no idea it exists at all.
Psychological warfare
Psychological warfare is generally a broad term; however, in every documented case, the concept is always the same. It uses actions that intend to reduce a rival’s morale as well as their mental wellbeing. The aim here is to employ the use of manipulative tactics to intimidate or persuade a person or a group of people.
Propaganda is the main method of deploying psychological warfare. Propaganda is statements or ideas that are either exaggerated or entirely false and are deliberately spread for the purpose of influencing the masses. The intention behind psychological warfare is to deliberately use propaganda to manipulate people and break down their will without having to use physical force.
How psychological warfare is used to emotionally manipulate people
Psychological warfare uses fear to manipulate people emotionally and break down a person’s psychological wellbeing. The following describes how that is achieved.
Threats
Threats of violence, control, and restrictions of freedom can be used to successfully instill fear in people. The threats could either have true intentions, or they could be empty threats. But whatever the case, threatening people can damage them psychologically and put them in a state of constant terror, fear, and anxiety. This way, controlling people and manipulating them is very simple.