Dark Psychology Emotional Manipulation

by David Bennis

  False flag

  A false flag takes place when usually a group of people carries out a fake attack or releases false information that is usually threatening with the goal of instilling fear in people. But the blame is then put on another group or also organizations in order to exercise control over the masses and shift opinion.

  Objects

  The use of objects like hats, pins, posters, t-shirts, and more is an effective way of conveying the message to the masses. But sometimes these same objects can be used as a symbol for much larger messages concerning politics, religious philosophies, radical beliefs, etc. They become tools for promotions and in other cases, even worship.

  Media

  While it might be surprising, books, music, and films can all be used as tools for psychological warfare. The messages portrayed in the media can rewrite history from a different viewpoint and/or insert new ideas in the populous’ minds.

  News outlets

  News is a very large source of information. Whether it is independently owned or run by a government, news has the ability to spread any information it chooses. In psychological warfare, a person or group of people can infiltrate a news outlet and give out volatile information that could taint the population.

  Leaflets

  These pieces of paper can sometimes be innocent, but other times, they can be used to spread manipulative pictures or messages. They are usually given out in areas of war or political unrest. The main aim here is to persuade the people who receive the leaflets to either oppose or support the political event taking place.

  Chapter 3: How to Manipulate People Psychologically and How to Lie

  A lot of people believe that manipulation is immoral and wrong. But sometimes it can even be used to achieve a positive outcome for both parties. Whatever your reason for manipulating people, here are the tactics to help horn your skills. For those who believe it’s wrong, the following tactics give you ideas to know when you are being manipulated.

  Lying by commission

  It’s never easy to know whether a person is lying when they are doing it, although often the truth may come out later when it is already too late. Understanding some personality types -especially that of psychopaths who are expert and frequent liars, who do it often in subtle ways, can go a long way in minimizing your chances of being lied to and manipulated.

  Lying by the commission is when someone tells you something that is not a fact, or it is simply not true. Manipulators use this type of lie to twist the truth to create a version of something that happened, usually to favor themselves. A very simple example is when you know the weather outside is gloomy, but when asked, you just say, “Oh, it’s perfectly sunny outside!” This way, the other person will make a decision to dress for sunny weather based on the wrong information they have been given.

  This type of lie succeeds if the manipulated is willing to believe the lie, and the lie is also something that sounds plausible. Having a determination not to be lied to can go a long way in tackling this kind of lies. Always be skeptical about what you are being told and develop the habit of double-checking information.

  Lying by omission

  Let’s say you have been dating your partner for quite some time then you come across the name Alice. You keep asking him “Who is Alice” and he would always change the topic immediately. But one day you press him for the truth, and he ends up telling you that he was once married to Alice for eight years. What might be disturbing isn’t the fact that he was married but because he lied about it and it took you asking him several times before he finally admitted it.

  Your partner is playing a game called “lying by omission.” You and your partner had probably talked about your past relationships before, and you remember him mentioning that he was with someone for eight years and that they were engaged. But what your partner is telling you is that since you didn’t ask him direct questions like “Were you married?” or “Are you divorced?” he didn’t feel obliged or that it was important to share with you that piece of information in your relationship. Basically, he lied to you because you didn’t ask him the right questions!

  Lying by omission is the most pervasive, insidious and the most common lie used by people globally. It allows liars to manipulate a situation to their advantage by failing to reveal the truth because they were not asked a question directly that pertains to the “truth.” This tactic is used to generate false impression as well as to promote something to appear like something that is really not.

  Denial

  Denial, an unwillingness to admit wrongdoing, has long been conceptualized as a mechanism for ego defense. What this means is that it is generally assumed that a person unconsciously denies the reality of a situation because it is simply too painful to bear. However, when disturbed characters or manipulators, in this case, engage in denial, they are not usually in a state of psychological unawareness as a result of a deep inner pain about who they are or what they have been doing. Instead, they more often use denial as a tactic to feign innocence as well as a way to manage the impression of others, especially those who might otherwise have their number.

  Some manipulators are so good in this technique that they can successfully manipulate others into second-guessing themselves. Oftentimes, manipulators won’t admit when they have done something wrong and will also refuse to look at any role that their behavior patterns may have played in causing problems in their lives. They will not only lie to others but to themselves too about their malicious acts and intentions. If their denial is convincing and forceful enough, others will more likely be successfully manipulated. This is always a tactic to get other people off their backs.

  Denial is not only a very effective manipulation tactic, but it’s also a definite sign that the person is not about to change their way of behavior. Someone who is unwilling to acknowledge their wrongdoings in the first place is less likely to feel any desire or inclination to correct them. Practicing constant denial by disordered characters and manipulators alike makes them unable to internalize the standards and values of conduct, which in turn makes them less socially responsible.

  Rationalization

  In both logic and psychology, rationalization is a defense mechanism used to justify and/or explain controversial behaviors and feelings in a seemingly logical or rational manner in order to avoid the true explanation. In simpler terms, it means to make excuses. These excuses are usually consciously tolerable, and sometimes even superior and admirable, by reasonable or probable means.

  Expert manipulators always have an answer for every hurtful thing they do, and they will always have an excuse in store to justify their behavior no matter what you confront them about. When a person of generally good conscience does something wrong, they will try to find reasons to think that what they did wasn’t really that bad in order to assuage that conscience. However, this is not normally the case with manipulators, when they rationalize; their main goal is to try to manage your impression of them. They are trying to convince you that they had no choice but to do what they did, that they meant no harm in the first place or that any reasonable person would have done what they did under the circumstances. This way, they end up misleading you about the nature of both their intentions as well as their character. Just like lying, rationalization is another tactic that manipulators use to resist accepting responsibility, and most of all, as a way to get the better of others.

  When a person makes excuses for something they know is wrong, they are also making a statement about their feelings toward the principle at stake. For example, when a cheating partner keeps making excuses for their behavior, they are making a statement about their feelings toward the wrongness of unfaithfulness. At the same time, they are sending a clear signal that they are likely to repeat the behavior – as long as they continue making excuses for the behavior, repeating it is inevitable. This is because they have not yet submitted themselves to a principle of conduct that is different. This is also why it’s important to be aware of
people who make excuses for everything because if you accept them not only do you get manipulated, but you also put yourself in a position of having it done to you over and over again.

  Minimization

  Minimization is a lethal type of deception that involves denial coupled with rationalization. When a person uses the tactic of minimization, they are attempting to convince the other person that the wrongful they did wasn’t really as harmful or as bad as they know it was and they are also very much aware that the other person thinks it was. This way, they are able to manage the impressions that other people have on them by manipulating them into thinking that no matter the horrible thing they did it does not make them bad.

  For instance, minimization language is very common among cheating partners – especially after their affair is exposed. When a cheating partner claims that the affair was a “mistake” or “it was just sex,” it is in itself both manipulation and minimization. The partner uses this tactic to maintain control but not to protect their spouse’s feelings. Through it, they intend to maintain as much of the illusion as they can and for as long as it’s suitable for them.

  Additionally, when a person minimizes serious wrongdoings, they are also lying to themselves about the full extent of their behavior problems and character deficiencies. As long as they continue with the act, they will never take the problems they need to correct seriously. Just like any other manipulation tactics, minimization hinders the internalization of standards and values of conduct. It’s another way that manipulators use to resist accepting responsibility.

  Manipulators are good at disregarding the seriousness of their transgressions, and anyone who accepts their minimizations is for that reason successfully manipulated. Therefore, when he or she uses phrases like “I only did it once” or “You are overthinking things,” do not fall for it.

  Guilt trip

  This is a feeling of guilt and/or responsibility, particularly an unjustified one that someone else induces. To achieve this, a manipulator can remind a person about something bad they did, make them feel guilty about it and then give them an option to escape that guilt. The manipulator skillfully makes those options depending on what they want the other person to do. Most people find themselves obliged to comply with the demands that come with a guilt trip as a way of receiving other’s approval.

  In psychological manipulation, creating a guilt trip in another person is considered a form of punishment for a perceived transgression. It can also be considered a form of passive aggression.

  Dr. George Simon, the author of In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, describes the guilt trip as a special kind of intimidation tactic. The manipulator, in this case, suggests to the victims, especially the ones who are conscientious, that they are too selfish, or they do not care enough, or they have it easy. This makes the victims feel bad, and as a result, it keeps them in an anxious, self-doubting, and submissive position.

  Covert intimidation

  Intimidation is the intentional behavior done to cause a person to fear harm or injury. Covert intimidation is throwing a person onto the defensive by using subtle, implied, indirect, or veiled threats. This manipulation tactic is much more effective when the manipulator is skilled in communicating determination, resolve, and emotional tenacity, sending the message that the other person is no match for them. This means that the veiled threat is not so much embedded in what is being said or done but rather, the tone or manner employed when the threat is being said or done.

  In this tactic, the message is always the same – the manipulator implies that some sort of hell will break out if they get their way or if their dysfunctional behavior is confronted or challenged. Relationships that have partners who use this technique of covert intimidation are often at high risk of being abusive, exploitive, or both.

  Evasion

  In evasion, a manipulator will often try to avoid a subject or sidestep an issue when confronted about their behavior. They use this tactic to keep the attention off their problematic behaviors. They also use it when their true character threatens to be exposed, especially when they are caught off guard without a proper offensive strategy for taking advantage of other people. Therefore, they are quick to dodge any kind of important issue brought to their attention. Instead of giving a straight answer when asked a direct question, they often give rambling, irrelevant, or vague responses as a way of evading or sidestepping the question.

  Evasion is a classic tactic that manipulators use to remain in control of situations. Outdated principles of classical psychology used to describe evasion a behavior that manipulators use when they perceive themselves to be under attack and that they are just trying to defend themselves as well as protect their ego. However, this was just a misconception; the real reason manipulators use such tactics is to keep others at a disadvantage in this situation or in the dark. A manipulator will always want to have the advantage over others and not having to play by the same rules as others would like them to. Therefore, tactics like evasion are used to avoid responsibility and also to control and manipulate others.

  Diversion

  Diversion and evasion are often closely associated. Sometimes when you try to pin down someone who is an expert manipulator, they will effectively change the subject and divert the focus on an entirely different issue. This cunning sleight of hand is oftentimes an effective way to keep the focus on almost anything else other than the matter that has been raised. Usually, the focus is even shifted towards the person trying to bring to light the problem behavior, and as a result, they are effectively thrown on the defensive. Also, diversion prompts the other person to lose focus and hinders their pursuit of the truth.

  Both diversion and evasion are classical means of deflecting confrontation or concern about problem behaviors. It is self-evident that the manipulator using these tactics has no intention at all of taking responsibility for their behavior or even considering changing it. Rather than be responsible and accountable, all they are trying to achieve is advancing their own agenda and at the same time managing your impression of them.

  A perfect example of people who employ these techniques effectively is political talking heads being grilled by news commentators asking them serious questions concerning the policies being endorsed. Most of them stay on the message while remaining convincing and looking good, despite being aware of the flaws in their positions.

  Selective attention/inattention

  When you are arguing with your partner, and they keep saying things like “I don’t want to hear it,” the bad news is you are being manipulated. The selective attention or selective inattention tactic is used when the manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that may distract them from their agenda.

  Dr. George Simon labels this tactic as a “most interesting responsibility-avoidance behavior and manipulation tactic.” Manipulators only want to see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear. It’s not that they are unable to concentrate on what is being said, they have a clear focus when it comes to something they want. Instead, everything they process goes through some sort of peculiar mind filtering.

  Playing the victim

  We have all played the victim before – I know I have. How many of us have blamed our little siblings for breaking a family heirloom? How many of us have pointed fingers at a colleague for screwing something up at work? Playing the victim is just like eating bad food because it will only make you feel worse at the end. However, to manipulators, playing the victim is just another weapon in their arsenal of manipulative tactics.

  Manipulators often use this tactic to portray themselves as victims of circumstances in order to gain sympathy or pity or to induce compassion, and as a result of that, they get something from someone. Manipulators also indulge in self-victimization to influence or control other people’s feelings, thoughts, and actions, to seek attention, to justify their abuse to others and also as a way of coping with situations.

  Conscientious
and caring people are manipulator’s best targets in playing this tactic since they cannot stand seeing anyone suffering. The manipulators find it easy and rewarding to prey on these kinds of people by playing the victim to get cooperation.

  While playing the victim can be highly successful in obtaining goals; thankfully, it is almost always only over a short-term. This tactic is one of those that tend to be less successful over time. In the long run, those being manipulated may end up realizing what is happening, and any efforts the manipulators make are often met with hostility, are belittled or ignored. In the end, the manipulators may get frustrated and hop on to the next easy target.

  Playing the servant role

  Manipulators use this tactic to cover their self-serving agendas in the pretense of service to a noble cause. When manipulators are using this tactic, you will hear them saying that they are acting in a certain way to be in “service” to or “obedient” to an authority figure or they simply say they are “just doing their job.” A good example of the latter is when a parent pushes a child so much to excel academically when the child is only a student of average intellectual ability. The parent may use the excuse that they are only doing what any parent would do to their child to help them achieve their potential, and the parent would care if the child is buckling under the pressure.

  Playing the servant role is usually an effective manipulative tactic that is also very hard to notice right away. However, just like any other manipulative tactic, the results are always damaging to the manipulated if they are not challenged.