Semiramis Reborn

by Maya Daniels

  “Breathe, witchling, you are turning blue.”

  Geez, I really did forget to breathe, so I take a deep breath and it hurts as my lungs fill up with much needed air. I sometimes wonder if after being awakened through the ashes, some wiring got mixed in my head. It feels at times my natural survival instincts like breathing, which is the case at this moment, need manual activation, like they don’t have an automatic setting. Fuck me. I won’t get killed, I’ll just die because I’ll forget to breathe one day. I take a few more deep breaths.

  “Did you see them?”

  “Faith is there, I know for sure because I know her. I think I saw the other three, but there are many in those caves. I can’t be sure.”

  “That’s good enough for me. Tell me how to get there and how to get them out. Then I’m out of your hair.” I start getting up as I say this, but she stops me.

  “You can’t just waltz in there and get them. First, you need to get your hands on one of those lanterns. You can’t step foot there without one. Trust me, many have tried.”

  “Why are you here? Who are you actually? You know my name, and a hell of a lot more, I can feel it, but I don’t even know your name. And let’s not play games. I also know you’re not human.”

  “Is that so?” There is amusement in her eyes.

  “Answer my question, please.”

  “My name is Azalea Shadowwalker. As for what I am, I can’t tell you. That’s for you to figure out, but even if you don’t, it’s not important now. What matters is that I help you when you need me.”

  Well, I have a lot to say about her not being important. With entities like her, better be safe than sorry and you’d better know what you are dealing with. Unfortunately for me, the urgency I feel in the pit of my stomach keeps my mouth shut on the many things I want to say. I was about to ask what the plan is when her earlier words smack me on the head.

  “Oh, sweet Goddess, that’s why Faith was there? She was trying to steal a lantern?” I slap myself on the forehead hard enough that the slap echoes all around us.

  “Yes. She was hoping to follow them and see if she could somehow get her hands on one.”

  “But why? She said she was already too late to save the person that was taken from her.”

  “She was, yes. She decided to help free the others since she couldn’t save her soul sister,” Azalea says sadly and my heart shrinks in my chest from the pain I feel. I knew she was a beautiful soul, Azalea just confirmed it.

  “Okay, then. Let’s go grab us a lantern. Oh, and before we start moving, I have only one question.”

  “And that is?” She lifts her eyebrows at me.

  “How do you kill one of those monsters?”

  I flinch at the coldness of my own words. They sound flat and merciless, like they’re coming out of someone else’s mouth. What do you know? Even a love-and-light person can turn into a coldhearted killer when you rip her heart out of her chest. The gaping hole turns into an abyss and it consumes you slowly but surely. Before you know it, you are as close to becoming a monster as the ones you are hunting. No wonder they say if you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss stares back. I have no time to ponder on what I’m becoming. I’ll do that later when I get everyone out of here.

  “Those monsters are humans,” she says flatly, and I stare at her.

  “What? No they’re not! I saw them, remember? They look like skeletons and have fire for eyes.” I shiver at the thought.

  “That’s what happens to them after using dark magick for too long. They are all wizards that practice the Dark Arts.”

  “Are you saying I could’ve burned their asses, and I stood there while they took Faith?”

  “There were too many of them for one. Don’t forget, they are wizards, so they will fight back with magick. You couldn’t take on all of them at once,” Azalea says.

  I’m not so sure I couldn’t take them all. I hold my own when fighting Lucifer, and I will bet both my lungs and kidneys he will burn this entire realm with a flick of his wrist if he wants to. Oh, how I wish he were here. But, he is not, and I am, so I better get moving.

  “Okay, let’s go. Oh, and you said you’ll give me something so I can come back if I get pulled back in my body?”

  “Ah, yes. Simply hold this in your palm and visualize the portal that brought you here.”

  She checks all her pockets and finally, from the one in her vest, she pulls out a thin chain necklace. As she starts lifting her arms to put it around my neck, my eyes lock on the pendant, and I suck in a breath. It’s the same one that I’d been wearing since I can remember, the one my grandmother gave me when I was little, and the one that broke into a million pieces in the car accident. Well, not exactly the same, now that the shock is over. I see the differences. This butterfly looks like it’s made of flame. I lift a shaky hand and I touch it gently where it sits at my collarbone.

  “Thank you,” I choke out through the lump in my throat.

  “You are welcome, Alexia. Let’s go now before we waste another hour.”

  She pushes me gently in front of her. I’m grateful she is trying to get my mind back on track. No matter how I feel or what I’m in the middle of, when it comes to my grandmother, it’s like the entire universe stops, and she is all that matters. I guess looking at it from that perspective, you can also say she’s my weakness, my Achilles heel. I know she is gone but I will still do anything for her…even die.

  6

  Walking back through the woods, now that I’m not jogging or trying to see if I come across someone in a hurry, makes me appreciate the beauty of it. Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m not turning into the mushy heroine that you normally expect. I’ve learned how to appreciate things, even when everything seems lost. Not knowing what life may throw at you in a blink of an eye eventually makes you more grateful. You can even see and feel the beauty of nature in the middle of a shit storm, and my whole life is one big shit storm after another. So I open my entire being and connect to it. It makes me feel like part of something, not totally alone. I watch Azalea’s back as she moves gracefully in front of me and follow silently. Many scenarios play in my head of what can happen when we reach the mountain, and with each one I grow angrier and more determined. I want someone to pay for what the people I care about are going through. Burning Enlil’s essence is not enough. Every day, I wish I can somehow bring him back, just so I can do it all over again. I hear Azalea take in a sharp breath and she whirls on me.

  “Stop that this second! No one told you to be careful what you wish for? Or do you love pushing the Fates until it bites you in the ass again?”

  I take a step back because the woman is almost spitting fire because of how angry she is, and I bend my knees a little, ready for her attack. What the fuck?

  “What are you talking about?” I ask warily, trying to judge if she’s going to lunge at me or not. Her eyes are glowing and I can see an outline of a golden aura sizzling around her like an electrical charge waiting to be unleashed on me. At the same time, it feels like the trees and the ground under my feet are closing in on me, and it’s difficult to take a breath. Everything reacts to her anger like she is everything. Now there’s a thought for you, especially after saying it’s not important who she is. I watch her through narrowed eyes, waiting. Her nostrils are flaring and she’s taking deep breaths in what I’m guessing is an attempt to calm down. I still don’t understand what got up her ass. Bipolar much? So we waste precious time staring at each other until I can’t take it anymore.

  “Listen, lady, I have no idea what your problem is, but either attack and let’s fight it out or get the fuck out of my way. I have no time for your shit. I’ll figure out what I need to do on my own. Go deal with your outbursts on your own!” I say angrily as I straighten up and take a step towards her. She’ll either move or she’ll attack. I can’t care less at this point.

  “Get out of my fucking way.” I stare at her and I see her eyes go back to their amber color. So animalistic.
Spooky.

  “You have a death wish, witchling.” She’s looking at me contemplatively. “You’re either too brave, too stupid, or you don’t care if you die.”

  “As I said, Azalea, either move out of my way, attack, or start walking. I have no time for this.”

  “Control your thoughts, witchling, before you conjure things none of us can help you banish.”

  “So now you’re reading my mind?” I ask her through clenched teeth.

  “You’re projecting loud and clear. Enough so the web is vibrating from it. As I said, control them or I will knock you out for three more months.”

  She starts walking again, but she’s still angry. I can tell because she lost the fluidity of her movements and now stomps with each step. Dread pulls inside my stomach from her words, even as I follow numbly behind her for a couple of minutes.

  “Can I really do that? Bring him back from wherever I sent his ashes?” Now, that’s a chilling thought. Then anger takes over and I start feeling it like someone just rekindled a bonfire in me. If I bring him back, I can take my time torturing him for a very long time before I decide to cut the cord holding him as part of my life. Images start flipping through my mind of all the horrific things I would like to do. All the ways I want to see him suffer for everything that he has done. I want him to hurt as much as I hurt.

  No! I want him to hurt more! I stop short, horrified. My heart is beating wildly in my chest, my hands, fists clenched, hang next to my body, and I feel trickles of blood from my nails cutting skin in my palms.

  “What in the world is wrong with me?” I look at Azalea wide-eyed.

  She stops walking and is looking at me calmly with sadness in her eyes. They shimmer like molten gold with knowing and wisdom that squeeze my heart. She knows what I was thinking, I can see it there in their depths. Is this how she looks at those wizards too? Based on the images I was creating in my mind, I can bet my life that some of those wizards are angelic compared to me. Me!! The one that moves ants out of her way so she doesn’t step on them.

  “It’s this realm, Azalea. It’s doing something to me.”

  I’m pleading with my eyes for her to confirm it. To say something, anything, really, that will put me at ease. A sign that will tell me I’m not as bad as those monsters holding people in their caves. Or as Enlil was. I shiver at that thought.

  “Please,” I whisper, and tears roll down, silently burning a path on my face.

  “Let us walk and talk, witchling.”

  She starts moving, but my feet stay rooted to the spot. I can’t move. I can barely breathe. After a few steps, she looks over her shoulder, comes back, and takes my hand in the crook of her arm. She starts leading me, and woodenly, I drag my feet to keep pace with her.

  “Anger is like a hot coal that you try to throw at someone. You want to hurt them, but you burn yourself instead,” she says with a sigh. “Before you think I’m trying to say you shouldn’t be angry, let me elaborate for you, because obviously, no one found the time until now.”

  I look at her, my eyes still unseeing. I think I’m in shock from the severity and cruelty my mind created. It’s not the first time. It’s been going on since that night, but bloody Lucifer with his damn talk before I passed out for three months did something to snap me out of the haze, and now, here I am. Facing a monster I don’t know how to defeat because I am that monster! Azalea is watching me carefully and I shake my head to clear it.

  “Sorry. I’m listening.”

  “I know you are, witchling.” She pats my hand without letting it go. “You see, child, we all get knowledge from books, stories, watching people deal with things in their life, but that’s only that, knowledge. You will never be able to find the balance until you turn that knowledge into wisdom. And for that, witchling, you need to feel it on your own skin.”

  “What do you mean? I’ve felt more than my fair share of knowledge on my skin,” I say bitterly.

  “And do you regret it? Do you think life conspired against you, acted to make you suffer?” One eyebrow raised, she looks at me like I’m an idiot. Maybe I am.

  “I could’ve used less of it,” I reply sourly. I turn my eyes from her face towards the trees ahead that we’re slowly passing. Isn’t that the truth, that I could’ve used less of the crap I’ve had in my life.

  “And who would you be now, if that were the case?”

  “Me! Who else could I be? If it were easy to change who we are, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat a long time ago,” I respond honestly.

  “I see. You think if your life had been any different, you still would’ve been the same person you are today. How very naïve, witchling.”

  “All I’ve ever wanted, Azalea, is to love and be loved. For people to be kind to each other and for no one to hurt. Is that a bad thing? Is it too much to ask? You think anything could’ve changed who I am deep inside? I don’t believe that.”

  “Maybe not,” she allows, “but it would’ve changed what you did with your life and your path would’ve been much different. You wouldn’t have been there for those that need you.”

  “I still don’t think it would’ve been the case. You have good people and you have bad people. End of story. Although now I’m seeing that I might not be one of the good ones.”

  She shakes her head and laughs softly. Well, she can shake her head and laugh as much as she wants. After everything, I know better, much better. I feel sick and I think the brew she gave me is about to come out, so I breathe though my nose, slow deep breaths, and hold my other hand on my belly as if by sheer will I can hold it down.

  “You think everything is that simple, hm? Life is black and white, everything is nicely outlined, and you just walk through it on the straight path like a horse wearing blinders?”

  “I’m not that naïve, but the moral compass is either there or it’s not…I didn’t notice when mine broke,” I finish in almost a whisper, and she laughs. I really want to slap her—or myself. Whatever, just slap something.

  “Deep breaths, witchling, your anger is skin deep. You need to let it go.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to do, find them, bring them back and let it go.”

  “That’s not how it works. At what cost will you bring them back? Your life? You think they will be grateful for that?”

  “What does that matter? I need them safe…where they belong, where they should’ve been all along.”

  “Ah! So, it’s guilt then, not anger we are dealing with.” She nods her head.

  “It’s many things, guilt among others, yes.”

  “Well, I can tell you that it will do you no good to go head first through a wall and save them at any cost. They will resent you for it if you find them just so they lose you. It’ll turn this in a vicious cycle of pain and suffering for all involved.”

  “It’s not like I plan on it!” I say defensively. “Not like I want to hurt myself in the process, but no price is too high if it guarantees their safety.” I do mean it. I just want them back safe. That’s my goal. Everything in between is not important. Azalea is quiet for a while and I am too. Both lost in our own thoughts, we walk towards the mountain that I still can’t see because of the trees looming before us.

  “Everything is meant to pass as it’s meant to pass, witchling,” she says after a while in a gentle tone. “Events happen for a reason, to mold each of us into who we are created to be. We might see it as unfair or cruel, but if we change the perspective and see it as a lesson rather than a punishment, things will make more sense. It is your path to walk and I might have already said too much, but just remember one thing while you are growing in your own skin. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”

  With that, she lets go of my hand and starts briskly walking in front of me. I have a tsunami of thoughts assaulting my brain to the point that it’s making me dizzy, but just as I’m about to start talking, I realize we’re already at the end of the woods where not long ago, I watched those m
onsters take Faith, so I hasten my steps, catching up with her at the shimmering border that protects the woods from the clearing.

  “Did you place the protective barrier around the woods?” I ask her.

  “It’s not a barrier, it’s a portal.”

  “Huh? Portal to what? Aren’t we in the same realm while we are in the woods?”

  “No.”

  “That’s it? Just no?” Aghast, I look at her. “I need to know, so I know my options when I do get them out, Azalea, in case we need to make a fast getaway. I’m not asking because I have a desire to bother you more than I already have.”

  “I know.” It’s all she says while she stares towards the orchards with those stupid silver apples. I get goosebumps looking at them, and I better remember to be alert, so I don’t reach for one while going through it. I’m starting to get angry again, but I fight it this time. First, because it freaked me out enough already to realize what kind of a monster lurks within my own mind, and second, because I need to get moving without another lecture or a fight. Judging by her reaction earlier, I’d bet on the fight.

  “Will I be able to lead them here to safety if need be, or should I go straight for the cave? That’s all I want to know,” I say to her calmly.

  Damn, I can even convince myself if I keep it up. She turns those amber eyes on me and assesses me slowly. I don’t break eye contact. I even try not to blink. Let her see the truth in my eyes. I don’t care about anything or anyone, I just want to take my sisters home with me. Energy like I’ve never felt before enters my entire being. It penetrates my whole body at once, and it almost feels like it’s trying to take over. It’s fluid and kind of sticky at the same time, almost like I’m immersed in maple syrup but it’s moving, prodding my mind, my heart and even my essence. Just as I’m about to start panicking, thinking I fell for a trap and I need to fight her, she smiles.

  “Ah! There you are, witchling. Below all that guilt and anger, you are still there. I almost thought I made a mistake.”