Next of Kin

by Jae

  Dawn clearly wasn't one of those people. She made a good living with her practice, but from the look of her apartment, money or power had no real importance to her. And she already had a beautiful woman in her bed. She was trying to befriend Kade just for the sake of friendship.

  Kade picked up the piece of cheese and began to grate it. "How come you never tried to teach Del how to cook?" she asked after a while. If she was stuck here for the evening, she might as well use the time to learn more about Del from the woman who knew her best. Gathering information before planning your tactics was the lawyerly thing to do after all.

  "Who says I didn't try?" Dawn shot back, looking up from the ground meat she was browning.

  "Del's sad attempts at chicken soup," Kade answered before she could censor herself. She realized too late that she had let down her guard.

  Dawn turned, spatula in hand, and studied her until the sizzling from the pan made her turn back around. "Del has always respected me just the way I am, so I try to do the same with her. If she doesn't like to cook, I won't force her to," she said over her shoulder, mercifully not commenting on what Kade had let slip.

  "How come you're forcing me, then?" Kade demanded to know.

  "Because you have to try it first before you know if you like to cook or not," Dawn answered.

  Valid point, Kade had to admit and started to grate the cheese again.

  "Can I ask you something?" Dawn asked while she cut up a tomato with rapid moves.

  Kade stiffened. Great. Here it comes.

  "Don't worry," Dawn said, lightly touching her arm in the close quarters of the small kitchen. "I won't ask you what's going on between you and Del. I'm curious and a little worried about my best friend, yes, but I respect your privacy. I won't bring up that topic unless you want me to."

  Kade grabbed a new piece of cheese. She felt relieved but also a little guilty. Dawn was willingly opening up to her while she was holding back and not telling her anything about herself. As a lawyer, Kade understood the principle of quid pro quo only too well. "In that case, ask away," she said with false cheerfulness.

  "Why was there never anything between you and Aiden?" Dawn asked quietly and then added, "Assuming there wasn't."

  The sharp edges of the cheese grater scratched over Kade's fingers when she used a little too much force. "Ouch." She quickly pulled back her hand and stared down at the drop of blood running down her index finger.

  Dawn grabbed her wrist and pulled her over to the sink.

  No one had encroached on Kade's personal space with Dawn's casualness in quite some time. "It's just a small scratch," Kade protested but held still while Dawn placed a band-aid on her finger.

  "I'm sorry," Dawn said, her greenish eyes expressing honest regret. "That was a bad time to ask that kind of question."

  There is no good time for a question like that. "I told you I wasn't good at cooking," Kade said, pretending the startling question had nothing to do with her little accident.

  Dawn turned back to her sauce.

  Something told Kade she wouldn't try to ask that question again. Now I feel obliged to bring it up. Is that a trick they teach psychologists in college? She sighed. "Just for the record, there was never anything between Aiden and me, and there never will be."

  Dawn pulled the pan from the stove and turned back around. She nodded, and Kade could see that she believed her. "Why not?" Dawn asked. Curiosity and just a hint of insecurity shimmered in the depths of the gray-green eyes.

  "What happened to 'I respect your privacy'?" Kade asked in an attempt to avoid an answer. The question about her and Aiden wasn't any easier to answer than the question about her and Del.

  Dawn bit her lip. "I know this is a very private question too, and I'm aware that you're a very private woman, but I feel like this... thing between you and Aiden will forever stand between us," she pointed from Kade to herself, "and between me and Aiden if we don't address it and clear it up once and for all." Dawn looked up at Kade, ignoring her half-prepared lasagna. "Since I've met Aiden, I've always felt like..." She stopped and searched for words.

  Kade waited, worried and curious about where this was going.

  "Have you ever watched Star Trek?" Dawn asked, out of the blue.

  "What?" That was the last thing she had expected Dawn to say. "What does a sci-fi show have to do with all this?"

  Dawn smiled sheepishly. "Well, there were a few episodes about alternative realities. At some points in your life, you make a decision, and that decision changes the course of your life. A different decision would lead to a different life."

  "Okay, I'm following you so far," Kade said, trying hard to be patient, "but I still don't see what it has to do with Aiden and you and... me."

  "In an alternative reality, Aiden could have very well ended up with you instead of with me," Dawn said very honestly.

  Kade shrugged. "In alternative realities, she could have ended up with hundreds of other people." She wasn't sure how much Aiden had told Dawn about her past relationships, so she avoided pointing out details.

  "I know Aiden slept with a lot of people before we met, but somehow, for some reason, the only relationship in her life that feels a little threatening at times is her relationship with you," Dawn admitted.

  God! Kade mentally groaned. Why did I agree to come back to her apartment? "Dawn," she began, looking her right in the eyes, trying to be as convincing as possible to clear this up once and for all, "I told you there was never anything between us. There's nothing to feel threatened about. Aiden loves you."

  A wistful smile flitted over Dawn's face. "I know. I don't doubt her feelings or her loyalty. That's not what this is about. I know she loves me, but on bad days, I'm still not sure that I'm the ideal mate for her. Under different circumstances, I could see her with you, you know? You'd have been a good match. You could give her everything I can't."

  Kade's first reaction was to deny it or laugh it off, but she knew Dawn was too stubborn, too persistent to let her off the hook that easily. She leaned against the counter and allowed herself to think about it for the first time. Could she imagine herself being with Aiden in an "alternative reality"? There were still a lot of unresolved issues about her sexual orientation and the possible consequences for her career. When she shoved those thoughts aside for a minute, though, she could see herself having a romantic dinner with Aiden. She could even see herself being kissed goodnight. She purposely skipped over the sex part and concentrated on the long-term picture. What would happen in that alternative reality? A house, a dog, 2.5 kids? Is that what Aiden wants? Kade wasn't sure, but she knew her own long-term goals didn't involve a white picket fence. If that is what Aiden dreams of, we'd have a problem. And if it wasn't... we'd still have a problem. "It wouldn't have worked," Kade concluded. "Even ignoring the fact that I've never been with a woman and didn't plan on ever being with one, I don't think Aiden would have been as happy with me as she is with you. We're both too focused on our jobs to have a healthy relationship together."

  "I have a job too," Dawn said, her expression very serious, "and it's important to me too."

  "It's one of the things that's important to you," Kade said. "But your life doesn't revolve around your job."

  Dawn nodded. "Yeah, but priorities can change."

  "Not mine," Kade said with determination. "Aiden deserves better than to play second fiddle to a job that's not exactly nine to five."

  Dawn still didn't look convinced.

  Kade had admired and almost envied her because she appeared to be so comfortable in her own skin, but she was beginning to see that Dawn had her own insecurities. It was time to be completely honest with Dawn and open up a little. "The first time Aiden told me about her... connection to you, I was livid." She held up her hands when she saw the questions in Dawn's eyes, stopping her from asking them. "My reaction had nothing to do with being jealous or homophobic. You were a victim and our key witness, and Aiden was the detective working the case. I've never know
n her to risk a case because of personal feelings before, and I was worried about the case and about Aiden's career."

  "I would never –" Dawn started to protest, but Kade stopped her again.

  "I'm no longer worried that your relationship will hurt Aiden or her career," Kade said. "I've heard a few derogatory or suggestive remarks around the squad room, but overall, your relationship has been nothing but good for Aiden. She's so much happier and more balanced than before."

  "She needed someone in her life," Dawn murmured with a gentle, loving expression that made it obvious she was thinking about Aiden, imagining her face right now.

  Kade slowly shook her head. Come on, you've convinced entire juries, so convincing one woman shouldn't be a problem. "She needed you in her life," she corrected, meaning it. "I don't pretend to know you well, but even I can see that you're a nurturer – and that's what Aiden needs. She needs someone who shows her love without holding anything back and who helps her to open up and love without reservation. I know I could never be that woman." There was only a tiny hint of regret in Kade's voice. She had long since dealt with the fact that she was not one to experience that kind of love.

  "Without holding anything back," Dawn whispered, almost to herself. She dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt, then roughly shook her head. "That's exactly it. I can't love her without holding anything back. I'm just not... after the rape..."

  Kade wrapped her hands around the edge of the counter, imagining it was the rail of the jury box. At this moment, she would have chosen Judge Linehan's court over Dawn Kinsley's kitchen. She didn't want to talk about the couple's sex life. She didn't even want to think about it.

  "I'm sorry," Dawn said, quickly composing herself. "I embarrassed you."

  Kade stood looking at her. She realized that this was one of the decision points that would lead to the alternative realities Dawn had described. She could just nod and change the subject. It would spare both of them a lot of awkwardness, but they would never be more than casual acquaintances. Or she could bite the bullet and try to make a new friend feel better about her own perceived shortcomings. She took a deep breath.

  "Listen, Dawn, I can easily imagine that things are not always easy for you... or for Aiden." In her two years with the sex crimes unit, she had seen the devastating effects rape could have on the victims and their loved ones. "But you love each other, and that's so much more important than everything else. What good would it do her to be with a woman who could give her nights of incredible sex but not her whole heart?"

  Dawn exhaled and gave Kade a tremulous smile. "I know it's silly."

  "It's not," Kade interrupted. "You're wondering if you can give Aiden everything she needs or if she wouldn't be happier with another woman. Just the fact that you're worrying about it should be answer enough."

  Dawn gave her a questioning look, full of hope and fear.

  "You're thinking about what Aiden wants and needs first and foremost. Not that I have any firsthand experience with it, but I would think that's a sign of true love," Kade said with a small smile.

  Dawn didn't answer. She just looked at Kade, and slowly her expression changed. She took a step forward, stopping directly in front of Kade. "I still think you could give her everything – great sex, true love, the whole package. Despite what everyone thinks of you, you can be a very lovable and warmhearted woman."

  Warmhearted? Lovable? Kade quirked a skeptical brow. She had heard a lot of adjectives describing her, some of them quite colorful, but lovable and warmhearted had never been among them.

  "Yes," Dawn confirmed with a smile, "you delivered proof just now. You didn't want to talk, or even think, about the possibility of a relationship between you and Aiden, but you did it anyway because you knew I'd forever worry about it otherwise. Thank you."

  Kade tilted her head in silent acknowledgment, glad that the topic was finally closed. "Glad to know my lawyerly skills of argumentation worked. You are the best thing that could have happened to Aiden." For once, there was no need to pretend she believed in her argument – she really did.

  Dawn shook her head. "Sorry to attack your lawyerly ego, but your argument didn't convince me," she said with an impish little smile. "Not totally, at least. I still think you'd have been a great partner for Aiden, but I've decided that for once, I'd like to be just a little selfish, so I'm glad Aiden ended up with me and not with you."

  Kade didn't know what to say to that, so she just gave a nod. She admired Dawn's openness and her honesty. She had willingly revealed her emotional insecurities, something Kade had avoided all her life.

  "Come on, Chief Cheese Grater!" Dawn bumped Kade's shoulder with her own. "This lasagna isn't gonna make itself."

  * * *

  "What a waste of time," Aiden murmured as she entered Dawn's apartment. She quietly laid down her badge and gun on top of the dresser in the hallway, careful not to wake Dawn should she already be asleep.

  After her surveillance duty had ended early, she had decided to come over and see if Dawn was still up instead of possibly waking her with a call. She knew Dawn would be glad if she could see for herself that she was okay, but Aiden had selfish reasons for coming over too. She had missed Dawn, and she couldn't imagine a better end to her frustrating day than to go to sleep wrapped around Dawn's familiar warmth.

  Kia, Dawn's Balinese, intercepted her in the hallway and herded her to the kitchen with demanding "Mrrrows." Aiden filled her bowl with cat food and gave the cat's neck a few gentle scratches. When she straightened, her gaze fell onto the microwavable container on the counter. She lifted the lid and inhaled deeply. Mmm, Dawn made lasagna!

  It was Aiden's favorite dish, and she knew Dawn had prepared the contents of the container for her. She picked up a fork, ready to dig in, but then shook her head. Kisses now, food later, she decided with a grin.

  She kicked off her shoes and padded through the hallway. Soft voices came from the living room, and Aiden grinned affectionately. Dawn probably fell asleep in front of the TV again. She opened the door and froze in the doorway.

  Dawn wasn't asleep – and she wasn't alone. Right there, on the couch next to Dawn, sat what looked like Kade Matheson. She had one leg curled under her and was holding a half-empty wineglass in one hand. There was an empty plate on the coffee table in front of her. Kade looked more relaxed than Aiden had ever seen her.

  Aiden's eyes widened. Are those my sweatpants she's wearing? And my shirt?

  "Hey, Aiden." Dawn had looked up and noticed the silent woman leaning in the doorway. "I thought you'd be out on surveillance all night?"

  Aiden nodded. "That's what I thought too, but an hour ago our guy drove to the airport for an unexpected trip to Vegas. Now some poor guys from the LVPD have to take over, and we got to go home," she explained, staying exactly where she was. Normally, she would have crossed the room by now to kiss Dawn hello, but with Kade in the room, she wasn't sure about the public display of affection. She didn't know what to make of the whole situation in the living room. Sure, she had known Dawn and Kade would go to the exhibition together, but this looked a great deal cozier than she had expected.

  Dawn stood and rounded the coffee table. "Hi," she said when she had reached Aiden. She lifted up on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against Aiden's.

  Aiden's brows shot up. Not only was Dawn kissing her while Kade was watching, but she could also taste the red wine on Dawn's lips. She could count the occasions on which Dawn had taken even a single sip of champagne on two fingers. Dawn had never been a big drinker, and since her rape, she had avoided alcohol altogether. Not tonight, it seemed.

  What have these two been up to? Aiden wondered.

  "Are you hungry?" Dawn asked as she sat back down. "There's food for you in the kitchen. Kade and I made lasagna."

  "You made lasagna?" Aiden looked from Dawn to Kade. Dawn was the best cook she knew. Kade's talents lay in the courtroom, though, not in the kitchen.

  Kade set down her wineglass.
"Dawn made lasagna. I just grated the cheese."

  Aiden shook her head. DDA Kadence Matheson performing the mundane task of grating cheese... She still couldn't see it.

  "It's late. I should go," Kade said. She stood and walked toward Aiden.

  It took a few seconds for Aiden to realize she was blocking the way to the bathroom, where Kade had probably left whatever she had worn to the art exhibition. She quickly stepped out of the way.

  Kade closed the bathroom door behind her.

  Dawn wandered over and wrapped both arms around Aiden's waist, taking advantage of the fact that they were alone for the moment. "Hey, you okay?"

  Aiden rested her hands on the familiar curves of Dawn's hips. "Yeah, I'm fine, just a little surprised." She nodded in the direction of the closed bathroom door.